Hi everyone - want to aplogise for not posting for awhile. I have been lurking and reading - but feel so disappointed and ashamed of myself that I haven't felt able to post or comment on any threads. Basically after the euphoria of getting engaged, getting the ring, getting back on SS and losing 8lb - I've lost it again. As usual with me, there are deep psychological reasons for my comfort eating, namely my parents (especially my mothers) not giving me approval for anything I do in my life. I am nearly 45, have 3 children, a part-time business as a CDC, a fiance, lots of friends ..... but I still feel I have failed when they say something cutting or send me on a guilt trip. I worry i will never learn to get over this ... and where will I be in 5/10/20/30 years time???? Over the years I have looked at myself and tried to remodel the parts of my character I didn't like. 8/9 years ago i use to have a fiery temper and lose control of it on a regular basis - screaming and shouting ..... I looked at myself, realised I didn't like being like that. Gradually I stopped it - because not only was it harmful to the people around me but also to myself. Now i am told - by those who know me best and are closest to me that I am very calm and reasonable. I am happier with the way I am ... and occasionally I'll lose my temper now - and always feel bad afterwards. Equally (as many of you on here know) I use to tie myself in knots re my soon to be step-daughter. I took notice of advice given, stood back and now I am fine when ever she comes to visit. The only areas of my life I can not seem to reign in and control are: my feelings of inadequacy and not living up to the expectations of my parents - my mum in particular. I have never been able to do anything right and have always sought her approval. my overeating, which is now getting out of control. to the point I am so miserable and don't know how to regain some self respect as I hate myself, my gluttony, my expanding figure etc etc etc. We are meant to be coming over to Dublin in 2 weeks time, and initially I had set that as the date wehn I wanted to be at target. Then that was revised to have lost 2 stone by then ... reduced to 1 stone when i was obviously not going to get the 2 .... and now i can only hope for about 8lb by then. I feel such a failure - that i have let myself down. Also I can not go near my diary as i keep making these promises of getting back on track - followed by excuses ... more promises etc etc etc I am feeling so upset and down and so sorry for not being around and supporting people on this fantastic site.