Sounds daft but how do i stop feeling guilty if i'm doing well

[luckyloser]

Hi,
i've mentioned this before but i'm starting to get really bothered by the resentment that i feel i get from the group.
I'm a day away from being 6 weeks in and whilst i've been to hell and back i'm just about coming out the other side which feels good. :bliss:
I'm lucky as i have eaten a little this week but i'm still in ketosis and i haven't beaten myself up about it.
How do i deal, nicely, with those who aren't being particularly pleasant about this? I don't want to feel guilty, i've worked hard at this and made myself bl**dy miserable and i don't want to go to sessions knowing that others aren't being supportive.
I'm not being, "ooh poor me", i promise but it's really putting me off sessions. I'm there for anyone in my group i always have been but i don't like complaining if i'm having a bad week because they just see the weight loss and don't believe i've actually had it difficult. :giveup:
I'm a groovy person and would bend over backwards to help anyone i just don't like feeling crappy when i've found it just as hard.
What do you girlies, (and guys!), think i should do??

:wavey:

 

[Blonde Logic]

Well, personally, I think what you shuold do at your next group, is be brave, and tell them exactly how you are feeling. As we are learning, when someone upsets us, we need to tell them or we can internalise it causing other damage elsewhere.

It think that is what I would do.

 

[Isis]

Hi WW

I don't think it would hurt for you to tell your group just how hard it has been for you in the week if it has been, it's not you complaining, just being straightforward and open about your own struggles and sharing that.

I believe that it's just a natural part of being human to feel competitive and maybe some of the members of your group are just naturally envious people? If so, then you are not responsible for them being that way.

If it was me I would just continue to be myself, support and encourage who you want to and shout your achievements loud and proud...lol

 

[Mich]

I know how you feel to a degree cos when I did LL in 2005 I was the highest loser every week.... and I used to actually get embarressed about it.... that said the girls were always supportive and not snidey.... but I also felt I didn't get much out of it cos alot of time the talk would be able how they had all struggled and I hadn't (I was initially v v focused).... if it really is getting to you then perhaps have a quiet word with the LLC see if she can not necessrily (sp???!!) talk to the group but try and gear conversation away from the fact that you are consistantly loosing... but also explain you are finding it hard and see if she can encourage you to talk about your daily battles with remaining abstinent????

BTW I was in my group by far the biggest - by at least 3-4 stone so maybe I was going to get more consistant losses???? Did havea girl who didn't stick to the programme at all and by the end of the 100 days had lost 10lbs.... She was so lovely though you couldn't help but want to keep encouriging her....

Hope you get it sorted - you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for loosing the weight - it is hard.... and you are achieveing brilliantly..... tell them your hanging on by the skin of your teeth but it's something you really really want....

Good luck - and stick at it - it is worth it - oh and follow the RTM too... I didn't and 2 years later am trying to re-loose the 6 stone I lost....

 

[luckyloser]

Thanks ladies.
At the mo i've considered leaving the group anyhoo as i don't feel that i'm getting as much from it as i could be buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttt i will try next week to let them know how difficult i've found it without hiding behind a cushion on the sofa. I have 6 stone to lose, some only have the minimum 3 stone so i was always going to lose a little quicker than them until it slowed down, i've tried saying this but people have difficulty understanding this.
Thanks for your replies, and BL, us Froobs have got to stick together!!
Take care everyone
x

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hello my fellow Froob.

Good girl - I think sharing with them might open their eyes a little, and I bet they will all feel horrible not realising how they were making you feel. I can;t imagine their intent would be to hurt you, so yo might help them in bringing it out in the open. I'd hate to see you quit the group just because they can;t cope with your doing "better" then them. That would be sad.

You had such a difficult few days recently, if you share that with them it may surprise them and they may reevaluate their behaviour.

Stay strong, don;t let them run you off. I believe you will be able to sort it out with some open honest communication.

Good luck hon. Let us know how it goes.

XXX

 

[Delli]

dont forget that u started this diet for YOU, not for them! its great that u are giving them support in ur class, as you should, but always remember ur doing this for u!

 

[x-Katie-x]

Sorry, I'm lost on this what is it that they're not being pleasant about? Is it that you're achieving the biggest losses? Is it that you're telling them you're eating and achieving big losses? Or a mix of both?

It may be that they are struggling too and see that you're eating and getting losses where they are fully abstaining and not doing so well...... or it may be none of the above!!!

With any of these examples you should still tell them in a gentle way as to how you feel if being there is what you want - you're paying for this and you shouldn't feel pushed out or 'picked on' by other members .... as Delli says, you're doing this for you.

 

[rowanx2]

When others are struggling they like to flock around other strugglers, it's human nature.
They obviosuly think that you are having an easier time of it then they are and maybe there is some jealousy from their side?
In a way, if they feel this, then you can't blame them - but if they thought about it, rather than making you feel bad they should be asking you for tips, for their own good.
If you feel bad again next meeting i think I would say ,look why all this resentment? I'm coming here week in week out and I'm leaving feeling bad. I just want to lose weight like you all do!
State your case - youre paying for support I imagine, not to feel bad about going.

 

[silhouettes]

I rarely struggle on this diet, however at group i also share how my week has been in general. e.g "diet wise its been absolutely fine, but I have had a challenging week with stress and taking on a lot of things extra to my job". This has then led on to discussions about "saying no" the reasons why we (as overweight people) often go out of our way to help others so that they think we are nice people, so it wont matter how overweight we are. (the games our minds play with us sometimes)


Saying that, I did change groups after my foundation stage finished, I found the development group very negative and lots of them were cheating. THis was talked about constantly and it felt like they were trying to get others to cheat so they didnt feel so bad. I stayed with that group for 3 weeks but then found a new group. I phoned and emailed my counsellor and explained why, also one of the women who went up with me also emailed her and said that she felt the same way about the group, but she stuck with it.
My new group is fantastic and very supportive. So if things really are getting you down, maybe try a different group.

 

[to lose long trek]

Some sound advice here and as an ex LL dieter and group member I would say to speak to your counsellor and get her/him to talk about commitment to diet and the greater benefit of keeping your resolve through the week. Losses will vary each week for every member of the group and depending on many factors the weight will reflect the body's effort at dealing with this. Food/water intake/exercise/adrenaline/metabolism etc etc. I remember losing just 1lb each week for 3 weeks (following the diet to the letter) and then suddenly dropping 11lbs and then 10lbs and then back to 1.5lbs. It actually showed the group that we all drop at different rates; my story actually helped others to understand their variable results.

 

[Blonde Logic]

To Lose - good advice and something to remember!!! And I have been meaning to tell you I love your name

 

[ladylite]

Hi WW

I am glad that our group seem very supportive so I dont have your problem.

But my daughter and I have experienced it in the horse world. When we were nobodies and just learning everyone wanted to be our friend and give us advice. 10 years later and we are very succesful the bitchiness is astounding. When it first happens it is quite a shock, but now we put it in perspective and feel sorry for the perputators.

I know it isnt easy and it is a bit upsetting, but you owe to yourself for working so hard at it, so just ignore them, or I would defo change groups, see your LLC so that they know what is going on.

I know you have had a struggle I remember the chat room.

Basically WW I am saying STUFF EM you are doing a fantastic job, so make sure you tell yourself this everyday and give yourself a big pat on the backatback:

 

[Mich]

I rarely struggle on this diet, however at group i also share how my week has been in general. e.g "diet wise its been absolutely fine, but I have had a challenging week with stress and taking on a lot of things extra to my job". This has then led on to discussions about "saying no" the reasons why we (as overweight people) often go out of our way to help others so that they think we are nice people, so it wont matter how overweight we are. (the games our minds play with us sometimes)


Saying that, I did change groups after my foundation stage finished, I found the development group very negative and lots of them were cheating. THis was talked about constantly and it felt like they were trying to get others to cheat so they didnt feel so bad. I stayed with that group for 3 weeks but then found a new group. I phoned and emailed my counsellor and explained why, also one of the women who went up with me also emailed her and said that she felt the same way about the group, but she stuck with it.
My new group is fantastic and very supportive. So if things really are getting you down, maybe try a different group.

When I did LL our LLC suggested we drew up a set of 'rules/guidelines' about what we did/didnot talk about..... talking about specifically what had been eaten if breaking abstinance did take place was banned as she felt it might be a trigger for people who were struggling but remaining abstinant to maybe go off track.....

Glad you have a supportive group - it makes such a difference - our group just didn't really 'bond' and me being the 'fattest fat girl in class' really tried hard for to encourage people to get along and to get along with everyone...mmmm I wonder why..(re your comments in first paragraph I gues...)....

 

[Mandee]

Mich I LOVE your pink quote at the bottom. Too right!