Starting LL in May

[tishtosh]

Hi Julia,

I think you can be proud you were so frank about your 'detour': had I done the same I could have avoided the horrendous binge I had - and the ensuing guilt trip with it. I still feel fragile which is why I'm not contributing much this week. My default mode has always been to hide away (just because you look like you're coping on the outside doesn't mean you can't hide within yourself) and as soon as I'm physically alone resort to food.

You were under a tremendous lot of stress last night and no wonder you resorted to old habits. You're quickly taking over though and it sounds as though you're sorting through it and trying to devise coping strategies for the next event, and as you say if we can cope 80% of the time we'll be doing well.

When things settle down and your husband's able to help, you should look forward to some you time - maybe a sauna, a facial, a massage. Away from the kids and home stresses where you can be indulgent without resorting to food.

Let's know how things are ......

 

[Juliakno]

Thanks for your reply Trish! I know all about hiding and outwardly functioning/being happy/being able to cope. I have been doing this for so long in my life that it hurts even thinking about it, and when I read your post old feelings started welling up again. In fact it is exactly what I have been doing the last couple of days (apart from posting on here), only now I have the additional struggle of trying not to allow myself to fill that emptiness with food (if that makes sense). I literally felt empty inside that night I ate, just wanting to sit down and vegetate and not having to do/think and dealing with the situation and feelings at all.

Even yesterday, although I managed to get back to 100%, I still felt very introvert, DH came home again late, and I just couldn't or wouldn't want to accept any company/cuddles from him as I was still sulking and hiding inside, and which in return made me feel very guilty as it's not his fault, these are my demons I have to fight, and he can't really understand why I am behaving like this some days.

But today I feel a lot more positive again. It can be simple things that can cheer you up. For me it was being able to wear a top for the first time, which I bought about 2 weeks ago and which was definitely too tight then. It now fits (snugly, but then again I can get away with that now, something else I have to get used to) and even my daughter commented "wow, you look nice today mummy", when I came down the stairs.

So I don't know what the scales will say tonight but I still have my 1 month goal in mind, and I am 1 week down on that.

How are you doing at the moment?? (binges aside). Do you manage some days of total LL?? And if yes, what is the difference on those days compared to those were you eat?

And how is everyone else? It does feel a bit lonely here at the moment (sobbing... :sign0163:….) but I know I had days and even weeks were I was more lurking than being able to post, so I hope you're all ok.

 

[tishtosh]

Hi Julia,
So good to hear from you and so much of what you said resonates so much! I'm happy to see you're feeling better now also.
I have people staying this week so can't really get on line much - so I'll write in more detail tomorrow.
Good luck and talk soon ...

 

[Eileen]

Hi everyone hope you are all having a good weekend. i hit the shops again today, just cant keep me away now! I went into matalan & got a few long sleeve tops as im feeling the cold.Then decided too look in the charity shops, i got myself a pair of m&s jeans for £3.49 they look like new, im in a 16 now.Tomorrow im going out on my bike, not too far to start with, im quite looking forward to it.

 

[pticouk]

Well I have been off work this week and I spoke to the locum on Tuesday and we decided that as it was going to be very hard this week with all the stuff going on to do more of a damage limitation week, unfortunately it hasn't quite gone that way it's gone more of a damage way!

I've had quite a lot of crap, but to be honest it's not stuff that I'd normally eat and has helped me realise that I actually don't eat crap so hopefully maintaining won't be that hard - I don't know about anyone else but I am SICK of hearing 'you've done really well, but will you be able to keep it off?' or 'the thing with these types of diets is you pile it all back on' obviously the majority of my friends were away the day they taught supportiveness at school!! You know what I may be having a little bit of a glitch in the keeping on track bit but I'm going to be fabulous at the keeping it off bit rest of my life!

The only change I need to make is to take a lunch to work to avoid a crisp and chocolate bar easy option. I'm probably going to keep having the shakes for breakfast, because I find it hard to have breakfast everyday but they really fill me up.

I got some stickers from Smiths at the start of the week and will be sticking with a vengence from tomorrow.

Helen

 

[tishtosh]

Good luck Helen,

I admire your determination! Keep it up, and as you say - there will be some glitches but that's life.
I know what you mean about those so so negative comments about keeping it all off - well you prove 'em wrong and let us know what it's like.

Good luck

 

[Juliakno]

Hi everyone!

Great to hear from you and well done for hanging in there despite all the pressures that life throws at us. I had quite a horrendous weekend and what I need to take away from it is that I can't (definitely, positively) not attend any function/party get-together until I finished development. On Saturday I went along to a party my daughter was invited to and if it wouldn't have been for my husband would have stuffed myself on the birthday cake. I just felt so left out and was kicking and screaming at him (not quite literally…) like a spoilt child, and ended up sneaking fruits and vegetables and some falafel's instead. And another party on Sunday, this time my niece's, who's mother loves to cook (and well) and who always provides plenty for everyone. I managed to abstain until she forced (quite literally) all the leftover veggie food on me to take home, which I really couldn't refuse (as our relationship has been a bit rocky over the years) and once at home with it I just tucked in. Again, it was mostly protein based but still, I don't even know why I did it, I can't recall any particular emotion other than "I really want to have this" and obviously the old guilt factor of not wasting food did its bit too.

Now today is another day and I am back on track. I do find weekdays so much easier than weekends. I know I will get there, I can just kick myself for prolonging the journey…

Hope you are all having a good week!!

 

[tishtosh]

Well Julia - join the clan!

I had a bad weekend too - in terms of food. I had friends staying (they were attending a course in London) and we had decided that I would accompany them to the local Indian Saturday evening, and that I would have chiicken tikka only (protein only etc.) All day on Saturday I had to rein myself in from eating all day: the thoughts were 'well I'm eating tonight another few bits won't make any difference'. But I refrained and felt like a child when we went out. But came home physically full but mentally/emotionally feeling deprived, but got to bed without doing much damage. Then yesterday it started from 10 and finished last night and I felt disgusted with myself. Last time I went on an eating spree I was ashamed and carried on alone, but I learned from Julia's open approach that it's better to fess up and talk about things.

So back on track today and though there are workmen here today and I'm feeding them sugared teas, fruit, chocolate and biscuits, I have no desire to indulge thankfully and feel the best I've felt for a long time - about LL.

To reply to your earlier queries about my binge episode - what's different on the days that I eat? I think like you there's a kind of emptiness and futility that nothing can really fill. On the surface that's what it looks like and it'll take a bit more introspection to come up with answers I suspect. However my big binge happened just after a family wedding, where I was praised up to the hilt for looking so well. I felt fab and had a great time.

However I woke up the next day full of doubts and feeling unworthy of all the 'strokes' received. So the lack of self worth is rearing its ugly head again and trying its best to sabotage my progress - if I let it. There were other family issues that surfaced which I have not yet addressed but are causing me some concern.

I live alone - unlike most of you with families - and apart from my ex with whom I remain good friends, rarely have people to stay. My immediate family consists of a brother and sister who both live in other countries so we speak by phone and e-mail. For various reasons we haven't spoke for some months and it's this I need to get reconciled with.

Thankfully I have a load of aunts uncles and cousins in London who I speak with and see regularly, but I think being surrounded by their love at that wedding brought home the emptiness from my relationship with my own siblings. So at least I have something to work on now ...

Apologies for the long and intricate e-mail, but it has done me good I'm sure, to verbalise this - even if it is leaving me in tears.

Good luck to all this week and it's great to hear at least one of us (Eileen) is continuing correctly on this LL road.

Talk soon xx

 

[Juliakno]

Hi Trish!!

Apologies for not replying earlier but I am all over the place at the moment. Don’t apologise for sharing your thoughts with us. I always feel actually having to think about my emotions and writing them down is really helpful. In the old days I would have just ignored them and probably silenced them with some food. So please share all you want with us as long as you find it helpful.

I actually had a good day yesterday, I managed to be 100% and had a very good chat with my LLC about where I am supposed to be going with this, and from now on I will take it week by week. Also, even though I was out of ketosis (surprise, surprise …) I managed to lose 3lbs. I actually felt a bit guilty about this, as though I don’t deserve this but it just proves that I can make certain choices without actually jeopardising the whole journey. Probably sticking to protein and salads has helped me. Saying that this will not be an excuse for me to carry on like this. I really want to get one week of ss-ing under my belt, starting of yesterday, so I am 1 day down and have 6 more to go.

Today I have come down with a nasty tummy bug (courtesy of my kids who all had it over the last couple of days), at least that’s a change from being bunged up (IYKWIM…) but feel very tired and drained and have problems keeping the water intake up but at least not feeling particularly hungry.

I hope you manage a good week as well, let us know how you get on.

 

[Eileen]

Julia i hope you feel better soon.
Im having a bit of a struggle this week, i keep putting things in my mouth!Its not a lot but even so, i know its wrong & want to get too my goal asap.Why have i started doing this now?

 

[Juliakno]

Nice hearing from you Eileen!
The big question "WHY" I have asked myself umpteen times in the last couple of weeks. I figured out it has probably a lot to do with having actually been on this diet for a long time and genuinely missing food but also (at least for me) facing up to old habits which had been suppressed but not dealt with (like eating when tired, eating leftovers etc) and then once eaten starting down Guilty Lane and wanting to eat some more. Sorry to hear that you have joined the club now but that does not mean the end of it.

I actually managed 3 whole days without sneaking any food since Wednesday and am positive that I will have a good week. Actually once you're over that first day of not nibbling it gets easier again (almost like it used to be).

Maybe it's time to rethink some of your goals, timescales etc. My LLC and I have decided to take it week by week from now on, which will give me the option to decide at the end of each week to go into management. Even though my ticker says that I still have 26 lbs to go I am prepared to adjust this slightly as I have now finally set my final goal as being a size 12.

Don't know if any of the above makes sense but hope you will be able to battle this one out.

All the best

 

[summer_wilson]

May Starter - Now in Wk 8 Management

Well hello there all you May starters ....

its been a while, but reading through the latest post I thought it was about time I updated you on how I'm doing and hopefullly give you all a little bit of inspiration ..

I started LL at the beginning of May and managed to loose my goal of 3 stone within the 100 days, which was great. I was good throughout the foundation programme with a few slips and found that exercise was what kept me going, stopped me thinking about food and helped me to manage those occasional blips !!

Lots of praise to all you girls who continue past the 100 days, and let me tell you that a girl at work with me has been on LL for six months (the occasional low GI blip) - looks amazing having lost over 8 stone !!!

Now I was a bit worried about management as you can imagine, however it is not as bad as it seems. Having food is a great incentive, but you have to be careful to recognise your triggers and manage and plan. I cant deny that I have had the occasional binge (big bar of chocolate/crisps/wine) - however I have learnt from them, and now distract myself if I get the point that I know the binge is coming - I have also learnt to pace myself and to perhaps have one bit of chocolate and not the whole bar, which I am really proud of... Management is all about using what you have learnt to make informed decisions - nothing is forbidden, it is what you choose to do that is important ...

I contnued to loose weight for the first four weeks of mkt and for the last four have mantained the same weight (having increased my food intake) - so ladies it is all worth while.. All that pain and crooked thoughts are all worth it ..

I am now a size 8-10 from a size 16-18, comfortable with the choice I make - dont beat myself up if I have a bad moment and have started really chilling about the whole LL experience.

I hope this helps a few of you that are having a hard time, that the end goal is well worth it and that this forum is a really good way to discuss and share your problems, good stories or just to have a chat ..

Thanks girls - your support has been invaluable ...

Summer

 

[Eileen]

thanks for that summer you are quite right.
well done on your loss you have done fantastic.

 

[iceycold]

Hi Summer thanks for that,
I have probably another 9 weeks of development left, hoping for the end of November to start management in time for Christmas.
How long is management supposed to be?
Cheers

 

[summer_wilson]

MANAGEMENT

Management is a 12 week progamme which then entitles you to stay with LL however you choose - ie, to have weekly, monthly weigh ins at no costs and to access some packs in agreement with your LLC.

The first twelve weeks are slow introductions to low GI foods and then the trigger foods (carbs) are week 8-12.

I am on week 8 and weigh less than I did when I finished foundations and am finding it relatively easy to mantain.

 

[pticouk]

great post Summer, good to see that the may starters are at all different plaes in the programme and acheiving and maintianing is really good, well done.

I, however, have been crap this week! I'm jsut really bored and finding it so hard to get back on track, but I'm kinda happy with how I look (in clothes) and I have a new mini wardrobe full of size 16s!! My mum gave me £100 to spend on work clothes! I still find it hard to see a differnce when I'm out of clothes but I do look quite good in them! and feel a lot more confident, I've closed my account at Simplybe I've unsubscribed from the Evans emails and that felt great!! It's only now I'm making a concious decision to look good rather than buy stuff to cover us that I realise how unflattering Evans is!

I'll be looking forward to getting into 14s, the 14 trousers I tried on in Dotty Ps fitted but the butt or the zip would've split if I sat down I think! I got a great jacket from TK Maxx yesterday that I need to lose a bit more to fit in comfortably it's made by schott which my extreme sports loving blokie told me is a top brand! I'm still clueless!!

I find it hard to buy clothes - hence my mum having to come into town to help me!! And she's staggered that I'm buying 16s as she's sure I'm smaller than that, she's also slightly worried about my warped view of my size!

Oh yeah I also got size 16 pants from M&S, it feels great to wear underwear that fits!!

Helen

 

[Juliakno]

Hi All!
Just catching up with the posts here. Thanks Summer for your positive post, great to hear you find maintaining fairly easy so far.

Helen you've done so well!! The size 14's are just round the corner for you!!! Good on you on closing those accounts.

I echo a lot of your post…When I wear my new size 14 clothes I feel and think I look pretty good, but as soon as I am out of them I just see my flabby tummy (which still seems enormous to me) and all the other bits. I am working hard at the moment about getting a more positive perception of my own body, and to focus on what I can achieve for myself looks like.

I just don't want to go down the route of constantly comparing myself to what society thinks a woman should look like, and start working instead with what I've got. I used to be extremely obese, in fact just last night I dug out a picture of myself taken last x-mas and just couldn't believe that that was me… Now I am "only" overweight and yes, while still flabby, all my bits have gone down and I am sure even just in the last week or so the skin on my tummy has got a lot smoother. It will never be completely flat and smooth but there are some wonderful knickers out there so there's nothing stopping me from wearing those nice dresses I always wanted to wear but couldn't…

Plus because we lost weight so fast it will take a bit of time for the rest of the body (including how we perceive ourselves) to catch up with it…

I've bought myself a dress!!!! Size 14 for my birthday in 12 days time, it was a bit snug but I know it will fit me fine by then, DH hasn't seen it yet and am soooo looking forward to wearing it.

All the best for this week

 

[iceycold]

Summer, thanks for the info on management, everybody in our developers group is dreading it, in 2 weeks I shall be the only one left from our original group - 3 of us at the minute. Carbohydrates week 8 sounds daunting, jacket potatoes were 1 of my favourite food groups.
It is so good to hear that you are maintaining at a size 8 to 10, eased my mind a little.
Pfbhpunk, did you order the dress yet?

 

[Eileen]

ive just got back from my weigh in ive lose 0.4 pound in 2 weeks, i need to get my head sorted, i will do this.

 

[tishtosh]

Hi Eileen, Julia, Helen, Summer, Icy and all May starters,

How are you all this week?

Monday morning and a new start and more positive because even though I ate a little over the weekend, it was healthy stuff and controlled, so I don't feel all bad about it.

I hope you're all having a positive time and you know you can do it.

Talk soon and good luck

Trish xx