struggling and in a battle with my grandmother to not pass on my bad eating habits

[assj]

i am getting very annoyed with the everyday struggle and battle with my grandmother, i do not want to pass on my bad eating habits to my daughter. i try and keep her diet varied and make new things for her to try and never make her finish her plate if she leaves food it doesnt matter. however i am in constant battle with my grandmother, when i give her something like spinich and tuna with pasta or gnochi she turns her nose up and says deliberatly to my daughter, "eeee you dont want to eat that crap do you!" and she is always telling me not to make that crap again, its not crap fgs its a healthy meal. everytime i go there shes asking me every 2 mins "can she have a biscuit can she have a chocolate" and when i say no she has a go at me, "its not going to hurt her you use to have it all the time" yeah and look at me now. everytime my nan has her lunch she gives half of it to my daughter, whether its a sandwich, sausage rolls, chips, whatever, so when it comes to eating her own lunch shes too full and doesnt get the benefit of having the healthy balanced meal i have prepared, yesterday she tried to give her biscuits before her lunch i said no, so halfway through her eating her lunch i see her coming out of the kitchen with a bisuit in each hand and also a cake!!!!, so she wouldnt finish her lunch.
all i am trying to do is make sure she doesnt have the problems i have had and it just feels like people are against me for doing it, people seem to think i am mad for giving her a balanced diet, what can i do to make them see that they are wrong?:cry::cry:

 

[elizabeth]

You won't get her to see she's wrong. No disrespect love, but you need to grow some balls and stand up to this woman. How dare she interfere with your decisions for your child's health? Are you really going to allow her to do that?

You owe it to your child to put your foot down now, and tell grandma in no uncertain terms that you will not allow your rules for the little one's healthy eating to be disrespected. If grandma can't or won't respect your decisions, you don't go round there until she does.

Sorry to be so blunt honey, but I'm speaking from personal experience with a very similar situation. If you don't stand up for yourself and your daughter now, this will continue for years and invade other aspects of your life.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I have to agree, you're not going to change her mind or attitude. She's not going to give you her approval on this and you have to do it your way anyway without her approval. This is your daughter and you not only have the right to feed her properly on healthy food but it's also your duty.

Have a firm chat with her, preferably without your daughter there and make it clear that you are in charge where your daughter is concerned. Your ultimate weapon is that if she doesn't do it your way, then you won't take the little one round to hers. Hopefully she will back down before that though.

 

[CrazyBrit]

I concur with both the above posts. And maybe, just maybe, the next time she says "Didn't do you any harm" your answer should be "Yes, yes it did. And I have learned from your mistakes, and I will not raise an unhealthy child"

 

[assj]

thanks for your replies, you are completely right, i need to be more firm and i will, shes my daughter and i decide how she eats, and my decision is that she eats the right way. i will do it its so hard though when she tells me off, she makes me cry sometimes, but i will have to toughen up i think. i have to say that my aunt is absolutely fantastic and backs me up on this all the time, as a person whos recently (well around 3 years ago) stepped it up and lost half of her body weight and is now battling obesity with her teenage son, she doesnt want me to have the heartache shes had, without her support i think i would just crumble.
thanks again for your advice

 

[elizabeth]

thanks for your replies, you are completely right, i need to be more firm and i will, shes my daughter and i decide how she eats, and my decision is that she eats the right way. i will do it its so hard though when she tells me off, she makes me cry sometimes, but i will have to toughen up i think.

It's hard to stand up to someone like this at first sweetheart, but it needs to be done - and I can guarantee you that if you tough it out, she'll end up respecting you for it. She needs to understand that you are the authority where your daughter is concerned, and that you won't be emotionally blackmailed or manipulated any longer.

Stand your ground, and she'll respect your wishes in the long run. Your daughter will thank you for it when she's older.

 

[mommyB]

hi assj, i have a very similar problem with my own mum, when we go there all she wants to do is fill the girls with biscuits sweets etc, and she will check with me 1st but by asking me in front of them ,so when i say no, i'm the badman !! its really hard, but tbh i have dealt with it by spending less time there with them and not leaving them on their own with her. This is a real shame but better that than them never seeing each other. The girls know now what their limits are when i say and its going as well as it can!!

 

[IslandBreeze]

Glad to hear your aunt is supportive, it's good to have someone in your corner.
x

 

[Pandora Ghengis]

if i were your daughter i would be proud that my mum was standing up for me and my health, so keep going. also really glad your aunt is supportive too. your grandmother is being very unhelpful and you need to tell her in no uncertain terms what the risks of obesity are to you and your child and why you have made these decisions for your child's health.

 

[Patchninja]

Ditto to all the above and you know that YOU'RE RIGHT! Can your aunt have a word with her to try to get her to understand? Keep at it!

 

[Lynn8124]

Hi. Thing is, a lot of people see showering someone with food as showering them with love. A biscuit or cake will put a smile on a face quicker than an apple. I am certain there's no malice behind it.

Have you tried the softly-softly approach? Sat down in a calm environment and maybe start off with something like "I know you love the kids but..." then explain your concern and that you want to give them the best start possible and a healthy relationship with food.

I was deprived of a loving extended family and grandparents and it saddens me today but if all else fails, put yer foot down!