stupidity versus reason..

L.i.n.d.a

L.i.n.d.a

Fatgirlwannabeslim
So i come home from work from a job where it takes two gours to travel back after finishing at nine. After asking my bf if he could pick me up from station as no buses. And feeling crap cos am absolutely loaded with flu. Bf is sour faced an First thing he says to me is "you look a state, followed by you look a mess, when u walked out the station everything shook, your rhe fattest ive ever seen u, you are lazy...etc. folks i know what u will say get rid of..been "2gether" 5yrs ..my low self esteem cannot...i agree mostly with him. But how nasty can a bf be. Sw today, no chance...night all, appreciate the good folk around u as they are precious...
 
Linda, the 1st thing you can do to aid your weightloss is get rid of however many stone that stupid man weighs.
 
Jeez Linda, I know your self esteem is low right now, but why put up with that? Your boyfriend has serious issues by the sound of it and I guarantee that your own isn't going to improve by putting up with that kind of behaviour. You are worth SO much more than that, you don't have to tolerate such abuse!
 
Its hard to explain...somewhere within this mess is a completely diff person, but strength is a difficult thing to raise. I dont post for any other reason but 2 keep sane. Sticks and stones...no .its words that can definately hurt...thanku for empathising...
 
by the sounds of it he doesnt deserve you! and you deserve much better your worth a million more than he will ever be the turd thats just horrible id be askin if had eaten yet cos a knuckle sandwich would be coming his way right between his eyes that'll give him something to moan about then!

honestly though....you sound like a really nice warm person from previous posts whose reaching out for some help and support...theres something right as im sure many of us will try to help and support you!

SW wipe the slate clean and start when you feel ready only you can decide that and good luck!

xxx
 
Lifelong dieter...40 yrs old, plain looking, obese at 20 stone, grieving...its pathetic but i feel ive reached my lot in life. The only good thing is my new job which is still not secure as there is a probation period, as a charity fundraiser...i know im helping someone every shift. :)
 
People can only put you down with your permission ;)
If you had a sister or friend who was being treated like this what would you say to them? Would you tell them they deserve it? Then why do you? Trust me it is nothing at all to do with your weight. He would be doing the same even if you were a size 8 because it is all about him and his insecurities rather than you.
 
Linda, you sound like a lovely person who deserves so much better than that excuse for a man you are currently with. I truly hope that with the help of SW your confidence levels will raise to a degree that you feel you can confront your partner about his abusive behaviour. Big hugs x
 
L.i.n.d.a said:
Lifelong dieter...40 yrs old, plain looking, obese at 20 stone, grieving...its pathetic but i feel ive reached my lot in life. The only good thing is my new job which is still not secure as there is a probation period, as a charity fundraiser...i know im helping someone every shift. :)
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dont feel pathetic :(! youve still got many many years ahead of you, your new job sounds like a great start congrats to you maybe its the start of many positive things to come :) take it a step at a time and dont ever let anyone put you down like your other half nobody regardless who they are has the right at least you can change how you look....should say shame he cant change his face ;)!

xxx
 
Only you can change things in your life...for better or worse. You are an adult and need to choose whether or not you need this sort of behaviour around you. If your self esteem is that low then having someone who will pick on your vulnerability isn't the way forward hun. Whether you agree with him that you need to lose weight or not...that's not the issue.

At best your bf is a prat...sorry! At worst he is an uncaring bully and doesn't deserve you!

Bottom line is..it's domestic abuse... psychological abuse and that can be as soul destroying as physical abuse...sometimes it's worse.

I think you have more than one journey that you're on right now. Good luck with the weight loss. :)
 
Scorpiolady2710 said:
Only you can change things in your life...for better or worse. You are an adult and need to choose whether or not you need this sort of behaviour around you. If your self esteem is that low then having someone who will pick on your vulnerability isn't the way forward hun. Whether you agree with him that you need to lose weight or not...that's not the issue.

At best your bf is a prat...sorry! At worst he is an uncaring bully and doesn't deserve you!

Bottom line is..it's domestic abuse... psychological abuse and that can be as soul destroying as physical abuse...sometimes it's worse.

I think you have more than one journey that you're on right now. Good luck with the weight loss. :)
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This is so true. This is classic domestic abuse, it doesn't have to be violent. The crux of abuse is to dominate that person, to make them feel worthless and dependent on you. To make them feel that your bad behaviour is their fault. He has you feeling as though it's your fault he's abusive to you, because he wouldn't be if you weren't overweight/not dressed well/etc. I bet you feel as though you'd never find another man and so you should be grateful he puts up with you? It's all rubbish Linda. Inside you is a great person he can never be, because she's kind, loves people and puts others first.

My prayer for you is that you stick to SW, get to the size you want, rediscover your confidence and find the love of your life who loves you for being Linda.

BTW, this guy doesn't do it because you're overweight. My mum's a size 8 and beautiful and my dad used to tell her she'd only be beautiful if she put on 3 stone. Men make comments like this to boost their own esteem by belittling you. It's their problem and is truly nothing to do with you
 
Agree with the other posts, this guy is abusive and will pick on anything to bully you. Your self esteem may be low at the moment but you already know that the way he treats you is not acceptable. My experience of these 'men' is that they are actually little boys who can not take responsibility for their own actions, want to be looked after and blame everyone else for their shortcomings. Because they are weak they need a strong woman to look after them. You are a strong person and he knows it, which is why he puts you down , his ego is to fragile to let the truth come out so he knocks your confidence and has you believing him.

You may not feel strong, but you are and when your ready you can leave this relationship.
 
Sorry, but I have to agree with the above. He knew you were feeling poorly and tired, and that you doing what you can about the weight that you want to lose. He should have been there with a hug to take you back to a good SW friendly dinner on the table if he wants to support you.

xxx
 
Jael said:
This is so true. This is classic domestic abuse, it doesn't have to be violent. The crux of abuse is to dominate that person, to make them feel worthless and dependent on you. To make them feel that your bad behaviour is their fault. He has you feeling as though it's your fault he's abusive to you, because he wouldn't be if you weren't overweight/not dressed well/etc. I bet you feel as though you'd never find another man and so you should be grateful he puts up with you? It's all rubbish Linda. Inside you is a great person he can never be, because she's kind, loves people and puts others first.

My prayer for you is that you stick to SW, get to the size you want, rediscover your confidence and find the love of your life who loves you for being Linda.

BTW, this guy doesn't do it because you're overweight. My mum's a size 8 and beautiful and my dad used to tell her she'd only be beautiful if she put on 3 stone. Men make comments like this to boost their own esteem by belittling you. It's their problem and is truly nothing to do with you
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Exactly what this says.
Oh Linda if I could come and give you what I have gained in experience from this type of person I would willingly!!!!
I too felt fat and ugly and even consented to letting my partner sleep with the barmaid at our local, as I was inexperienced! I believed every word until one day I'd had enough and decided I'd rather be miserable alone than miserable with someone who made me feel so bad!

Well the support I got was amazing. Friends (who I'd been told only tolerated me, because of who I went out with) all rallied around ME! It was ME they liked!
A couple asked me out even!

You do not know how beautiful you are, and you never will whilst you are yoked with this pathetic coward of a man!

Choose YOU Linda! You are worth it!
 
It really doesn't sound like you are getting anything positive from this relationship what so ever

I know said this to you before on a previous post however, you only get one chance in life and there is only you that can do anything about this situation

You deserve so much better x
 
L.i.n.d.a said:
Lifelong dieter...40 yrs old, plain looking, obese at 20 stone, grieving...its pathetic but i feel ive reached my lot in life. The only good thing is my new job which is still not secure as there is a probation period, as a charity fundraiser...i know im helping someone every shift. :)
Click to expand...

I am glad you find some fulfilment in your job Linda.

Now, back to this so called boyfriend. I don't care how fat you are, how plain you look, or how old you are. You never deserve to be spoken to in that way. Get this poisonous man out of your life. In fact, seeing as you obviously lack the confidence to tell him, let me do it. It would be a pleasure.

Its no wonder you're depressed if you are having to cope with this man in your life. Disgusted doesn't begin to describe how i feel about this appalling individual.
 
Linda,please talk to someone,anyone,you deserve so much better than him.He's dragging you down,just remember you're a 1,000 times better than him.xxxx

Sent from my E15i using MiniMins
 
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