stupidity versus reason..

[MadameLaMinx]

I'm afraid you have misread the intent of my post. Which is why I said I didn't want to sound harsh. I work with people who suffer from depression and low self esteem, and it can be very dangerous to offer 'too much' support. It makes it harder to break away from the cycle of low self esteem because so many nice things are said when you feel low, its like a quick fix.

While I appreciate your sentiment, as a person who has been crippled at times with depression and low self esteem, in some cases, including my own, it doesn't matter how many times someone says something nice about you, you just have no ability to believe what they are saying is the truth, you just put it down to them trying to be kind / clearly blind and disregard their opinion. I think personally that Linda needs professional support, many of her posts come across as so sad and desperate, there is no quick fix to the things she needs to resolve and move forward with her life. Yes, she probably does need to ditch the OH, yes, she will struggle to succeed with him bringing her down, but she's already very down, and needs a helping hand to stand back up before she can start giving her own demons a kicking.

It's bleak, when you are depressed. You don't think anything can ever get any better. People are just trying to make her see that it can get better, with the right support.

 

[mcv]

Ive read through all replies and i am sitting here in tears.
you have had alot of excellent advice but at the end of the day it is entirely up to you what you do from here.
It is a catch 22 situation really, you need to get help to start your recovery from the depression you are in, but this process will be difficult with his abuse towards you. But it will be easier to remove yourself from the abuse if you have a bit more self worth.:sigh:
You are only 40 yrs old, this is going to be your lot in life ... IF... its what you accept in life.
The best thing i ever did was to get help, and i will guarentee it will be the best thing you ever do, you just have to decide how and when you get it.
You have so much support here xx

 

[*EB*]

Linda

I just want to add that I hope you do get the courage and leave this man. It is often hard to find a way out sometimes, i was in a relationship where my self esteem was at an all time low. I thought it was okay for him to go behind my back with my best friend (funny, she isnt a friend now) and I buried my head in the sand and forgave him when i found out. I was overweight and felt worthless.

I found it easier to stay where i was at the time, and put up with my life. Fights were regular and i always bought up the best friend betrayal which turned me paranoid as well. Food was comforting and i also drank a lot.

When i came back one night to find him kissing another woman in our bedroom something inside me just snapped and i said 'NO MORE' - i managed to call a friend who i had been out with, and stayed at their house that night.

I can also add that he blamed me for the infidelity - i pushed him to do it, as i wasnt loving enough. What a joke.

I moved my stuff out the next day - slept on a friends floor for 6 weeks and then managed to get my own place. I moved into my gorgeous flat with an airbed, and 2 camping chairs as my settee. I then slowly built up my home bit by bit.

I dated some gorgeous men before finding my (now) husband who is treats me with respect, loves me and trusts me. I have lost weight since i met my hubby, but he has never commented on my size in a negative manner -he loves me inside and out.

When you are ready - i think your life is waiting for you to start again. Happiness is out there......and i think you can take it with both hands when you are ready!

xxxxx

 

[L.i.n.d.a]

I want to thank everybody for your words of advice. It has touched me that complete strangers can care. I too have tears in my eyes on reading all your messages. Im also very sorry for all those who have also suffered in their lives and thankyou all from the bottom of my heart. One day i hope i can smile again...x