Support needed desperately!

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Mrs V, 23 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    :sigh: Hi all.

    I'm starting to waiver and need some support please!
    My family came to see me yesterday and commented on my weightloss which really picked me up and then my Dad took me to one side and said..please dnt loose anymore, you're looking ill. This is the second time he has said this to me.
    My MIL reckons Im looking gaunt!
    To top it all off, my weight loss has almost become non-existent and Im on the edge!
    Hubby said to me this morning after I had told him that I had sts that I should have a break and these other comments are driving me nuts!
    May be I am obsessive on the plan, but then Im scared that I will gain weight just as quickly as I have done in the past if I did have a "break".

    What should I do????
     
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  3. eternity

    eternity Gold Member

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    You've done a brilliant job so far. Only you can decide if you've lost enough. i get these comments too but I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror. I'm not hung up on clothes size or numbers on the scale or tape measure, but when I'm happy with what i see in the mirror, then I'll start maintaining.
    Decide for yourself what is your signal to stop and then just deal with the comments as best you can.
     
  4. Ninja

    Ninja Silver Member

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    I can't judge your weight as you don't have your height or BMI in your profile thingy.

    However, if you feel you need a break from the diet, why don't you set your target temporarily whilst still going to group, so that you don't put weight on and then reassess later and reset your target again.

    I would say though that unless your extremely tall, that you are still outside the healthy BMI range. I'm 5ft 6in and 171lbs and I'm on the cusp of a healthy BMI.

    What dress size are you?
     
  5. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    you have to do what is right for you
    you know you can use the plan any time and lose weight so dont add pressure to yourself :) hugs x
     
  6. soccermom

    soccermom I AM A WEMITT x

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    aww mrs V what a dilema. Hope you dont mind, but I had a look at your photos and saw a picture of you in your welsh rugby top and you looked great and healthy and not as if you needed to lose anymore.

    But in the end its all about how you feel, i think I saw your ticker say you wanted to lose another 50 + pounds, are you happy to keep that extra on.

    In the end its all about what you want and feel you need. your family are seeing a completely new woman in front of them after losing so much weight and are maybe feeling a little like, who is this woman? :D we dont recognise her.

    Maybe have a little break and maintain and reasses how you feel in the new year and give your body a little break.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do :flowers:
     
  7. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    My Mum told me last week she was seriously worried I was becoming annorexic (I lose 1lb a week and am 13 stone!)

    I really think this is a parent thing. They are used to having their chubby kids around them and maybe there is a psychological need to have kids that are slightly flawed and/or dependant. If your parents see you succeeding so well at something, without their help and support, they may feel slightly threatened. I know this isn't as it should be- parents should want their kids to be happy- but it is the way of the world.
    Your parents have seen you look a certain way for a long time. You have now changed that and I guess they feel scared. Please understand that this is a very human reaction but it is THEIR PROBLEM not yours. Please don't let it affect how you feel about yourself.

    All of your worries have come from other peoples opinion. I know it is something you will hear again and again, but it is true- how do YOU feel about how you look/feel?
    If you want to lose more weight you have proved to yourself so far that you have the courage and determination to do it. If you feel happy with how you look, and want to have a go at maintenance- give it a try for a set period and see how you feel.

    As always, please remember that when other people say things that upset us (intentionally or not) it ALWAYS stems from that persons own insecurities- do not ALLOW (you have a choice) this to change how you feel about yourself

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    Thank you all so much for replying.

    Im 5ft 6 and weigh 13 stone 12lbs..I would like to get to 10 stone. It just seems that my body is clinging on to the lbs.
    I want to loose more weight...yes, I love the compliments that Im getting now, but thats only because I have dropped from 21 stone 7. I think Im going to persevere and just take it one day at a time. CP you're right about the parent psychological view too...my parents always say that I look hungry! Even when I was morbidly obese!

    Arrrgggh!!!
     
  9. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    Come on MrsV, these comments are from your family who have known you as overweight and got used to seeing you larger. Of course they are going to say you look gaunt etc, but in reality its bone structure thats appearing and thats a good thing. If someone who didn't know you saw you they certainly wouldn't be saying you look ill and gaunt would they. No they wouldn't because they don't know you any different. It can be very annoying when family start saying things like this and if you are having a bit of a plateau with your weight, it just adds pressure to you which is wrong. Only you know if you want to continue to your own set goal, but you must have wanted that goal in the begining so ask yourself what has changed since then. Probably nothing deep down, it could just be that you are not progressing as you want and family telling you these things is looking like an appealing easy way to stop. Remember, nothing worth having is easy and its times like this that we have to dig realy deep inside us to refocus and carry on. I hope you don't bow to peer pressure on this and do what you want to do for yourself. You have come so far already, and sometimes if we have a break and sit down with a cuppa, we find it even harder to get back up and get going again. Don't let this happen to you honey, finish the job and then sit down and relax. Hugs to you xxxxxxx
     
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  10. Fallen Angel

    Fallen Angel Starting again!!

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    I'm only saying this on the basis that you have comfirmed YOU want to lose more weight.
    The first time I did SW I lost 3.5stone to take me to 12 stone (I'm the same height as you). My Mum (who has been my biggest weight critic) told me I'd lost enough and to be careful I wasn't getting ill. So I stopped going to SW. I piled all the weight back on plus more as I just felt I wasn't 'complete' because I hadn't made my target. (She's again my biggest critic) Now I'm on the slope down again but would rather have put up with the comments and hit target the first time.
    They're only saying things like that because you have lost SOOOO much weight (well done you - 108lbs!!!!) so it's still a shock to them. I doubt you're looking gaunt but if you want an unbiased opinion post a currrent pic ;)
    If you hit a happy weight before you get to 140lbs then fair enough (the 'right' weight doesn't suit everyone) but if you're not then we're still here to support you.
    C xx
     
  11. Sticky

    Sticky I will succeed!!!

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    Awww honey! It's never nice to be facing a difficult phase so sending hugs.

    But you have to remember this...who are you doing this for? You! So you have to do what you want to do and what feels right to you.

    I agree with the others...people in your family have seen a huge change in your appearance and weight so they are comparing you to then.

    Do what's right for you Mrs V and know we're all here for you no matter what you decide to do. xxxxxx
     
  12. ohtobeslinky

    ohtobeslinky Silver Member

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    As everyone has said it is up to you. Don't stop just because someone else tells you to. Only you and your consultant need to know what you weigh - just make sure you stay healthy. Parents seem to always think we need feeding up - bar mine - they are my biggest critics - no matter how much I say I've lost they always say "is that it? You've got some way to go girl"! but that's my issue. Parents think they are doing the right thing - but in the end only you know when you will be happy with your weight. Good luck with it babe x
     
  13. MrsDetermined

    MrsDetermined Better drink that water!

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    I cant say any better than anyone else has. But Im agreeing with the previous posters. You have got to be at a weight you are happy with. They are used to seeing you bigger than you are now. Your weight loss is AMAZING! Do what you need to do. You are on SW for you - noone else.

    Hugs.
     
  14. Fallen Angel

    Fallen Angel Starting again!!

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    ohtobeslinky - my Mum is the same. I tell her I lost 6.5lbs in the first week and she was midly please, but 3lbs a few weeks later (which I was chuffed with) she says ' oh you can do better'!!!!! I don't even mention the 1/2lb losses or gains! She'd go skitz if I said I'd STS one week!
     
  15. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    You are all fabulous on here!!!

    Do you know what...you are all right! Im going to stick to my original plan and if it takes 2 years or more then darn it I will get there!
    You have all made me all the more focused and determined and if i could rep you all I would, so I hope the thanks is enough.

    xxxxx
     
  16. Circes

    Circes Strutting her stuff

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    I think this happens to most people who have lost a lot of weight. They are so used to the old you and it can take some time to re-adjust to the new you. I also think that they would be surprised if you told them how much you weigh - they probably think you are much lower than you really are. People started saying similar thing to me when I still had about 2 stone to go - when I was about 13 stone. Even a nurse at the hospital assumed I had reached target and was suprised when I told her. I think being taller also makes it more difficult for people to judge your weight. So you have to do what is right for you and not other people. :)
     
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  17. captaincuddles

    captaincuddles Full Member

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    Hi Mrs V, I am afraid I am not really in a position to give you any advice as I have just started at SW, but I did want to say what an absolute inspiration you are. Your loss is amazing! I am about the same height/ weight as you started so your achievemants really give me hope.

    As far as parents go, I think they will always make unhelpful comments menaing to be helpful (I had a few of those this morning from my mum!), but perhaps you should just go by how you feel. If you feel healthy enough then that's a good sign I would say, and take it as far as you feel comfortable with. I think that's what I would do anyway.

    Hope that helps, I do not have much experience but feel that A person knows best for themselves, anyway, well done I think you're ace,
    Suzanne :)
     
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  18. avisk

    avisk xx

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    It's your decision and only you know what you really want to do. Other people just confuse the issue.

    They may have the best of intentions, but the new you doesn't fit their image of you, and they can't quite get their head round it. But they will.

    When a friend of mine lost a lot of weight I was quite horrified that, although of course I congratulated her, I was really not that pleased. I didn't say so, of course! I didn't really know why I was feeling that way and had to think about it really hard. I think there was a certain amount of jealousy involved, if I am being brutally honest, but really I think the problem was that, without thinking about it, we assign certain roles to the people around us and it takes some time to adjust when they step outside those roles.

    But this problem of adjustment was my problem, not hers (and I hope she never realised what was going through my mind) - equally, it is their problem not yours.

    Be firm, but kind. Explain about the BMI calculation - lots of people don't know about this and they may well be convinced by something scientific!

    good luck with reaching your goals.
     
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  19. SaraC

    SaraC Green Day Diva!!

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    Hi Mrs V,

    I know you've had some fab advice from here but I just thought I would add mine too.

    I am not obviously "overweight" but on the scales & BMI chart I am, I get the comments from friends/family that I "don't need to lose weight" but to me I do as I want to feel nice about myself for a change and fit into my clothes comfortably.

    Your family as well meaning as they may be don't know what goes on in your head and as long as you have 100% commitment to the plan and are losing weight sensibly (which with SW you obviously are) then keep going, at the end of the day you will know when you have lost enough weight for you to feel "great" (Not that I am saying you're not great now!!) and then, and only then you can stop/modify SW so you don't follow it to the T all the time :)

    I think you've done fab to lose so much weight :)
     
  20. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    I can't really add anything the others haven't said hun. You have done so incredibly well, you really have but only you know how you feel.
    If you want to lose more then go for it, slow and steady and like you said, so what if it takes a couple of years? You are so much healthier and lighter than you have been for years and that's what people are seeing but it's your journey and your body.

    I wouldn't suggest taking a break, I've been doing that the last few weeks, not fully focusing and it's not been good - I feel like cr*p and I've gained.

    This plan is good for losing weight (albeit slowly) and feeling good about ourselves.

    You can do it!! xxx
     
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