Supportive family or not?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Sez, 15 April 2007 Social URL.

  1. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

    Posts:
    2,288
    Likes Received:
    118
    Diet:
    Dukan
    I have been thinking.... hard for me, I know!:confused: How and when did you all broach LL with your nearest and dearest? Of course, my OH and children knew form the outset, but apart from my work colleagues and one close friend I told no-one about my plans. I suppose that I was assuming that I knew what they were all going to say..but not to my face!(Oh, Sarah is on yet another diet, bet that wont work either....that type of thing!) I particularly did not want my inlaws to know. MIL ( & OH's sister) are very money orientated (tight in other words) and just would not understand neither the concept of a VLCD nor the cost of LL. I expressly asked OH not to tell anyone, but was utterly heartbroken when, over a few weeks, I found out not only had he told his brothers wife "in confidence" but gradually spilled the beans to all of them! My SIL then proceeded to tell me how ill this would make me etc etc.

    My dad did not even notice, even after a 3 stone loss, until I HAD to tell him, after an invite to an Easter Sunday carvery lunch. He has been so supportive since and i thrilled to bits about that! (My late Mum had Type 1 diabetes, and they both worried a lot about my weight.)

    The one I am most fed up with is my sister. We have a volatile relationship at the best of times but although I know OH also told her (!!! so much for secrets huh!) she has said absolutely nothing! She is 6 foot tall, lucky b***h, and has always been on the chunky side, to say the least. She has not been obese, as I am, but certainly not a skinny pin. Oh thinks she may be jealous, as he thinks she cannot failed to have noticed the 3 stone loss. His recent comment was "Just imagine, I reckon you will be much thinner than her before long!!" I am really looking forward to that day, believe me!

    Anyway, sorry to have rambled on a lot. Just wanted to chat, and ask questions, as usual!

    Taking my ironing board into the garden now, as I HATE:mad: that job, and a bit of sunshine makes it so much easier!!

    Have a lovely afternoon all!:wavey::wavey::wavey::wavey:
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. tamethetiger

    tamethetiger Member

    Posts:
    13
    Likes Received:
    2
    Diet:
    LighterLife
    Sarah,

    I don't have a very good relationship with my family and I'm glad they're all in Italy AND they never travel.

    The thought of them, though, is enough to still upset me so I'm not sure I'm the best person to comment on your family related predicament without seeming heavily biased.

    One litte comment, however.. how do you feel about your partner telling everyone after you've expressely asked him not to? I'm sure he didn't mean any harm, but I would so not impressed!

    Thank god for your dad, he seems very sweet...
     
  4. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

    Posts:
    2,288
    Likes Received:
    118
    Diet:
    Dukan
    Hi Tamethetiger, re your question about my OH...At the time I was both furious, very upset and hurt. I was crying so much when I found out and I was totally gutted that he did not respect my wishes. We did, however, have along talk, and I now understand that, rightly or wrongly, he honestly thought he was doing what was best for me. I can honestly say that he been 110% behind me on this, incredibly supportive, and after nearly 17 years of marriage, I suppose we all make mistakes!!

    Sorry you dont have great family relationship. My Mum was the glue that held us together, and when she died little over 3 years ago, very unexpectedly (only 65) it really shook us all. My Dad is lovely when he wants to be, but def a grumpy old beggar with some very odd and strong opinions on most things, but I love him dearly. My sister is another matter. I would never see anyone hurt her, but I do not trust her at all. She is not beyond nosing in peoples private things, letter, bank statements etc. She is very very bitter and jealous of me and the fact I have a family, whereas she chose to have a career. When she is nice, she is lovely, but tbh she truthfully is a greedy selfish b***h most of the time. (God, I finally put that down in writing..phew!!)
     
  5. Coley

    Coley Re-starter

    Posts:
    2,214
    Likes Received:
    111
    Start Weight:
    13st9lb
    Current Weight:
    11st5lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    2st4lb(16.75%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Oh Sarah!! How annoying it must be to constantly have to battle with family about this!!!

    Jeez!! When I started LL, everyone knew from the start. I told them and when given the whole "thats not healthy, you'll make yourself ill" blaaaaaaaaaaaaar blaaaaaaaaaar blaaaaaaaar, a simple "well thats funny, my doctor seems to disagree with you" seemed to shut them up!

    A lot of them calmed down once I explained about the reseach and the nutritional aspect of it all. All of them now are fine and dandy and happy.

    Sorry about your mum but yey for grumpy dad!! Sister sounds slight odd too........well....you can't pick your family can you?

    You are doing so very well, you know in your own head what you are doing and you are comfortable with it - it's their problem, not yours!!

    xx
     
  6. Tasty Tracey

    Tasty Tracey Full Member

    Posts:
    96
    Likes Received:
    8
    Diet:
    Lipotrim
    Hey Sarah, I only told my family & my OH, not told his side though they just think that I have cut out all the crap, coz OH has also lost weight, they are abit like yours very tight with money I believe they would think its a waste of money. As for my family some a supportive but my skinny sisters not that bothered, from a big family (Children wise not size) so supportive is split. Anyway as long as you feel it helps you and you a getting to where you want to go who cares. Lets not let our families spoil what we so dearly want. Long Live LL.:vibes:
     
  7. supermum

    supermum Full Member

    Posts:
    97
    Likes Received:
    4
    Diet:
    LL
    Hi Sarah

    I told no-one apart from my Mum (who has done it too) and my husband. My children have never noticed that I am not eating. Of course I had to start telling people once they noticed my weight loss.

    I think my OH thought I wouldn't succeed and has now started saying that I am too skinny and I should put on some weight but I think without knowing it he is trying to sabotage my diet because I am far more confident now !

    Most of my freinds have been supportive although I get the - how can you not eat / is it healthy / you look pale / etc - I ignore it but it is disappointing becasue they were never able to say you look spotty and fat !!!!!

    Some people have not mentioned my weightloss at all and I understand that - to some people it is very off putting as I am proving that it CAN be done and it is possible.

    I am absolutley loving my new figure and wardrobe ! hope you do too..................
     
  8. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

    Posts:
    2,288
    Likes Received:
    118
    Diet:
    Dukan
    Thanks Supermum!! Yes, I am so enjoying drinking in all the compliments!! Went to work today after Easter hols (I work in school). WOW ! Those positive strokes were flying, as they hadnt seen me for two weeks!!! I just love it!
     
  9. Helen

    Helen Full Member

    Posts:
    230
    Likes Received:
    18
    Start Weight:
    18st7.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Diet:
    Exante
    Hi Sarah

    I started off not telling anyone except DH and DD (and I had signed up before I told them!) but gradually have explained to more and more people. I only told In-laws because I felt I should explain why I was feeding their son a roast dinner ready meal instead of cooking - they live in france for 6 months of the year and I had wanted to surprise them when they came back in October. My parents live in South Wales and I was hoping they wouldn't have to know until we visited in August by which time I was hoping to be 6 stone lighter but they have just informed me they are coming in a fortnight so I suppose I will have to spill the beans. They will fuss about whether its healthy and whether we can afford it - which we can't really. My brother only found out when I saw him today.

    Somehow I have been more reticent about telling family than I have been about telling friends. I have had mixed reactions too; one friend got very annoyed that she wouldn't have anyone to go to the local Thai restaurant with. We have been best friends for 31 years but my health and wishes came way behind the convenience of her having someone to eat out with! Now she has seen how well I am doing (44lb gone in 10 weeks) she is gradually coming round.

    You are doing this for you, I am doing this for me and for our own sakes we need to make it work regardless of what other people say or think. It does sound quite bizarre to start with - my husband said it sounded like a con but surely its only a con if it doesn't work? - but I think most people seem to come round when they can see the results and if they don't well the last laugh is on you surely - you have done what you wanted and got the results you wanted which will surely improve your health and quality of life and that of your family too.

    I have also noticed we finish our 100 days roughly the same time - I have 4 weeks left!
     
    In search of me likes this.
  10. SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!

    SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue! Full Member

    Posts:
    269
    Likes Received:
    18
    Diet:
    Lighter Life
    Hi Sarah,

    like most people I only talked to hubby and handful of friends to see if had heard about it. I think I wanted the unsupportive comments out the way as to be honest after the intro session I had decided to do it regardless.

    6 weeks in the same set of people know and maybe a few more friends but I have not told my family. I want to surprise my Gran when I see her and perhaps she will then stop saying I look like my Aunt (who is big!!!!!). MIL has not said a word and I had to propmt my sisters despite loosing over a stone by then!

    I will happily, I think tell sisters when it's all over if they ask but not going to broadcast it to others. why? I think this is my journey not theirs and I would find it hard if I poured my soul out about it for somebody not to give me the airtime it deserved. If that makes sense.

    I will cross my fingers for you looking slimmer and healthy compared to your sis, :queen: but I bet this jouirney makes her nasty side be less significant as we all seem to be moving on in lots of ways.

    Take Care

    Sam
     
  11. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

    Posts:
    2,221
    Likes Received:
    146
    Cor Blimey, Sez,

    Families - you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em!

    I have learned to smile sweetly and nod in agreement to any of my families' comments ... and then just do as I want.

    Even now, they cannot bring themselves to congratulate me on my achievement. "You've lost too much" etc. Oh well. That's life, I suppose. My hubby and kids are well pleased for me, and I'm well pleased with that.
     
  12. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

    Posts:
    2,288
    Likes Received:
    118
    Diet:
    Dukan
    Isnt it odd how we mostly seem to confide in our friends, rather than our families?

    I just felt I knew what the responses would be..... and in some instances I was (sadly) proven right. The two people who I have told, but am unlikely to see before December, have been great, and just how much do you guys think I am looking forward to seeing them both at Christmas!!!!!!
     
  13. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,060
    Likes Received:
    91
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I told everyone! The vast majority have been supportive, some dismissive & the occasional negative but to be honest I dont give a stuff what othere people think! This is for me & my decision, my body & me taking control! Close friends have been fab as has my mum, despite being a bit oblivious this weekend when describing the food she was eating!! At the end of the day its not anyone elses business whether you can afford it (other than your OH!) and you shouldnt feel you have to justify yourself to them, you're an adult!! I'd just follow Amanda Jaynes advice & smile sweetly while taking absolutely no notice of them!! Families - cant live with em - cant shoot em!
     
  14. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

    Posts:
    2,221
    Likes Received:
    146
    Quote: "Isnt it odd how we mostly seem to confide in our friends, rather than our families?"


    Good question, Sez. I wonder if it is something to do with the fact that when you are a member of a family, you have a 'part to play' or you are given 'a label' which you carry through life, from a young age to adulthood and beyond. It can be limiting. No wonder many people grow up to live so far from their parents!

    With friends, they see you as you are and don't tend to label you the same. Also, you meet and make friends at different times of your life, so friendships can be developed and changed easily.


     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...