Tesco Testing!!!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Amanda (Loopy), 3 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. Amanda (Loopy)

    Amanda (Loopy) CDC

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    One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
    "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.
    It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points".
    So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
    Tesco.

    He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
    "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

    Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
    The computer prints the following:
    1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5) And if you don't stop w*nking, your elbow will never get better!!!!!!
    Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
     
    Brad0053 likes this.
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  3. dizzy-n-mizzy

    dizzy-n-mizzy Not dieting ATM!

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    That's hilarious! Thanks
     
    Amanda (Loopy) likes this.
  4. Gill-cdthing

    Gill-cdthing Gone, but who cares huh

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  5. Amanda (Loopy)

    Amanda (Loopy) CDC

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    Funny isn't it!

    I get so many jokes sent to me at work but there aren't many I think are good enough to share!
     
  6. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    Thats wicked x
     
  7. nadhak

    nadhak LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE

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    brilliant - thanks for sharing!
     
  8. Libbie

    Libbie Silver Member

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    thats brill,thanks for a giggle
     
  9. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Corker! :cool:
     
  10. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Must remember that one :D
     
  11. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Look at that - it even made my hubby's ex laugh!!

    [​IMG]
     
  12. Ivy

    Ivy Silver Member

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    Whahahahahaha

    Ivy
     
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