Well my dears, today is colonic day- in two hours I will be getting lubed tubed and drained! Never had one before so I promise I will share details- it may get graphic so don't come back if you don't want to know!
Here goes (OMG I hope you won't think any less of me after this)
Lovely therapist (older lady which I was personally glad of)- had to fill out a health form and sign my bottom away. Got lost of useful advice about bowel care before we began (apparently linseed soaked in water and drunk is the best, but I am guessing SS does not permit that). Some intimate discussion about what type of waste product I produce (imagine Gillina McKeith's poo chart).
Explanation of exactly what was going to happen- this was a gravity based system so tank high on the wall and tubes- one going 'in' and one leading out so its a kind of wash through system- the water is also set at different temperatures throughout. The tank is enormous (think victorian wall-mounted toilet cistern) and you get at least 4 tankfuls washed through during a treatment (I think I had 5).
Your top half stays dressed and you stipp your lower half and wear a kind of skirt towel that opens at the back. You lie on your left side, knees drawn up and the tube goes in- slightly uncomfortable feeling but doesn't hurt at all. You then lie on your back for the treatment with your knees drawn up and feet together so the therapist can massage your tummy/bowel throughout.
First you get just a wash through- not unpleasant at all, in fact you can hardly feel it. The therapist tells you if you feel like going just relax and let it go, and breath using all of your belly (don't hold yur belly in when you breathe). The oddest part of this is that when you let go you feel like you are forcing the tube out- but it doesn't come out!
Next is the 'clamping'- this wasn't really pleasant at all...stop now if you are about to have your tea (especially if its a chocolate shake!).
The therapist clamps the out tube so that the watre builds up in your colon- this is so the water can reach right up through all 5 ft of it! So you feel the pressure building up- doesn't hurt at all but it is not a nice sensation. The therapist tells you NOT to let go until you absolutely have to- and when you do she releases the out clamp so everything can come out- and boy did it!! She lifted the tube up to let me see and said 'look at the colour of that' and told me I really needed the treatment- judging by what she was showing me I can only agree. It was nothing like they show on you are what you eat- little brown pebbles floating away- oh no, this was rivers of brown!!
Anyway, I was getting 'good' clamps- she did three and I held as much as I could so I was getting a very good cleanse through- but then...(really you can stop reading now, please don't feel you have to go on)
...I desperately needed to pee. Now, I peed when I got there and hadn't drunk anything for an hour before to avoid this happening, but oh no, my bladder was having none of it.
Imagine the scene...tubed up my b**, poo flowing out of me, semi-naked- I said 'I need to pee' She said can you hang on for 10 mins? I said 'nope'. So she took the tube out and I ran for the loo (which was just outside the therapy room- trailing a chocolate fountain behind me!! The walls, floor, towels, toilet and me (I hope to god not the therapist) were sprayed. For all I know there is some on the ceiling that they haven't spotted yet...
While I was in the loo a woman with a mop cleaned up and I returned (you know when you are so embarassed that it just doesn't matter anymore- I mean how much worse could it get?) got retubed and had another tank full and a clamp.
Anyway, afterwards drank lots of water as the therapy dehydrates you (no problem there eh?) and then walked back to collect my car as if nothing had happened...though I may wake up crying during the night.
Don't let this put you off- there was a LOT of stuff in there that would not have come out any other way. My bottie is a bit tender, but then I was tubed twice! This will not happen to most people. It didn't hurt but I didn't enjoy it that much, but I can see that it must be of benefit.
I have no idea if I have lost weight cos its hard to tell in the middle of the day, but it might be 2lbs.
Aboe all, don't go if you have a weak bladder.....