The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

The coat is wonderful, but I'd be like you, wanting to get a few years wear out of it!

I'm so pleased you have lost that much so quickly, even if it jumped up a bit today, it really does indicate that it wasn't a true gain. And I'm delighted to hear you have found it so easy to start the diet again. You are really on your way now, this is it!

Interesting with OH's comments- there almost seems a sadistic element to it, perhaps thinking that he was only playing politics to protect himself is being too generous? Did you, or he, bring the gain up in the first place?

Great news about your clothes, darling, have a big smile on my face!

Hope yours is good!
 
I love Joe Browns stuff - always funky and timeless looking.

And hey, you are the winner in this "put down" business because you are fighting off the negativity with positive results. That makes things even in my eyes xx I'd be very smug about that ;)
 
Great news about the loss and thankfully you are getting back on CD easily enough.

I was :D when I read you have got in a size 18 and I definitely hear you about the clothes because I am OBSESESSED! Looking at clothes, trying on clothes and buying clothes and shoes and boots and so on :D. My Daughter pointed out that I was always in Boots buying perfume, lotions, potions and make up which I realise I now did because I couldn't wear nice shoes or clothes. I'm hardly in Boots at all now unless buying essentials.

I love the coat it is beautiful. I bought myself a mustard coloured coat (I'm forcing myself to wear something other than black) tonight from Tesco so not megabucks but it will last me a little while.

I really cannot understand why your OH is constantly sniping and putting you down, but as always you are handling it brilliantly.
 
It's been a funny couple of days.

I am pretty much slipping back into CD very easily.

Other than feeling a little hungry at times I haven't had the dreaded Day 3 stuff going on and I'm now 5 days back into it. I went into ketosis after a week if I remember. I don't think I am yet as I feel a little tired and don't have that ketosis 'boing' yet.

I felt a bit angry with myself yesterday. I wanted to eat something and knew I couldn't. i felt angry that I had put myself in this situation and had got to this kind of place where I was on CD. I worked through it and today reflected and reminded myself that this my choice to do this and I don't have to do it if I don't want to.

The clothes thing............lol...........I am getting obsessed! It was freezing last night (coldest place in the UK at -5) and I don't do jumpers. i've never worn coats or thick woolies because I felt they added so much extra bulk. I really need some this winter though! i've been scouring ebay since I got back from my holiday and saw nothing I thought looked a bit funky or was really 'me' so I've ordered a couple of funky cardigans (both Joe Browns) from Simply Be. They aren't cheap so they will REALLY have to be amazing for me to keep them. I guess with the weight coming off I need to be less scared of wearing something that adds bulk. Both are a size 20/22 so might well fit nicely ;)

I'm keeping away from the coat at the moment as it is a lot of pennies I really don't have. I have a kind of poncho with arms (odd thing but I love it) that I've had for years and doesn't matter what size, it fits! I will wear that in the car to work I think.

Bit of indigestion today and I've only had a shake and a bar.

I was very bad though last night and had a sausage when I was cooking some off and looking at the amount of fat in the pan I feel that today is probably some kind of revenge for eating it last night.

I need to think about my 6 stone bead! The scales are shifting still and I don't know if i'll hit 17 stone 10 on Sunday but I need to think about what I want next. I seem to be running out of ideas for stuff about me so need to sit and think hard.

With the way the scales are at the moment, I could well hit 100 pounds off way before Christmas which would be amazing.

I brought up the gain rather than OH. I knew he was itching to know and wanted to be in the driving seat for the conversation rather than him saying 'so, how much did you put on'.

I feel very trapped by my situation with him and really don't know what it will take for it to finally disintegrate. I think a big row would be the final straw but i'm not the kind of person to start one for the sake of it.
 
Hi Tulip. After what I have been through with my ex you are never very far from my thoughts.
Maybe you don't have to have a big arguement (I hate them too :eek:)
At some point I hope you will realise and TRULY believe that you are worth so much more than he is grudgingly offering.
Then you can pack your bags with all your sexy clothes and walk your skinny ass straight out the door :D
Why does there have to be a confrontation ?
When/if you are ready just go, leave a note if you like, then move on to your next adventure.
You are a very strong, courageous lady and you should do what is right for you, when you are ready.
Really hope you get your hundred lbs before xmas. That would be amazing :)
 
kellierocks said:
Tulip, someone close to me, well the end was marred by silences and in the end, it was a very quiet, though no less sinister, parting. It does not take a confrontation, but a choice, although a very very difficult choice.
Click to expand...

hi

will you let me know how you get on with your marathon and the training. i've done a 10k and 1/2 marathon in similar times to you. i would love to do a marathon but think that it would take too much training and i don't think i have the time. also... i'm not sure i could run it all.
 
I hope the ketosis hurrys up for you! Try to see all the food situations as chances to learn, rather than causes for you to be mad with yourself! I don't know about you, but I've beaten myself up about food so many times, and it never works!

What have you been wearing to keep warm- last winter for instance- without jumpers? I can't imagine!

I wouldn't have thought the old White Tulip would have raised the weight gain issue with OH, it is a sign of how far you've come, both in your confidence about what you are doing with your weight, and with OH. You don't need to have a big confrontation to part- you could even hand him a sticky note saying "I've had a gutful, now sling your hook and don't bother me ever again"or anything. If you are sure the relationship has no hope. Although frankly I reckon it would do you the world of good to tell OH a few home truths, if it's not something that you are comfortable with, then it's a waste of your precious energy to do so! You have a new life in front of you, whether or not OH stays or goes, and how and why!

White Tulip- you have been a real credit to yourself, and should be feeling very proud and pleased with who you are now.
 
Hiya tulip,

Sorry to say I havent had the pleasure of reading your diary until today!

What an inspirational lady you are! And what a miserable OH u have! Funny how peoples insecurities all show when we finally do something for ourselves!

Glad you had a nice holiday it reminded me of Shirley valentine, maybe thats exactly what you should do!!

7 lbs is a wonderful gain and to already have 6 off... Well done you!!

I wish you all the happiness and success in the world, always smile sweet there's so many people who o obviously love the bones of u, and I can see why!! Xxxx
 
It's been a weird couple of days.

I felt so very, very sad the night before last around 10pm and I had a CD bar that was extra to my day. I just really needed a chocolate 'hug' and couldn't understand why I felt so desparately down and so utterly empty of emotion. OH was asleep on the sofa and I really felt that every aspect of my life other than weight loss was going nowhere....

I just don't know what it will take to part with him. This is my house and he has his own house so I would really need to go there for it to feel more comfortable, I can't really describe it but even though this is my house I feel so 'trapped' when he is here and unable to do what I want....it's a lot of feelings that I can't easily describe. I have been feeling over the last couple of months that this house has no soul....I've been here nearly 7 years now and feel that OH pushed me into choosing it at a time when I was much more submissive. I was looking as I had split with my ex (my dog's dad!) and prices were rocketing. This seemed perfect but I quickly felt it wasn't right and I've battled with that since. It still feels - 7 years on - like a house not a home.

I have decided to buy a purple bead for 6 stone. It's my favourite colour and I have some on my watch list on ebay.

The scales this morning say I have hit 6 stone off but it's all about what they say tomorrow. Whatever they say, I think I can say I have lost the holiday 7 pounds as to hit 6 stone off is a 10 loss this week. We'll see tomorrow.

With regards to jumpers - I just never wore them, I felt too fat for extra layers to be on me. Well, I had 1 but wore it to the supermarket/walk the dog etc. I get in my car on the drive and then out straight into the office. With all the extra fat I rarely really felt the cold.........I do now though!!!!!! So, so freezing all the time.

I think ketosis is just about here. I didn't sleep well last night - weird dreams and the rain woke me but even though I was tired my mind quickly went into a familiar ketosis 'buzzing and whizzing' feeling. I got up and felt very buzzy and so think I'm just about there.

I went to see my ex today as he wanted some help with where he wants to move to. He offered me food and I said 'no'. He is very worried about me being on CD as he sees me shivering and literally eating nothing. I've explained about it all and why but he is concerned.

Oh.........and my hair is falling out..........I have long, fairly curly hair that is fine. But lots and lots of it. Think Kate Bush meets the brunette one from Abba meets Sarah Brightman!!! I always have lots come out when I brush it through before washing but for the last 3-4 weeks it has been loads. And loads. And loads. Then more when I wash and more when I comb through after washing. I don't have any patches missing but it has felt much 'thinner' over the last few weeks and where normally a hair band is 2 twists to make a pony tail - it is now 4........I've been having dreams about having huge patches of hair missing. I know it isn't permanent and nothing looks amiss but I know there is much, much less. OH is always going on about the hair around the house and that's true........but I showed him on holiday the amount when I brushed it and he did look a bit shocked. .......hasn't stopped him going on about 'your f'ing hair gets everwhere'.........sigh....
 
My friend loses hair when she is stressed. I guess with your massive weight loss and aswell You are going through so much these days. I feel you are on the cusp of something, just reading your words, I think you have a lot of potential locked away, as if you are hiding part of who you really are.

Does your ex know how your OH treats you? Probably not I guess.

You are so much more than how your OH has bullied you into feeling you are.
 
Apparently hair loss is a possible side effect of CD :( I am fortunate in that I have huge amounts of it to start with and to everyone else it probably looks normal but I can really feel the lack of 'amount' when I put my hands through my hair and the hair band thing was evidence of it happening.

My ex doesn't know I am with someone else. Well, I feel he must do as I go on holiday twice a year but I've never told him andhe has never asked. We split because I met my OH (knight in shining armour act....sigh...) and I feel immense guilt at what I put my ex through which is why I probably over compensate in how much I help him with stuff. I wouldn't want to get back with him for a couple of reasons but I would want to keep him as a friend.

So..............scales today.....

12 pounds off!!!!! I was very surprised!!!! So that's the 7 pound holiday gain (I reckon as it was TOTM last Sunday there was a bit of that in the gain also) and another 5 pounds!!

Very happy at that, a total now of 86 pounds of 6 stone 2. I have a few puple beads on my watch list and I'm going to choose one of them this morning.

I'm also half way! Another 6 stone 2 pounds and I will be 11 stone 6 and that is my target ......blimey.........half way.....

Measured my waist and have lost exactly 10 inches now off it.

I need to lose another 1 stone 2 and I will be back to where I got to when I did SW in 2005 and I am now aiming for 100 pounds off by end of November and definitely a total of 7 stone 7 off by Christmas.

I am definitely back in ketosis. I feel that mix of buzzing, whizzing , wanting to giggle and wanting to show OH what I can do. I realise how much that sensation had gone on holiday and how flat and de-motivated I started to feel as each day went by and the comments started to pile on to me.

If I could jump up and down I would do but I feel there's a few stone to go before that happens yet :D

Off to see my lovely doggy now to give him lots of cuddles :D
 
Wow 12 lbs is some accomplishment. I've really enjoyed reading your diary and a lot of what you have said has hit home with me. Especially how you idealised your OH compared to your ex...

It's often greener pastures that make us think what we have isn't good enough, just like how some of us (me!) think all my problems will be solved if I'm a size 10 instead of an 18!!

It's tough to live in the NOW, isn't it?

Best wishes for your doggy-time and enjoy a bright new start!
 
That is a FANTASTIC loss :D:D:D
You should be soooooo proud of yourself :clap:
As to your situation with the OH, I really feel for you.
Do you think that if he left you could re-do the house and MAKE it into your home ??
I know there will be negative associations and memories but they will fade with time, especially if you replace them with positives.
You have so much determination and inner strength that I bet if you set it out as a project with all the dedication you show to this diet you could really lake a difference, and enjoy yourself too.
I realised that one of the side effects of my long deteriorating relationship with ex was that I lost my ability to dream, which has had a massive affect on my life.
My imagination and sense of adventure have been at the core of my personality and improve my quality of life drastically. Losing this made everything seem grey and pointless.
Its coming back now though, stronger and stronger, and I am starting to feel alive, and as if ANYTHING is possible again.
If I could wave a magic wand it would be to give you this feeling (and to give your OH permanent boils on his bottom :p)
Take care xxx
 
:eek: 12lbs - holy crap. I am so, so pleased that you shedded your holiday weight, reached your 6st loss and are now halfway there :D. Jump up and down, do cartwheels and backflips :p because you are awesome - end of!

Enjoy your day with your doggie xx
 
I have to say that all you ladies are really an inspiration to me. I started CD on Friday and found the first day really hard. Usually when coronation street is on i would tuck into a choc bar, biscuits or my fav's pistachio nuts. So instead of reaching for the nutri-grain i came on here and read peoples stories.

I am on my fourth day, and I have 99% stuck to the diet, on friday i only managed to have 3 shakes instead of four as i was so tired. Since then i have drank 2.5 litres of plain water and 4 shakes.

I hope that the hardest part was over and that was breaking my weekend nibbleing habit as when i am at work i am usually really good.

White Tulip, my starting weight is close to yours and hope that i can do as well as you.
 
12 lbs- amazing!! Jump up and down now. I'm with Awaken on this. Just stop and look for a moment- you have lost over 6stone. That alone, were you to lose no more is a massive achievement. As Galway girl mentioned about living in the now- right now you are successful and fantastic! I know we all have to keep our eye on goal and all that, but you have lost over 6 stone and I think you should be given a huge stnading ovation/ clap on the back/ group hug.

And about the house/ home thing, I rent and feel the same thing about where I am now. The lastplace was home, but for some reason this isn't. Maybe its feng shui or something, but I do totally understand what you mean
 
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