The Greedy Child
This is a voyage of discovery for me and to make admissions about myself is painful, embarrassing but liberating.
I was always a greedy child. Whatever I had, food or otherwise was never enough. At as young as eight, I would steal food from the kitchen and eat it in my room. This was the last thing I needed to do as there was no shortage of food in our house. Mum and Dad worked very hard and were reasonably comfortable. Looking back I think that they unknowingly substituted their time with food and treats. There was no family holidays till I was eleven years old. I have no memories of being taken away for the day or having any fun with my parents. I spent a lot of time with my Gran and a childminder. As I write this I am having conflicting thoughts. On the one hand I feel that I am betraying my parents but on the other I feel sad at what I see as pretty much a childhood lost. But there was always food....
Around the time my sister was born I remember with absolute horror that I had been stealing food and taking it upstairs as I previously mentioned. I hid the dirty bowl(it had angel delight in it)in the bedroom cupboard. I don’t remember how much time passed but one morning I woke up and on my bedroom window was literally hundreds of bluebottles and they were coming from the cupboard. They had bred on the food debris I had hidden.
Everything seems to be a compulsion with me. Nothing ever seems to be enough and I have to have self gratification constantly. If I want something I need to have it immediately, tomorrow will be too late. This realisation about myself and being able to admit it will set me free.
Right now I am in limbo. I have lost seven stones (three of them five years ago, four of them this year) and have another four to lose. I have maintained my current weight of around 230 lbs for the past three months and now I’m ready (after a few false starts) to begin the final phase of my journey.
Hope you come along for the ride!
This is a voyage of discovery for me and to make admissions about myself is painful, embarrassing but liberating.
I was always a greedy child. Whatever I had, food or otherwise was never enough. At as young as eight, I would steal food from the kitchen and eat it in my room. This was the last thing I needed to do as there was no shortage of food in our house. Mum and Dad worked very hard and were reasonably comfortable. Looking back I think that they unknowingly substituted their time with food and treats. There was no family holidays till I was eleven years old. I have no memories of being taken away for the day or having any fun with my parents. I spent a lot of time with my Gran and a childminder. As I write this I am having conflicting thoughts. On the one hand I feel that I am betraying my parents but on the other I feel sad at what I see as pretty much a childhood lost. But there was always food....
Around the time my sister was born I remember with absolute horror that I had been stealing food and taking it upstairs as I previously mentioned. I hid the dirty bowl(it had angel delight in it)in the bedroom cupboard. I don’t remember how much time passed but one morning I woke up and on my bedroom window was literally hundreds of bluebottles and they were coming from the cupboard. They had bred on the food debris I had hidden.
Everything seems to be a compulsion with me. Nothing ever seems to be enough and I have to have self gratification constantly. If I want something I need to have it immediately, tomorrow will be too late. This realisation about myself and being able to admit it will set me free.
Right now I am in limbo. I have lost seven stones (three of them five years ago, four of them this year) and have another four to lose. I have maintained my current weight of around 230 lbs for the past three months and now I’m ready (after a few false starts) to begin the final phase of my journey.
Hope you come along for the ride!
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