Oh thank you C, it did feel like it could be more than the usual dating nonsense with all the history between us, but you know what? I like good manners and I deserve them. I sent a reply message suggesting that as I'd had no apology nor explanation I could only assume his work and life were manic at the moment , and as he'd had to cancel the previous date too, how about he gets in touch when life isn't so busy? I finished by saying I'd look forward to him getting in touch when things were calmer... That's okay, right? I think it is: it's fair, calm (MUCH calmer than what I wanted to say!) and to the point. Done.
I truly believe at this stage of my life, and this period of self awareness ( these diet triumphs and journeys are all about self awareness) I deserve it all. When you accept less (and it always starts in small insidious ways) you are telling your subconscious inner child that you deserve less. And that leads to attempts to 'fill that void of unworthiness' with food /sex /drink /unhealthy relationships. I don't want to over analyse this, after all it was just a casual date, but. I deserved an apology, and I deserved being asked IF I could reschedule. Manners. Nothing I wouldn't offer myself if the shoe was on the other foot. So. If I never hear from him again? So be it. He wasn't for me. Maya Angelou (Poet Laureate) has a profound saying: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time." I Love that and it speaks to me deeply. We'll see who RC is: will there be an apology, acknowledgement, and entreaty to do over? Or arrogant, sulky silence that I'm not immediately making myself avaliable on his schedule? No biggie - life marches on. And there will be someone out there for me
And darn it - I will be slim and sexy enough to knock his little socks off when he shows up lol
The triumph for today? I didn't self - sabotage with food in my misery and confusion. Guess I'm all growed up
xx
