The Last Supper (on RTM anyway )

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by Morticia, 28 October 2009 Social URL.

  1. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Gosh where has the time gone. 12 weeks of RTM is officially over Thurs 29th October and what a journey it's been. I think this week has been the most momentous for me. I finish work this week, after 23 years in one career I'm doing something totally different and it feels like a new beginning with both my physical self and my psychological self. This week also saw me doing a fun photoshoot to mark both occasions...almost like the butterfly emerging. I've done photoshoots before but this one was quite a transformation and I can't wait to see the pics.

    In total I've lost 5 stones 3lb. I lost 1 stone on my own before joining LL, lost 3stones 5lb on foundation and then a further 13lb on RTM. I could waffle all day about what I've learned on this journey but I hope to keep it concise. This is more for my own record, to get things down so that I am able to look back and remember my light bulb moments etc. I have a poor memory and sometimes going back over things helps you stay focused and remember those thoughts/feelings even if they have changed.

    Things I learned in foundation.

    1. Firstly that I DO have issues with food. Something I kept denying for years, I kept telling myself I was just a greedy b****!

    2. My early family life and family dynamics had a lot to do with how I view food and how it affects my behaviour and mood. But more importantly, I learned that that behaviour does not serve me in the here and now.

    3. That there are more than one types of hunger and trying to recognise which type you have is a small step to stopping negative behaviour patterns.

    Things I learned in RTM.

    1. Food is just food, it has no personality, there are no good foods, bad foods, evil foods etc. It's all just fuel for my body. I can choose to fuel my body with bland unappealing fatty foods, or I can choose to enrich and enliven it with colourful, tasty, filling and plentiful fuel that helps me maintain health every day.

    2. Milk gives me sinus headaches. Something I've suffered from for years and had numerous treatments for. Cutting out milk stopped the headaches overnight, adding it back in started them again overnight. As much as I love a latte, it's just not worth it. This has given me a bit more of a perspective on my dreaded sugars/sweets/treats. I now think along the same lines, as much as I like them, it's just not worth the downside be that weight gain, lethargy or cravings.

    3. Some carbs make me instantly tired. Rice/pasta/potatoes and of course sugars make me feel so drowsy, again I just don't think it's worth it. Though I may well indulge if going out to dinner etc. Only for high days and holidays I think.

    4. Stress and being in a hurry/being rushed make me want to eat, and eat in a hurry which is counter productive. I've not had any real problems with this as I've turned to fruit for those times, but it has made me aware that I could easily slip back into old habits and I'm trying to self regulate it.

    One thing I've neglected to mention so far is this. Some people have mentioned in my RTM thread that I have managed to sail through this and that I don't seem to have had many up's or downs. Well I can be quite open in some respects and quite guarded in others. Half way through foundation I hit upon an issue that had been with me since childhood, I knew it was there but no amount of thought records would shift it. I could recognise what it was, recognise my reaction to it did not serve me in the here and now but I found it difficult to shift it completely. What I tended to do was shift it from food to other things in my life. I know this all sounds very vague but there is a point...honest..:). Anyway I realised in one of my LL classes that I could get very emotional and feel very vulnerable if I tried to open up in class about it. I just did not feel it was the right enviroment for me, lovely as all my class mates were, it was just too raw. So I decided to go for one to one counselling to look at what the issue was. I've been going along on a weekly basis ever since. This week saw us make a huge breakthrough and shifting of my mindset on things, though it has been a gradual week on week improvement for me. I feel one to one was the best way for me to go and would recommend it if anyone else has the same problem of opening up in front of others.

    Well I think I've rambled on long enough. Thanks to anyone who has read to the end, you deserve a pat on the back. Thanks also to all the people who have offered advice along the way. Special thanks to all the people in the RTM threads especially BL, SB, Jez, Min and Daisy....you guys rock.......:D
     
    Last edited: 29 October 2009
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  3. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Wow I love your post Morticia. I found it really moving to read, and made me very hopeful for the future. You are such a huge part of my RTM journey and my whole LL Journey. I am very proud to know you and hope one day to meet you IRL. I am also an advocate of 1 on 1 councilling and having done a fair bit myself for my issues in many years prior to starting on this journey I felt able to open up. It is funny that through all my therapy the one thing I could never address was my weight, so this was the turn around for me and I have finally be able to address these issues.

    Thank you so much for all you have shared with us, and please continue to post on here and keep us updated with how you are doing!

    Big hugs

    Jez
    xx
     
  4. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Thank you so much for your lovely comments Jez. I'm so looking forward to catching up with you some day.

    I certainly will still hang about here spewing forth my nonsense....I see there are new recruits just waiting to hear our words of wisdom coming up the rear....:p:8855:

    Hugs to you Jez, it won't be long before you're doing your final RTM post and celebrating :hug99:
     
  5. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    An open, honest and poignant post Morticia. It has me really thinking about what I may discover about myself during RTM.

    Congratulations on reaching the end of RTM and your weight loss and self-discovery.

    Now, enjoy life with all that knowledge you will be putting to great use every day. Keep posting!

    Your journey record here will continue to be a great inspiration to those, like me, still to set off on our Route to management. xx
     
  6. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Thanks TI for the lovely comments...I'm still on a high.

    When do you start RTM?
     
  7. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Oh M - well well WELL WELLLLL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have done beautifully, and I am so pleased you took the initiative to deal with a painful issue, as that is a scary step to take - but such an important one in really moving on..

    And moving on you are - a new life!! New you, job - how very exciting!!

    Huge congratulations. You are not only a big loser :D but you are an even bigger winner!!!!

    XXX
     
  8. Jo B

    Jo B Full Member

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    That was a great post Morticia - you've done so well during this whole journey and it sounds as if making your breakthrough this week has made a lot of things clearer. Congrats on finishing RTM and this is just the start of the rest of your life xx
     
  9. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Hope you had a good send off celebration and have a great weekend 'unemployed'. All the best for Monday :). New job, new body, new attitude to eating. Enjoy every minute.

    I will be starting RTM no later than 24 November. It's the only week this month I am not away for several nights - I really want to be in my own kitchen for the first week. Plus it puts me in week 5 for Christmas week - so I can have a nice cooked breakfast of bacon and scrambled egg, plus all the main ingredients for the xmas dinner (meat, veggies selection, potatoes (sweet potato in my case) and, of course, a glass of wine. I may not choose to take part so completely, but the option is there!

    Hopefully I should see off the 8lb before 24 Nov, but if not it will be close enough.

    xx
     
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