The LAST time!

Blimey. Thank you chick. I don't really know how to respond to that, being I feel uncomfortable. But there in lies the problem.But thank you.
Funny, OH talked to friend who was there at party the other day again yesterday and apparently first thing he said was that I looked really glamorous! Glamorous?PMSL, not a word ever to be associated with me(plus I was wearing an old jumper dress-not like I was properly done up!).Anyway, he has a stunning wife so I guess even with my fragile self esteem that feels kinda nice. And motivating.I want to buy some nice clothes.
Why do people always come to the door looking for obscure cottages I have never heard of when I have my head covered in black hair dye?!!! I swear it happens every time.
Just made my 2nd choc cake of the week, this is for dd's 7th b'day celebrations tomorrow.Bit worried the butter didn't blend as well as it should-smells very buttery. My house is so cold you can't soften anything! Busy night tonight constructing her cake- which I am looking fwd to actually, love making cakes as long as I am not under too much pressure. I have my folks coming over tomorrow and they haven't seen me for nearly 6 weeks which should be interesting- this is my 6th week I think.God I don't know anymore, feels like forever since I ate.
Scales moved this morning, I was 12.12.8 - updated by rounding down but should be 12.12 soon. can't wait for single figures. I am on target to make under 12.7 for end of October again now, was getting a bit worried.
Right, time to wash dye out!
Later xx
 
Just ordered some more supplies - jumped ship and bought slim & save week trial pack. Did umm and ah about it a bit as they use sweeteners and I am very anti them in general - one of the things I thought made Exante great over CD. I didn't mind the shakes being less tasty, I don't enjoy packs anyway, they are just fuel. But I really much preferred CD soft bars over anything else (I HATE tesco bars but eat them as they fill me up for ages and eek out packs) and S&S look like they are the same squishy protein. Plus, I am very curious about the 'meals' ..chilli in particular. As they are a 3 a day plus meal or 4packs, they calorifically lower but should work well for phasing off. Just going to over look the sweetener thing.And the fact that I might enjoy the bars (which may throw up a few demons but we shall see).No matter, these demons need beating.
DD had her b'day party yesterday (she isn't 7 till tomorrow). She had a great time- and one of the Mums from school said out of the blue ' stop losing now, you looks the perfect size, you have lost so much'..... I rarely see this woman and never talked to her about it and yeah it was nice, finally something is showing! However -my parents who knew but hadn't seen me for 6 weeks sad a big fat nothing! They also gave me a tin of biscuits :/ Nothing but to say what incredible willpower I had when I cooked them tea and had a shake. Bit miffed by that - then again they probably think I will just pile it back on. Doesn't matter what other people think of course but it would be nice to think I look different- it is very hard to tell from the mirror.And sure my clothes are loose, but they are the same clothes I was wearing 23 lbs ago. Am still pretty darn fat really.
Scales still stuck this AM so it was weekly dulcolax day, can't say I love this part of vlcd'ing!
30 cupcakes to bake for girlies class tomorrow and then maybe I can stop surrounding myself with cake! My birthday next week, but don't think there is much risk of anybody baking me a cake thank God! I have booked myself a crochet lesson for my birthday which I am looking fwd to,something different! :)
 
I think it has something to do with yo yo'ing chick,people don't see the point I guess, or they don't notice so much as it isn't new. Yep I think it takes 2 stone to see it without doubt usually and not because people are self absorbed but justnot convinced enough to bring it up- but generally people who know what you are doing notice sooner and tend to say something. If other people aren't saying anything then whatever, but my own mother?? I found that weird. And the biscuits.She assumed my failure before I had even really got started.
Anyway, it is just interesting. Contrary to how my diary sounds, I am not looking for outward validation,I am just trying to get my head around it. At the moment my weight on the scales is being a stubborn A-hole to shift, but all of a sudden physical changes are really starting to be noticeable when I wake up in the morning my stomach is lower than my hip bones,my knees are uncomfortable in bed as they feel too boney so I put the duvet between them.Physical memories of being thin before are coming back- but still not in small clothes and a loooong way to go still. Maybe I am just impatient. Waiting for the rest of my life to start...and feeling the pressure of Amsterdam in a couple of weeks.
 
ooooooo I just tried on some jeans I dug out a couple of weeks ago. 2 pairs of 14's from M&Co - and they fit!! I have never found them particularly generous I don't think, one pair I am wearing, the other are a slim fit sailor style jeans and they do up fine but wouldn't wear them yet as they are tight around bum and thighs. But still, wahoo!
 
12.11.8 what is it with the 8oz?! I guess I call it 12.11. Amazing it isn't more after how ill laxative made me yesterday,honestly thought I was dying. need to find something kinder :/
 
P husk doesn't do anything for me, flax will-when I'm eating that is :) Fascinated by these Atkins flax pancakes....
 
My inner girl has woken up. I have been perusing ebay for clothes. Have a fat face hoody and a used sea salt (God I love their stuff) jumper thing coming (£30 for both) and am just looking at getting some White stuff jeans in a 12 (bargain at £16.00) as a kind of goal incentive - oh but there is a dress... cheap too (Also WS) but it is a summer dress so I probably don't really need it.... hmmm

Flax- can you buy it already ground? Not that I can go out until OH comes and does my brake pads this arvo, grinding the discs :/
 
Hopefully pick up some flax today. I feel totally pants,less than zero energy this morning. Sometimes I hate vlcd's. I think my body is complaining. Littlies have colds and it seems I don't get them,but the effort of fighting is about all my body can muster. Hopefully my shake will kick in soon. Tbh I never feel 'great' on vlcd's -some people rave about how great and energised they feel, I reckon I have a day a couple of times a week where I feel like that, the rest of the time it is a struggle.Moan moan moan. Should step up I guess but I am as stubborn as my weight.
I am going to make a resolution here as you as my witnesses. I WILL NOT WEIGH TILL MONDAY. The sticking 80z scales are doing my nut.I have never hung so much on a vlcd before - it is prob much to do with the bm thing and hoping a few days on flax will sort me out.The lax I took on the weekend made me feel really ill and I feel bloated as a result (jeans that weregetting loose feel tight :/) with a very gurgly tummy. Not nice.
My s&s stuff arrives today. Looking fwd to trying different things, I can have tea with OH with one of the 'meal' packs (what is the bet I find them vile?!):) hehehe.
Later x
 
Hello diary.
Well last 2 days I have been slim & saving. And I am rather amazed - the 'meals' (to use the term lightly) have been very well received so far! Maybe I am at that point where I am desperate for savoury tastes and they therefore taste better than they would have.Either way though, I was expecting to find them unbearably vile so I am pretty happy.It made a nice change to sit down with OH and 'eat' chilli on Tuesday, and yesterday spicy spaghetti with my little boy.I feel more satiated, but I think it is psychological, I somehow feel closer to real food again,despite the fact that I am on lower calories than a few days ago on just Exante. You are meant to do 4 or 3 and 100g of protein and 200g veg but at the mo I am on 3 only. They 100g of protein just takes it over the calorie threshold for a unsupervised diet,just like SS+ on CD. Anyway, I wouldn't do it on 3 long term, I will be mixing in Exante products too, plus I am now adding a heaped teaspoon of flax to 2 products a day so that ups cals. I only started yesterday with the flax - so far relieved it doesn't make them taste bad. In fact this morning I had a hazelnut shake and it tasted lush, even more 'nutty'. Hoping the flax starts working soon -might have a shake for lunch today instead of a bar so I can have 3 doses today.
I am very proud of myself - today I really wanted to weigh and I didn't :) This is the longest I have ever gone lol. And should be able to hold till Monday because we are hopefully staying at OH's for weekend and the scales aren't allowed to come.Despite my addiction, it does feel liberating.At least on a vlcd I KNOW it is a physical impossibility for me to not lose, whatever they tell me.After will be a different kettle of fish though.
Had to go bra shopping Tuesday, 38 E to 34 F..yikes.
bbl
xx
 
Ergh, S&S mild curry is grim as. Ended up adding boullion and cayenne but it didn't help.It was exactly as I imagined vlcd sachet dinners to be! I have heartburn now. Ahh well,at least I like 2 so far. For some reason I am really tempted to have a 4th today, would love a hot chocolate or something. Craving sweet / comfort I guess. All the more reason to ignore.
 
:/ fed up. yeah ok,I caved and jumped on them this morning. I dunno, even losing an ounce would have been something when I am existing on 500 calories. But no, still I am exactly the same, 12.11.and those b*****d 8oz as of Monday. I just don't get it.My inner child is having a right tantrum, foot stamping and everything.
 
No different from any other time - prob could increase it a bit. Maybe the flax means I need more though so good point!
I like the flax,it has kinda started to work but not had a great effect yet,just hope it isn't going to slow me down more. Tastes really nice in the shakes.
 
WI day.I am petrified of getting on the scales. *sigh*
 
12.10.0...1lb 8oz down. Not at all unhappy about that as my body has had to adapt to taking flax which adds bulk and absorbs water and no more violent laxatives -so phew!!!
White stuff size 12's came, can get them to my arse that is it(still, they went up my thighs,wouldn't have done that for a few yrs!). Considering buying the 14's as a stop gap.They are apparently not generous in jeans looking at the reviews online,I assumed they would measure up big. Ben wearing a tight fitting 12 hoody atm - funny, noticed a few people give me double takes this weekend, largely OH's staff. Guess alot of my clothes are so non fitted it is hard to tell.
 
what size chicky? And would love them-thanks heaps! xx
 
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