MissHattie
Member
Hello M, it feels a but voyeuristic reading your thread but also like looking in a mirror - I think our inner voices may be related! Thank you.
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The LAST time!
- Thread starter Madoody
- Start date
Madoody
Full Member
what a lovely post Miss Hattie, thankyou 
Voyeur away-I fear I come across terribly miserable on here - but it is a diary and I won't rein in the inner voice's effects on me because that would defeat the point entirely. Lovely rosey diaries don't help much to read anyway, they just make you feel like it should be easy.Which it isn't at all.
Voyeur away-I fear I come across terribly miserable on here - but it is a diary and I won't rein in the inner voice's effects on me because that would defeat the point entirely. Lovely rosey diaries don't help much to read anyway, they just make you feel like it should be easy.Which it isn't at all.MissHattie
Member
what a lovely post Miss Hattie, thankyou
No indeed! I remember my LL diary - it came with free razor blades
I'm not going to write a diary at the moment because there is a lot going on with caring for my mum but I will post with anything I think relevant
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Supersmileyme
Gold Member
Well done you, what a fantastic achievement for 2012!
Madoody
Full Member
meh. Bu88ering about now. I ate yesterday, not as in friendly stuff, I actually had carbs. This last bit is going painfully slowly and in the last week I have been feeling pig sick nauseous after every shake (not making excuses but it doesn't help my attitude). Last week on our anniversary I discovered champagne didn't tip me out of ketosis - last night I had 2 glasses of wine because I miss it and it felt allowable some how -which is probably why I ate. That and being knackered and cold and sick of feeling sicky, generally fed up and knackered. Anyway, I am not freaked out by it these days, I know I can just carry on. I am not sure I am entirely out of ket actually, don't feel so bad as I would have thought having not had anything yet. Will have a shake shortly though, much as I would like to punish myself by not having anything until tomorrow, I don't feel I have the reserves. I partly wonder if I should be stepping up to 1000 plan now to introduce carbs seeing as I have done it already. But part of me screams 'you great fat failure-it is 2 lousy lbs!' (technically 3 today :/). Have to think this one through.
Maybe I will just catch some zzz's for an hr or so and hope I wake up in a better frame of mind - was up at 3am with farrowing pig and then up at 6.30 to get back here with kids for school.
Maybe I will just catch some zzz's for an hr or so and hope I wake up in a better frame of mind - was up at 3am with farrowing pig and then up at 6.30 to get back here with kids for school.
Madoody
Full Member
Lol, thanks you. I know I'm not a failure, but my inner-idiot just doesn't shut up! Anyway, I have been 100% today, first in awhile I have to say (well without dabbling in a bit of chicken or egg etc,haven't been generally that bad at all until yesterday).Hasn't been much of a struggle - which confuses me, I must have come out of ketosis.Is it just my appetite is smaller so I don't get so painfully hungry or am I reverting back to ketogenic state very quickly because I am accustomed to it? I know that I am frozen to the bone tonight.my only blip will be a highlights hot choc to go to bed with, doesn't affect me in the carbs regard and only 40cals - keeps me on the wagon at the moment.
I have been doing xmas baking and things, planning food for xmas,last night boiling up pigs trotters to make stock for some real old fashioned pork pies for xmas gifts..I think immersing myself in it is making it a bit harder because I am surrounded by all the bits of Christmas I love but I am telling myself no! I think I must make a rule - I think my Christmas will start on the 22nd as am seeing my family that day - will rein things in on the 27th but stay on food-maybe 1000, allow recklessness for new yrs possibly but 2nd Jan I have to be on strict damage control. It may well all go to pot, but even if i put on a stone, it will go quickly within a few short weeks....
I have been doing xmas baking and things, planning food for xmas,last night boiling up pigs trotters to make stock for some real old fashioned pork pies for xmas gifts..I think immersing myself in it is making it a bit harder because I am surrounded by all the bits of Christmas I love but I am telling myself no! I think I must make a rule - I think my Christmas will start on the 22nd as am seeing my family that day - will rein things in on the 27th but stay on food-maybe 1000, allow recklessness for new yrs possibly but 2nd Jan I have to be on strict damage control. It may well all go to pot, but even if i put on a stone, it will go quickly within a few short weeks....
Madoody
Full Member
STS for whole week. Why now?right at the end.stubborn,stubborn 2lbs!No way I have been eating too many calories although earlier on in the week I did mess around a bit having wine which may have affected water. Very irritating as I *think*I am smaller. But now I am not so sure lol.
I felt pants last night, was falling asleep at 6.30pm. Then at about 11am today came down with a rip roaring UTI Not great - hoping I can speak to doc on the phone at 2pm and get him to do me a script to pick up because a Friday when you are going away for the weekend is really not the time - I have a great history of Friday UTI's going to my kidneys and I really don't need that next week with all there is to do!!!
Bleargh!
I felt pants last night, was falling asleep at 6.30pm. Then at about 11am today came down with a rip roaring UTI
Not great - hoping I can speak to doc on the phone at 2pm and get him to do me a script to pick up because a Friday when you are going away for the weekend is really not the time - I have a great history of Friday UTI's going to my kidneys and I really don't need that next week with all there is to do!!!Bleargh!
Madoody
Full Member
ello!
Xmas was great thanks-looks like you had a great and full-on hols!
I have been totally off plan, not thought about it at all really and had whatever I wanted.Also worked like a dog over all of xmas though.Only started feeling icky in the last few days and had been avoiding some of my jeans and jst feeling tired.But I had always planned on getting back on it when kids were back so here I am on day one already - don't plan to be on it long.Considering my last weight of 11.9 was in ketosis- this morning I was 12.4 after a huge coffee and feeling bloated anyway.Won't take long to work that down and then come off in a more sensible fashion than 'ooh xmas!'. Just want my jeans back loose (and my bras)and then I'll be happy.No longer feel I need to chase lower weight than my goal. Once I got out of the mindset of diet obsession I was in a much better place with regards to liking myself-I need that, obsessing will just ruin all the good things in my life.
Now to throw myself into 'how to move house in 5 weeks' ...eeek.
I got proposed to for xmas too by the way
M x
Ps. hUngRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Xmas was great thanks-looks like you had a great and full-on hols!
I have been totally off plan, not thought about it at all really and had whatever I wanted.Also worked like a dog over all of xmas though.Only started feeling icky in the last few days and had been avoiding some of my jeans and jst feeling tired.But I had always planned on getting back on it when kids were back so here I am on day one already - don't plan to be on it long.Considering my last weight of 11.9 was in ketosis- this morning I was 12.4 after a huge coffee and feeling bloated anyway.Won't take long to work that down and then come off in a more sensible fashion than 'ooh xmas!'. Just want my jeans back loose (and my bras)and then I'll be happy.No longer feel I need to chase lower weight than my goal. Once I got out of the mindset of diet obsession I was in a much better place with regards to liking myself-I need that, obsessing will just ruin all the good things in my life.
Now to throw myself into 'how to move house in 5 weeks' ...eeek.
I got proposed to for xmas too by the way
M x
Ps. hUngRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madoody
Full Member
Must be in ket again as so far only had one shake and doing ok at 2pm. Had way too much coffee though, feeling on edge (then again I have been totally riled by a$$hoooole neighbour and have called big guns on him). Bordering on slightly hysterical and anxious and excited at the mo as I have to whittle my possessions down to basic levels - including kids stuff. Have to transfer schools and I won't even go into the financial anxieties of this move. But I cannot wait to get the hell out of here and be in the place I belong regardless of implications of these things.
You know what, I love being in control. I had an awesome and indulgent xmas. But I can get back in control. That to me is a bloody revelation! A only 5lbs off pre xmas weight. Piece of piddle to undo. And back in fave jeans. This weight is just soooo much easier for me - I can jump over gates and things now. I would never have thought I was that big that it would have affected things, but athletically I am much more agile. Just wish my knee wasn't complaining (guess it doesn't like it as much as me!). Never have I entered January feeling not too discontent with myself. Room for improvement yep,always. But self loathing, mostly not.
You know what, I love being in control. I had an awesome and indulgent xmas. But I can get back in control. That to me is a bloody revelation! A only 5lbs off pre xmas weight. Piece of piddle to undo. And back in fave jeans. This weight is just soooo much easier for me - I can jump over gates and things now. I would never have thought I was that big that it would have affected things, but athletically I am much more agile. Just wish my knee wasn't complaining (guess it doesn't like it as much as me!). Never have I entered January feeling not too discontent with myself. Room for improvement yep,always. But self loathing, mostly not.
