The Leap to Managaement and Beyond!

One good thing, Cake, is that you are pushing your boundaries and finding out what your triggers are.

If you can develop strategies to cope with the cravings which follow, that's success, not failure!
 
I couldn't go to the meeting on Wednesday and have been on and off the plan. I had a big lapse on Friday Night. I went to ASDA for some hairdye - big mistake.

I have decided to own up to the fact that I DO worry about stuff. This mighten seem much to some people but for me its a real admission. I have always liked to be in complete control of whats going on in my life and I see anxiety in myself as a sign of weakness. Its funny because I don't feel that way about other's concerns.

I went for a drop-in with my LLC yesterday and had a long chat with her about it. She has suggested that I talk to someone about coping with anxiety. She also said that people who are very controlled put a lid on their worries and can turn to food to supress their feelings.

What I don't get is why now? I had no trouble during foundation sticking to the programme and find it hard to understand why others found it difficult. Now I look your journey AJ and you show such control and commitment that I am quite envious.

Well I got my management book out yesterday and looked at the recipies. I feel I have refocused but know that I am still on a tightrope. I stuck with the plan yesterday and intend to do so right through management. I know I also need to be more active. I went for a walk with the dog yesterday. Its so much nicer now the weather is better.

I am taking the Children to the St Patricks Day Parade in Birmingham later. I have decided I don't DO enough generally and that life is passing me by. Each weekend I potter in the house or do a little shopping. I need some variety and change. I don't feel I have reached the end of my journey by a long shot. I talked to my LLC about what I wanted to get out of losing weight ultimately? The answer I have is that I just want to be in control around food and not let it dictate who I am.

My sister weighs 8 stone and has a BMI of 19. She is not careful about what she eats and has what she wants when she is hungry. I wish so much to be like that but I still haven't found out what it takes.

On a positive note I have managed not to do any real damage with these lapses and am maintaining. Ideally I still want to lose another 6lbs and I know I can get there with a bit of grit and determination. I will stop giving into my rebellious child who is always 'me,me,me' and 'I want, I want, I want'. This child is handful though and doesn't listen to the positive parent or the Adult. Thinking about it, my eldest son is quite like that and I haven't figured how to sort him out either ( actually he's not really that bad, I am much worse!)
 
Morning Cake!

Boy oh boy did I identify with your post.

"...for me its a real admission. I have always liked to be in complete control of whats going on in my life and I see anxiety in myself as a sign of weakness. Its funny because I don't feel that way about other's concerns..."

I am exactly the same.

"...She also said that people who are very controlled put a lid on their worries and can turn to food to supress their feelings..."
Yup, that makes sense...

"...Now I look your journey AJ and you show such control and commitment that I am quite envious..." "...I am still on a tightrope..."

At the moment I seem to have found the key which opens the door to success... but like you, I am walking a tightrope and feel that I could lose that 'key' at any time, if I take my eye off the ball.


"...I don't DO enough generally and that life is passing me by..."

Yeah, I feel the same. I wonder if it is partly that we are waiting until that day when we are at goal weight ... then we can have a life. Life is on hold until then. Then it becomes a habit, this aimlessness, loss of focus.

It is Sunday and we haven't made any plans for today. Why not? What is to stop us going for a family swim, walk in the woods, visit friends? Our usual routine involves reading the papers (takes ages) and watch TV.



"...I just want to be in control around food and not let it dictate who I am..."

Again, that's my goal. I am not under any illusions though. It will take years probably for this to become a habit rather than something I have to consciously think about, plan for, and be vigilent about.

"...I will stop giving into my rebellious child who is always 'me,me,me' and 'I want, I want, I want'..."

Yes, that's me to a tee! But no more, I have to move on and think of the consequenses of my actions ... time to grow up, I think!

"...She is not careful about what she eats and has what she wants when she is hungry. I wish so much to be like that but I still haven't found out what it takes..."

Your sister does not use food to cope with feelings like you have learned to do.

You are already learning how your thought processes affect your eating behaviour. That is an important first step to changing that behaviour. The next is to put in place tools or aids to help you chose other ways to cope with feelings i.e. thought records, journal. Then develop these new behaviours until they become habitual - this is a long-term goal and may take years.

Your life is a journey which is unique to you. Each mistake is an opportunity to learn something, it doesn't make you a failure, it is an important part of the journey. Sometimes we have to keep making the same mistakes over and over before we are able to 'learn' from them and move on.

If I am doing well with the LL programme so far, it is simply because I have amassed thirty years of dieting 'mistakes' and have now, at last, begun to learn from them! About bl***y time too!

Keep your pecker up, Cake! You'll make it!
 
Thanks so much for your words AJ. I have just read a book about Change called who moved my cheese? Its about people and the reason they are resistant to change. It strange because on the face of it I like change particularly at work, I have a job that changes all the time.

Cheese is supposed to represent what every makes us happy. I thought losing weight would make me happy but the truth is on its own it hasn't. I have this real feeling that I have stopped enjoying life whilst I am waiting for this thing ( cheese) to happen. I always thought that losing weight was my cheese and now I don't know whats stopping me from being happy? Maybe I need to find a new cheese but I am not sure what that is and its pretty scary. Maybe this is why I turn to food, maybe....just maybe I am frightened of change?

Then I wonder do overanalyse everything instead of just going with the flow. I stress over stuff too much however I am not stressed about:

My daughters options - she just went ahead and made her choices.
The Au pair leaving - my husband feels like he will have a better routine once she goes.
My son passed the exam and got into the school of his choice - feel very proud.
The bathroom refit - the plumber is very slow but I know he will finish eventually.

What I am stressed about:

Money - we have enough but manage it really badly and I hate being overdrawn.
Life - I am bored but don't have the energy to get up and make changes also money situation.
Lighter life - I know I havent followed the programme and don't know how to get back on? Do I start management again? Do I go on as for week 3? ( Voice in my head says 'Does it matter?')
Work - I have taken a lot on and feel a bit swamped. Move to a new assignment in Jan and have done a good job so far but don't feel I can keep up the pace. Also got called by a headhunter and am tempted to call back - I have changed jobs every couple of years and my family need some stability so have torn interests.

Heyho. Just writing stuff down does help get things of my chest and put things into perspective. I have a good life and I need to get on and live it mistakes and all.
 
"...Lighter life - I know I havent followed the programme and don't know how to get back on? Do I start management again? Do I go on as for week 3? ( Voice in my head says 'Does it matter?')..."

I've highlighted this bit of your post Cake, because it may be worth exploring the 'Voice' comments in more detail. Have you done a thought record to see if you can get to the bottom of it?

"...just maybe I am frightened of change?..."

Arn't we all!

"...The Au pair leaving - my husband feels like he will have a better routine once she goes..."

I've never had an au pair, what's it like? Why's she leaving? I'm just nosy!
 
WE've had nannies and au pairs for about 10 years and its worked really well most of the time but we have had our share of experiences ( Hungarian Girl Deported at Dover, Czech Salt addict, French girl who brought stange men home).

The girl we have now is French and is 24. She has been with us for 8 months and was due to go home June but is very homesick ( she has been home 5 times since arriving). She does the kids washing and Ironing, an hours housework a day and the Childrens meals MOnday to Thursday. She is a superb cook and my shopping bill has gone down by £50 per week since she arived because she plans the weeks menu and does not use convenience food. This has helped pay for the LL and the children are better off too!

I like the convenience of having someone here but the children are getting to the stage where they can be left ( eldest is 14) for a few hours without killing each other or setting the house on fire. My husband has also gone back to college to retrain as an Operating Department Practicioner so we could do with saving the cash - saying that she lives in and we pay her £80 per week.

OH doesn't want a replacement but we will have to see how it goes.
 
Have posted for a while. Management is going up and down for me. I either seem completely on track or completely off track big time. I am struggling with a half way point. I do fine for a couple of days then have a carb binge. I had some chinese food the other night and was in pain from overeating - my stomach felt so stretched. I decided to abstain for a few days but started feeling tired and weak. I feel like my system is all over the place and in some respcts feel worse than when I started. I just don't know why I am finding it so difficult to stick to the programme and feel I either have to be a saint or a sinner. I know I have a major case of self sabotage but I can't get to the bottom of why this is.

I am not sure where to go from here.
 
I had some chinese food the other night and was in pain from overeating

You have my sympathy Cake - I can just imagine how you felt. What lead up to eating it in the first place? Did you have a take away or go to a restaurant? Did you feel under pressure from others to eat? Or was it from yourself?

The problem is, once you start eating like that, it is doubly hard to stop, it seems to fuel the need to do it again, and again.

I am sorry you are feeling so low, Cake.
 
Well I've picked myself up and given myself a good talking to. I have had a day of abstinence today and plan a fresh start on Management tomorrow. I have bought some chicken and cabbage and plan to make curry for a couple of days. I know I need to plan more and have the right food ready for whem I'n hungry. I also went to Salsa again tonight and really enjoyed it. I am in an advanced class and stopped going about six months ago. This is my second class coming back and it was great. Its so nice dancing with someone and not worrying if they can get their arms around you - I have to say I felt good about being smaller for the first time in a while.

I have ordered a couple of books of the internet called:
- Eating Less: Say Goodbye to Overeating
- Breaking Free from Emotional Eating

Hopefully they will be here within a couple of days so I'll let you know if they are any help. I definitely still have a problem with control around food and know I have to develop more insight and strategies. What I know I must accept is that this is a journey and although the last few weeks have been a bit of a long way round - I am getting there.

Also the hair loss has been really bad recently. Summersky reccomended Superior Hair from Holland and Barratt. Unfortunately my local store weren't that helpful and hadn't heard of it. I have ordered some online at:

Superior Hair - Victoria Health

I'll also post if that makes any difference.

Well I am feeling more positive. I still do not feel completely well and have been better at taking my supplements the last few days. I am having to have naps in the afternoon and look pale with dark circles round my eyes. I have decided to accept that this is just a temporary thing and is my own fault for messing about with the diet.

For anyone reading Aj;s Managemnt thread is definitely the way to do it.
 
Good day number 2. I had a choc muffin for brekkie, a nut crunch bar for lunch , an apple on the way home. I made a veggie and chicken curry on a bed of cabbage and had a very lowfat yoghurt when I got in which kept the picking in abeyance.

I feel comfortably full. I am supposed to be on week 4 of Management and have been all over the place with it. I have been taking Iron, Calcium and vitamin Supplements for the past six days and today for the first time in ages don't feel shattered so maybe it was the problem.

I have enough curry for the next couple of days and I really enjoyed it. I love the sound of all the recipies but often arrive home from work tired and hungry so I know planning in the advance will take some of the thought out of it.

I don't have the same excuse at the weekends though! Its funny because I do enjoy cooking but I do feel as if I need to stay out of the kitchen at the moment as I don't feel in control.

Still I'm taking one day at a time. I've got my group tommorow which should help but I do really miss the girls and the structure in FOundation.

Its 6 oclock and I declare today as a success. I AM not going to sabotage today what ever that horrid child in my head demands - SO there!
:devilangel:
 
Day 3 is over and I'm pleased to say another success. Maybe I will do this after all. Had my group tonight and lost half a pound which I am happy with. I do feel as if I am far more on track. My LLC says its the most positive and calm that she's seen me for weeks.

The books and hair vitamins arrived today and I have started on both. I don't know if its the supplements or just a coincidence but I do feel physically a lot better and the circles under my eyes don't look so dark.

I have decided to plan exactly what I am going to eat because it helps making more choices. I also made myself sit and eat at the table for lunch and have a knife and fork and a big glass of water. This was something that I promised my self I'd do before but didn't follow through.

I am going to continue on week 5 but have decided not to re-introduce alcohol just yet - I don't want to jeopordise where I am.

I still feel as if I am on a bit of a tightrope but the one day at a time is definitely helping. Its good to know that I can make the right choices and ulitmately I can be in control - I've just got to choose to be!

Reading everyone's threads over the last few days has really helped and I've been a bit hooked but the support / comments and suggestions do really help get me through each day.
 
Mornin' Cake,

Glad so read that you're feeling brighter, Cake. I'm the same as you as regards alcohol. I still haven't had any! I too still feel that I'm on a tightrope, but possibly getting a bit less wobbly now!
 
Try Again?

Well after a few good days, had a few not so good days but I feel a lot more chilled out about it than before. Have put on a couple of pounds so have decided to abstain for the next 10 days to get back on track - in some ways I would so love to go back to foundation - it was such a safe place there but I know at some point I have to face food as part of my life and not as my friend or enemy.:devilangel:

I went to the Birmingham Meet-up on Saturaday and it was great to meet some of the girls and put names to faces. Boy did we have a good dance and it was good to meet people who were managing to keep the weight off. Summerskye looked absolutely beautiful and Karen 1972 was stunning - I can't believe she ever weighed 6 stone more! Everyone was so freindly but I was very nervous. I wore a black shirt kinda dress that I got from ASDA for £16 - its a size 12 and I have to say I felt good.:clap:

I've started reading one of the emotional eating books by Gillian Roth. It goes along the line of Paul Makena a bit - eat wat you want, only eat when you're hungry and stop when you are full etc. I don't think this has helped much because this just doesn't fit with the management approach and has left me feeling a bit confused. May be I should leave it until I had finished management. I might have a quick scan of the other book to see if its any better.:rolleyes:

Still another day, another dollar. Generally feel ok despite the bit of a gain - Its a bit weird though because the gain gives me a reason to get back on plan - still have that yearning for foundation. OOOOOOOOOh :banghead: . Well I am not going to futher self-analyse. Day 1 of 10 nearlly done 3 packs so far and back on the water. Going to Salsa tonight. Hubby has hid the scales until Sunday.

If at first you don't succeed - TRy TRY TRY TRY TRy again! Maybe I should change my name?
 
Wow Cake - so many achievements in your last thread. Please don't concentrate on the negatives and put the "not had a very good few days to one side."

The achievements:

Your weight loss is amazing
You are doing fine in management
You wore a size 12 dress!!!!!!!
You met some new people in Birmingham
You had a good dance
You recognise your weaknesses

Is going back to abstaining really the right thing? I know exactly how you feel as I am in week 3 of management and feel that foundation was "so easy in comparison" - all choices made. But abstaining is a bit of an all or nothing - a means to an end - and we have to eat for the rest of our lives, better to learn about making healthy choices. If you only have a few pounds to shift maybe going back to week 2 of management is more realsitic?

Please don't think I'm preaching as this is tricky for all of us - and I don't have all the answers, I just want to put out a hand and support. You clearly have an inner strngth to get this far and you will make what are the right choices for you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

joolz x
 
One Day at a time..........

Joolz - WOW look at you! What a phenomenal loss you must be feeling fantastic!:wow:

Thanks for your words of support Joolz. Its been a real dilemma on what to do, I have messed about with Management over the last 5 weeks and have gone forwards and backwards. Each week I am learning but boy can it be hard. I feel by going back on abstinence I can reset the balance and try again. I'm also taking supplements to beef me up for going back onto food. I have drifited between 10st 8 and 11st 3 over the last month! Abstinence will give me a cushion for when things go wrong which they sometimes do - what I am learning is that its not the end of the world and I don't have to turn and evening of lapses into a full blown week collapse. I know it also stops me facing food and getting to the bottom of thinhgs but I am giving myself a break and saying its ok to feel like that ( in adult mode) - something I don't often do.:psiholog:

I think I need to lose about a stone -it would be lovely to be 9st something for my brothers wedding in June. Meanwhile I am on day 2 of my 10 day plan and feel a lot happier not having to face demons for a little while.:)

One day at a time.....
 
Hia Cake,

Size 12 eh? It's a great feeling to be able to shop and wear normal clothes.


"I am giving myself a break and saying its ok to feel like that ( in adult mode) - something I don't often do"


I am glad you are giving yourself a break hun, it's another lesson learned. Joolz is right about listing your achievements, I think it is easy to forget just how far we've all come on this journey.

Although we are all treading our own path, don't forget we're all here for each other to 'hold hands' when necessary!

Take care now.

AJ
 
AmandaJayne said:
Hia Cake,

Size 12 eh? It's a great feeling to be able to shop and wear normal clothes.


"I am giving myself a break and saying its ok to feel like that ( in adult mode) - something I don't often do"


I am glad you are giving yourself a break hun, it's another lesson learned. Joolz is right about listing your achievements, I think it is easy to forget just how far we've all come on this journey.

Although we are all treading our own path, don't forget we're all here for each other to 'hold hands' when necessary!

Take care now.

AJ
Click to expand...
hi aj ,
hows our back , ive been thinking allot about how your doing with it all ,its such a problem when you cant get around , hope youre ok
sue x
 
Hia Sukie, thanks for asking, it's a real pain!

First thing this morning when I got up, I thought it felt better and even considered cancelling my doctors appointment and just going to work. Sadly, it kicked in with a vengence a bit later on and I was really frustrated. I've been signed off for the rest of the week - a first for me who has never had time off work for some years.

I have managed to rig up lots of strategically placed pillows which allow me to sit fairly comfortably to type and mooch around Minis. Where there's a will ...
 
Cake'n'eat it said:
Joolz - WOW look at you! What a phenomenal loss you must be feeling fantastic!:wow:

Thanks for your words of support Joolz. Its been a real dilemma on what to do, I have messed about with Management over the last 5 weeks and have gone forwards and backwards. Each week I am learning but boy can it be hard. I feel by going back on abstinence I can reset the balance and try again. I'm also taking supplements to beef me up for going back onto food. I have drifited between 10st 8 and 11st 3 over the last month! Abstinence will give me a cushion for when things go wrong which they sometimes do - what I am learning is that its not the end of the world and I don't have to turn and evening of lapses into a full blown week collapse. I know it also stops me facing food and getting to the bottom of thinhgs but I am giving myself a break and saying its ok to feel like that ( in adult mode) - something I don't often do.:psiholog:

I think I need to lose about a stone -it would be lovely to be 9st something for my brothers wedding in June. Meanwhile I am on day 2 of my 10 day plan and feel a lot happier not having to face demons for a little while.:)

One day at a time.....
Click to expand...

Cake - thanks so much for your own words of encouragement to me - I sometimes forget how far I've come (and therefore how far I have to fall if I do!!!).

It sounds like your choices around food/abstinence are coming from an adult place - something we are all learning. So good on yer. Taking one day at a time is a good saying, but you have to keep focussed on the future and things like the family wedding in June will help with that. So you just carry on the good work and yes - we are all here to hold each others hands when we need it .
 
Gosh what an end to a day I have had.

Found out my relative has been having visits from the au pair. I saw her making eyes at him and asked him to back off which he didn't so am very cross with him.

Same relative has got a girl pregnant overseas despite a very recent split from long-term girlfriend ( with son).

Mother is arriving ( un announced) at airport 7.30 tomorrow to go to funeral on Thursday.

Husband has recieved text from unknown female. I checked his phone and he has been talking and texting her. Also appears to have had a virtual relationship with her and others on MSN. I am very very cross with him.

Have also discovered that he's been going to dodgy cinemas when he says hes gone out with freinds - I'm not sure what to believe any more.

He is long-suffering and has put up with a lot of demands from me BUT I don't know where I go from here. He is generally a good man and is very supportive but is scared of me and lies. Do I care for him? Yes. I want a normal family life for my children but without Trust and massive power imbalance what kind of life is that?

Things have changed since he gave up work to go back to college and I became the main breadwinner. I am very successful at my job and maybe he's become castrated by his role in our family. I just don't know.

Its funny though, despite all these crises I still very positive and in control. Its often when I am at my strongest or maybe its just shock?
 
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