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the month after christmas!

#1
TWAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The biscuits I'd nibbled, the champagne I'd taste,
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the shops (less a walk,more a lumber).
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend all Summer disguised as a man!"

So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip,
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a biscuit - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot scones, or cake, or fruit pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to laugh, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
 
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