There really is little hope for me.


Gone fishing
I’m such a clumsy clot!

I’ve rejoined the gym over a year ago. It’s a nice gym. A little classy, you know…black tie and dress to go in the café ;) but I like the computerized system down there. It keeps me motivated.

As you go in, there’s one of those turnstiles. I swipe my card and walk into it, trusting it will let me through.

The lady in the reception area gives me a friendly “hello” or “good evening” and I’m away…first hurdled managed. Next bit of equipment on my challenge list is the dreadmill and to see if I can go the whole time without falling off.

Coming out of the gym is a nightmare. Again, I have to negotiate the turnstile, but this time there is an extra challenge. As I go through it, the receptionist will say “goodbye”. I don’t hear well, so I need to go through this contraption whilst looking at her, to catch her words so that I can reply at the appropriate time.

Every single time, I manage to catch the handles of my gym bag in one of the 'spokes'. Not occasionally! Every single time.

Okay, so I know this is going to happen. I have to prepare. So on approaching the stile, I raise my bag above my shoulders, I start to go through, I look at the lady with the cheesy smile, she says “goodnight”, I drop my bag when I reply…why?:confused:

They always say “Are you alright there?” as the bag handles force me to rebound back straight into the stile. Of course, I say “yyeeeesss, fine” and return the same cheesy grin whilst thinking ‘I’ve done it again!!!...what is wrong with me?'

On Sunday, I had the ultimate humiliation. As I approached the turnstile, one of the receptionists, jumped in before me and opened the stile up leaving me a free gap to walk through. They had noticed! 3 times a week for over a year, but I had hoped they hadn’t realised it was the same person each time. Well, a girl needs to dream to save denting her pride.:eek:

Last night, I was determined to get it right. Approach turnstile….stop, look at receptionist, say “goodnight” first, wait for reply, lift bag above shoulders and give 100% attention to the turnstile. Phew, it worked. Got through without incident.

Then would you believe it? I gave a silent “YES!” then tripped up on the mat and fell flat on my face! I don’t believe it.:eek:

The lady at the desk gave the customary "Are you alright there?"

I might just ask for the gym equipment to be delivered to the car park in future;)
Lol...sorry I know I shouldn't laugh!!

Try jumping over the top??

hee hee hee.....personally, I think you are doomed...if it didn't happen then the balance of the universe would go out of sync and all hell would break lose! We couldn't be having that now could we?? ;);):p
You poor thing, you must be so nervous for your next visit! You have made me laugh SO much though and I really needed that this morning !
Ohhh i dont think i would go back if it was me!! but it is funny must be the way you tell it ;)
my funny falling over story (to make u feel better)

Thought I'd share my funny embarrassing falling over story.. so u know ur not the only one......

Two halloweens ago I decided to go out dressed as a vampire.. well really just the fangs!!! SO I bought really expensive realistic fangs off the internet, u mixed a paste into the hollow inside each fang and then clipped them to your teeth and they moulded to your teeth, so that they stay in all night...

Anyway, I went out in normal clothes and make up but with the fangs firmly in place - took a while to master the whole speaking with bloody great fangs in my mouth without drooling (these vampires don't have it easy you know.. and how they suck is beyond me!).. ahem i digress... anyway when I left the house I'd mastered talking and drinking without drooling on my feet.. had a wonderful night, nobody realised i was dressed up until i laughed and then people did doubletakes... I had guys practically begging for me to bite them :p which was fun... although in hindsight I hope I never killed anyone!

Lots of alcohol was carefully poured down my throat and I had a really really good night... towards the end of the evening I was in a bar/club and I toddled off merrily towards the toilets, ran down the stairs... slipped at bottom, fell flat on my face - literally... banged my jaw on the floor... and one of the fangs bit down straight through the top of my bottom lip and out the other side just underneath my lip!!!! OUCH!!!!

I couldn't actually work out what had happened.. just saw the blood.. picked my elegant (lol) vampire self off the floor and went into the loos to investigate... looked in the mirror and nearly died - thought I'd scarred myself for life!!!! Took the bloody fangs out, grabbed a tissue and went back to my mate... who laughed and couldn't stop.. she thought I had some fake blood... I sulkily said I was going home... and left with my giggling mate behind me!

I have a tinsy winsy scar.. which I guess only I can see... funnily enough i haven't been a vampire since... although I'm sure I will again... just wish I'd read the packet first (don't wear when under the influence of alcohol)!:eek:
Okay you lot! Please write out 100 times

"I must not laugh at clumsy clots" ;)

My reaction when these things happen always confuses me though. I gather myself up, give a quick "yes....I'm fine thanks" then walk normally until I'm out of everyone's view.

Then boyo, can't I do a spectacular limp when I'm sure nobody is looking!

You would have been dead impressed :D

As for the gym, yes I continue to go to keep everyone amused.

Take for instance the Body Balance Class. Yes I did enjoy it. It was a challenge and I'm always up for that.

I looked in on the end of the class and decided to join. The members were laid on the floor, relaxing, listening to soft gentle new age music.

I thought "Hey! I can do that! This is a class that won't show me up!" I think everybody has a gift...something that they really excel in. Mine is lying down.

So I book myself into the class.

First mistake. I have placed myself between Miss Bendy Toy 2005 and Miss Yoga 2004. :eek:

2nd mistake: I attempt standing on one leg.

It could have been a good class had they kept to the bit I saw when I was just watching!

I stuck with 6 classes. They were good fun, but I got fed up with falling over. Still...we had a few laughs along the way.

So then I try the swiss ball. My gym instructor says "Don't worry, lots of people fall off it the first few times". Then she progressed to "Don't just takes some people a little longer to get the hang of it".

Eventually she resorted to "Perhaps we ought to leave the Swiss Ball for the moment"


I must not laugh at clumsy clots
I must not laugh at clumsy clots
Done it just forgst the 2 OOs
Really enjoyed reading this thread
anymore funny stories??
Ummmm. No:rolleyes: :D

Unless I tell you about.....ummm, should I?...nah :D