Cool for him yes, but reminds me how badly I want/need a new one- probably the reason I wasn't so tolerant of mine earlier since its takes at least 5 seconds to do everything!!! If this hol doesn't happen I'm definitely getting one! Otherwise it's a bit extravagant!
Yeah so we speak every day, but basically were just waiting for the price to move, it came down again last week to 799, hoping that once the bank hol passes they'll drop again since there's tonnes of availability and less than 3 weeks to go! She's majorly stressing since she has to book her coach here by Friday since she's in Newcastle! I'm quite chilled now, I guess I'm over it, what will be will be! But unless they want an empty ship they gotta do something quick smart! So much go Rana telling me not to book until 2 weeks before, not looking like there's much choice now!
He's back twice next week but both week days so I can't see him as I'm all out of holiday, so won't see him until 8 June after tomorrow.
I look at old pics and realise how disillusioned I was, I really thought I wasn't that big then, that I was pretty fine how I was, yeah sometimes I felt it but most of the time not, and I'm kinda ashamed of that. I thought I was ok at my heaviest and the only reason I dieted back then was so it was easier to find nicer clothes.
I also get a bit pissed off I didn't do it earlier because of the above reason. Because now I can walk out to the swimming pool and not feel paranoid since I'm just like anyone else, I'm no longer the biggest girl at the pool (not that i even contemplated going swimming at the local leisure centre before!). I walked into the Panasonic shop yesterday and they had the CCTV image on a giant LCD screen, I'm talking bigger than 42" at least, I caught a glimpse of myself and actually liked what I saw, I have never in my life been able to say that. I course I still have hang ups- that's why I'm swimming so much, in hope I can tone my tummy up and make this loose layer of fat look a little better.
But back to the original point, yeah, regret. Why did I not do this 10 years ago!
What is also funny is Rana has always been encouraging me to loose weight, and don't take that in the wrong way- we got together when I was 16st so he loves me whatever but he always worried about my future health and also (I've never shared this) but he endured a lot of people making fun of him to his face and behind his back about my size. It wasn't nice at all - but from an Indian viewpoint I was really big, that doesn't make it excusable but it happened. and weighed substantially more than him which didn't help.
He's always said he'd love to see me reach 60kg, which is just under 9.5 stone, which would put me middle of a healthy BMI, so I went with that and made that my target. He weighed 65kg. Yesterday he said to me I shouldn't loose more, "but I'm not 60kg yet" I told him, he just said I'm perfect already - which is cute considering he has seen the state my boobs and tummy are now in. But no, I still want to hit 60kg, I set that at my target and will achieve it, no matter how many people tell me to stop!! I'm currently 65kg.
What made me feel great though is that h weighed himself this week and is in fact 69kg now, so I now weigh less than him which also feels amazing, and to me it's a big middle finger up to all those haters, who now look at me open mouthed and whisper to their friends "Rana ki premika hai ki hai?" (Is that Rana's girlfriend?) yeah, I'm no longer moti (fatty).
Rana has always told me I am beautiful whatever size I am, I showed him a photo he took of me just after we met the other day and he still said how beautiful he thought I looked, I disagree as all I see is an overweight person, but that's not my point here (photo below)
<img src="http://www.minimins.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=93148"/>
I'm so glad I did/am doing this, for noone but myself, and then any people who compliment me along the way, or are put in their place after talking bad words about me, are a bonus!
Wow, bet you never expected to trigger that essay!
Xx
