To quit or not to quit....

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by scotsnat38, 15 October 2007 Social URL.

  1. scotsnat38

    scotsnat38 Full Member

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    I'm having a really down day today (diet wise)…I've got my weigh in tonight (I haven't been to LL class for 2 weeks as I was really ill last week) and am pretty sure there's no change to what it was 2 weeks ago.
    Since I've come back from hols, for last month and a half I've found it increasingly difficult to get back on the wagon and stay on it.
    I've had really good weeks and then really bad ones and consequently, because of losses/gains, I basically weigh the same as I did before I went on hols. So I've wasted about 6 weeks of money and lost nothing..I know it's through my own wrong doing but this diet is difficult as we all know.
    I've lost about 3.5 stone and I've another 2 to go (well 2 and a half but I'll settle for 2) and my target is 24th December…the closer this is getting (10 weeks away) and with how difficult am finding it to stay on the wagon, am just feeling so negative and pretty sure I won't make target by xmas eve.
    I'm thinking it's such a waste of £66 a week to go in every week and have lost nothing because I find it so hard to stay in abstinence for 7 days at a time.
    I don't know if I should give up or not….I want to lose the extra weight of course I do…but I don't see it happening and £66 a week is a lot to throw away.
    Feeling like a failure…and with 2 stone still to go it's a fat failure!
    Need some advice….please…:(:cry:
     
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  3. Hedgemag

    Hedgemag Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Just a thought............but, have you looked at CD. If you find the abstinence too hard there are other plans on CD where you would be able to have a meal as well as the packs..check out the web site....the cost would be about 1/2 of what you are paying now. Do you feel tht the counselling session help?
     
  4. scotsnat38

    scotsnat38 Full Member

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    But then if that was the case I could just go onto management on LL and have less packs and a meal??...I do find the counselling motivating. I think they are pivotal to the diet...but I just think even with the LLC's advice etc I'm just going off on the wrong path and finding it hard to make my way back....I really want 2 stone off by xmas and I know that LL is the only way it's going to happen.
     
  5. Hedgemag

    Hedgemag Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Try and set yourself mini goals...sometimes looking too far ahead can be a bit daunting.
    Maybe put a picture of an outfit you like on the fridge to remind yourself that I am doing this for me.
    Or start a mini goal thread, or even an hourly one..everyone on here will try and help keep you motivated.
    It is hard to get back on the wagon when you fall off...but you can do it..
     
  6. scotsnat38

    scotsnat38 Full Member

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    Thanks Hedgemag...it just makes you feel sooo down when you keep failing.
    I've got 10 weeks left and I've promised myself no matter what my weight, I'm not continuing LL after xmas...if I've anymore weight to get off (which I'm hoping is a small amount) then I'll do it with a calorie controlled diet and plenty of exercise. I just need to get this 2 stone off before xmas and in 10 weeks (despite them saying a stone a month) because of how many times I lapse, I don't see it materialising...
     
  7. Hedgemag

    Hedgemag Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    It can happen...you just need to keep focused and make sure you drink drink and drink the water....the more you drink the more you'll shrink and it is true.

    One thing that helps me at the moment is triden splash sugarfree gum and YES I know they say not a good idea, but, it has been a savior to me. I am chewing all day. It hasn't affect my weight loss. I also treat myself to 1 coke zero a day....this had also helped me especially in the evenings.

    Try out the arcade on here too, it is so addictive that you can lose yourself and it keeps you occupied.
    I really do hope you can do this, you really want to I can tell...just grit your teeth and say "TODAY IS THE 1ST DAY OF THE SLIMMER ME"

    ((HUGS))
     
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  8. scotsnat38

    scotsnat38 Full Member

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    Thanks so much Hedgemag. I think once I've been to my class tonight I'll be ok. I need to do this. It's 10 more weeks and if I can lose another 2 stone by then I'll be over the moon!
    You're right...I had the determination to abstain 110% for the first 12 weeks of Foundation (my holiday was weeks 13 and 14 which is where it all went wrong) and so if I can do this for another 10 weeks and it'll be the end...today is the first day of the slimmer me!!
     
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  9. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

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    Hi Scotsnat

    First of all it is so easy to let this diet get away from you control wise. I have been in your position more times than I care to remember. The key thing someone said to me in one of these crisis times was that the time would pass whether I did the diet or not. When you get to Xmas eve - how will you feel if you give up? The answer for me was that I would never forgive myself and it would ruin my Xmas. So I had to knuckle down as best I could. That didn't mean that I was 100% from that point on and we all lived happily ever after - far from it. But I gave it all I could and didn't sweat the little things and I got there in the end.

    It is always your choice to continue and it is never too late to start again. Give yourself a break - your post is very, very negative in terms of how you see yourself and that is never helpful when you are trying to find motivation. Remember crooked thinking and your first class with the power that negative thinking can have over you? I was the person who stood up and had to say "I am weak and useless" 10 times and show how this affected my ability to resist my LLC when she pushed on my arm. It was a lesson well learnt for me - and although I struggle with negative thinking - I am at least trying to be more aware of how this has affected me in my life in general and particularly with my weight loss journey.

    I know how down you can get on this mad diet - but remember - it is not forever. The end is in sight - just white knuckle it a bit longer and you will be there before you know it.
    I know you can do it

    Good luck
    Laura
     
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  10. scotsnat38

    scotsnat38 Full Member

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    Thanks Laura...I know I've got it in me to do this. It's 10 weeks...it's far from forever and that extra 2 stone will really make a difference to me I know it! Because of my lapses, I'm never going to be at the weight I wanted to be when I initially started this diet but if I work hard I can be about 7-8lbs off a BMI of under 25...considering where I came from it'll be my biggest achievement.
    I MUST DO THIS!! I WILL DO THIS!! :eek:)
     
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  11. Hedgemag

    Hedgemag Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    That's Great...............you're sounding more positive already....well done
     
  12. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

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    That's the spirit Scotsnat - go go go!
    Just think how proud you will feel of yourself on Xmas morning!
    Love Laura
    x
     
  13. Helen

    Helen Full Member

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    Scotsnat I could have written your posts myself - was OK till week 12, have struggled since holidays and want to lose 2 stone.

    stopped at meeting for an extra half hour this morning whilst counsellor discussed things further with me. We have established I am eating to try and get positive strokes from myself and I need to work out other ways of getting them. She has told me to go through the green book looking at the postive strokes chart and working out what is different now to then and what is missing now. She has also told me to try affirmation. She asked me to tell her one thing that I liked about myself. I couldn't and started to cry - first time I have done this. I couldn't think of one positive thing about myself. I need to turn this around or how can I deal with something as difficult as LL if I don't feel worth it?

    Anyway I am mentioning this to see if you can spot anything that might be relevant to you too. We know we can do this - we have done so much already. We just need to think about why we are doing what we are doing to ourselves and that will give us the means to change things for the better. We need to remember to argue with the voices in our heads and try and get to a place where we think we are worth it.

    I hope some of this helps!
     
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  14. Tiger Girl

    Tiger Girl Full Member

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    Hey scotsnat :)

    I lost nothing in 9 weeks. 9 weeks of self sabotage and swinging up and down within a 7lb range. I thought I was losing my mind and it took a lot of working through to really get to the root of what was happening. Like you, I paid out and turned up to get weighed every week, but nothing could sort me out - or so it felt like. I tried management. It was just impossible trying to do two things at once - lose weight and eat. LL doesn't work like that. Eating and LL is about maintaining, not losing.
    I really empathise with your situation.

    It's very very natural to hit a point where you think you can sort out the last bit of weight to lose by just eating healthily. I guess you need to look at where your head is. You think abstinence is so hard, and you've achieved it for so long that you can easily control the reintroduction of food. But we know from so many others that getting to goal and seeing management through gives you the greatest chance of keeping the weight off for good.

    Maybe it's worth wiping the slate clean as it were and evaluating where you are right now and what you need to get from LL?
    It took me 9 weeks to work through this, but only you will know what you want and need and how to get it.
    For me it was a combination of all sorts of things, I was definitely too scared to quit, too scared to eat (what a winning combination that was!!), very confused as to why I was prolonging Development and desperate to get my abstinence head back on.
    This is the hardest journey when you're in it for the long haul. No doubt about that. The emotional stuff I was learning/dealing with as a result of losing weight was totally unexpected and at the core of my fall from the wagon. Made me realise that abstinence is actually the easiest part of all of this!!

    Keep going and keep posting. Your last post sounded so positive. I think it's a corner turning moment for quite a few of us on here. Personally I'm thrilled to have a real milestone to look forward to - Christmas. Someone posted on another thread about 2008 being the first new year where their NY resolution was NOT going to be go on a diet! That really struck a chord with me and I'm finding it so motivational to think about NY Eve and experience that myself. Hopefully whilst lying on a gorgeous beach somewhere :D

    Look forward to hearing how you're getting on.
    TG x
     
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  15. Tiger Girl

    Tiger Girl Full Member

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    Oh and come and join us on the Developers thread. Lots of great support there to get everyone through when the last bit is proving trickier than expected :D
     
  16. scotsnat38

    scotsnat38 Full Member

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    Hi Everyone…

    Thanks for all your supportive comments…went to weigh in lastnight and lost 0.1kg (basically stayed the same) which was expected so no surprises.
    Had a chat with my LLC and found lastnight's class really helpful…there were only 4 of us there and 3 of us are struggling with lapses.
    However, after feeling really motivated and having great determination to (despite taking it day by day) get through this week 100% abstinent, we got onto the subject of life after development…
    Now I know this is foolish but I really didn't want to do management.
    When I started LL back in May, I promised myself that after xmas eve, I wouldn't be on food packs again EVER. I knew that I'd be on development until then though.
    I'm a newly turned 26yr old single girl and before LL had a really active social life going out with my friends etc. Since I've been dieting my social life has suffered and it's made me really miserable. I know it's easy to say go out, don't drink, don't eat and still have fun but when you're a young single group of girls it's really hard.
    Obviously the weight I lose I want to keep off but I had planned to do it alone.
    However, after speaking with my LLC she almost made it sound as if as soon as I start eating again I'll put the weight back on. This led me to think that it was because of this type of diet that as soon as you go back to food the weight piles on. She said no..weight comes off and goes on in exactly the same way, it doesn't matter how you lose it. So I said well if I was doing weight watchers and went back to eating after I'd reached goal I could keep the weight off then if I changed my lifestyle..lots of people who change lifestyles after dieting keep the weight off, why is LL different? She said if I came off any other diet and went back to high processed carbs etc then I'd put weight back on..LL is exactly the same. So I then said yes but if I came off any other diet and went back to low fat, slow releasing carbs and high protein then I'd keep the weight off and she said yes it'd be the same with LL. So she confused me as I was then thinking it's just after this type of diet (abstinence) that you can't keep weight off no matter what you eat…I said I'm not an idiot, it's not rocket science to know that we're all in this situation because of unhealthy choices in food and I know that big changes have to be made but I really wanted to do this alone. But my LLC has put the fear of death into me…I didn't want to be contemplating lettuce leaves for the rest of my life to maintain the weight or face putting on 7lbs after a treat!
    I had thought about all the food I would eat when I finished development and it was all slow releasing carbs, high protein, low fat etc…and I've seen people lose weight and years later still have kept it off. Why should I be different? Just because I've done it on LL?
    As I said, I know it's easier said than done and people who say they'll manage on their own fall back into old habits but what about the people who do management on their own and succeed?
    I guess I'm looking for anyone who's managed on their own to keep the weight off and any tips they have if I was to do management alone…
    I know that because I'm struggling with 10 weeks still on development that I should really only concentrate on that but I just couldn't concentrate lastnight for thinking about it…
    I'm pretty set on not doing management..as I said, I promised myself in the very beginning that I wouldn't eat another foodpack after xmas eve. But I don't want to put the weight back on.
    I'm not looking to have my mind changed…I'm looking for help…advice on how best to do this on my own and inspiration from anyone else in my shoes or who has been there and done it!

    Thanks everyone..Minimins has been my saviour recently!!
     
  17. chicken on a mission

    chicken on a mission Restarting to lose 4stone

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    I really feel for all of you who have posted on this thread as I can relate to it.

    The key to this is making the most of your weak times.

    If you are feeling challenged to stay on the diet then make sure you keep a record when/why/what.

    You can use this information to build up a picture of what your particular challenges are and should start to see a pattern.

    When you have been doing this a while that pattern should be easy to see and that's half the battle.

    Once you know when your tough times/places/emotions are you will be able to predict them.

    This is where the clever bit comes in :D

    You then have the opportunity to tailor make a rescue plan to your specific needs.

    Think about it, most of the time you can get through without too much hassle. The killer is the old 10% or so when you feel out of control. If you can learn to get through that 10% then you will sail through the rest. ;)

    For me I have 2 tough times, being alone at home in the hour before I pick my daughter up from school and being bored at home after my daughter has gone to bed.

    So for me I choose to either not be at home during the day or to be in the bath!

    In the evenings I come online with a jug of water or have another bath.

    Once I have got through that first hours worth of tough time from 2pm-3pm then I can then go through the next 4 hours in relative ease. I then have another hour or so to get through and then can look forward to another 16 hours of relatively hassle free time.

    So my advice to to record everything. You need to recognise your triggers to be able to formulate a coping plan that works for you.

    Do this and just think how much easier your time will be :)
     
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  19. chicken on a mission

    chicken on a mission Restarting to lose 4stone

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    Btw, in my experience you need to do the management.

    I am very good at losing weight. I know how to stick to sole sourcing without cheating. I did it the first time by using the technique I shared in my previous post and have absolutely no doubts whatsoevr that I will go through this time in the same way.

    The biggest mistake I ever made was not going through management.

    I can cut out food and do the diet purely on the adaptive child side of my personality.

    Being in abstinance gives you the opportunity to recognise your emotional and situational triggers.

    Trouble is that I felt tempted by healthy food when in abstinance. When I started eating conventional food again I didn't do so in a structured way that let me identify my physical triggers, ie the foods I am adicted to and con't control my intake of and my insights when doing abstinance were not enough when reintroducing food again.

    I wish I had done management now. Trouble is that I now don't have the disposable income to go back and so now I am doing very nicely on losing the weight on CD but without the counselling my long term hopes are.....?
     
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  20. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

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    those were a couple of helpful posts there chicken on a mission. It is soo frustrating that money determines so much in our lives. It SOUNDS as though you are doing some good analysis though and I'm sure you will get there even though you haven't been able to do the management formally. Good luck in your goals.

    x
     
  21. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

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    Hello

    I am not going to scare you by sharing the actual stats for people keeping weight off post LL without going through RtM and Management .... but suffice to say - they are really, really poor.
    I also toyed with the idea of not doing management and eventually decided to see how I did with it - I have to say it is far more difficult than it sounds and I am glad I am doing it by the book now. It is a steep, steep learning curve and for the first time since I have started LL - I have had to turn to my group and my LLC for help.
    I think it is easy to skip on ahead when you are in development and worry about management - but the time being, I suggest you leave the "Management or no Managment" decision until nearer the time? Its a lot to think about and a lot to take in and you will drive yourself completely mad worrying about it so soon (I know I did!)
    Anyway, good luck and take care.
    Laura
     
  22. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Dear Scotsnat

    Well done for going back to class and sorry that you are going through an mental rollercoaster right now. There are many of us who completely empathise. Definitely pop over to the Highs and Lows of Development, as Tiger Girl suggested.

    The first thing I would suggest is that you focus on getting to Christmas Eve and worry about what happens afterwards...afterwards, if that makes sense. As I was reading this thread, I felt I could have written it. I have even emailed my LLC to say I can't do this anymore. She gave me some really good advice - focus on now. Because now is all we can control.

    I then went to a Management meeting and someone got really upset because she was looking at her whole life ahead of her and she saw it in terms of all the things she couldn't eat. For the very first time, I saw the impact of "the power of now". Thinking so far into the future IS scary and it's a great distraction from now.

    See how you feel when you have lost those other two stones; you may be in a different place mentally. Right now, you are starting over! You've come so far (and well done for that!) so just take it a day at a time.

    The other thing I want to say is that whatever you do, post-Development, several things are essential. You will need to incorporate exercise into your life. Fact. How are you doing on that front? Apologies if you have said elsewhere. It would be good to get those habits established now. Second, do you know why you put on weight before? Those factors won't have changed but you will have awareness and strategies to cope with them.

    Any diet is a success if you lose weight. It's what we do AFTER the diet that matters. If we go back to old habits, old patterns, the weight will come back on.

    I don't know if I have helped - I am not one of those long-term success stories who has managed on their own - but one thing I know for sure, feelings are not static and you may feel very different by the time Christmas comes around. Just keep an open mind and see how you go.

    I wish you lots of luck for the next few weeks.

    Take care.

    Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
     
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