Tooootally off topic-anyone have a 14 year old daughter?

[trisha]

I can only echo what everyone else has said. The retard comment would only be a throw way one like everyone has said. I work in a secondary school, and the kids are forever calling their parents (and each other) such names, one will say"my mum/dad is a retard they just don't understand" then the friend will say " well mines a bigger retard because ....." it seems to be the "in word" at the moment as for the swearing, they do it because their friends all do it, and as for the sites most of the teenagers I know go on and have accounts on these sites, they talk about them at school you've just got to trust her and let her know you trust her.

My daughter is now 18, but when she was in year 10 ( so she would have been 14/15) used to talk to a boy from London on msn messenger who she met on some sort of game website, she told me about him, and showed me some of their conversations. I just told her to be careful, that he might not be who he says he is etc, and that she could never meet him alone if he ever suggested it. Later he used to ring her on her mobile, and they would chat. She never did meet him, and eventually they stopped talking.

I was lucky because my daughter would and still does talk to me. I'm sure she doesn't tell me everything, but she will talk. Maybe she talked to me because I worked in the school she went to, and I would probably get to hear about it anyway, I don't know but I'm just glad she did.

 

[polishrose]

Thanks all-we have had a long talk and cleared some stuff up.She's surprisingly OK about not having her laptop for a month.I have said she can use mine for homework.We also discussed ground rules for facebook and msn after the month is up.The bad langauge is her trying to be more like one of the crowd(she is very clever and gets teased about it).I am feeling much calmer about it all.And yes this was my first teenage experience LOL

 

[mollydog]

I have a 14 year old daughter, very sensible, never any bother when she has a moment it just isnt like her at all. She does have facebook etc but bored of them quickly and is more into reading and The Sims 3 just now. Sims don't interest me and she may well be learning more from that than i realise! Had our first teenage moment a few weeks back when she had been staying with a fairly new friend overnight, all had gone well, they came back to ours and then hung out with friends in the village. (She's not allowed to do the bus stop crowd but she cant see the point anyway) However, it was a Monday holiday about 3 in the afternoon and she called to say that her friend was very drunk and falling about, couldnt walk etc etc. I'll not go on but it was a shock. Whilst i sorted her friend, i was also doing the gritted teeth 'have you had any', 'you are so grounded'. She hadn't had any and it blew over but its a new set of friends now she is in 3rd year. I trust her, i talk to her, i give her space, i'm there if she needs me and she knows that.
The 12 year old on the other hand..............she's a whole different story!

 

[ZoBo]

Ah well, all has worked out ok then..... The positive is - at least you're a bit thicker skinned for the next one. lol xx

 

[mollydog]

Thanks Zobo, i'm quite sure the eldest will have something in store for us in the future, she does wind her dad up almost daily. I wasnt the best teenager myself at times but came through it fine. Youngest was great until terrible two and seems to have stayed there, moving into pre teen and hormonal teen in one fell swoop!
However, love them both with all my heart and wouldn't swap them.
Mx

 

[ZoBo]

I've got two boys & I thank god for that everyday..... Not that I don't like girls, but if I had one I don't think I could cope with another me...... Mind you, I'd be a size 0 from all the stress. lol x

 

[Katycakes]

Glad you're feeling better Rose, and have sorted some stuff. Getting the lines of communication open counts for alot... as Molly says, if you can talk, then most of the time you can sort it.

xxx

 

[Caz]

Ok, well I'm going to try and give my opinion from her point I guess, being that I'm 22 and so it wasn't all that long ago I was her age.

Facebook, Bebo, Myspace etc. are all common parts of life now, and I think that they're perfectly ok, in MY opinion. However, I do get that there can be not so great sides to them. Maybe think about talking to her about them, why is it you're not happy with her having them? If it's because of talking to strangers etc. you can go through and change her security and privacy settings so that only her friends can find her, see her pictures, talk to her etc. If she's just got her friends on there then to be honest I wouldn't personally think that there would be a lot to worry about with it.

In relation to her searches on Google I can understand your concerns there but I think that it's something a lot of teenagers do, and it doesn't necessarily mean she's doing any of those things or even wanting to. She's probably just curious. Maybe things like teenage pregnancy could have been related to school, or a friend. So try not to jump to conclusions just yet or you'll worry yourself more.

Boys... no-one tells their mum they like boys, but every 14 year old girl will. All you can do is talk to her about it, about relationships, sex etc. Make sure she knows the full picture and can make a logical and well informed choice about anything.

My advice would be to just talk to her about it, try and encourage an open and honest relationship where she knows that she can talk to you and you won't blow up and shout at her. doesn't mean that anything she says will be ok, but it means that she'll know that she can talk to you about it.

I'm 22 and I have no children let alone teenagers so I don't claim to be an expert by any means. It's just my own personal opinion through my experience myself, through my older niece and nephew who are 15 and 17 who I've had many a talk with and through working with teenagers. But at the end of the day, I don't know your daughter, you do, and you alone will know how is best to handle the issue, I'm just giving my opinion