Totally freaked out at OH the other day

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Dietingdon, 18 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. Dietingdon

    Dietingdon Silver Member

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    I've know my OH for 9 years, but we've only been seeing each other 6 months, living together for half that time. He's seen me naked when we've been 'at it', but I always think he don't pay any attention to my body with sex on his mind, lol, and he comes and sits in the bathroom when I'm in the bath (under water) but the other day he walked in whilst I was climbing out, and I went totally psycho on him. I screamed at him not to look at my belly, and I mean screamed, I couldn't grab a towel fast enough. He turned round and walked out, not saying a word. The second he left, I couldnt believe how stupid i'd been. I went and apologiesed, but could tell something was up. Well, a couple of days later, I closed my laptop while I was writing on minis, because I felt embarrassed for him to see what I was writing about my weight issues. He started on about how can I love him, if I can't share everything with him, and to him, Im just Donna, whether I be thin or fat. He just couldnt understand. I really thought I wouldnt have this issue with him, as his ex wife is a big girl, but no I'm constantly thinking, ' did she look better than me naked?' I just cannot see how he wouldnt find my droopy boobs and hanging apron belly a turn off. And of course, Im also worried that, after losing the weight, I'll still feel unnatractive, thanks to the loose skin im almost certain i'll have on my belly, thighs and arms.
     
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  3. Gloria19

    Gloria19 I know I can do it..

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    Hi hun,

    :( I know how you feel about the oh seeing you naked when you're not 'at it', totally different ball game..

    but, genuinely, he sounds like he loves you anyway. He's seen it before with you. Don't compare yourself to his ex or anyone else for that matter.

    He's with you for you, and if he didn't like what he sees (and feels!) then he wouldn't be there.

    If he sees something he doesn't like when you're in the bath, then it's his fault for walking in - not yours! but.... i really doubt that. Chin up... it's obv it's you that doesn't like what you see, don't take it out on him when he's done nothing wrong.
    As for mini mins... leave him see, show him you've got nothing to hide or be embarassed about. If he wants to look, let him.

    I'm not the best for advice, but didn't wanna read and run xxx chin up xx

     
  4. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Silver Member

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    He sounds very sensible Donna, talk to him and tell him how you feel. We are all different and unless we explain things other people don't know. I hope you have managed to sort things out now.
     
  5. quizzicalgrrl

    quizzicalgrrl Posting Mad!

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    I know how you feel but he sounds like a guy who loves you loads. xx
     
  6. DeckingJim

    DeckingJim Full Member

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    LL then band on 10 Mar 2009
    The beauty of the person you fall in love with is on the inside, its their personality. Clearly you have a wonderful partner who loves you as you are.
    Sure you want to lose weight for you, for your feeling of wellbeing and health and confidence
    Stay positive
    Cheers

    James
     
  7. Dietingdon

    Dietingdon Silver Member

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    Thanks for all you replies, but you know what, he hasn't told me he loves me, which really upsets me, and he knows this. he says his ex wife hurt him so much, he feels he can't say it yet, but he does have a lot of feelings for me, but he so doesn't want to get hurt again. Do you think this is why i'm so insecure in this situation?
     
  8. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    We men dont readily say it after so long, inthe begining maybe as its all lust and we think its love. But he must show it in other ways like gifts taking you out and surprises in general, sure its important to say it but we are just like that as men.

    You are insecure about your body, believe me this changes big time when you drop weight, it has for everyone on the forums and everyone that i know who was a little big.

    Make it up to him by having a sexy surprise in store for him when he gets in, show him you are not shy of your body. After all it has been 9 years and you may have just been caught off guard at the time, its normal just dont worry, everything is repairable and he will say it soon, just dont keep saying to him every day (i love you) because that also does our head in and we dont feel like saying when you keep saying lol
     
  9. Dietingdon

    Dietingdon Silver Member

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    I tend not to say it anymore, because I feel stupid loving someone who can't or won't tell me they love me. I know he has feelings for me, but the longer we are together, and he doesn't tell me he loves me, the more I think he doesn't and never will.:(
     
  10. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Perhaps, I dont know both of you enough to make a judgement on that you have to determine it by his actions, is he still caught up about his ex wife? you need to sit him down and talk to him about this, tell him how you feel and see what he says.
     
  11. sammylammy

    sammylammy Trying Harder

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    Oh Donna, I hope you feel better soon. I dont know you, but maybe I can give you a little ray of light. When I met my husband he had been divioced for 5 years after his wife left him for his best friend. He swore he would never get married because the hurt was too m uch and he had trust issues. We have been together 2 and a half years now, married for 9 months at it is great. He rarely says he loves me even tho i tell him every day, but I know he does, the words dont matter. It will either work or it wont try to relax and enjoy the moment, if its meant to be great, if its not then you will have had fun and no regrets.
     
  12. nexangelus

    nexangelus Carpe diem, baby!

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    Sounds like my beau: he loves you for you no matter what...men are basically easily pleased, if you haven't changed personality wise then losing the weight, etc won't make a difference, he might become a little insecure (will she run off with someone else?) but he will still love you...sounds like your insecurity and your lack of self confidence and maybe slight self hatred may be getting in the way of letting go and even him letting go...I find when I feel insecure or down about me, then my beau seems to mirror or at least give off a vibe that he feels uneasy too...take it steady, learn to like what you have, make the most of it and accept that he likes you the way you are and even if you improve that for you, he will still love you...

    Learning to love yourself is the hardest thing...I think you need to do this and then you will attract the love you seek (more I love yous?), self confidence changes the whole mood and dynamic in relationships and out of them in the general dealings with others...it takes time...try not to be hard on yourself firstly and him secondly...

    Chin up...you're doing so well, don't forget to praise yourself for doing so well, and you're an attractive woman!!! And I am not just saying that...just peeked at your piccies...
     
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