Guys I just cant seem to get back on track, got loads of bars and packs but just kep eating other 'more exciting' things And I just cant seem to stop this time. I havent reached my 3 week challenge only got half way there and have only lost a pound int he last week whch will prob reappear on the sacles in next few days due to out of control eating.
I know exactl;y why though. I'm totally stressed at home. my oh is doing teacher training and hates it he just cant make himself do the work in the evenings and cant see how it will be any easier when he has more hours to teach and less time to do it in and neither can I to be honest but he has to stay doing it til at least July next year otherwise he has to pay back his bursary.
We were looking for somewhere nicer to live but we cant even afford where we live now so we have to stay living in a scabby place where there is just no space even for all his school work stuff and all the agencies I approached just laughed at me when I told them the 'wage' he gets for doing the teacher training (13,000) and as I dont work they just laughed. I think most assumed we were on housing benefit and prob loads of other benefits but we dont even qualify for any we have applied but we're too 'rich'???! I think with child benefit and child tax credit it must go to 15 grand (the income threshold to get help???) and is literally about 100 quid over or something. its mad. because he's a student we dont get any help with council tax because I'm in the house it just makes me feel so sick. we cant get a council house even but we can barely pay the bills and we do not have any major extravagances at all. we dont go on holiday, dont go away anywhere have one small car, dont have any gadgets or latest things.
Because I was ill for so long I havent been able to work and its only now that its become an option for me to work but even with that here in plymouth I feel like I have such limited options. I have a degree but the only jobs I feel I can apply for and actually stand a chance of getting are things in supermarkets (no offence to anyone working in one) or call centre work which makes me feel physically sick when I think of it (did work in one for a bit and that was just inbound calls and it was bad enough) there are so few decent jobs, unless you have marine/dock experience/ know someone on the local council/ university I feel like you've got no chance.
And I'm totally torn as I was planning to go to college and train in music as thats where I have a little bit of natural ability and thought it would be good to train insomething you already enjoy type thing but now I feel like we're so badly off that I'm going to have to get some crappy job just to keep us afloat and me and oh both think its really important to follow your dreams and get something more out of life than just having nice house and car (keeping up with the joneses...) and we want to feel fulfilled as people as well and not just have meaningless office jobs if you know what I mean. but if I start working I know it is very unlikely I would want to give that up once used to the 'extra' money (ie actually covering the bills!) so wouldnt end up going to college at all and just get stuck in that trap of just doing whatever to make ends meet.
I'm sorry I'm probably just moaning about problems that everyone else has got. It just feels we've got nothing and even when we try to get somewhere we just get sand kicked in our faces, our landlady is rubbish as wel our house doesnt have any central heating and only one gas fire (its not a bighouse tho) and the patio doors are supposed to be replaced as they are mouldy and all the wood is rotting and there are a nice family of wood louse andslugs living there having the odd venture onto the crapet in the living room. ugh. she said it would be done in feb then march now it will prob be april if we are lucky and we told her about this prob in nov all the rain drips fromt he top and comes from the bottom too so makes the carpet soaking too.
I just dont understand what I am supposed to do, do I need to retrain in accountancy? become a lawyer? I'm torn between looking for a job and retraining in something that might lead to a better life but anything ;like that is going to be 2 years or more full time and I dont think we can afford it. I dont know what to do. I cant even claim any beefits, however if I chuck oh out then I would probably get a flat and all the benefits they can find chicked at me, its mad they dont reward you for being in a stable realtionship- you get punished for it.
lo is driving me mad as well today I know it is mostly because I feel so stressed my patience is wearing very thin I've also got pmt i think and it just making everything seem worse but it doesnt help that oh feel exactly the same as me and down about it too so i guess it is our situation not just me being silly.
I feel crappy about looking for jobs as well becuae I have been out of work for so long 2 years and i feel like an 'intruder' on the job market and like I dont really belong there or something so that doesnt help my confidence in looking for jobs.
Anyway the point is I am eating loads as a way of coping with feeling stressed which isnt helping. boo to me and my pooooo life!
Sorry I'm just having a moan and feeling sorry for myself but I just feel like it is all too much today.