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totally out of control...

:( :( :(

Guys I just cant seem to get back on track, got loads of bars and packs but just kep eating other 'more exciting' things And I just cant seem to stop this time. I havent reached my 3 week challenge only got half way there and have only lost a pound int he last week whch will prob reappear on the sacles in next few days due to out of control eating.

I know exactl;y why though. I'm totally stressed at home. my oh is doing teacher training and hates it he just cant make himself do the work in the evenings and cant see how it will be any easier when he has more hours to teach and less time to do it in and neither can I to be honest but he has to stay doing it til at least July next year otherwise he has to pay back his bursary.

We were looking for somewhere nicer to live but we cant even afford where we live now so we have to stay living in a scabby place where there is just no space even for all his school work stuff and all the agencies I approached just laughed at me when I told them the 'wage' he gets for doing the teacher training (13,000) and as I dont work they just laughed. I think most assumed we were on housing benefit and prob loads of other benefits but we dont even qualify for any we have applied but we're too 'rich'???! I think with child benefit and child tax credit it must go to 15 grand (the income threshold to get help???) and is literally about 100 quid over or something. its mad. because he's a student we dont get any help with council tax because I'm in the house it just makes me feel so sick. we cant get a council house even but we can barely pay the bills and we do not have any major extravagances at all. we dont go on holiday, dont go away anywhere have one small car, dont have any gadgets or latest things.

Because I was ill for so long I havent been able to work and its only now that its become an option for me to work but even with that here in plymouth I feel like I have such limited options. I have a degree but the only jobs I feel I can apply for and actually stand a chance of getting are things in supermarkets (no offence to anyone working in one) or call centre work which makes me feel physically sick when I think of it (did work in one for a bit and that was just inbound calls and it was bad enough) there are so few decent jobs, unless you have marine/dock experience/ know someone on the local council/ university I feel like you've got no chance.

And I'm totally torn as I was planning to go to college and train in music as thats where I have a little bit of natural ability and thought it would be good to train insomething you already enjoy type thing but now I feel like we're so badly off that I'm going to have to get some crappy job just to keep us afloat and me and oh both think its really important to follow your dreams and get something more out of life than just having nice house and car (keeping up with the joneses...) and we want to feel fulfilled as people as well and not just have meaningless office jobs if you know what I mean. but if I start working I know it is very unlikely I would want to give that up once used to the 'extra' money (ie actually covering the bills!) so wouldnt end up going to college at all and just get stuck in that trap of just doing whatever to make ends meet.

I'm sorry I'm probably just moaning about problems that everyone else has got. It just feels we've got nothing and even when we try to get somewhere we just get sand kicked in our faces, our landlady is rubbish as wel our house doesnt have any central heating and only one gas fire (its not a bighouse tho) and the patio doors are supposed to be replaced as they are mouldy and all the wood is rotting and there are a nice family of wood louse andslugs living there having the odd venture onto the crapet in the living room. ugh. she said it would be done in feb then march now it will prob be april if we are lucky and we told her about this prob in nov all the rain drips fromt he top and comes from the bottom too so makes the carpet soaking too.

I just dont understand what I am supposed to do, do I need to retrain in accountancy? become a lawyer? I'm torn between looking for a job and retraining in something that might lead to a better life but anything ;like that is going to be 2 years or more full time and I dont think we can afford it. I dont know what to do. I cant even claim any beefits, however if I chuck oh out then I would probably get a flat and all the benefits they can find chicked at me, its mad they dont reward you for being in a stable realtionship- you get punished for it.

lo is driving me mad as well today I know it is mostly because I feel so stressed my patience is wearing very thin I've also got pmt i think and it just making everything seem worse but it doesnt help that oh feel exactly the same as me and down about it too so i guess it is our situation not just me being silly.

I feel crappy about looking for jobs as well becuae I have been out of work for so long 2 years and i feel like an 'intruder' on the job market and like I dont really belong there or something so that doesnt help my confidence in looking for jobs.

Anyway the point is I am eating loads as a way of coping with feeling stressed which isnt helping. boo to me and my pooooo life!

Sorry I'm just having a moan and feeling sorry for myself but I just feel like it is all too much today.
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Jem dont dispear hun , times r tough and unless your going thru it your self people dont seem to understand .
There is nothing wrong with getting the help you as a family need and should be entitled to .
If you start to work you will be worse off again , believe me .
it will also put extra presure on you which i dont think you need at the moment .
Please do one thing for me it may help you ...tomoro go for a walk to the housing office in southway , ask for a council tax relief form and a housing benifit form , just fill it in and return it , you never know hun you could be entitled to something , i get 1pound something a week off my council tax but it does add up . you are not getting much more than me with tax credits and things , if i can get it i hope you do too .

Have you been to weigh in this week or just been weighin at home ???

If you need a yap hun pm me . please dont worry you will get thru this xxx
Hi sam thanks for being the only reply! :D I think you were the only one who could be bothered to trawl through my misery lol!!!:eek:

I'm alright- me and oh will talk about it all tonight but its not looking good. thanks for the suggestion but we did apply for council tax benefit and housing benefit but we dont qualify for either unfortunately. thats what I'm talking about we're literally a few pounds over the threshold and its infuriating.

do you really think we'll be worse off if I work? I know childcare/nursery will be around £150-600 a week so £600-700 a month but can you get childcare vouchers/ working tax credit that help pay for it now? obviously here would be now point if I had a job that was £800 take home but it depends how much help we get with childcare anyone know?

I'm totally bummed out! just ate some spaghetti as well keep shovelling the food but its not helping just feel really crap but until we get something sorted I know I'm not going to feel any better about things and will still feel the need to eat eat eat. boooooo! :(


Gold Member
£150 per week for child care ...not if you choose a childminder, most charge between £2.00 - £3.50 per hour so depending how many hours a week you work it may be cheaper, but not lacking in care.
You should visit a few though and see which you feel most comfortable with.

Hope you and hubby can get sorted, there is nothing worse than money troubles to strain a relationship, I should know I have been there and done that.

Take care hun xx we are here for you if you need us.
The more you and hubby earn jem the less you get , remember is you earn too tax credits will go right down , so u will be paying someone to look after izzy and travel to work . with less money coming in .

Really bugs me they do nothing to help young families GRRRRRR !!!!
:sigh: our tax credits have already gone down loads used to get working tax credit as well from when I was working before but now only get 170 quid a month child tax credit which about covers food for us all and thats it. I dont understand how I can get less money now we have hardly any income and I dont work, so were not really getting very much right now anyway sam maybe it will be better if I work?

I dont know... it just feels hopeless will talk to oh now izzy has gone to bed.
thanks for info sonkie xxx
hey son when did you become a moderator woo woo!!! is it exciting?! xxx
maybe you have to try and work then hun , anything would do while you straighten yourself out , and like son said a childminder is cheaper !!!! sonkie is a good one !!!
hey son when did you become a moderator woo woo!!! is it exciting?! xxx
Yesterday morning, mini invited me the evening before but was so tired I read the message all wrong, seeing too much into it...lol.
Would you believe it, its given me an extra kick though to stick to the diet....how weird....!

How are you feeling now hun...? Did you and hubby get the chance to chat...? Hope you can get sorted. The government keep raging that they are trying to encourage families back into work, but the margin for the tax credits etc is way too low.....they dont seem to take into account the price of food, clothes etc and having to pay your bills on top. These ministers earn so much it probably hardly touches there wage.....They should try to live on what "normal " people have to live on....!
thats really great news well done you!!! :D :D :D

I know its rubbish isnt it those ministers have absolutely no idea... we did have a talk but I just feel so down about it at the moment I was just on a massive downer about myself and its hard to make plans when you just cant see anything positive happening for you. so I just need to get a bit of confidence back and maybe it will fall into place a bit more thing is my lack of confidence etc is tied up in the fact that I feel totally worthless as a human being like I've got nothing to contribute, my work experience was patchy as I moved around alot and then the fact that I havent worked for 2 years and have done anything worthwile in that time except bring up my daughter which I know and you know is hard work but to the world of work it just looks like I've been sitting on my ar$e for 2 years!!

I just feel really low like I couldnt even do a cleaning job/ any job really as I dont have any previous experience! yes I have a degree but its pretty useless and no one is interested in it as its such a random subject and I never get asked about it as there are hardly any jobs you can get in archaeology. I've got customer service experience and all that means is that I could work in a call centre which is just rubbish, I didnt bankrupt myself going to university to do a job that I could have done when I left school, its mad.

was just looking last night online to see what things I could get trained in at college like vocational things that i will be able to go into the workplace with like legal exec stuff or accounts (except I'm not very good at maths!) I just dont know wil apply for a few jobs for summer I think and apply for college/ uni for sept to retrain in something useful. xxx
Retraining is a good idea, this is why Im doing open university as I dont want to work from home forever. And as I have no qualifications apart from the cse`s from school way back when the dinosaurs roamed the planet it seemed the ideal so I can still work and fit in studying around work and family life.
what are you doing your course in? how long is it taking you? I want to do something that takes 1-2 years at college but will consider another uni degree if it seems like the right thing to do.
Hey Jem!! Hope you are feeling a bit better. Money problems etc are always pants and teacher training is hellish (my brother just did the 1 year course and both my parents are teachers) and the evenings just don't get any better. Both my brother and my parents are up most nights till after 12 and then sort their plans pretty much all day sunday.

Just a wee thought re the job situation. Maybe you could get a graduate post? there are LOADS of companies that take on graduates and put them in a programme, usually to train as managers, sort of like an apprenticeship. Have a look on www.prospects.ac.uk it's not a bad site!

Thanks coley I've had a look on the site there's not that many for the southwest but a couple so have started filling in the apps but I finished my degree in 2003 so its a bit out of date nowadays! will see tho...

I know teaching seems a bit of nightmare but I've been thinking of doing a pgce in sept (if I can get accpeted) as chris will be doing his nqt year then might be easier in a way if we are doing the same thing at the same time plus same holidays?? just a thought have requested some details about it. I'd like to do primary with music or secondary if they'd let me but dont have enough music qualifications to do it I think although chris said there are some people on his course- secondary english- who have p.e. degrees and stuff so maybe I could....?
thanks for advice though coley I have cheered up a bit now. just a little bit!
Usually a "current" degree is classed as anything within 5 years so as far as I know, your degree should be grand!

No idea what the protocol is for being a music teacher for primary school. errr......is it like secondary where you have to have a degree in your subject and then do the teaching course?

Holidays and stuff together is ace, thats one thing I know I had an advantage with my parents. Loads of my friends didn't get to spend much time with their parents over the holidays etc and I did!

My mum used to always point out how most parents would have a sigh of relief when the kids went back to school and she'd have a relief when they went on holiday!!

Anyway, I'm rambling. If you know what you want to do, then do it!! Find out what you have to do to get there and do it!!!!!
thanks coley I'm working on it! :D :D :D


Full Member
Hi Jem...

feel free to contact me if you want to chat about being a teacher....

The other comments are right, it is hard work, but its totally rewarding! Especially if you're teaching Music (I teach Drama) we work really hard but get fantastic results! I love my job, seriously, there arent many people who can say that....

Get in touch...

what are you doing your course in? how long is it taking you? I want to do something that takes 1-2 years at college but will consider another uni degree if it seems like the right thing to do.

The course is "working with children in the early years", this combined with another course (which I will do next year ) will get me a certificate in early years practice as I would love to work in a nursery setting or even hospital on childrens ward as a play leader type post.
Depending on how it all goes I may go on to do the early years degree.
The course is "working with children in the early years", this combined with another course (which I will do next year ) will get me a certificate in early years practice as I would love to work in a nursery setting or even hospital on childrens ward as a play leader type post.
Depending on how it all goes I may go on to do the early years degree.

Ooh that sounds great so it will be two years in total but more if you do the degree part?

I have an interview at an agency tommorrow for a job- woo! also will try my cv into a bar in town that is looking for people. woo woo woo! am feeling much more positive this evening- feel like I am taking baby steps to get somewhere which is just a big relief and weight off my mind! thanks for all good advice on here ladies xxx

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