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Transactional Analysis-Question


Silver Member
Hello Lighter Lifers!

I'm a C.D person really but have just started reading about Transactional Analysis cos the therapist I'm seeing uses it.

I was absolutely fascinated when she picked up on a situation where a "friend" told me she was going for a coffee with my ex. I'd presented it as okay but irritating. My therapist said it sounded like she was being "parent", hoping to put me in "child". It succeeded but that turned out to be a good thing as I was about to perform on stage and being emotional helped me. When I told the therapist my friend was quite controlling she said "Ah, she wouldn't have liked to go into child herself just before going on stage, but it suited you because that's where you contact your feelings".

She also said that a drunk man who heckled me at a gig was probably responding more sensitively to my poems than anyone else because alcohol puts you in "child".

I'd heard of the ego states through being on here- but not read much T.A. Now I've devoured an introduction to TA and have got two of Eric Berne's books (including Games People Play). Because I can sometimes be a bit naive about other people's motivation I have found the concept of games and drivers etc absolutely fascinating and revealing.

I just wanted to ask if any of you had found TA concepts useful in your life beyond dieting? Any examples of "games" yoou've seen being played out in your life?

(For example, I think me and my ex may have been engaged in a game of "Kick me" and "Now I've got you, son of a *****" as described by Eric Berne. I did always desperately want to relate to him Adult to Adult but I think we made each other too sensitive. He always played the victim in his life, and I was angry with him for past hurts he'd done me and must have known we were in a negative way of relating.)
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A great post and one that is worthy of a considered reply!
There are lots of situations that I have been in where I now recognise as game playing!
Some friends & family enjoy putting me into child - and are very critical of the way I live my life / parent my children - assuming they know better and TBH I have always allowed them to do this.
In fact I set myself up for it as Iam an open book and give far too many of my feelings away! {sort of playing victim}
My hubby always plays victim - as soon I give him a chore!
I am learning to step out of the games that are destructive to my emotional self as I am very very sensitive!
I am sure you will get some interesting replies when minimins wakes up in the morning!


Silver Member
Thanks Nadine,

they're good examples.

Anyone else?


Gold Member
So many answers for you. Not a single one of them is suitable for a public forum! Eeek!


Gold Member
Can't believe I missed this post.

TA was such an eye opener for me and the thing that finally made me feel 'normal'.

I could never understand what it was that allowed be to be calm, reasonable and reliable at work...but at home be such a disaster.
For years I beat myself up about 'What was wrong with me' amd how my mask slipped the minute I walked through my front door of an evening.

My counsellor introduced me to TA, and I too devoured Eric Burns books.

It finally gave me some of the answers, it also opened my eyes to why perhaps I experienced so much negativity from my parents, and why I could almost always act in the 'adult' ego at work and not at home.

It helped me identify my breakdown very early on, because I slipped at work from adult mode into adaptive child, and thats when I managed to recognise the signs and get myself into adult ego to get to the doctor.

When I went to LL and it was discussed there, it made me realise how powerful it was across all aspects of life, as it was the key to identifying what was controlling the emotions that mean't that I comfort ate.

In saying all that, I'm maintaining right now - I seem to have mastered that, I just can't seem to let the defences back down and allow myself to become thin.

Rethinking all of this has given me a bit of a kick to start thinking again tonight.

Kitty xxx


Trainee Maintainer
I found the TA aspect the most difficult to deal with. I was resistant at first, and didn't understand it. It opened up wounds I did not know I had. I am still dealing with stuff now.

I have not read any of Eric Burns books but thanks to your recommendations, I think I will. Thanks Katie F and Kitty.

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