UmmZakaria
Full Member
**Warning - some food talk**
I am nearing the end of week 9 of Lighter Life and I have just had my first proper lapse. I have been told that putting things down into writing helps so... here I am. I have a blog but it's not a specific LL blog so I figured I can be a lot more open and honest here without fear of any judgement - and hopefully will be able to get a bit of support and encouragement along the way.
I started LL weighing 16st 1lb. I have lost 36lb in total so far and now weigh 13st 7lb which is the lowest I can remember ever having weighed as an adult. At my biggest I was over 18 stone. My goal weight is 12 stone so I have just over 20lb more to lose. I am 5ft 11.
I have been doing really well, a bit of picking over the last couple of weeks and then today I just got so bored and had a proper lapsed. The crooked thinking was going crazy. I know that we're not supposed to talk about conventional food but I really feel that it will help me to fess up about what I ate as I am so ashamed of myself. I have always been a secret eater and I feel that by not sharing what I've eaten that I am creeping back to that way of life again.
It started off picking at the omelette I'd made my son for lunch, then I started picking at his chocolate - and then ended up finishing off his chocolate egg (gaaaah). My thinking was then, well I've blown it haven't I, I've taken myself out of ketosis so I might as well have some of that bread and butter that I've been craving. So I had two slices and some microwave chips. I then ate a packet of smoked salmon.
I feel like such a loser, such a failure and I don't know why I did it as I was fully aware of what I was doing but I was trying to justify it to myself the whole way.
I wasn't emotionally eating - there's nothing causing me stress or upset at the moment. The kids (one mind and the other one I childmind for every Thursday) were asleep in bed and I was bored. I honestly think that it was as simple as that. I eat when I'm not doing anything - it's how I piled the weight on and it will be my undoing if I'm not careful.
I am determined to draw a line under the sand and carry on into abstinence as I am so desperate to beat this ridiculous food obsession but I feel so foolish for caving in. I don't want to tell my husband as he was telling me how proud he is of me and treated me to some new clothes at the weekend. I feel like I've cheated him in a way by pretending to be such a success and then eating behind his back.
Anyway, I my husband is at work tonight so I will be bored again later so am sure I'll be writing some more later.
Thanks to anyone who has read this and I hope I haven't been TOO boring!
I am nearing the end of week 9 of Lighter Life and I have just had my first proper lapse. I have been told that putting things down into writing helps so... here I am. I have a blog but it's not a specific LL blog so I figured I can be a lot more open and honest here without fear of any judgement - and hopefully will be able to get a bit of support and encouragement along the way.
I started LL weighing 16st 1lb. I have lost 36lb in total so far and now weigh 13st 7lb which is the lowest I can remember ever having weighed as an adult. At my biggest I was over 18 stone. My goal weight is 12 stone so I have just over 20lb more to lose. I am 5ft 11.
I have been doing really well, a bit of picking over the last couple of weeks and then today I just got so bored and had a proper lapsed. The crooked thinking was going crazy. I know that we're not supposed to talk about conventional food but I really feel that it will help me to fess up about what I ate as I am so ashamed of myself. I have always been a secret eater and I feel that by not sharing what I've eaten that I am creeping back to that way of life again.
It started off picking at the omelette I'd made my son for lunch, then I started picking at his chocolate - and then ended up finishing off his chocolate egg (gaaaah). My thinking was then, well I've blown it haven't I, I've taken myself out of ketosis so I might as well have some of that bread and butter that I've been craving. So I had two slices and some microwave chips. I then ate a packet of smoked salmon.
I feel like such a loser, such a failure and I don't know why I did it as I was fully aware of what I was doing but I was trying to justify it to myself the whole way.
I wasn't emotionally eating - there's nothing causing me stress or upset at the moment. The kids (one mind and the other one I childmind for every Thursday) were asleep in bed and I was bored. I honestly think that it was as simple as that. I eat when I'm not doing anything - it's how I piled the weight on and it will be my undoing if I'm not careful.
I am determined to draw a line under the sand and carry on into abstinence as I am so desperate to beat this ridiculous food obsession but I feel so foolish for caving in. I don't want to tell my husband as he was telling me how proud he is of me and treated me to some new clothes at the weekend. I feel like I've cheated him in a way by pretending to be such a success and then eating behind his back.
Anyway, I my husband is at work tonight so I will be bored again later so am sure I'll be writing some more later.
Thanks to anyone who has read this and I hope I haven't been TOO boring!