Unsupportive other half

[Rayven]

Not being rude but have you been on many diets before? He may just be bored hearing it

this is the first time I have needed to really diet (other than a few Xmas/holiday lbs) I do get amazed reading people when they say they "fell off the wagon" and have put more weight on than they lost

Maybe its just me, but your post sounds awfully critical of people who struggle to stick to a diet. Most people who have yo-yo dieted or struggled to stick to diet after diet, lost weight and then piled it all (and more) back on usually have serious self esteem issues and a psychological or emotional attachment to food. The reason they can't stick to a diet or 'fall off the wagon' is because the reason they eat and are over-weight in the first place usually isn't addressed or even if it is addressed it isn't fully dealt with.
For a lot of over-weight people, food isn't just something to use as fuel, its a comfort, a friend, an addiction.
Both myself and my councellor have likened it to being an alcoholic - you wouldn't say to an alcoholic you can have a shot of whiskey three times a day but thats it. The same applies to someone with an emotional attachment to food or a food addiction, you have to eat a limited amount of food and then stop which for a lor of people is just too hard. And then when we fall off the diet we feel like failures, losers, worthless, so we eat more to compensate for our feelings and hence we put the weight (and then some back on)
Maybe my reaction is a little overboard but methinks a little more understanding and a little less judgement is required. xx

 

[WelshCake]

Maybe its just me, but your post sounds awfully critical of people who struggle to stick to a diet. Most people who have yo-yo dieted or struggled to stick to diet after diet, lost weight and then piled it all (and more) back on usually have serious self esteem issues and a psychological or emotional attachment to food. The reason they can't stick to a diet or 'fall off the wagon' is because the reason they eat and are over-weight in the first place usually isn't addressed or even if it is addressed it isn't fully dealt with.
For a lot of over-weight people, food isn't just something to use as fuel, its a comfort, a friend, an addiction.
Both myself and my councellor have likened it to being an alcoholic - you wouldn't say to an alcoholic you can have a shot of whiskey three times a day but thats it. The same applies to someone with an emotional attachment to food or a food addiction, you have to eat a limited amount of food and then stop which for a lor of people is just too hard. And then when we fall off the diet we feel like failures, losers, worthless, so we eat more to compensate for our feelings and hence we put the weight (and then some back on)
Maybe my reaction is a little overboard but methinks a little more understanding and a little less judgement is required. xx

I was trying to understand and guess I don't as for the alcoholic bit I'm not sure where thats come from

 

[princessnicky]

For a lot of over-weight people, food isn't just something to use as fuel, its a comfort, a friend, an addiction.
Both myself and my councellor have likened it to being an alcoholic - you wouldn't say to an alcoholic you can have a shot of whiskey three times a day but thats it. The same applies to someone with an emotional attachment to food or a food addiction, you have to eat a limited amount of food and then stop which for a lor of people is just too hard. And then when we fall off the diet we feel like failures, losers, worthless, so we eat more to compensate for our feelings and hence we put the weight (and then some back on)




^^^^

I totally agree. Im a foodaholic and to me its an addiction, on the same level as a alcoholic, gambler etc. Ive had it for 10 years and its the bane of my life :-( it may sounds stupid but food controls my life, and i would give ANYTHING for that to change xxx

 

[katty]

Anyone have to deal with this? First he questions the increase in fruit and veg shopping bill. and states- 'you better eat all this' and then tonight , cos Im having a glass of wine, he says, 'i thought u were on a diet?'
And after i had a good loss last week he says, oh yeah I think I lost weight as well.
And then when he actually notices that I have lost weight he says, ' you are gonna keep this up arent you? Cos you always lose weight then put it all on again'
Grrrr just having a moment!

hi there, i'm sorry to hear your other half isn't being supportive. as time passes and you lose weight i am sure he will see that you are serious about it. as frustrating for you it is, maybe sit down and tell him how it makes you feel, you have nothing to lose by doing this, maybe he will begin to understand a little better.
my hubby is being good in his own way, however he thinks nothing of sitting and eating a kebab or maccy d's in front of me, he ate 2 greggs pasties in front of me today, it secretly killed me lol.
anyways, whatever happens you keep at it, show him that you CAN and WILL do it!! your doing great

 

[Rayven]

An addiction is an addiction regardless of what it is, food is just like alcohol, cigarettes or smoking. I think this is what she was getting at.

This is precisely it.
Its the difference between someone who just needs to lose a bit of weight after having a baby or Christmas holidays etc or someone who has an emotional problem with themselves and the food they self medicate with.

I totally agree. Im a foodaholic and to me its an addiction, on the same level as a alcoholic, gambler etc. Ive had it for 10 years and its the bane of my life :-( it may sounds stupid but food controls my life, and i would give ANYTHING for that to change xxx

Hun - it doesn't sound stupid at all - i think a lot of people on here can empathise with you on that score.
MY NAME'S RAYVEN & I'M ADDICTED TO FOOD!
Sounds silly saying it as openly as that, but to me (and a lot of other people) thats just what it is. I have struggled with my relationship with food for as long as i can remember. I've been on every diet going - lost weight, gained it back, gained some more, been on another diet, lost some weight, gained it back....its not about being too stubborn to fall off the wagon, its about facing the problems you have with who you are & why you eat. For some people unfortunately that never happens.
A food addict goes to the doctors and they get a leaflet on healthy eating.
An alcoholic goes to the doctors, he gets medication, a dedicated team of proffesionals to help him, councelling and sometimes residential care.
Although the problem of obesity is rising and the amount of people being over weight has risen by a huge amount the help just isn't there for the people for whom losing weight isn't as simple as going on a diet. xx

 

[Rayven]

a dedicated team of proffesionals to help him

Really should get off my high horse long enough to proof read my posts for spelling mistakes! In the immortal words of Homer Simpson 'DOH!' lol

 

[RegField]

. . . my hubby is being good in his own way, however he thinks nothing of sitting and eating a kebab or maccy d's in front of me, he ate 2 greggs pasties in front of me today, it secretly killed me lol.
. . .

He couldn't eat things in front of you if you aren't there. Just walk away!

 

[SpaceAngel]

Perhaps he is a little jealous. Maybe you loosing weight means he needs to look at himself, especially when he said that he had lost weight too. Some blokes are like that and think their missus is going to run off with some young hunk lol

 

[kingleds]

I tell him oh I've lost 5 pound this week- his reply is I've got some money if you want it!!! Every time so I give up telling him

Can i suggest you start telling him again and when he makes this kind of comment you accept his kind offer of cash !! At the worst it will cover the cost of group, at best he will realise he is being insensitive and either shut up or be supportive

 

[katty]

He couldn't eat things in front of you if you aren't there. Just walk away!

i don't really see how that would help, if i walked away everytime someone ate something unhealthy i would be a complete loner lol. it was just an example of how sometimes people don't think about what they are doing and don't realise it might sometimes bother me. he doesn't do it spitefully though

 

[kingleds]

Not being rude but have you been on many diets before? He may just be bored hearing it,

It doesn't matter how many times you've tried to lose weight - your partner is the one person you EXPECT to be supportive.

 

[karra]

Perhaps he is a little jealous. Maybe you loosing weight means he needs to look at himself, especially when he said that he had lost weight too. Some blokes are like that and think their missus is going to run off with some young hunk lol

My OH is convinced that when I hit target I will leave him for a Brad Pitt lookalike haha...it's insecurity xxx

 

[Roziee]

I could not stay with someone who was not supportive with my weight loss.

If my husband wasn't happy with me losing weight so i can be healthy, active and live a longer life (hopefully) then he can shove it and i deserve alot better than him.

If your partner does not have the sense to realise what amazing courage it takes to lose weight, im sorry to be harsh but maybe you need to think about whether you can stay with them.

Makes me so mad! You're made to feel like **** when we're fat and now that we're trying to do something about it, the taunting doesn't stop? What craziness is that?

Lucky for me, my husband is also on sw so he's wonderfully supportive and we all deserve the same x

 

[suespain]

I'm so lucky, my OH is very supportive. He eats kit kats when I'm in bed so I can't see him doing it!

He's not too keen on the shopping bill though!

 

[Funky_Munky]

Not being rude but have you been on many diets before? He may just be bored hearing it, I have a friend thats been on a diet for all her adult life, I am the first one to be supportive but after listening to her rave on about yet another diet I tend to switch off, she is still at least 10 stones too heavy and seems to get heavier with each diet, this is the first time I have needed to really diet (other than a few Xmas/holiday lbs) I do get amazed reading people when they say they "fell off the wagon" and have put more weight on than they lost, maybe I'm just a stubborn old git and refuse to fall off the wagon

Im gonner stick up for what is being said here. I am not trivialising what has been said about food addictions by any means and i would consider myself to be someone who has a food addiction. But to people who dont have that kind of addiction, they do not understand the behaviour of those who do and do not understand the yo yo diet behaviour. My oh has seen me spend a **** load of money on various weight loss classes and diets etc and i wouldnt blame him if he thinks its all been a waste cos im still fat. He is the kind of man tho who would never say that and it has been my choice not to go to class this time around cos of the money. But im sure other people around me roll their eyes when i talk about diets now. Oh here she is on another one how long will it last.
But regardless of peoples support or not i am losing this weight for myself and myself only. Im not quite sure ive made the point i wanted to so ill get off my soap box now.

Just keep it in mind you are doing this for you and you need to keep strong regardless of what anyone else says.

 

[Rayven]

Im gonner stick up for what is being said here. I am not trivialising what has been said about food addictions by any means and i would consider myself to be someone who has a food addiction. But to people who dont have that kind of addiction, they do not understand the behaviour of those who do and do not understand the yo yo diet behaviour.

I understand that hun, but the post in question just seemed really harsh in my opinion. xx

 

[Funky_Munky]

I understand that hun, but the post in question just seemed really harsh in my opinion. xx

I will agree it could have been worded better to get the point across xx

 

[kingleds]

My OH is convinced that when I hit target I will leave him for a Brad Pitt lookalike haha...it's insecurity xxx

Are there brad pitt lookalikes out there?? I want to know WHERE???
On a serious note, think us girlies often forget that men get insecure too - i would have a chat with him about it and if it carries on after that - then you have at least attempted an attitude readjustment.

 

[Potatogirl]

I have got a really lovely bloke and he has NEVER given me a hard time about my (huge) weight..but ...I don't like having rubbish in the house ..I figure if it's not there I won't eat it but he thinks nothing of buying utter rubbish.

I know he's not trying to sabotage me deliberately but sometimes it feels that way.:sigh:

 

[Circes]

Im gonner stick up for what is being said here. I am not trivialising what has been said about food addictions by any means and i would consider myself to be someone who has a food addiction. But to people who dont have that kind of addiction, they do not understand the behaviour of those who do and do not understand the yo yo diet behaviour. My oh has seen me spend a **** load of money on various weight loss classes and diets etc and i wouldnt blame him if he thinks its all been a waste cos im still fat. He is the kind of man tho who would never say that and it has been my choice not to go to class this time around cos of the money. But im sure other people around me roll their eyes when i talk about diets now. Oh here she is on another one how long will it last.
But regardless of peoples support or not i am losing this weight for myself and myself only. Im not quite sure ive made the point i wanted to so ill get off my soap box now.

Just keep it in mind you are doing this for you and you need to keep strong regardless of what anyone else says.

I was just going to say exactly the same thing - but you said is much better than I could have.

I don't think Welshcake's post was overly harsh, just honest. I also think it is unrealistic to expect that a partner should be 100% supportive of a weight loss attempt when the evidence of many previous attempts is that they don't last more than a week or two. I think it would be only natural that he would be a bit cynical about it. The way to overcome this is to prove that it does work and that you are committed to making life-long changes.