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*UPDATED*: Trying to be strong but it's so hard..

About a month ago my great aunty was diagnosed with three tumors - one in her liver, one in her lung and one in her bladder. A lot of discussions etc since then, but to cut a long story short she has now been told she may have a week.

Absolutely heartbroken! My nanna (great auntys sister) passed away when my mam was young, so my mam always looked up to her as a mother figure - and me and my brother a grandma figure.

Since she got diagnosed have been up visiting a lot and spending time with her. Have seen her health deteriorate and have in my own way said goodbye. Mams sister went up and saw great aunty yesterday - her eyes were partially open and she was aware that she was there but she is on so many meds she is unable to communicate. Great uncle is wanting us to go up to say goodbye and I am torn in two. I don't want to remember her in that way, I want to remember the good, happy times we had. But then I worry will I regret it.

Not sure that I'm looking for advice here, I just feel i needed to let out my feelings.
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Trying again in 2012
Oh honey, I'm so sorry.
Remember all the good times and how much joy she brought to you all and she'll never be too far away.
Take care and draw on your family and friends xxx
So sorry to hear about your heartbreaking situation. I know you arent looking for advice, but my only advice would be to go with the flow and what feels right at the time. My mum passed away on mothers day and like you I was really torn. I felt like I should be there to say goodbye but a big part of me didnt want to be. In the end when we got the call that she was dying , my Dad and I didnt make it there in time and it was out of our hands. they asked us if we wanted to see her. Again if I am honest I didnt want to, Like you, I wanted to remember her how she had been, BUT I was determined that i was going to support my Dad and be there with him if he wanted to see her. As it was he didnt. I dont regret it. I sat by her bed and held her hand every night when she was in hospital and still alive and to me that is what counts.

The long and short of it is she knew you cared when she was alive and did what you could at the end.


Full Member
Aww sorry to hear your dilemma. I would be like you tbh, wanting to keep the memories of the way she was.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

all the best



Gold Member
Hi hunny,

So sorry to hear your sad news :(

My dad once gave me some advice when one of my OH's family members passed away, he said he never wanted me or my brother to visit him if he was in a bad way, or in the chapel of rest. He said he wanted us to remember him as 'dad' and not a poorly person or a corpse.

I completely get where he's coming from, and agree with his point of view.

I think it sounds like deep down these types of memories are how you'd like to remember your aunt?

If so, go with your heart. This time is going to be upsetting enough without causing yourself anymore upset or distress that you have to.

I hope this time isn't too hard for you, cherish your family and friends and big hugs xx
It is a hard one , a very hard one, but, as everyone has said you must do what you know is best for you.

My friend died of cancer a few years ago and I was with her every day for the last 8 weeks of her life.........right up to the time she died.

I have fabulous memories of her and the great times we had together, but, my over-riding memories are of her dying. I can not think of her without seeing her when I was in the ambulance with her on her way to die in a private hospital and her screaming with pain at each bump the ambulance went over, of when she was in the hospital and her being so dosed up with morphine that at times she could not communicate properly.

She knew she was dying and had the opportunity to tell us how much she loved us. I will never forget her holding my hand and telling me what beautiful eyes she thought I had.

She was only in the hospital 4 days before she died Those are the days I remember the most even though we were friends for many years and shared so much.

Am I sorry I spent that time with her ??? No. We were so close she needed me there , in fact expected it . I could not have not been there. That is what would have been difficult for me to live with.

Am I sorry I saw her that way ? Yes I am. I do wish my memories were of the wonderful, often funny times we had together but I could not have done it any other way.

As has been said you must do what is best for you and your Great Aunt and not be influenced by anyone else. Only you know what is right for you. Only you know what you can live with and as has been said so often on this site, we are all different and what is right for one is not right for another.

I am sorry you are faced with this and that your great aunt is dying. Big, big hugs xxxx


Time to start again!
Could not read this without crying, I lost my Dad to the big C and Kev's Dad too, I was with both until the last breath, I adored my Dad he was my everything, and I was lucky to meet and come to love Kev's Dad... I wouldn't go to the chapel of rest to see my Dad, I was only 14, and although I held his hand at the end, I couldn't bring myself to go to see his Dad either... It's your own choice in this that matters and your aunt would and will understand, they loved us and love us still... I believe if you carry someone in your heart they are truly never gone... God bless you love, and dig deep to find some comfort through all this, do whatever you feel is right for you... xx

Sent from my HTC Wildfire using MiniMins
oh hunni i am sorry to hear about this. Keep strong and think posistive. I know its not always easy to offer advice and say words of encouragement. However my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family right now
Thank you all for your kind words. Knowing that I have people I can speak to, who have gone through similar situations, is a huge support.
No matter what happens, or what we decide to do, I will always remember the kindness and love of my Great Aunt. As a few of you have said above, she will always be with me through my great memories and love for her xxx
Just writing to update you all and thank you once again.

Received a phonecall from Uncle Tom at 6am this morning to say that Aunty June had left us at about 5am. She left peacefully and in her sleep, in her own home with her family around her. I am so pleased for her - no more suffering, she can finally be at rest.

Funeral expected to be this Friday or next Monday - will find out more tomorrow. Feeling very tired and worn out, so going to try and get some rest now.

Thanks again for all of your support and kind words spoken during this sad time - you are wonderful, every one of you xxx
Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you x
Big hugs........... death might be final but your memories have no time limit..........they live on forever.


The Big One
Oh poor you, what a difficult time you're having. Sending hugs and best wishes to you Stevie, I'm glad you have such happy memories of your great aunty xx
Thank you all. You are such kind, wonderful people xxx
Thank you Tara, that's so kind of you. She was a wonderful, kind lady and she will never ever be forgotten :)

The funeral is Friday 9am. It is going to be hard, but it will be lovely to celebrate her life all together as a family.

Just wanted to share a photo of Aunty June with you all. This is Uncle Tom and Aunty June, taken in around March time. It's my favourite photo of her - she looks so happy, exactly how I will always remember her.

Cannot thank you all enough for your kind support. I appreciate you all so much xxx



Loves Norman Reedus
She looks lovely and i love her glasses. i had an auntie eileen when i was little, my grandmother wasnt very maternal and i never met my nan on my dad's side as she died before i was born plus she lived in South Africa.
Hope your Auntie's funeral brings you and your family some peace.x

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