Cerulean
Silver Member
Hello everyone, and thanks for all the lovely comments and things - especially about my blog which I know I haven't updated very recently and I will be concentrating on - and I know extrapounds prevents you from commenting unless you have an extrapounds blog yourself - so it's a bit selfish of me to stay there - so I will be moving the blog next week (hopefully!) to somewhere more sensible.
Anyway - I had a really weird day today - I feel hideously overwhelmed but I've had a couple of quiet victories to do with comfort eating - after my panic at work the first thing I could think of to calm me was hot sugary tea - then on the way home I thought about pizza - neither of those thoughts were actually attached to the food - I was distant from the thought of the food - I just saw the thoughts and felt no sense of need or longing whatsoever - which is such a new thing for me I needed to make a quick note of it here.
And then there was the lightbulb - the one I have been waiting for - the one I needed to hear before I knew I was ready for management. It ran along these lines - I felt it stronger than I can word it right now - I'm sure I'll get better words later.
'Food will not change the situation - now you know this, you are free from it. You will never need to turn to food for comfort again. You don't have to be wary of it any more, you have let it go. You have won.'
I can hear some of you going 'yes but' but I did do a lot of the other work covered in management on myself last year. I decided that I would set myself free from things - and a horrible day like today where I felt choked up by everything else in my life and stupid inconsequential things and some of the more important things - well - it just made me realise, if I move into management with a suspicious eye - well - food and I are never going to have a normal relationship and that was always the problem - we've been enemies as well as bosom buddies for years and it should be neither. It's just food. I have choice from now on. I am abstinent and I'm okay with that - even on a horrible day.
I have a lot of things to get done - and that scares me - and so I may not be here as much for a while whilst I get my head round the detail behind all this. I will write it up, I promise and I'm sorry if I don't have time to say thank you to everyone all the time - but I really need the time for me and I know that this is one place where that feeling will definitely be understood.
So I am ready for management - but as the wisdom teeth come out next Thurs there's no point in starting today as I would prefer to stick to the LL liquid diet for the first week after the op as a matter of convenience and lack of effort - if I'm in pain I'm not going to want to be bothered about preparing meals and thinking about it and the like - and I didn;t lose an ounce this week so this is a great opportunity to definitely lose the last half stone to get me into the 9s - the magic number I thought I would never see again. Once I see that, then I can have my first piece of John Dory.
Anyway - I had a really weird day today - I feel hideously overwhelmed but I've had a couple of quiet victories to do with comfort eating - after my panic at work the first thing I could think of to calm me was hot sugary tea - then on the way home I thought about pizza - neither of those thoughts were actually attached to the food - I was distant from the thought of the food - I just saw the thoughts and felt no sense of need or longing whatsoever - which is such a new thing for me I needed to make a quick note of it here.
And then there was the lightbulb - the one I have been waiting for - the one I needed to hear before I knew I was ready for management. It ran along these lines - I felt it stronger than I can word it right now - I'm sure I'll get better words later.
'Food will not change the situation - now you know this, you are free from it. You will never need to turn to food for comfort again. You don't have to be wary of it any more, you have let it go. You have won.'
I can hear some of you going 'yes but' but I did do a lot of the other work covered in management on myself last year. I decided that I would set myself free from things - and a horrible day like today where I felt choked up by everything else in my life and stupid inconsequential things and some of the more important things - well - it just made me realise, if I move into management with a suspicious eye - well - food and I are never going to have a normal relationship and that was always the problem - we've been enemies as well as bosom buddies for years and it should be neither. It's just food. I have choice from now on. I am abstinent and I'm okay with that - even on a horrible day.
I have a lot of things to get done - and that scares me - and so I may not be here as much for a while whilst I get my head round the detail behind all this. I will write it up, I promise and I'm sorry if I don't have time to say thank you to everyone all the time - but I really need the time for me and I know that this is one place where that feeling will definitely be understood.
So I am ready for management - but as the wisdom teeth come out next Thurs there's no point in starting today as I would prefer to stick to the LL liquid diet for the first week after the op as a matter of convenience and lack of effort - if I'm in pain I'm not going to want to be bothered about preparing meals and thinking about it and the like - and I didn;t lose an ounce this week so this is a great opportunity to definitely lose the last half stone to get me into the 9s - the magic number I thought I would never see again. Once I see that, then I can have my first piece of John Dory.