Aww, thanks all!! Each and every one of you has helped me refocus a bit more! I feel a bit over this and so ready to eat something, but I'm not going to!! I WILL NOT stop until I'm at or lower than my goal I promise myself that!
BL - I absolutely think you are right about having told myself that I would be finished - I told my husband that I was going to do 100 days abstinence at £66 per week, and I honestly didn't even think about after, especially the RTM, etc. The cost isn't too much of an issue to be honest, as I have done a fair amount of overtime which is covering it so far. I do think it's definitely that I want to be finished and now!
I know I should be feeling really proud of what I achieved over Xmas, and maybe the following has something to do with it. Our fill in LLC wasn't there tonight, as our previous one who has been off sick as she was going through a difficult time personally was due to come back this evening. However, she's had a very bad cold so couldn't do the class after all, so the girl who usually weighs us took the class. There were four of us there and we just basically sat and discussed Xmas and New Year. Everyone in my group ate over Xmas, and New Year for most of them too, and I sat and listened to what they'd eaten and drank or not, and what they had managed to avoid. I'm not sure that this is what made me really fed up or not, as I'm normally able to sit and listen to people discussing food. However, the stand in, stand in (!!) LLC said that they would be well set for RTM because they had eaten and stayed in control (whereas if you don't lapse at all it can make things more difficult at RTM time!)
There was also a problem with our foodpacks, something to do with the main warehouse that distributes to the counsellors having made a big mistake, so no foodpacks apart from strawberry or soup. That p'ed me off too and I have to go back tomorrow to hopefully pick up my order. This shouldn't bother me, but we've had a lot of problems because of the counsellor issues and there not being the orders that we've asked for. I think it's not too much to ask that when we can only have four foodpacks a day, there really shouldn't be issues getting the ones we want!! (I went all child ego state I think and said if I had to eat soup all week I was having food instead - jeez, what a baby!).
Sorry to waffle on! BL, our group has merged into about three groups, and I don't really mind, however, there is one girl there from this merger that tends to drive me a little mad to be honest, but I'm really trying to be tolerant!
Our usual LLC should be back within the next week or so, and I do like her, but I was really getting a lot from our stand in one, whereas I hadn't been getting much at all from our previous one, but this might just have been because she wasn't giving us her attention really because she was having lots of issues and was a bit burnt out.
I think it's a mix of all these things really. We just did about the change curve briefly and maybe it's something to do with this, but we're going to go into it in more detail next week.
So sorry to moan on and thanks once again SO, SO much for dragging me out of the gutter mentally so to speak and for being so supportive! Love you girls!