Determined Girl
Here's hoping
Hey gang,
well I'm 3 stone down, fitting into new clothes, getting loads of compliments and the cravings had totally gone. I was on cloud nine and nothing could stop me. I just don't know what is wrong with me.
Today, for reasons known only to the warped workings of my mind I bought a large bag of crisps and a chocolate bar. I chewed them and spat them out into the toilet. I was stood there, hidden in the bathroom, spitting half-chewed food into the loo and crying. I feel like such an idiot and a total failure. What kind of moronic idiot does that? How stupid when I've been doing so well.
I've had a horribly stressful week- the school I teach in is being inspected next week. Added to that it's the anniversary of my Mum's death next Saturday and I'm all over the place- tearful and moody and generally feeling terrible. I know that these are excuses really...and I just hate myself for doing something so pathetic. I've not cheated once.... stuck to LT religiously and I now feel that I've undone all my good work and more than that I'm terrified that this heralds a return to my bad old ways of bulimia and binge eating.
Can't stop crying. My family are all so proud of me for getting a grip on my eating and for getting healthier by losing weight. Why the hell did I do this. I'm not going to say 'at least I didn't swallow it' because that isn't the point. The point is my will power has proven itself to be weaker than I thought and I'm hoping and praying that I can just rein this back and get back on track because I really don't want to fail. Again.
Please give me advice/abuse- I need you guys more than ever.
Love to all
Luce
well I'm 3 stone down, fitting into new clothes, getting loads of compliments and the cravings had totally gone. I was on cloud nine and nothing could stop me. I just don't know what is wrong with me.
Today, for reasons known only to the warped workings of my mind I bought a large bag of crisps and a chocolate bar. I chewed them and spat them out into the toilet. I was stood there, hidden in the bathroom, spitting half-chewed food into the loo and crying. I feel like such an idiot and a total failure. What kind of moronic idiot does that? How stupid when I've been doing so well.
I've had a horribly stressful week- the school I teach in is being inspected next week. Added to that it's the anniversary of my Mum's death next Saturday and I'm all over the place- tearful and moody and generally feeling terrible. I know that these are excuses really...and I just hate myself for doing something so pathetic. I've not cheated once.... stuck to LT religiously and I now feel that I've undone all my good work and more than that I'm terrified that this heralds a return to my bad old ways of bulimia and binge eating.
Can't stop crying. My family are all so proud of me for getting a grip on my eating and for getting healthier by losing weight. Why the hell did I do this. I'm not going to say 'at least I didn't swallow it' because that isn't the point. The point is my will power has proven itself to be weaker than I thought and I'm hoping and praying that I can just rein this back and get back on track because I really don't want to fail. Again.
Please give me advice/abuse- I need you guys more than ever.
Love to all
Luce