When You Look In The Mirror......


Gold Member
.....how do you see yourself?

When I look in the mirror I see Me. I see the Me that always lived in my head.

When I was 5 st heavier and I looked in the mirror, I saw somebody else. That wasn't me. Couldn't have been; as that was a fat, bloated, unattractive person with quite nice hair looking back. It wasn't Me, must be the bad lighting or a dodgy mirror or perhaps, just perhaps I was having a 'fat day' TOTM approaching maybe?

When I was caught by the camera (which wasn't often) the pics were always dreadful. Goodness, I would think; how unlucky I'm always caught wrong in photos. Always pulling a face or with my chin down resulting in several chins on show. I didn't usually look like that, I just wasn't photogenic.

I honestly had all these thoughts in my head, I never accepted that this really was how others saw me. It is only now that I look at photos and finally realise that that used to be how I looked. It was never Me though.

The real Me is how I am now (well nearly, still not quite to goal) Now when I look in the mirror I see what I always thought I could see.

Funny how I could delude myself for so many years, I was very overweight for about 12 years. I knew I was overweight, I read the numbers on the scales every day, I attended many slimming clubs and was 'constantly on a diet' But I wasn't fat????? Work that one out! If I read slimming success stroies about people with a similar start weight to me, I'd always think that they looked huge but I didn't look like that, I must carry mine better, or dress better to disguise it! It's like I viewed my weight as a temporary gain, a blip. I'd soon have it off so nobody would notice in the meantime. Mmmm a 12 year blip?

When people tell me how different I look these days and how well I've done to shift the weight, I'm almost surprised. Different? Do I look different to them? Oh dear they must have noticed how fat I was before! You see this is the real Me the Me that has always lived in my head but they just couldn't see Me.

So tell me, how do you see yourself when you look in the mirror......
Hi Cheb

I can totally understand what you mean!!! When I lost 6stone a couple of years ago...I honestly could not see what all the fuss was about because as far as I was concerned, I had always been slim and gorgeous....in my head!

So when my body caught up it just seemed normal to me....now though it's a very different story!!! I have put on quite a bit of weight during the past 6 months and know that I don't look anything like the "me" that was in my head. The issue now is to move past the crap I have in my head instead and get back to the real me!!

It's a work in progress Cheb....but we will get there.! x
I now longer believe what I see in the mirror

I have been over weight all my life I remember my mother saying to me when I was 8-9 how upset she was that she couldnt but me pretty clothes because of my weight and when I was in my mid teens being told I was gross when I was around 11 stone ( I would kill to be that gross now) and being put on every fad diet around and spending the rest of my teens and twenties yo yo dieting. My weight finally stabalising at around 16- 16 1/2 stones where I stayed for most of my thirties.
In the last 3 years I have lost in fits and starts about 2and 1/2 stones luckily not putting on any weight between losses. Im still obese but betterthan I was.
whats the problem... well in the last three years several of my friends have put on a fair bit of weight to the extent that their admitted weight is larger than my actual weight. I still see them as considerably thinner and more attractive than me.... now is that friendsnip or is the sight I see in the mirror wrong..... a friend laughed at me last week becuase I refused to try to get through a gap saying I wouldnt fit... she said there was room enough for two of me.Help confused and probably crazy
Hi Debba
I've lost just over 8 stone since last October (7st on CD since Feb) & it is taking my brain a long time to catch up!
In the mirror I see a face I recognise (slimmer - with cheekbones - but definitely me!) but a body I don't.
This body still wanders to the size 24ish section before she remembers that she's now a 14 or is she a 12 - don't know because I can't bring myself to try - weird isn't it!!

However, I've just been on holiday & had really nice compliments from people I'd never met before who think this is the only me - it was really enjoyable & I was much more able to accept this new me in a different environment than I am at home. I don't really understand it but I just think it takes time to come to terms with the new me (inside & out!).

I'm still not keen to have my photo taken but I can't stop looking in the mirros - it's all so weird!!

All I can add is I want this 'new me' to be the permanent me so I'm trying hard to accept her as normal & move forward - however long that takes!!

Great topic !

i did see that fat person in the mirror.. and it scared me the first time it happened!! honestly i hadn't noticed my getting heavier.. other than clothes sizes increasing and numbers on scales going up...

Thankfully it's down now.. but i still stand in a shop and look at a size 16 and think... maybe it'll fit soon...

I did it 3 days ago with a t-shirt in a sale.. bought it.. got it home thinking it'd be too small and need to go away for when i lose a bit more...

it fits perfectly!!! lol couldn't believe it!! still can't! lol
I guess I got use to looking at myself in the mirror and really did not notice the weight go on as I went into denial and stretchy pants:rolleyes:

It was only when photos were taken I would gasp in shock or go to try on clothes and feel puzzled why they were making XXL so very small now a days.

Funny old head:p
This post came home with me last night in my head and I woke up thinking about it this morning!

I can so relate to what each of you says. I too didn't see myself as huge, when I so obviously was, but as "weighty problem" says, I still have trouble recognising myself now.

I've bought a full length mirror and can admit to looking at myself regularly from every angle with total puzzlement. I look at "myself" in shop windows as I pass, wondering "who is she?".

And this is three years almost after reaching my target. I wonder when the eyes catch up with the brain...

Will ponder further on this one!
When I look in the mirror I sometimes see me as I really am... fat, flabby, grotesque in a circus kind of way, all chins and layers of wobbly white lard :eek: ... and sometimes... on a fab day... I see a whole different picture!:rolleyes: I don't see me as being the size I am and I don't feel the size I am. I see someone attractive and confident. The way I felt when I was 16. Knowing I was big but still not obscenely so...

Not sure what the solution is - perhaps a trip to specsavers and a reality check might be in order!:confused:
I like what I see in the mirror now but I don't like what I see in my problem areas when I look directly at myself without the aid of a mirror.

By losing weight I haven't actually lost any problem areas, the problems are still there and still out of proportion with the rest of my body.

I still have big legs and a belly and although these are smaller than they are larger than I want but no amount of dieting would change that. Exercise and skin shrinkage will help but dieting doesn't give you the prefect shape it just makes you smaller and healthier.
I'm not really posting much at the moment but thought I'd pop in and have a nose. Seeing this thread with Debba on I just had to reply....

Debba....well having known you for some 14 years! I can truthfully tell you that I'd ratehr be you than me! What I'd do for you personality, blond hair, blue eyes and wicked sense of humour! Your a beautiful woman and since I have photos of you I might just post one so everyone can see!!

Weighty Problem....erm I think you need to change your name!! You looked fab when I saw you last OMG I want to be slim too!

Well when I look in the mirror I see....a big fat ugly toad! what more can I say! I've never thought OMG your gorgeous even when I was slim. And Oh boy was I slim! 15 years ago I was a healthy 9stone 8lbs! and at 5ft 7 ins thats not bad! In fact people said I was too thin. Then I fell pregnant and went up to........18 stone 10lbs! in 9 months eek! My heaviest was at the start of last year but I'm so ashamed how big I got I can even tell you all.:eek: But thanks to WW & CD I'm losing it and hope to be at goal for my 40th birthday!

Kam x
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Had an appointment the other day about my lack of confidence and was made me look in the mirror at myself and say what I saw.....my first thought was to look away I don't often look at myself in the mirror unless I'm drying my hair. But she kept telling me to look deeper than just my body. She said what about your lovely brown eyes, you gap in your teeth...erm I hate that! your lovely shiny hair, your dark skin, your freackles! etc....but I still can't see anything but this fat toad looking back at me. She got angry with me!!
Anyway, I wondered if anyone else looks in the mirror and hates themselves? and what you do about it.
Kam xx
Confidence couselling

I've been having confidence couselling on and off for months but it doesn't really seem to be working. I still feel like I'm not a nice person even though I wouldn't ever be horrid to anyone I want to crawl into a hole and never come out most of the time! There are certyain people in my life now that weren't a year ago that really help me be me! BUt I feel like if I call them I'm bugging them. Everyone thinks I'm so confident but I'm not at all.
I was thinking about hypnotherapy and wondered if anyone else had had any and did it work.
I really need to get my head straight and maybe then my body will follow.
Kam x
I'm often quite mystified by threads like this. I'm not saying I'm right, I just seem to look on things in a completely different way :eek::confused:

I don't look in the mirror. Okay, I have done sometimes, but it's pretty rare. I hate it at the hairdressers when I'm stuck facing the mirror:mad::mad:

There's no need. I'm not doing the hair cut :rolleyes:

Whether I like myself or not, isn't really too much of an issue for me. If I was pushed, I'd have to admit that I don't like myself at all, but this isn't something I need to work on. Okay...I may need to work on being a nice person, but my feelings about myself are irrelevant. I don't seem to feel it's necessary to like myself, as long as I'm not offending anyone in any way, and I'm always there for them if they need me.

What does it matter how I view myself?

Okay. I know, from reading forums such as these, that I really am alone on this one.

Just can't seem to get my head around it, or even see the need.:confused::confused:
Hey Kam ,
well i am with you on this one, i see me with my fat body and awful complexion, hair that only looks good on me those two minutes after i leave the hairdresser's i always feel i either am dressed to old and frumpy or look like i am trying to dress too young (im 30 ) my sister says the part of my brain that manages my self image is 80 ! Sooo true ......

I am not pretty not plain not even interesting looking ! lol
It doesnt make me feel good and i know its hindering my progress in losing weight and i am so critical (secretly) of how other people look and i don't know why !

I hope i can conquer it it's more urgent now as my daughter's are getting older and i see my poor self esteem issues in them and i hate that .

I know you won't believe it Kam but i have seen photo's of you and you are so naturally beautiful, big brown eyes lovely brown thick hair i hope you come to appreciate that soon
Love Kandy xxxx
When I look in the mirror I only look to make sure my hair and make up are ok. When I look at my face, I gloss over all the features cos I dont want to look at them too much, I just want to make sure I look half presentable. If I do look at the rest of me, then it is just to make sure my clothes are ok, but I dont look at the person in them. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone though!!
What an intersting thread. It's funny because I was always slim as a youngster and only slightly overweight up until I was 30 and got pregnant - of course I didn't appreciate it then and was still always dieting! But I always thought of myself as a slim person, and that's what I saw in the mirror, not as slim as I'd like to be, but slimmer than I actually was. I too used to find photos a shock, believing myself to be so unlucky and unphotogenic!

When I reached my goal in April I loved looking in the mirror at the new me, I saw a slim woman looking back at me and it was great, I couldn't stop looking at myself! Six months on and it's strange but I don't see her anymore, I don't think I'm fat again, but I don't think I'm slim either, just sort of average, and mentally think of myself as a size 12 (which is what I fooled myself when I was a 14/16 for years) when in fact I'm now an 8/10. I've put on a few pounds from my goal weight, but all my new clothes still fit me, so I'm not that different to how I was in April, so it's odd that I no longer see it or think of myself in that way.

I was out recently with my daughter, having coffee & we were sat in the window watching the world go by, I saw a woman in her early 40's like me, very smart & had a lovely figure. I pointed her out to my daughter and said something along the lines of "oh I'd love to be slim like that" - my daughter gave me a look & said what are you talking about, you are that slim. I genuinely had forgotten.