Where for art thou, Willpower???

[Jenipye]

I have always been over weight. Trying every diet imaginable. Only losing weight once, during a horrible breakup. Losing that weight (50lbs in 3 months) made me feel like a million dollars. I was on top of the world. I want that feeling back.
Right now, I have no clothes that fit me (except my PJ's that I wear 24/7), I cant breath walking up the stairs in my house, I'm constantly tired, irritable. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have the worst self esteem in the world. I'm just an all around mess. I really need to get myself together and get my bum in gear. I really hope to lose all this extra weight and get down to my goal weight by the first of March 2013. That gives me 6 months to lose 93 pounds. If I can figure out whats up with my willpower, I really feel I could reach this goal. Unfortunately, my willpower is a pain in my back side. I always stay on a diet for about two weeks and then give in, slip up, binge. It never fails; and for whatever reason, I always seem to slip up when I'm doing the best on my diet and actually losing weight and feeling good. What the heck is up with that??
Anywho... I have decided to start a diary to keep myself in check. Maybe there are others out there who can give me that drop kick to the bum I need to keep me going and keep me motivated. I would love to hear from others who are on a VLCD as well. That would be great!

ABOUT ME:
Age:30
Height: 5ft 6in
Starting Weight: 232lbs (16st 8lb)
Current Weight: 233lbs (16st 9lb)
Goal Weight: 140lbs (10st)


**I decided yesterday, I was going to begin a VLCD. Unfortunately, I had a horrible day and didnt eat anything AT ALL. That is, until my husband came home with Pizza Hut. Ooops.
Yesterdays Stats:
Weight: 232.0lbs
2 Stuffed Crust Cheese Pizzas 680 Calories 78 Carbs
1.5 Breadsticks 300 Calories 41 Carbs
1 cup sweet tea 70 Calories 17 Carbs
5 Shots Vodka (40%) 310 Calories 0 Carbs
1 Gallon of Water

**Today was a different day. I still want to be on a VLCD but I'm still not ready to start the liquid protein shake that I promised myself I would do. The kids slept late today so I didnt get my blender out for fear of waking them (yes, I'm horrible, I know). I'm still drinking a ton of water.
Todays Stats:
Weight: 233lbs
1pc supreme thin crust pizza 170 Calories 23 Carbs
1tbls ranch dressing 70 Calories 2 Carbs
Dinner tonight will consist of my Super Advanced protein shake mixed with water & ice Calories 140 Carbs 4
Also, going to try and get my full Gallon of water in for the day.

 

[Karensplan]

Good luck! you have start somewhere thou! Lol

 

[Flabuless Mama]

You sound just like me...with the whole self-sabotage thing. I've tried and tried to figure out why. The two main reasons (to not look attractive to the opposite sex for fear of unwanted attention, usually stemming from childhood sexual abuse and fear of being promiscuous if feeling thin/beautiful) do not apply to me. I've done workbooks, self-help books, etc...I have yet to figure out why I do this, though I have realized I am afraid of something. I just haven't figured out what. It's almost like I don't deserve to feel beautiful...I am too worthless of a person, therefore if I looked great, I would be a fake and fooling everyone into thinking I look good. But even that is rather vague...like why aren't I good enough? What would I be faking? It's rather strange. Anyway, does any of that shed a light on anything for you? If you figure it out, let me know...maybe we can kick the self-sabotage thing together!

 

[Emmaline]

Hi Jenipye, Well..I guess it's you, me and the majority of people on here that are having the same problems! Anyway..Welcome to the forum..(hopefully not a misplaced entry)
I guess we all have our various demons and struggle to keep to something called "a diet".
I know that I have the same feelings of worthlessness, am embarressed at any attention and certainly continually fall off the wagon for any excuse whatsoever!
Having the hubby hurdle to overcome is quite daunting but the fact is that when I was married I felt the same way, then when we got divorced it was because I was lonely and on my own... then I had a teenage family to look after...and so on and so on...Fact is whatever we set our mind to IS attainable if we can keep a mind to what it is we want to achieve but don't think you won't ever trip up 'cos otherwise you aint human m'dear.
All the very best to you in your endeavour...

 

[Jenipye]

Well, starting my diet on sept 1st did not happen. I'm very disappointed in myself and honestly have no clue what my problem is with actually STARTING a diet. I have not had the first protein shake until this morning. TWO WEEKS after I was supposed to start the diet.
I should pick my head up and be happy with the fact that I have at least started now; I just can't get passed the "what ifs." What if I had started 2 weeks ago? How much less would I weigh? How much better would I feel? Would my clothes be looser on me? I woke up and decided to start this morning bc 2 weeks from now, I want to know the answers to "what if."
My SIL has a baby shower in two weeks & a week after that is my cousins wedding. I know I won't be down enough pounds by then for people to notice but I will at least feel better knowing I've lost.
My birthday is at the end of October. What a wonderful gift for myself, to have lost more than 20lbs by then (fingers crossed). Then another 20lbs by Christmas
Hurray for me for FINALLY starting my diet. Let's hope I keep this mindset, as my willpower stinks!
Here's to a great, junk free, weekend.

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Flabuless Mama]

Good for you for starting! You might enjoy doing a weightloss diary here...I find it's lots of fun and motivating to stay on track.

 

[Faith_111]

Good luck! x

 

[tweekedgirl]

Good job on taking that first step, we're all here to help and offer words of encouragement, so stick at it, and you'll definitely know the 'what if' answers and I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised