Why didn't they say anything?!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by AJB, 17 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. AJB

    AJB Silver Member

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    I went to lunch with girlfriends today (that I call the smug marrieds!) I had a black coffee whilst they scoffed (they've had kids and still maintain size 8 to 10 figures :mad:) and they have no idea I'm on LL - because I've announced diets before and failed miserably so I didn't see point in putting pressure on myself this time, although they do know that I want to lose weight for my brother's wedding in November as I'm bridesmaid.

    Given that since they last saw me in May when we met up for dinner, I have lost nearly 2 stone and dropped from a size 20 to a 16 (was very proud to have got into an old pair of jeans that I was wearing) absolutely no mention was made of my weight loss!!!!

    Did they just not notice??!! Am I so huge that my loss hasn't made that significant a difference?!! Feeling very down and fed up right now :cry:
     
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  3. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    hi there
    did they ask why you weren't eating?
    could be a variety of reasons...
    a) they are so caught up in themselve they genuinely didn't notice
    b) they never saw you as 'big' anyway
    c) they are worried you are ill as you are not eating
    d) they noticed but were too shy/jealous/ *****y to say anything

    could be any/all ofabove.

    one thing you will notice tho is people saying ridiculous stuff as you get thinner - and you will!

    things i heard were..
    youre looking too thin
    you looked better before
    you look older
    you're no fun anymore

    all stuff which is actually more of a reflection of their insecurities than how you actually are looking

    don't let it bother you - you will have the last laugh!

    daisy x
     
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  4. AJB

    AJB Silver Member

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    I gave my excuse for not eating as that I've not long got up after night shift was still full after breakfast - not that any of them asked!

    I can't imagine any of the skinny minnies actually being jealous of my losses as the only time they have ever gained weight was during their pregnancies and they've all got their figures back!

    I don't know why I'm moaning really - after all I'm not doing it to gain their approval as such but they certainly make me feel inadequate most of the time - even if they don't mean to - just would have been nice to have gotten some acknowledgement :(
     
  5. echoburning

    echoburning 21/M/Bolton

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    Hi AJB,

    congratulations on losing 2 stone! Amazing result.

    Like you said, you're not doing this for their approval. As long as you're happy then that is all that matters. It is easy for me to give out this advice though as I know that I would feel the same way in your situation.

    Don't let it get you down and carry on. You're doing a great job.

    x
     
  6. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Ya know, it took my colleagues until I lost 5 stone before they commented!! lol I was really angry to, as when I had lost 3 stone, a manager lost 1 stone on WW. My coworker was gushing over how brilliant an acheivment it was. I got really stroppy and said, "Do you realise I have lost THREE stone, and not one of you said a thing!!" LOL Surprised myself there. She said she had no idea I had been dieting, and that people just saw me for who I was, not what I was.

    Then, I went on holiday for a month, lost 20 pounds while I was away hitting my 5 stone loss. When I came back, everyones jaw hit the desk!

    It is hard to say why people don;t comment. I believe part of what Daisy said is true - if they are real friends, they have probably never looked at your size the way we do. My best friend told me she always thought I looked great - even at nearly 300 pounds!!!! She saw me, not mybody.

    It could also be some people feel threatened - especially if they are used to being the slim ones. It shakes them up, and sometimes denial is the way they take comfort.

    Nevermind them. They will have to say something at some point, but try not to feel hurt or angry. It is for you you are doing it, but lets be honest - comments mean a lot to us. So I totally understand your dissappointment.

    But when the penny drops, I am sure they will flood you with compliments.

    Stay strong you skinny minx you. :)

    xxx
     
  7. AJB

    AJB Silver Member

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    Thanks guys! Don't know what I'd do without this site sometimes :) perfect place to vent! BL I'm not surprised you lost it after your work colleagues didn't notice your 3stone loss! Someone would have had something stapled to their head if that had happened to me LOL

    The thing is I was sooooooooooooooooo angry when I left the cafe - sent text to my brother - who was really supportive as he knows even though I'm doing this for me - his wedding was the inspiration!

    Its just making me wonder - how much will I have to lose before people actually sit up and take notice?! Everyone needs positive strokes and at the moment I feel like I'm bloody invisible!!
     
  8. carrieclaus

    carrieclaus Gold Member

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    hey ajb, when i initially done ll it took 2 to 2 n a half st before ANYONE noticed, i was so annoyed . when they did start commenting tho they said they had noticed earlier but didnt want to say anything because they thought id take it the wrong way.. after sooooooo many failed attempts they truly didnt want to mention my weight.

    keep you chin up the praise will come when you least expect it. xx
     
  9. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Oh AJB, we feel your pain hun.
    Firstly - you are doing FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC.
    I agree with everything the others have said. It'll be combination of all of those things i expect. No-one acknowledged my weightloss until it was over 2 stone apart from my OH.
    2 of my skinny "friends" I had known for over 20 years had real problems with me once I'd reached goal. It turned out I was okay as a Fat Friend, but not a slim one.
    One of them was okay after I confronted her about it, but the other one is obsessed with what size I am now and whether I'm bigger or smaller than her - needless to say the friendships are not what they once were, but it is not MY problem.
    You will find that once the comments and acknowledgements come then everyone will start commenting on how well you are doing, but it won't be long until they start saying you've lost too much, you look gaunt, when are you going to stop etc. just like Daisy said.
    What gets me is that people think they have the right to say those things, but when you are getting bigger and bigger they never say "don't you think you should stop now? you look huge", or " you look like you will burst" or "you are killing yourself" If they cared so much they would.
    My only advice AJB is stay strong, stay true to yourself, remember why you are doing this. It's your LL journey no-one elses. Get to the goal and size that YOU feel comfortable with. xxx
     
  10. AJB

    AJB Silver Member

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    Thanks SB have to say I've felt a bit tearful, angry and hurt this evening - its been good to hear everyone's thoughts on here.

    I've known these girls for well over 20 years, we were at school together and my weight problem has only been a recent one since I started working 12 hour shifts 4 years ago - I've gained a stone for everyone of those years and l wish someone had said "don't you think you've put on enough weight" but no one did! Had my parents seen me (they live in the Caribbean) I doubt I would have gained so much :(

    When I eventually do get compliments from my friends - it really won't matter so much because they weren't there when I needed them which is now - I'll complete the rest of my journey just like I've done so far - by myself - without their support - I got myself into this mess its up to me to get myself out of it!
     
  11. fitnessqueen1

    fitnessqueen1 Full Member

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    Hi AJB - firstly well done for losing 2 stone you've done so very well. I had a similar thing with my sister and I'd lost 4 stone at the time - we went to a family party and no-one had seen me since I'd lost weight and everyone commented except my sister- not a single word - and she hasn't contacted me since - it was horrible at the time but I've just put it down to her jealousy as she's always been the "slim" one and now I'm much slimmer than she is. I decided to continue to be true to myself and act with grace towards her - if you can, do the same with your friends. It's horrible at the time but it will get easier - just acknowledge your anger and move on from it, the only person your anger hurts is yourself.
    Hugs xxx
     
  12. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Morning AJB and to echo the congratulations on your fabulous losses so far - you should feel very proud of what you have achieved.

    Daisy hit the nail on the head but it is also true that many people genuinely don't see your "size" just your personality. I was equally gutted when I'd lost ~ 3 stone and felt significantly different/smaller, but no one (and I mean NO NONE) seemed to notice.

    However, there comes a time when your body/face shape changes rapidly and that's when people really take notice, its as if a light has been switched on in their minds - it's just really difficult to explain that it's taken months to get to that stage as perception is that there's been an overnight transformation.

    Stick to it, enjoy the journey and don't worry about other people. You matter, no one else in this respect :)
     
  13. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    When I last saw my bestfriend was the weekend of the dreaded BBQ at the end of July. I had lost 30lbs and she never said one word about it, I had a new hair style and different colour too and she never said anything about that either.
    She got drunk, tried to get me to drink and then said to me in front of everyone was I still pretending to be on a diet. I never said anything to her, just laughed along with everyone else.

    She never said anything because I think she feels my weight loss is highlighting her desperate need to loose weight. She is also scared I wont be the same Linda as she knows and I will go all holier than thou on her.

    She is my friend she loves me but she is scared I will change too much and I will think I am better than her.

    Your friends are married, babies and probably thought you were the safe friend. The one that is no threat to them, but now you are changing, you are beautiful and becoming more and more confident. If they compliment you they will worry that it will show up an imperfection in them. Very soon you will be slim, beautiful and single with everything to live for. And take it from me they will feel frumpy, dumpy and stuck with their lot. It doesn't matter if they are all skinny or not they will see in you success and confidence and a budding and exciting new life.
    If they love you they will sort it out in their heads, and the other thing to remember is if they tell you that you have lost loads of weight they will feel like they were saying that they thought you were huge before and they might not want to upset you.
    Sorry for the essay! lol
     
  14. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    thinking back my best mate of over 20 years never mentioned a thing about me losing 4 and a half stone - i saw every week.

    she is a big girl - about 16/17 stone

    it was only when we went away with her sister for the weekend - who i hadn't seen for a couple of years,who immediately commented on my weight loss ( I was 8 stone 4 by this time and a size 6/8!) - that we talked about my weight loss

    ive never asked her to this day why she hadn't said anything!

    daisy x
     
  15. AJB

    AJB Silver Member

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    OMG clearly this is a trend among friends! I guess us doing something about our weight highlights to them that if they are dissatisfied with their lives in any way - they can change it - but maybe they are too scared to?!!

    Oh well I've no time to consider their feelings whilst I'm on my journey - its all about - me, me, me!!
     
  16. tracyd

    tracyd "I WILL DO THIS"

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    awww AJB that must have hurt you, would have me!
    rise above it and carry on with your journey, you're doing so well :)x
     
  17. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    You have the right attitude AJB, sort yourself out and let them deal with their own stuff. !!:D
     
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  19. AJB

    AJB Silver Member

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    What will really annoy me is when as the further I go into my journey they will then - after not complimenting me when they had the chance - start criticising me for "losing too much weight" - gggrrrrrr
     
  20. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Yup - it will happen :)
     
  21. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    That is when you very succinctly give them a piece of your mind. Which you would be entitled to do. ;) :)
     
  22. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    GOOD girl!!!! :D
     
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