Why do i sabotage my diet?

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by x-Andrea-x, 23 January 2014 Social URL.

  1. x-Andrea-x

    x-Andrea-x Full Member

    As the title suggests, I am struggling. Big time. I've struggled to lose weight since my daughter was born 21 months ago. I manage to stick to a diet for about 3 days and then it feels like I slip into a zombie like state. I eat everything I shouldn't. Without thinking. It's like I do it on auto pilot. Food shopping I a nightmare! I can't stay away from "naughty" things. I even eat my daughters treats! I actually think of myself as kinda disgusting!

    My hubby is in the navy and is coming home in February after a 6 month deployment. In that time I have achieved nothing weight loss wise and have managed to put on a stone! I was diagnosed with depression in October and am on 2 antidepressants for it. I don't feel much better and life feels like a struggle. I can't get out of the mindset that if I lose weight, everything will get better but why bother losing the weight as I am fat, unattractive and can't do it anyway!!

    I want to join a gym but none of them offer crèche facilities at the time I want them - 2-3pm!! It's like parents have to workout during a 9-1 window, Monday to Friday. Unfortunately I work (quite a stressful job!) part time, look after my daughter, being both mum and dad. My family are great but I feel bad relying on them more than I already do! My mum has my daughter 3 days a week already!

    Well this has turned into a super long rant. I apologise and thank you for getting this far!! I truly want to the answer to the age old question of "why can't I stick to this diet! Why do I feel like I HAVE to eat the junk food (and feel terrible afterwards!) and where on earth do I find willpower and discipline?"

    Any hints, tips, stories, suggestions, finger pointing, tough love, welcome!
    Andrea xxxx
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  3. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    Oh sweet, I'm sorry.

    The good news is, scientifically speaking that you wont change any attitude until you've stuck to it for I believe 28 days, it's how long your brain and body take to adjust! The bad thing is, how do people cope for those 28 days? Do you think there's anything that triggers your bad eating? For example a stressful day?. I started at least 3 times before getting my head into the game, after 3 weeks I'd just fancy something, have it and then carry on eating, rather than getting back on the diet.

    Do you enjoy the diet? I'm sorry I don't really know what Shake the Weight involves, and I'm not suggesting you swap if you're happy, but I actually ENJOY being on Slimming World, so it's important to find a diet you like (whichever one you choose) rather than going for what will be quickest.

    Unfortunately, most big people (myself included) tend to dislike themselves a bit, which makes it harder to be good to yourself! Instead of giving up after you've had an off day, hop straight back on the next, even if you don't feel like it, one day isn't going to make a huge impact, at least then you'll know you can do it even if you have a few blips.

    Also, NEVER FOOD SHOP WHEN HUNGRY - oh my goodness, worst idea ever, even now happily following a diet, I will pick up everything I shouldn't and just go "Ooh I fancy that, I want that, that looks bright and colourful and tasty!"

  4. x-Andrea-x

    x-Andrea-x Full Member

    Thank you for your reply. Shake that Weight is a VLCD meal replacement programme. I've tried so many diets - weight watchers, slimming world, slim fast, Atkins, Cambridge diet and now shake that weight. I can't find something I can stick to.

    I think my main trigger is boredom. After I've put my daughter to sleep, there really isn't anything to do. Hubby is happy for me to join a gym, even if it does cost £56 a month!!

    Slimming world and weight watchers don't have any convenient classes - I can't go in the evening as 6pm is my daughters bedtime. Can't rely on hubby being home as his job can be so unpredictable!

    Am just feeling a bit lost and rather confused! Xx
  5. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    Oh fair enough, I think a lot of people try various ones before finding one that sticks! I'd be thrilled is my OH gave me the go-ahead to splash on gym membership, but I get the boredom aspect, I work in an office so a lot of the time it's boring and snacking is our own worst enemy. I'm sure you'll find one to stick to. Does Shake the Weight give you the option to snack on anything? i'd suggest saving up some treats that are allowed on the diet and having them when you're bored, a few people have little treat boxes so you stick to an amount that doesn't make you feel guilty or ruin your diet but you still feel treated.
  6. x-Andrea-x

    x-Andrea-x Full Member

    I work in an office too. Sometimes I'm so busy I don't eat and other times I graze constantly. Luckily most of my co-workers are on a diet so the biscuit tin is not in sight. Doesn't mean I can't walk to the canteen to buy something though!

    I'm really struggling with the shake that weight diet but I don't know if I can sell my shakes. It's a definite no-no on here I know!

    Was thinking of going back to slimming world once hubby is home. I'll be able to go until September when he goes away again. He said he'd help me - I'm putting him in charge of food shopping as I can't be trusted! Ha! X
  7. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

    Ok so even though after a short while you 'give in' why don't you then start again the nxt day? That's come out harsh, I don't mean it to. Out of all the weight loss programmes you've followed, which did you like the best, not which gave you the best loss, but which did you like, if you do something you like you're more likely to stick at it. Do you feel you would benefit from group? could you take your daughter to a daytime class?

    Do feel disheartened just because you've not achieved any weight loss, the important thing is you keep trying, it will get easier.
  8. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    How about getting some exercise equipment? You can pick some up dead cheap and you can use it when your daughters asleep, it'll keep you busy so you wont be bored, and it's beneficial. I've got an under-desk bike at work so my legs are moving most of the day, I find that helps with the grazing!
  9. x-Andrea-x

    x-Andrea-x Full Member

    Thanks ladies. I do need some tough love. Had a big think today and I coped best when I just did calorie counting/healthy eating.

    I have an air walker, free weights and numerous DVDs! Just don't have the motivation to do them. Am very much considering the gym and healthy eating. I know my hubby will march me out of the door and make me go! Plus the one I'm thinking of joining has a crèche that I can put my daughter in.

    Feeling a bit more positive today :-D x
  10. janevego

    janevego New Member

    Hi I too struggle with my Cambridge diet. I started out well but I am now struggling so I feel ur pain. I work in a department store so constant moving and chatting to the customers great during the day, however, I spend a great deal of time waiting then travelling on the bus, finish work 3:30 get home 5, by tht time am soo hungry I could eat a horse. I have my low calorie soup but am craving crackers all the time now I feel so fed up am giving my money away to buy these products but am not losing the weight...argh!, any advice I will gladly take....
  11. GinaLangland

    GinaLangland Full Member

    Hi Andrea

    I've been thinking a lot about your post, and here are my thoughts. I don't think you need tough love, I think you need a hug!

    I believe that the underlying causes of the depression is where you need to focus (no I'm not a doctor/counsellor etc but have been through a lot of what you post about). The anti-ds take a while to really start working so you should give them a couple more months. Then your mood is going to lift a little, along with the coming of Spring, so things will start to look brighter. I don't want to pry into what is causing the depression but I think you're in a cycle of weight gain adding to the depression so you then eat to feel better, which causes the weight gain etc etc.

    You'll have maybe two main goals in mind? The first is your husband coming home and everything being "right" for that, and the second is losing weight? Let's focus on the second one. Personally what I have found helpful is to focus on the every day getting eating, rather than the overwhelming goal at the end - if I reach my goal I will have lost 7 stones, I am 2 stones down. What I have done is to concentrate on getting it right, day by day. Logging all my food on myfitnesspal, and making sure I am within my limit. If I go over, then I try and compensate for it within a couple of days.

    I also read this and found it helpful (I hope it's ok to link to it, it's not weight loss advice, just motivational advice). Forget About Setting Goals. Focus on This Instead. - James Clear

    I concentrated on getting the systems of losing weight right, and look what happened, I lost weight. I'm not saying it's easy, just easier.

    So why not try logging your food, not trying to diet, and see what happens? Also try and get outside in the daylight for 10 mins per day? See if that helps with the depression? I don't think exercise is the right way to approach this for you, for now, we need to concentrate on what you're eating :)

    Anyway, hope you're feeling better today!
    Happy Holidays likes this.
  12. x-Andrea-x

    x-Andrea-x Full Member

    Thank you so much for your reply Gina. I don't really know the underlying cause of my depression. I wish I did and then could do something about it! Both of my parents have had mental breakdowns so maybe it's hereditary? They've both had depression too. Something to think about I guess

    As far as the gym goes, I'm going for somewhat selfish reasons. I just want time to myself away from hubby and daughter. I know I've spent 6 months away from him but I've had no "me" time and I desperately want some. Plus I do actually enjoy exercise once I start doing it!

    I have decided to stop "dieting" and adopt a healthy eating approach whilst keeping an eye on my calorie intake using MFP. Doing a big shop next weekend so can get some better food options in then. X
  13. lennis

    lennis Full Member

    I have a couple of suggestions you might like to consider.

    Shopping: Do it online and have it delivered. It is one of the best ways to stop the "OH I fancy that", or the "It's OK I'll have it as a treat" scenario. I think I can honestly say that we have all succumbed to those at one time or another and the shopping when hungry is lethal to the waistline and the bank balance. At least with a PC screen its more difficult to just drop it in the trolley.

    If you live near a park or fields invest in an all terrain buggy for you and your daughter. Getting out in the fresh (though cold, I know) air can help with feelings of depression. You would like to have more me time, however until you find a suitable creche take her with you. Most children at that age will fall asleep at some point. If she isn't one of those who sleep take some bread and feed the birds or the ducks if your lucky enough to live near a lake. There are usually enough things happening for her to stare at and to keep her amused. It will hopefully also help you relax more. The more you relax plus the exercise taken during your walks will encourage the brain to release more of the feel good endorphins.
  14. x-Andrea-x

    x-Andrea-x Full Member

    Thank you for your reply Lennis. I have joined a gym with a crèche which my daughter loves! I am enjoying the gym and am making time to go.

    "Diet" has taken a back seat until hubby is home on Wednesday. I don't snack when he is around - maybe it's feelings of shame and guilt which stop me. I can get free counselling sessions via work so think I'll look into that as well. I do have some built up issues and resentment towards things that I need to work through.

    I'm taking baby steps with my depression, weight and fitness. It will all come together and I will make the steps that I need x
  15. jayne21980

    jayne21980 New Member

    Hi Andrea,

    Having had post natal depression myself and I'm now a single working mum of twins, classes and gyms are not an option for me.

    Since my marriage break down I gained all the post pregnancy weight back and some down to comfort eating, boredom and laziness, ie what's the point in cooking for one?

    What I've found really useful is the ultimate value dairy app, and the 7 minute work out app. The diary tracks your food in points the same as weight watchers and costs around £2.99 where as on line weight watchers is £11 a month. The 7 minute work out lasts about the same length of time as an episode of peppa pig which means I can do it while my 2 year olds are around and I don't have to wait till they're asleep.

  16. Smilingsuzy

    Smilingsuzy Full Member


    hi. I can see how hard it is for you. At the moment. I've been struggling for a couple of weeks now. I discovered a book (via a coach at work)......they did you can by Michael Finnigan, it's early days for me but the stuff in there seems to be doing some good in my head. :)

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