I want to explain why I have been missing in action lately but to do so I need to tell you the whole story. I will make it brief but it will still be long! Please do stick with me and I hope you are still awake at the end!
I was born with an imperforate hymen which was discovered when I started menstruating at 14 years old. A general anaesthetic and a gorgeous DR later and that humiliating experience was over!
After years of horrendously painful, heavy periods I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 17 years old.
I was just 21 when I first thought I was pregnant and terrified my boyfriend would leave me. When we realised I wasn’t we were both disappointed so decided to just see what happens.
At this point I should say that timings are somewhat blurry. I know the facts about what happened but over the years I learnt to block the painful things out and all of this has been stored away in a brain compartment which copes really well with it all.
So, we decided to keep trying but after approx a year nothing had happened. I visited the DR and recall the following things occurring but over what period of time I am unsure:
Referrals
Temperature charts
Laparoscopy x3
Fertility drugs – clomiphine
Further tests (both myself & my partner)
IUI (inter-uterine insemination)
I can recall starting the IUI but have no memory of the first or second attempt. I didn’t have the third when it was planned as I had emotionally had enough. Instead I went on holiday with two girlfriends to recharge my batteries and think about whether or not I could continue.
On the third attempt (in the 4th month) I remember still being unsure as to whether or not I wanted to do it. I remember lying there after the procedure and pushing to get the fluid out of me and almost feeling so angry that it wouldn’t work. That was a feeling that would live to haunt me for a long time.
I can remember calling my Mum and telling her my already irregular period was late – 4 days seems to ring a bell. She said I should just call the hospital. Thinking they would say I had to wait a few more days, I called. She told me to go straight there and have a pregnancy test. When we got there my partner sat a few feet away from the room where she was testing my urine. It felt like the longest minute of my life. I will never forget the look on her face, the tone in her voice and the smile when she told me it was positive. My knees gave way and my b/f jumped up to grab me. I WAS PREGNANT!! It was an amazing feeling but it was to be short lived.
A few weeks later I was rushed to hospital with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy – a salpingectomy later and the pregnancy joy was over and I was now a tube down.
I don’t need to go into the details of that experience as I am sure it is something many people will be familiar with in some form or another.
I was 22 years old and when I think back to that experience now, I can’t believe it happened at such a young age.
We decided not to go through IUI again. It had drained me mentally and emotionally and put quite a toll on our relationship.
We agreed to adopt. So we started the long process. They suggested that parting with our beautiful German Shepherd (Ellie) would be better as a parent giving their child up for adoption may not be comfortable knowing that breed of dog was in the household. We did and it tore my heart out. They suggested we got married – we maybe would have one day but it wasn’t on the cards for then but we did it to make the adoption process easier. We had a beautiful day and everything we wanted. We went through the entire process and had our lives completely explored. We soon got matched to a little boy, at panel he was given to another couple they felt better suited - my heart was once again torn out. Sometime later we were matched to a 10 month old boy but before we got to panel they came to us with a 7 week old baby – at panel the birth mother changed her mind – heart battered again, not only for 7 week old baby but also 10 month old boy. Eventually we did adopt that 10 month old boy but he was then 20 months old – there were some complications with foster mother who wanted to adopt him but because her cultural background didn’t match his and ours did he was given to us at panel – I was a Mummy!
Anyway – to cut a very painful and complicated story short, after approx 2 years the adoption was a devastating experience and resulted in a broken, childless marriage.
Six years later and after much time protecting and mending my heart I met my wonderful partner. We have been together almost 3 years and he knows the full story.
He was never put off by the fact that it was unlikely we would have children.
In the last couple of months I have started thinking more and more about it. I don’t know if that is because I am now approaching 36 and feel I would like that chance to at least try.
I don’t hold my breath with all the complications I had but I once never believed I would be slim and my weight loss last year proved to me that anything is possible.
Well..............I AM PREGNANT!!
Kat xx
I was born with an imperforate hymen which was discovered when I started menstruating at 14 years old. A general anaesthetic and a gorgeous DR later and that humiliating experience was over!
After years of horrendously painful, heavy periods I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 17 years old.
I was just 21 when I first thought I was pregnant and terrified my boyfriend would leave me. When we realised I wasn’t we were both disappointed so decided to just see what happens.
At this point I should say that timings are somewhat blurry. I know the facts about what happened but over the years I learnt to block the painful things out and all of this has been stored away in a brain compartment which copes really well with it all.
So, we decided to keep trying but after approx a year nothing had happened. I visited the DR and recall the following things occurring but over what period of time I am unsure:
Referrals
Temperature charts
Laparoscopy x3
Fertility drugs – clomiphine
Further tests (both myself & my partner)
IUI (inter-uterine insemination)
I can recall starting the IUI but have no memory of the first or second attempt. I didn’t have the third when it was planned as I had emotionally had enough. Instead I went on holiday with two girlfriends to recharge my batteries and think about whether or not I could continue.
On the third attempt (in the 4th month) I remember still being unsure as to whether or not I wanted to do it. I remember lying there after the procedure and pushing to get the fluid out of me and almost feeling so angry that it wouldn’t work. That was a feeling that would live to haunt me for a long time.
I can remember calling my Mum and telling her my already irregular period was late – 4 days seems to ring a bell. She said I should just call the hospital. Thinking they would say I had to wait a few more days, I called. She told me to go straight there and have a pregnancy test. When we got there my partner sat a few feet away from the room where she was testing my urine. It felt like the longest minute of my life. I will never forget the look on her face, the tone in her voice and the smile when she told me it was positive. My knees gave way and my b/f jumped up to grab me. I WAS PREGNANT!! It was an amazing feeling but it was to be short lived.
A few weeks later I was rushed to hospital with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy – a salpingectomy later and the pregnancy joy was over and I was now a tube down.
I don’t need to go into the details of that experience as I am sure it is something many people will be familiar with in some form or another.
I was 22 years old and when I think back to that experience now, I can’t believe it happened at such a young age.
We decided not to go through IUI again. It had drained me mentally and emotionally and put quite a toll on our relationship.
We agreed to adopt. So we started the long process. They suggested that parting with our beautiful German Shepherd (Ellie) would be better as a parent giving their child up for adoption may not be comfortable knowing that breed of dog was in the household. We did and it tore my heart out. They suggested we got married – we maybe would have one day but it wasn’t on the cards for then but we did it to make the adoption process easier. We had a beautiful day and everything we wanted. We went through the entire process and had our lives completely explored. We soon got matched to a little boy, at panel he was given to another couple they felt better suited - my heart was once again torn out. Sometime later we were matched to a 10 month old boy but before we got to panel they came to us with a 7 week old baby – at panel the birth mother changed her mind – heart battered again, not only for 7 week old baby but also 10 month old boy. Eventually we did adopt that 10 month old boy but he was then 20 months old – there were some complications with foster mother who wanted to adopt him but because her cultural background didn’t match his and ours did he was given to us at panel – I was a Mummy!
Anyway – to cut a very painful and complicated story short, after approx 2 years the adoption was a devastating experience and resulted in a broken, childless marriage.
Six years later and after much time protecting and mending my heart I met my wonderful partner. We have been together almost 3 years and he knows the full story.
He was never put off by the fact that it was unlikely we would have children.
In the last couple of months I have started thinking more and more about it. I don’t know if that is because I am now approaching 36 and feel I would like that chance to at least try.
I don’t hold my breath with all the complications I had but I once never believed I would be slim and my weight loss last year proved to me that anything is possible.
Well..............I AM PREGNANT!!
Kat xx
