This is it! I have managed to get to the stage of writing my first entry in this diary before midnight.
Today was my first day.
I LOVED it. I enjoyed every morsel, the shake I had for breaky was yummy, the soup I had for lunch was satisfying and the soup I had for dinner was very tasty.
I'm being serious here on this first post, because I SERIOUSLY want to lose this other person I carry around with me every day! My weight is twice what it should be, the equivalent of another whole person. I dont like this other person, I want to say goodbye to them forever. Its a demon on my shoulder, weak willed and lilly livered. It has no right to be here with me. I want to be the real me, the me I used to be.
This other me I carry around doesnt care about nice clothes, nice relationships and nice holidays, all it cares about is where the next FIX is coming from. I dont care about Fix's - I care about me, my daughter and my parents. Where will they be if I allow the other half of me to rule my life so much that I die from a heart atack or a stroke, or that I end up struggling through life carrying the weight of this demon and unable to care for the people I love. This demon doesnt care If I spend the rest of my life alone, lonely and bored, this other half may be able to gain comfort from food but I can't and won't anymore!!
This is the end for this demon. Be Gone Demon, get away from me. The fight is on and I will win.
Today was my first day.
I LOVED it. I enjoyed every morsel, the shake I had for breaky was yummy, the soup I had for lunch was satisfying and the soup I had for dinner was very tasty.
I'm being serious here on this first post, because I SERIOUSLY want to lose this other person I carry around with me every day! My weight is twice what it should be, the equivalent of another whole person. I dont like this other person, I want to say goodbye to them forever. Its a demon on my shoulder, weak willed and lilly livered. It has no right to be here with me. I want to be the real me, the me I used to be.
This other me I carry around doesnt care about nice clothes, nice relationships and nice holidays, all it cares about is where the next FIX is coming from. I dont care about Fix's - I care about me, my daughter and my parents. Where will they be if I allow the other half of me to rule my life so much that I die from a heart atack or a stroke, or that I end up struggling through life carrying the weight of this demon and unable to care for the people I love. This demon doesnt care If I spend the rest of my life alone, lonely and bored, this other half may be able to gain comfort from food but I can't and won't anymore!!
This is the end for this demon. Be Gone Demon, get away from me. The fight is on and I will win.