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worried worried and worried

utternutta

Full Member
Hello

Didnt want to come on here and air my worries but feel need some support. Nearly two years ago i was naughty and looked at bf's emails on facebook. Saw that he had been emailing a girl from work and had said in one of her photos she looked hot!! A few emails to me seemed also a bit flirty and not right for someone in a relationship!! Was upset and had it out with him and he said its a friend of his at work who had lost her job and bf and he was trying to cheer her up. He honestly is such a nice guy and no one could ever think he would cheat. I also know i shouldnt have looked in the first place!! I never thought more happened and we talked and he realised maybe he shouldnt have spoken to her like that. Everything has ben fine and we are even engaged now! But im still angry about what happened... why if he is in love with me would he be emailing another girl this!! Im so upset today cause every now and then i think about it again and it pops into my head for no reason at all!! How can i get over this and dyou think i should speak to him again? Or am i over reacting?
 
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Cai

has a thin girl inside!
Snap!!!

This happened to me about 4.5 yrs ago.

I'd only been with my bf about 6 months and he had sent messages to a lady he used to work with. Similar situation as in they were not appropriate; she was even married. I confronted him and again it was dismissed - said they'd always talked like that (which didn't make it any easier) he did then assume our relationship was over, which is wasn't as we are now married!' :)

I continued to look every now and again and found nothing! I still look now when I'm board, but it's mte my problem than his now. If I feel down or upset I look! It's not healthy to do it, I never find anything but it strangely makes me feel better now knowing that he is all mine :)

I hope you can get over this, I think if you speak to him again over it he may think yr bringing up bad feelings for no reason.

If he's not done anything to upset you in the last 2 years you have found yrself a keeper!!! Remember that xx
 

utternutta

Full Member
Thank you you have really helped... i cant look anymore as he had left his facebook on and id looked but he doesnt really have it on anymore. I cant imagine him actually having an affair as i went away recently and he was pining for me!! Hes so lovely but i just keep thinking of this girl. Shes so pretty and him talking to her like that was just unbearable. Ive no idea if he still does it but i asked him if he was still in contact with her not so long ago and he said no. he said he would never do anything to hurt me but he had!! Hes so attentive with me, is always with me and always telling me he loves me so not sure why keep thinking about what happened!
 

Cai

has a thin girl inside!
You do it because you care!! You don't want him to hurt you...an ecause yr a woman and that's what we do!! :)

Just remember all that you just said next time that thought is going through yr head ;-) x
 

utternutta

Full Member
I know, you are right! I just hope he doesnt do it again as id never know!! And I think he is really really happy as we are getting married but what if he starts it again? I do worry about men cheating cause you hear it all the time
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
I think we all get a bit paranoid at times. My hubby-to-be did something similar SEVEN years ago and it still pops into my head occasionally. I don't bring it up anymore, I have no reason to suspect that anything is going on with anyone and it would only cause an argument; he never cheated, he was just emailing some girl and it got my back up. Had he sent the exact same emails to a male friend or a girl who I didn't think was his "type" they would have been perfectly innocent.

I can't comment on your relationship so I don't know if it's right for you to speak to him or not, but I take from your post that this has just randomly entered your head- you don't suspect him of doing anything recently?? I wouldn't risk the argument, in this situation my other half would say "you obviously don't trust me" and it would lead to all sorts of complications :(

As for the big question: "If he loves me why would he email another girl like this?". I think the answer to that is quite simple. He is a man!! Who knows how their brains work! I doubt he ever did it to hurt you, he probably didn't even realise how or why it might upset you. I wouldn't let it get to you.
 

utternutta

Full Member
Thank you so much for your support girls. Its good to know i wasnt going to get lots of people emailing saying oooh what a rat etc! Dump him. He is a lovely man and has a good heart so maybe he just thought he was helping this girl. I forget sometimes men are wired very differently to us women! And you are right, he will only bring up the 'obviously you dont trust me' and what will i acheive bringing it up this late? Our relationship is lovely and i dont think he would actually go and have an affair as he is always at home, i just never thought i would see an email like that from him. Ive got to try get it out of my head, it just pops in there every now and then for no reason.
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
Utternutta, I have an ex from years and years ago and even his infidelities pop into my head sometimes and wind me up!!! I haven't even seen the guy for years, yet every now and then the thought enters my head and I think "HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO ME!!!" then I stomp round the house. Had my fiance done to me what that one did to me I probably would have knifed him in his sleep by now!!
 

utternutta

Full Member
ha ha oh dear.... i nearly consider that when other half snores ha ha...

dyou think i should try and put it all out of my head? I dont think ill ever really forget it but i dont want to not marry him all because of some emails!
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
Yes, I do. He made a mistake, he hasn't done it since. The conversation you had with him back then obviously worked, it's hit a nerve; he listened. Unless you suspect of something else going on, you don't need to worry about it. Besides, if he wanted to be with another woman he would be!! Try to forget about it, maybe that should be your 2012 goal?
 

utternutta

Full Member
It should be my goal as we are getting married 2012!! So i hope that if he didnt want to be with me then that wouldnt be happening!! :) x
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
Me too, what date is yours??
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
August 25th- getting measured for my dress in April, so I've got til then to make a significant difference!! Do you have a dress yet? x
 

utternutta

Full Member
yep got my dress and after christmas i think i no longer fit in it ha ha .... have my final fitting two months before big day. Dyou have a lot to loose? I have half a stone to a stone but doesnt shift for love nor money!
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
Ooh yes- I'm a size 20 now and ideally I'd like to be a 14, not just for the wedding day but for the rest of eternity. I'm a proper foodie, so it's unlikely I'd manage to be a size 10 for the rest of my life :( 14 sounds realistic for me. Good luck honey, can't wait to see the photos!!
 

Shirleen

Gold Member
I think this is a problem YOU have with self esteem, the emails in the first place were probably innocent (men don't tend think empathically, so he may never have thought how you'd feel about it), it doesn't mean what he did was ok, but he's learned and you need to move on.

Why do you feel this way? Do you feel undeserving of him? Not pretty/slim/fit enough? Because if this is the case then you have a problem with YOU not him!
He chose you, which means he wants you, he loves YOU!
Perhaps deep down you're afraid of being too happy, and looking back at what at worst was a blip is feeding that feeling.
Jealousy and possessiveness and insecurity destroy relationships as much as infidelity, so work on the issues you have with yourself, don't look to blame him unless you have a true suspicion of his wrongdoing.
 




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