wow had first panick attack in years yesterday :(

[amethyst]

... hadnt had a panick attack like that for about 3-4 years, was awfull. my breathing was terrible, paper bag couldnt help me either. :cry:

i think i done to much, i walked half a mile to ww when i got there i was sweating big time, then walked another half mile to tesco's spent money i could of done without, got taxi back rushed the shopping in, packed all away tidied up, sat on pc for a bit, oh came home i as making him a cup of t and bam my head went all funny, felt like i was going to pass out so i had to sit down, then my hands and lips and mouth went all funny... :cry:head took about an hr to get back together..

was ok then, cooked dinner and chilled for the evening...

oh still wont realy discuss money with me, he says when we get child tax of roughly £60 a week, he wil pay all bill's. and i make sure there is food here out of that £60, plus my daughters school dinners, plus my diet money, plus my fag money plus bus fair's taxi's etc.. yeah ok! really £60 will go so far! NOT!

and then there is his shower pod he selfishly got put in last year, sauna dont even work on it, been begging him to swap it before november (12 mnths) for a whril pool bath, he says tommorrow, but it never comes .

I didnt get the 3rd interview for alliance and leicester, in a way i am glad, cus i am not ready for that yet... but i am going to feel forced now to get a job around his hours (save on child care) just to survive.. he reckons he cant afford to give me any money? (he used to give me £40 week maintanence, stopping now?) ...

dont know what to do! ?

thanks for reading..


hope you all doing well

 

[mollydog]

No wonder you had panic attack, you have got such a lot going on just now. I have only once had a panic attack and its a strange experience. It was a few years ago and oh knew he was getting paid off but the confirmation letter came on the same day a letter from the mortgage company came saying there was a possibility we would have as much as 24 grand shortfall at the end of mortgage!!
It all worked out ok in end, we changed our mortgage and oh did get paid off but ended up in a better job than where he was.
I think your oh is being unreasonable to expect you to manage on £60 per week. If you are working round his work have you thought about one of the big supermarkets. Not everyones cup of tea but the pay is quite good and you get overtime opportunities. Usually they have quite good benefits and savings schemes. Its not that difficult to move up the career ladder too.

 

[amethyst]

i dont feel up for work at the moment, dont think i could cope with runinng the house, tidying up after everyone and working.. am worried, cus i have had 2 nervous breakdowns over the past 8 years... dont want to have another one, oh would probably admit me!