x_Nicki_x - Time to work hard, so my heart doesn't have too :S

[Principessa N]

I decided my first post in weight watchers should be my diary, I recognize a few names from when I was on here more regularly , it has been a while since I posted with any real purpose but things have become more serious than they ever have before, there is no more time to mess about now that my weight is messing with my health. My name is Nicki and I live with my husband, we live with our furbabies by the sea. After years of crappy minimum wage jobs, I started a new job at the beginning of the year at a local college and I love it, its my dream job, unfortunately with access to a canteen stocked to please teenagers, my weight has crept up to 23stone 7lbs.

On Friday, at the tender age of 27, It was confirmed that I have high blood pressure. Other than having chronic asthma this is the first time my weight has affected my health and although i'm not as concerned as I should be I don't want anything more serious to happen. My main problem is I struggle to stick to anything, I binge eat so a bad day, tends to end up a bad week which ends up in my giving up all together. I wanted to do a vlcd but because I binge and comfort eat I wouldn't be able to last for any length of time and I could spend £50 a week on proper healthy food rather than shakes and hopefully lose weight slower but without the struggle. I joined weight watchers online as I'm not a fan of groups and I have been instructed to photograph my scales weekly and send it to my mother - a far more motivating factor than a stranger at group.

I don't have a lot of support around me really I live away from my parents and closest friend, really my support structure is my husband and my cousin/best friend and they both have their own weight issues so I try not to burden them with mine too. I used to be addicted to minis reading everything but in the last year or so I have almost been to afraid to post again, feel like i'm intruding, But it used to be a fantastic support and I hope it will become one again for me.

So the pointing starts tomorrow, wish me luck.

 

[bulldogdaisy]

Good luck to you,don't be afraid to post,this site is great as you know,it helps to keep me motivated,I also live away from family and friends now since the start of last year,so use this site constantly :0)

 

[Principessa N]

Thanks hun, do you find its harder being away from friends and family?

My first day is going surprising well its been a while since I stuck to anything so a whole day on plan is an achievement in itself. Still got 30 points left so I doubt I'll eat them all by tonight, might have some milk if I some points left over.

 

[bulldogdaisy]

Well done for sticking to your first day and I'm glad its gone well for you.I do miss my family etc but I love where I live now but I think I will move back nearer to them in a year or so once my OH has finshed his uni course,whereabouts are you at?

 

[Principessa N]

Bit of a bumpy start all in all, generally been a rough week in our household and food is the general form of comfort that I cling to.
I know I need to do this and get my head and bum in gear and just get on with it but sometimes I just have to eat, like there is no controlling that urge and if there is nothing I want in the house then I will go buy some, I have been known to cancel payments just so I can go to the shop and buy something to eat and when I get it, its like i've not eaten in weeks. Surely this isn't normal behaviour, well I know its not normal but is it more than just a fat girl wanting food, for me its a compulsion and that is where I struggle time and time again.

I have no one in 'real' life to talk to, my husband insists he loves me and isn't bothered by my weight despite the fact he never touches me anymore, my best and only friend lives pretty far away and not being able to drive means I don't see her very often. My mother and step father are emigrating in a few months and I am to fat to get on a plane so who knows when i'll see them again. I'm feel very isolated, lost and lonely at the moment

and i think the mods must have missed/ignored my request to change my name the girl was a really bad choice

 

[bulldogdaisy]

Might be worth checking out willow fae's diary,you sound like her hun.Maybe try a date night with the OH,a good chat might be in order as well :0) that's a pain about the name change! Hope you get it sorted.Its hard when away from family and friend's,this site gives me lots of support!

 

[mybodyisacage]

Have you gone to your GP about the compulsive eating? In my PCT there is a group called Life Morph who are a 3rd party company employed by the nhs, I am on a 6 month waiting list to be seen but it sounds like the kind of thing you need. It is intensive one to one therapy addressing your personal issues with food. You work with trained psychologists and nutritionists to get to the root of your problems with food, use cbt to combat the problems and create an eating plan which works for you and aids loss. I think there are also personal trainers for exercise too. Basically it seems like the 360 approach you need, so worth looking into! I cant wait to start.

 

[Principessa N]

Thanks Ladies, mybodyisacage i'm in the same pct and I was refered to them a few weeks ago, it was during all the tests before that my doctor found my high blood pressure, although my doctor said they may not accept the referal because of my binge eating, he might have to refer me to somewhere else but I will find that out when I next go.
I don't know why but i'm really struggling to post on minis, I read most things but I feel akward posting.

 

[mybodyisacage]

well fingers crossed for you. are you doing step one whilst you wait for step two? thats what Im doing and I have found it so helpful.

The way I think about minis is that it is so anonymous, no one knows the real you so dont worry if you are embarrassed by what you write. Also anything you write there will be at least one other poster who will be able to relate to your thinking/feeling/experience/emotions. For example, this is the first time in my whole life I have ever told anyone how much I weigh. Now I find it very liberating.

 

[Rkmriddell]

Bit of a bumpy start all in all, generally been a rough week in our household and food is the general form of comfort that I cling to.
I know I need to do this and get my head and bum in gear and just get on with it but sometimes I just have to eat, like there is no controlling that urge and if there is nothing I want in the house then I will go buy some, I have been known to cancel payments just so I can go to the shop and buy something to eat and when I get it, its like i've not eaten in weeks. Surely this isn't normal behaviour, well I know its not normal but is it more than just a fat girl wanting food, for me its a compulsion and that is where I struggle time and time again.

I have no one in 'real' life to talk to, my husband insists he loves me and isn't bothered by my weight despite the fact he never touches me anymore, my best and only friend lives pretty far away and not being able to drive means I don't see her very often. My mother and step father are emigrating in a few months and I am to fat to get on a plane so who knows when i'll see them again. I'm feel very isolated, lost and lonely at the moment

and i think the mods must have missed/ignored my request to change my name the girl was a really bad choice

Hun you should look up willowfae and her diary. She is currently battling food addiction through oa. Have a chat to her x did you post your name change request in the tech forum? I find that's best place. Big hugs hun we are all here x

 

[Rkmriddell]

Might be worth checking out willow fae's diary,you sound like her hun.Maybe try a date night with the OH,a good chat might be in order as well :0) that's a pain about the name change! Hope you get it sorted.Its hard when away from family and friend's,this site gives me lots of support!

Ah see someone already directed you lol x me and hub have just started date nights every two weeks. Important to make couple time x

 

[WillowFae]

Hi Nicki.

I've just seen your post in my diary. (((( hugs )))). One of the reasons for me being so honest about it is that I want to let people know that there is a solution and that if you a battling with these things that you're not alone.

Will keep reading your diary