1 Hitchhiker gone, one more still hanging on, but not for long!!
- Thread starter Lily42uk
- Start date
broadsbean
Gold Member
morning lily xxx
How are you doing , hope your feeling better x :bighug:
How are you doing , hope your feeling better x :bighug:
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Thank you ladies, still having a really bad times with the medication, going slightly longer between feeling really sick but then it suddenly hits and it's really bad have to carry a sick bowl most of the time. On top of that my hands and feet are in the middle of one of my worst flare ups for a long time, and my entire body is itching constantly. I feel so irritated all the time, I know that's my blood sugar being high but try explaining that to my hubby who is a hothead himself and doesn't really want to listen and to top it all off I had another 3lb gain last night, the result of feeling so sick I can barely eat anything and when I do it's not really good other than the soup.
Aaaarrrggghhhhh I want to scream I feel so frustrated.
Bet you wish you hadn't asked now lol
Hope you are ok. xxx:hug99:xx
has taken me so long to type this cos I can barely use my hands, I will pop by to your diaries when my hands are in a better condition, speak soon xxx
broadsbean
Gold Member
are you taking anti-sickness pills lily , there are some really good ones maybe speak to your gp and see what he/she suggests x
the gain will go again once everything settles down x
i had a 3.5 lb gain due to oedema so know how you feel x you have come so far and done so well as well as inspiring many others, i know you will bounce back xxx
much love and hugs xxx
the gain will go again once everything settles down x
i had a 3.5 lb gain due to oedema so know how you feel x you have come so far and done so well as well as inspiring many others, i know you will bounce back xxx
much love and hugs xxx
broadsbean
Gold Member
just popped by to see how you are xx i hope things are getting better xx
:wavey::wavey::wavey::wavey:
:wavey::wavey::wavey::wavey:
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Hi hun, I'm still not doing that well, although it does seem to be a little better every day, and to be honest i'd sooner not take anymore pills or potions, already on 14 a day.
Right now I don't actually have a second to think about it. Kelly's just come out of hospital after having her 5th procedure on her shoulder, last year she had an op on her right shoulder where they sawed a piece of bone from the clavicle and attached it to her rotar cuff to stabilise the shoulder, I believe it's called the Mumford procedure , but I could be wrong lol, after 3 failed attempts before at stabilising the shoulders (Kelly dislocated both her shoulders on xmas day 2008 during an epileptic seizure and they have subsequently popped out as and when they felt like it, the last 2 times she has woken after a nights sleep to find they were dislocated) they decided to do this procedure on her right shoulder last April and that has been so successful they have just performed the same procedure on her left shoulder only this time they had to remove some stabilising screws they had inserted, so she is in a lot of pain, Simon her hubby has to work, even though he was given 3 days leave to be with her, he now needs to return to work and so me and her Dad are taking on the brunt of caring for her, and this is all while juggling a lot of repairs going on in my house.
The roof is leaking so that's in the process of being fixed and they are now just about to install a new kitchen, bathroom and toilet too, all very lovely but extremely inconvenient right now.
So as I said I am run off my feet and not really got a lot of time at mo.
Had an appointment with my Dermatologist yesterday and ended up having a huge row with her, a mix of my tiredness and I believe her stress, she was running an hour late yesterday and after over 5 years attending her clinic it's the first time I've ever had to wait more than 10 mins. I think yesterday was a mix of those factors as I usually have a great rapport with her, but even with that and while I appreciate she and others doctors do a great job, they don't experience the pain and frustration we the patients go through and I told her that, she may have studied and specialised and may well have seen almost every kind of effect of the PPP, but she hasn't lived it and therefore cannot say with definite conviction what exactly happens, I almost felt I was being called a liar. I had a flare up with my psoriasis after my GP told me to stop taking the pills my derm had prescribed, so yesterday my derm asked me how soon after I stopped taking the pills it flared I answered 2 days, she said in no uncertain terms that was not possible, so I asked her if she was calling me a liar, she just repeated that was impossible and it kind of escalated from there, she was extremely rude to me even after I explained to her that I have a constant cycle of having flare ups every 3 weeks or so and that the flare was almost definitely going to happen anyway and the stopping of the pills was a coincidence. I admit I can get very defensive, I will not tolerate anyone talking to me like she did yesterday, I then asked her if I could change to another form of treatment as the tablets I am on don't seem to work that well and have really bad side effects that are on the whole unbeareable, she rudely explained that was because of my weight and if I were to lose that weight the pills would work better and I would have less side effects. I said that's easy for you to say but I don't only have the one health issue, and one of the other ones I do have is an underactive thyroid, which at this moment in time seems to not want to respond to meds, so she then says well you tell me how you'd like to be medicated then, I was so angry at that point it took every ounce of my control not to tell her to shove it, what I did say however was that she was the doctor and should act accordingly and not like a petulant child ...not sure that went down to well but it did calm the situation and we ended up sorting things out.
I have to laugh because her very last words to me every time I have seen her and I am about to leave her office is, stay calm no stress and you'll stay PPP free, that's a joke when she acted like she did yesterday. I am a very mild mannered person until I am pushed too far, I can be aggressive when pushed...but in the real world I am a pacifist and I tend to look for the calm option, however she pushed me to the limits yesterday and that upset me as we have a great relationship as a rule.
Anyways good to have gotten that off my chest, I am now off to Kelly's not sure when I'll be back as knackered most of the time, so take care lovelies and hopefully will catch you soon xxx:hug99:xxx
Right now I don't actually have a second to think about it. Kelly's just come out of hospital after having her 5th procedure on her shoulder, last year she had an op on her right shoulder where they sawed a piece of bone from the clavicle and attached it to her rotar cuff to stabilise the shoulder, I believe it's called the Mumford procedure , but I could be wrong lol, after 3 failed attempts before at stabilising the shoulders (Kelly dislocated both her shoulders on xmas day 2008 during an epileptic seizure and they have subsequently popped out as and when they felt like it, the last 2 times she has woken after a nights sleep to find they were dislocated) they decided to do this procedure on her right shoulder last April and that has been so successful they have just performed the same procedure on her left shoulder only this time they had to remove some stabilising screws they had inserted, so she is in a lot of pain, Simon her hubby has to work, even though he was given 3 days leave to be with her, he now needs to return to work and so me and her Dad are taking on the brunt of caring for her, and this is all while juggling a lot of repairs going on in my house.
The roof is leaking so that's in the process of being fixed and they are now just about to install a new kitchen, bathroom and toilet too, all very lovely but extremely inconvenient right now.
So as I said I am run off my feet and not really got a lot of time at mo.
Had an appointment with my Dermatologist yesterday and ended up having a huge row with her, a mix of my tiredness and I believe her stress, she was running an hour late yesterday and after over 5 years attending her clinic it's the first time I've ever had to wait more than 10 mins. I think yesterday was a mix of those factors as I usually have a great rapport with her, but even with that and while I appreciate she and others doctors do a great job, they don't experience the pain and frustration we the patients go through and I told her that, she may have studied and specialised and may well have seen almost every kind of effect of the PPP, but she hasn't lived it and therefore cannot say with definite conviction what exactly happens, I almost felt I was being called a liar. I had a flare up with my psoriasis after my GP told me to stop taking the pills my derm had prescribed, so yesterday my derm asked me how soon after I stopped taking the pills it flared I answered 2 days, she said in no uncertain terms that was not possible, so I asked her if she was calling me a liar, she just repeated that was impossible and it kind of escalated from there, she was extremely rude to me even after I explained to her that I have a constant cycle of having flare ups every 3 weeks or so and that the flare was almost definitely going to happen anyway and the stopping of the pills was a coincidence. I admit I can get very defensive, I will not tolerate anyone talking to me like she did yesterday, I then asked her if I could change to another form of treatment as the tablets I am on don't seem to work that well and have really bad side effects that are on the whole unbeareable, she rudely explained that was because of my weight and if I were to lose that weight the pills would work better and I would have less side effects. I said that's easy for you to say but I don't only have the one health issue, and one of the other ones I do have is an underactive thyroid, which at this moment in time seems to not want to respond to meds, so she then says well you tell me how you'd like to be medicated then, I was so angry at that point it took every ounce of my control not to tell her to shove it, what I did say however was that she was the doctor and should act accordingly and not like a petulant child ...not sure that went down to well but it did calm the situation and we ended up sorting things out.
I have to laugh because her very last words to me every time I have seen her and I am about to leave her office is, stay calm no stress and you'll stay PPP free, that's a joke when she acted like she did yesterday. I am a very mild mannered person until I am pushed too far, I can be aggressive when pushed...but in the real world I am a pacifist and I tend to look for the calm option, however she pushed me to the limits yesterday and that upset me as we have a great relationship as a rule.
Anyways good to have gotten that off my chest, I am now off to Kelly's not sure when I'll be back as knackered most of the time, so take care lovelies and hopefully will catch you soon xxx:hug99:xxx
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broadsbean
Gold Member
The NHS is stretched to breaking point at the moment with back door cuts and reductions in manpower disguised as reorganisations but that
is not something that should be taken out on the patients the very people we are trying to help xx
Drs sometimes lose sight of the patients as people and see them as conditions how ever unintentional it is, it is unprofessional so well done you on calling her out on it. Medical professionals need to walk a mile in the shoes of their patients before judging them x She is aware of your hx and knows how far you have come in your weight loss so that comment was unforgivable.
sounds like your having a really busy time, but remember you need to look after you too x Hope your daughter recovers well xx
is not something that should be taken out on the patients the very people we are trying to help xx
Drs sometimes lose sight of the patients as people and see them as conditions how ever unintentional it is, it is unprofessional so well done you on calling her out on it. Medical professionals need to walk a mile in the shoes of their patients before judging them x She is aware of your hx and knows how far you have come in your weight loss so that comment was unforgivable.
sounds like your having a really busy time, but remember you need to look after you too x Hope your daughter recovers well xx
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Hello lovelies, just a quickie before I head to my bed, got plumbers coming tomorrow morning about 8am so need to sleep....oh I forgot I didn't tell you, had to call an emergency plumber out to my 2 year old boiler as it stopped working and had no hot water and no heating, all this happened late Tuesday night, so had to go to Kelly's to have a bath ready for hospital on Wednesday and they are coming to fit my new parts tomorrow ...I can't believe we have lived in this house 17 years and this is boiler number 5 ...all I can think of is the really bad hard water we have, I replace my kettles approx. 4 times a year and spend a fortune on descaler.
Anyways, still looking after Kelly, she is getting a bit better, the bruising is starting to really come out and she has lowered her dose of ora-morph so isn't quite as drowsy all the time, she's only taking it at night now and is barely using the Co-codeine 35/100's they put her on.
I did laugh I have taken them, they knock me for 6 just taking one of them and I am off with the fairy's so I stick to my 10/100's, Kelly has become so immune to them over the years that they are barely having any effect at all.
But she still needs constant care, can't believe its only been a week, feels like months already lol
Mandy I fully understand how stretched manpower and resources are at hospital and I have nothing but the greatest respect for you nurses and the doctors too and as a rule I have the greatest respect for my Derm she is great at listening and willing to take on board suggestions. But last week, I could easily have told her where to go, I know she's human and we all get stressed but when you're dealing with people who are in constant pain you need to bury those feelings and emotions ...like I said I get on really well with her so I am happy to have a word next time I see her, but this is the one and only time I will let her get away with talking to me like that, next time if there is one, I'll take it further.
My hands and feet were beginning to clear up but seem to have had a turn about and have now broken down again.
On the positive side my blood sugars have come down immensely on the new tabs and I have found out what makes me feel really sick, if I eat anything that contains even the slightest bit of extra fat or sugar I spend days just feeling sick and bloated and windy lol
Before got the blood tests back I took my reading, something I hadn't done for a little while and it was 22.7, today just 3 weeks after starting the new tabs it was down to 9.3, still a little way to go but in the right direction and definitely a lot healthier number.
I weigh in tomorrow and feel I may have put on yet again (that will be 3 weeks in a row if I do) as I am still retaining water, am going to my docs at the end of the week, think I need to ask for water pills the herbal ones aren't helping at all, but I am starting to get back in the right frame of mind and moving about a hell of a lot more and definitely sleeping better too, so fingers crossed will be able to report a good loss very soon lol
Hope you're all well and I hope to catch you all again soon xxx:hug99:xxx
Anyways, still looking after Kelly, she is getting a bit better, the bruising is starting to really come out and she has lowered her dose of ora-morph so isn't quite as drowsy all the time, she's only taking it at night now and is barely using the Co-codeine 35/100's they put her on.
I did laugh I have taken them, they knock me for 6 just taking one of them and I am off with the fairy's so I stick to my 10/100's, Kelly has become so immune to them over the years that they are barely having any effect at all.
But she still needs constant care, can't believe its only been a week, feels like months already lol
Mandy I fully understand how stretched manpower and resources are at hospital and I have nothing but the greatest respect for you nurses and the doctors too and as a rule I have the greatest respect for my Derm she is great at listening and willing to take on board suggestions. But last week, I could easily have told her where to go, I know she's human and we all get stressed but when you're dealing with people who are in constant pain you need to bury those feelings and emotions ...like I said I get on really well with her so I am happy to have a word next time I see her, but this is the one and only time I will let her get away with talking to me like that, next time if there is one, I'll take it further.
My hands and feet were beginning to clear up but seem to have had a turn about and have now broken down again.
On the positive side my blood sugars have come down immensely on the new tabs and I have found out what makes me feel really sick, if I eat anything that contains even the slightest bit of extra fat or sugar I spend days just feeling sick and bloated and windy lol
Before got the blood tests back I took my reading, something I hadn't done for a little while and it was 22.7, today just 3 weeks after starting the new tabs it was down to 9.3, still a little way to go but in the right direction and definitely a lot healthier number.
I weigh in tomorrow and feel I may have put on yet again (that will be 3 weeks in a row if I do) as I am still retaining water, am going to my docs at the end of the week, think I need to ask for water pills the herbal ones aren't helping at all, but I am starting to get back in the right frame of mind and moving about a hell of a lot more and definitely sleeping better too, so fingers crossed will be able to report a good loss very soon lol
Hope you're all well and I hope to catch you all again soon xxx:hug99:xxx
Purple Patsy
Gold Member
Just had a bit of a catch up hun and all I don;t really know what to say to help cos you are :superwoman: to cope with it all and still be able to help out Kelly. :bighug:
Hope you have a good night's sleep and that the plumbers get you all sorted out tomorrow. :fingerscrossed:
Hope you have a good night's sleep and that the plumbers get you all sorted out tomorrow. :fingerscrossed:
broadsbean
Gold Member
see had to read all that twice as mixed up the bit with going to kelly's for a bath and having your new parts fitted, lol. That is a fantastic drop in blood glucose levels, glad to see you are starting to feel the benefit of the new meds xx
Water retention is the bain of my life at the moment, but i will not give into it this time. Have a gp appointment in 4 weeks time and am planning to get them to check all my bloods including fasting glucose to try and find some answers to my current stall.
hope your boilers all sorted now the thought of no heating .......
xx
Water retention is the bain of my life at the moment, but i will not give into it this time. Have a gp appointment in 4 weeks time and am planning to get them to check all my bloods including fasting glucose to try and find some answers to my current stall.
hope your boilers all sorted now the thought of no heating .......
xx
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Ah bless you hun, I'm not :superwoman: at all, just have to look after Kelly and little Albert as there isn't anyone else right now, well there is and Kirsty is coming to take over for a few days from tomorrow, to give me and Mal a break.
I have got one belter of a headache tonight so for the 1st time since starting SW I weighed and left, came home and had an hours sleep and dinner and am heading back to my pillows in about 5 mins
So good to have you back missy xxx:hug99:xxx
see had to read all that twice as mixed up the bit with going to kelly's for a bath and having your new parts fitted, lol. That is a fantastic drop in blood glucose levels, glad to see you are starting to feel the benefit of the new meds xx
Water retention is the bain of my life at the moment, but i will not give into it this time. Have a gp appointment in 4 weeks time and am planning to get them to check all my bloods including fasting glucose to try and find some answers to my current stall.
hope your boilers all sorted now the thought of no heating .......
Lol that did make me laugh, I do think my plumbing needs sorting out too as it happens :giggle:
I know I took them last week and they had dropped immensely and then to find they dropped to that lower figure (9.3), I even took it twice in case something had gone wrong but it read 9.3 both times.
I have a docs appt Friday as I too have a problem with water retention right now, I would get it from time to time but the last couple of months its not disappeared, I am getting up with swollen ankles after a good-ish nights sleep and they are getting very tight and painful most days to the point that even wearing my slippers is too painful.
Anyway I gained another 5lb this week, I know I haven't been 100% on plan but that does not reflect the kind of week I have had, if it had been 1 or 2 I'd have agreed, but that shocked me, so even more reason to get this water retention sorted.
Ah well going to take it easy tonight as feeling sh!te and going to hit the books and exercise machines tomorrow ...a good overhaul sounds like a great idea Mandy, seeing what you've eaten I'd say that it's got to be water.
So I am off to my beddy byes ladies and I will catch you tomorrow hopefully :hug99: xxx
P.S. Plumber arrived at 7.58am this morning and replaced the tube inside the boiler itself that had split ...no shredded and replaced a filter too, :fingerscrossed: nothing else goes wrong anytime soon xx
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Hey lovelies, well I shouldn't be here today as I was meant to go see Kirsty, it's been 2 months since we last went to her place, but as I was about to leave I had a major panic attack and it took me ages to calm down, I still feel a little shaky and my heart is racing but I have decided not to put it off, we are going tomorrow instead, :fingerscrossed: I feel a little calmer tomorrow, just bought some Kalms as they helped last time, I am really not good with any form of transport, not planes trains, buses, boats but worst of all is cars.
Anyway I am not going to dwell on that right now, I am going to make a confession here, I am a major Binge eater, and the thing is I know you know that but I have to learn to admit it to myself and get it out there or I'll not be able to get past it and stop it.
I was reading an article about binge eating and how to "cure" it, I know when my binge eating started, the exact moment in fact.
I was 17 and had been abused by my father for about 10 years by then, I was always up to that point about a size 14, I had never really varied in weight much until then. So one day I overheard, hang on let me rephrase that, I couldn't help but hear my father laying into my mother and calling her all the names under the sun while he beat the living daylights out of her and was screaming at her that she was a fat ugly useless waste of space who he wouldn't touch with someone else's (his words not mine), now this wasn't the first time I'd heard him screaming the same thing at her but it did at that very point turn a light bulb on in my head and that was that if I got really fat and ugly then he would leave me alone, so I used to creep down in the night or wait until I was alone and eat and eat and eat until I felt really sick and of course I gained masses of weight, the only problem was it didn't have the desired effect and he didn't leave me alone and from that day to this whenever I feel really emotional, insecure or upset, I eat and eat and eat until I feel so sick and so full I feel I am going to burst.
Now I also have an excuse to continue doing that, I am high doses of steroids that give me an insatiable appetite, now when I am not feeling emotional I can deal with all of that and do fill my cupboards, fridge and freezer with great foods that are either low syn or syn free, but when I am not in control I do some really stupid things and buy stuff I don't even like and yesterday while talking to Mal realised that's because I seem to go into I don't really give a sh!t mode ...if it kills me so what, now I am not suicidal and by god I don't want to die but I just get bloody minded when I am down in that place and unfortunately for the last 2 + years Mal and I have had major marriage problems and they are still ongoing but I am not giving up on either my marriage or my eating disorder, I will fight with and for both of them.
I have just ordered a book called 33 Ways to break free from Binge Eating....I have read an excerpt from the book and the first thing I need to do, like an alcoholic is to admit I have a problem, so this is it :
My name is Lesley and I am a binge Eater !
I tried to explain to Mal who has the dead opposite problem to me, he doesn't like food much and doesn't really like eating ??? I can't get my head round that any more than he can about wanting to stuff your face from morning, noon and night .
I said to him we have a lot in common where food is concerned, Mal could easily be an anorexic, he will have the odd binge here and there and then want to throw it up, somewhat like an anorexic will, and I binge eat but don't want to throw it up.
Hopefully I can get this sorted out once and for all but like with everything else, I am not going to give up trying.
I am off now to start dinner, we are having Kangaroo steaks tonight from the new Iceland range (yep they are syn free I checked lol), Kelly has tried them and the meatballs and said they were lovely and we both have the crocodile burgers to try yet lol,
have a great evening my lovelies and I will catch you soon xxx:hug99:xxx
Anyway I am not going to dwell on that right now, I am going to make a confession here, I am a major Binge eater, and the thing is I know you know that but I have to learn to admit it to myself and get it out there or I'll not be able to get past it and stop it.
I was reading an article about binge eating and how to "cure" it, I know when my binge eating started, the exact moment in fact.
I was 17 and had been abused by my father for about 10 years by then, I was always up to that point about a size 14, I had never really varied in weight much until then. So one day I overheard, hang on let me rephrase that, I couldn't help but hear my father laying into my mother and calling her all the names under the sun while he beat the living daylights out of her and was screaming at her that she was a fat ugly useless waste of space who he wouldn't touch with someone else's (his words not mine), now this wasn't the first time I'd heard him screaming the same thing at her but it did at that very point turn a light bulb on in my head and that was that if I got really fat and ugly then he would leave me alone, so I used to creep down in the night or wait until I was alone and eat and eat and eat until I felt really sick and of course I gained masses of weight, the only problem was it didn't have the desired effect and he didn't leave me alone and from that day to this whenever I feel really emotional, insecure or upset, I eat and eat and eat until I feel so sick and so full I feel I am going to burst.
Now I also have an excuse to continue doing that, I am high doses of steroids that give me an insatiable appetite, now when I am not feeling emotional I can deal with all of that and do fill my cupboards, fridge and freezer with great foods that are either low syn or syn free, but when I am not in control I do some really stupid things and buy stuff I don't even like and yesterday while talking to Mal realised that's because I seem to go into I don't really give a sh!t mode ...if it kills me so what, now I am not suicidal and by god I don't want to die but I just get bloody minded when I am down in that place and unfortunately for the last 2 + years Mal and I have had major marriage problems and they are still ongoing but I am not giving up on either my marriage or my eating disorder, I will fight with and for both of them.
I have just ordered a book called 33 Ways to break free from Binge Eating....I have read an excerpt from the book and the first thing I need to do, like an alcoholic is to admit I have a problem, so this is it :
My name is Lesley and I am a binge Eater !
I tried to explain to Mal who has the dead opposite problem to me, he doesn't like food much and doesn't really like eating ??? I can't get my head round that any more than he can about wanting to stuff your face from morning, noon and night .
I said to him we have a lot in common where food is concerned, Mal could easily be an anorexic, he will have the odd binge here and there and then want to throw it up, somewhat like an anorexic will, and I binge eat but don't want to throw it up.
Hopefully I can get this sorted out once and for all but like with everything else, I am not going to give up trying.
I am off now to start dinner, we are having Kangaroo steaks tonight from the new Iceland range (yep they are syn free I checked lol), Kelly has tried them and the meatballs and said they were lovely and we both have the crocodile burgers to try yet lol,
have a great evening my lovelies and I will catch you soon xxx:hug99:xxx
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Purple Patsy
Gold Member
What's that Skippy - someone has fallen down the well. :8855:
Hope the book helps. it sounds as though you had lots of reasons for turning to food and having been the same myself I really hope you manage to battle through it. If anyone can i know you can. If you feel like a proper chat I'm around, either on here or by phone if you like Sometimes just an unbiased ear can make all the difference when you can't really talk to family. :bighug:
Hope when you get to the docs they can sort your fluid retention problem out cos I know how sore that can be, Hated it when I couldn't properly bend my ankles to stand without it feeling like it wanted to burst, I've been lucky since my initial kidney diagnosis that the completely cutting out salt helped massively and I don;t often have problems nowadays. The only time I have salt nowadays is on the rare ocassions I have chippy chips. And for a day or two when the cramp outweighs possible pain of fluid retention.
And I'll have a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy. :8855:
Hope the book helps. it sounds as though you had lots of reasons for turning to food and having been the same myself I really hope you manage to battle through it. If anyone can i know you can. If you feel like a proper chat I'm around, either on here or by phone if you like Sometimes just an unbiased ear can make all the difference when you can't really talk to family. :bighug:
Hope when you get to the docs they can sort your fluid retention problem out cos I know how sore that can be, Hated it when I couldn't properly bend my ankles to stand without it feeling like it wanted to burst, I've been lucky since my initial kidney diagnosis that the completely cutting out salt helped massively and I don;t often have problems nowadays. The only time I have salt nowadays is on the rare ocassions I have chippy chips. And for a day or two when the cramp outweighs possible pain of fluid retention.
And I'll have a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy. :8855:
broadsbean
Gold Member
patsy you never fail to make me giggle out loud :giggle::giggle::giggle:hubby things i am barking sometimes, well ok most of the time really
Purple Patsy
Gold Member
Happy to add a little levity to any situation Mandy. Just the way my mind works when I'm on form.patsy you never fail to make me giggle out loud :giggle::giggle::giggle:hubby things i am barking sometimes, well ok most of the time really
broadsbean
Gold Member
it's so hard to admit to binge eating disorder Lily xx so well done, i was diagnosed by my GP a couple of years ago as you know and see myself as being in recovery. It is every bit as real as alcoholism or drug addiction, except we use food as our drug of choice .
It carries a much greater stigma I think and is hard to hide because the weight gain is visible to all, people assume we are lazy or have no self respect and until recently there was little to no help. That is slowly beginning to change.
My GP made me see that i had a problem and i started to recover until life events took over and i returned to my old habits deciding i wasn't worth saving. Like you i decide at times i would be better of dead for all concerned and can now admit that in that period of absence from here i was indeed suicidal at times. The fear of the embarrassment to my kids around bariatric funerals probably saved me perversely
The intelligent part of me knows i am loved but there is a part of me that struggles to understand why and when she is in control the real me gets lost. Mine to has its roots in a sexual abuse incident that involved a court case and him recieving a prison sentence, long before witness protection or support was heard of and it was all heard in a military court which made it hugely difficult. I have never got over the feelings of guilt that i was responsible for wrecking his life and career and it, again perversely, influenced my choice of career. My entire family suffered really and i will never lose the guilt about that.
I eat my feelings hence the weight problem.
Your not alone lily and you have helped me immensely in the past and continue to do so i often have the sense that we are very alike which probably sounds strange coming from someone you have never met. I will always be here to support you xxx :bighug::bighug:
It carries a much greater stigma I think and is hard to hide because the weight gain is visible to all, people assume we are lazy or have no self respect and until recently there was little to no help. That is slowly beginning to change.
My GP made me see that i had a problem and i started to recover until life events took over and i returned to my old habits deciding i wasn't worth saving. Like you i decide at times i would be better of dead for all concerned and can now admit that in that period of absence from here i was indeed suicidal at times. The fear of the embarrassment to my kids around bariatric funerals probably saved me perversely
The intelligent part of me knows i am loved but there is a part of me that struggles to understand why and when she is in control the real me gets lost. Mine to has its roots in a sexual abuse incident that involved a court case and him recieving a prison sentence, long before witness protection or support was heard of and it was all heard in a military court which made it hugely difficult. I have never got over the feelings of guilt that i was responsible for wrecking his life and career and it, again perversely, influenced my choice of career. My entire family suffered really and i will never lose the guilt about that.
I eat my feelings hence the weight problem.
Your not alone lily and you have helped me immensely in the past and continue to do so i often have the sense that we are very alike which probably sounds strange coming from someone you have never met. I will always be here to support you xxx :bighug::bighug:
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Patsy you brighten up my day with your amazing wit lol
I too hope the book helps, I just don't seem to be able to stop eating, was looking it up on line last night but got distracted so will have to go back and find out more, but somebody said to me yesterday I may have Hedonic hunger .....well that went right over my head lol, but I did stat to look up what that meant but my little grandson got rushed to hospital so I got waylaid a bit and haven't gone back yet to read up properly.
What a lovely friend you are offering me your ear, I will I promise give you a call once I get 5 minutes to myself....Kelly has now gone for an emergency apt at hospital and I am waiting to hear from her, she had surgery on her shoulder on 9th March and her arm has doubled in size this morning and she has a massive lump come up on her leg ....I am in a mess as I am worrying about them all, Kirsty too is having a bad time at the moment with I think homesickness, she keeps crying (I think she may not have dealt with her PND properly either after having Harry) she's only moved 35 miles away but with one thing and another right now we haven't had time to see her a lot, although we did spend the day at hers Friday ...so the stress of everything is getting to me too.....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....when will it ever stop, I feel like I'm really being tested, if this is what it takes to go to heaven, I'll take hell...oh hang on this is hell :cry:lol
Oh well back to it I suppose oh and the crocodile steaks...they weren't anything special, spoke to Kelly she said it was the meatballs she loved will let you know what they are like xxx:hug99:xxx
Hiya Mandy, it's weird isn't it how we bury our heads in the sand, I always knew my biggest problem was binge eating but I wouldn't face up to it, since I have put it out there, I haven't eaten a single thing other than what I have during the day, I'm still a big eater and I am still insatiable but I am not hiding it anymore, so far!
I too get a feeling we are very alike and that we have lived a parallel life in many ways although I do envy you your lovely parents and I can say that without getting tearful or upset, it's kind of like ah well would have been nice but how can you miss what you've never had.
Like you I struggle to accept I am loved, even though I can sit here right now and tell you I have no doubt that I am ....I need constant reassurance and that causes most of mine and Mals marriage problems cos he's the opposite, I told you I do that's enough, I wouldn't be here if I didn't....it's not enough for me at times and yet other times its more than enough, poor sod must regret marrying me lol
We may not have met yet Mandy, but I really consider you and Patsy and a few others dear friends, you are always here for me ...good or bad times and who needs to be sitting next to each other to be good friends, my best friend lives and was born in Australia, we met online 17 years ago nearly and we have met in the flesh once, for a period of 6 weeks when she came to visit me, I haven't as yet been able to return the visit, but she is the best friend anyone could ever have and I rate you guys in the same category.
I love ya to bits and will always be here for you too.
Anyhoo, got to dash and I will seak to yu's all soon take care my lovely friends xxx:hug99:xxx
Purple Patsy
Gold Member
Oh gawd Lily how do you manage to stay sane with all this going on, you really are an amazing woman. 
I hope all the poorly folks get better soon and do keep us posted.
I'm afraid I'll not be much help with how to deal with Mal, but I understand your issues with him not being very demonstrative when you are a more contact based person. I'm so out of practice with contact I'd probably faint if any bloke so much as looked at me funny. And when I woke up I'd be calling for the wee yellow van wi square wheels to come for him as he must clearly be needing to see the men in white coats if he was looking my way. :crazy: :character00264:
Mal is probably utterly confused by it all, cos if he's like most men he'll have failed to realise that your differences are more prevalent now there's nobody else in the house, he's probably thinking "I've not changed - how come it's a big deal all of a sudden" :hmm: I don't imagine you'll be able to change him after all these years together, so your best bet will be to find some way of dealing with it yourself but I know that's easier said than done.
Has there always been someone staying in the house since Mal retired cos in some ways that could be having an impact too. cos if he was out working previously you would only be alone together in the house for evenings and weekends not all the time. I've heard of a number of marriages which came under strain when both parties were in the house all the time together as it was so different to when one or both were working.
I feel honoured to be among those you count as dear friends. And the feeling is entirely mutual hun. I look forward to you having a wee bit more free time so we can catch up properly. :bighug:
I hope all the poorly folks get better soon and do keep us posted.
I'm afraid I'll not be much help with how to deal with Mal, but I understand your issues with him not being very demonstrative when you are a more contact based person. I'm so out of practice with contact I'd probably faint if any bloke so much as looked at me funny. And when I woke up I'd be calling for the wee yellow van wi square wheels to come for him as he must clearly be needing to see the men in white coats if he was looking my way. :crazy: :character00264:
Mal is probably utterly confused by it all, cos if he's like most men he'll have failed to realise that your differences are more prevalent now there's nobody else in the house, he's probably thinking "I've not changed - how come it's a big deal all of a sudden" :hmm: I don't imagine you'll be able to change him after all these years together, so your best bet will be to find some way of dealing with it yourself but I know that's easier said than done.
Has there always been someone staying in the house since Mal retired cos in some ways that could be having an impact too. cos if he was out working previously you would only be alone together in the house for evenings and weekends not all the time. I've heard of a number of marriages which came under strain when both parties were in the house all the time together as it was so different to when one or both were working.
I feel honoured to be among those you count as dear friends. And the feeling is entirely mutual hun. I look forward to you having a wee bit more free time so we can catch up properly. :bighug:
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Oh gawd Lily how do you manage to stay sane with all this going on, you really are an amazing woman.
I hope all the poorly folks get better soon and do keep us posted.
I'm afraid I'll not be much help with how to deal with Mal, but I understand your issues with him not being very demonstrative when you are a more contact based person. I'm so out of practice with contact I'd probably faint if any bloke so much as looked at me funny. And when I woke up I'd be calling for the wee yellow van wi square wheels to come for him as he must clearly be needing to see the men in white coats if he was looking my way. :crazy: :character00264:
Mal is probably utterly confused by it all, cos if he's like most men he'll have failed to realise that your differences are more prevalent now there's nobody else in the house, he's probably thinking "I've not changed - how come it's a big deal all of a sudden" :hmm: I don't imagine you'll be able to change him after all these years together, so your best bet will be to find some way of dealing with it yourself but I know that's easier said than done.
Has there always been someone staying in the house since Mal retired cos in some ways that could be having an impact too. cos if he was out working previously you would only be alone together in the house for evenings and weekends not all the time. I've heard of a number of marriages which came under strain when both parties were in the house all the time together as it was so different to when one or both were working.
I feel honoured to be among those you count as dear friends. And the feeling is entirely mutual hun. I look forward to you having a wee bit more free time so we can catch up properly. :bighug:
Hello lovely, not sure I'd say I was sane, but what will everyone do if I don't hold it together?
Kelly got back from the hospital about an hour ago and has been booked in for an emergency scan, they sent her to 7 different departments before they decided that.
They are phoning in the morning to let her know exactly when the scan will be, but it will be before Wednesday, they are 99.9% certain that she has DVT and it was her arm not her leg, trust Mal to get it wrong.
Mal and I have always had the same problems almost from day one of our relationship. Yes there has always been someone here since he retired but we have had plenty of alone time, Mal has an endless list of excuses and then makes promises which he never keeps and to be honest on top of everything else going on I am getting to the point of not wanting to bother to make the effort although I always swore I would and have till now, I believe a good marriage works if you both make the effort, I am running out of the will to continue making the effort just to hit a brick wall every time.
Mal seems to think because he does things for me that that's his way of showing love and I guess to him it is and I understand that he has pressures put on him too with my constant ill health, but what he doesn't realise and I have tried to tell him time and again is that a) I'm not fragile he can touch me and b) it's not his decision to make as to whether I feel like a cuddle or not.
If I had a £ for every time he said to me but you were in pain and I didn't think you'd want me to touch you ....I could seriously scream, yes I have a lot of pain and yes there are times when I don't want you to come anywhere near me but I have a voice too and I will tell you when that is....same as he clucks round me, as soon as I stand up to get anything he is there ....I'll get it, I lost it today and told him to get the f*ck out of my way and I'll let him know when I need him, one step and I would have reached the knife I wanted but he got there first and it irritates me ...I've told him time and again.
Mals problem is without work he is lazy, not physically lazy but too lazy to think of things to get past the boredom, he wants me to tell him every single move to make and what to do with himself, but I won't, then he gets irritated and we go round and round and round and he gets angry and so on....but I am determined not to give up, I didn't go into this relationship or marriage to walk away, we met when I was 17, married when I was 41 and it took me many years to decide to actually make that final step into marriage, for me it was forever, once and once only, we have been together 40 years come October and as much as he does irritate me, he makes me laugh too and we are best friends, so I will work this out or kill him either way I'm not walking away or divorcing lol
Anyway hun I am going to try and get some sleep got a very early start in the morning, want to be at Kelly's by about 8 if I can as Simon starts early and the kids will be gone leaving Kelly alone with Albert by 8ish.
Take care and I'll keep you updated xxx:hug99:xxx
