30st 5lb Start Weight

Yesterday I was up at this time as I hadn't slept all night. Today I'm up at this time because I have slept (I did wake up briefly at 3ish) and im making myself go to the drs.

I don't want to go to the drs and I'm totally dreading it but I decided as joe is off work and I'm going to run out of tablets in about 20 days, that I would bite the bullet and just do it.

I have to ring up at 8:30 and book an appt, they might say 9am so I want to be ready.

I shall report back later xx
 
Yesterday I was up at this time as I hadn't slept all night. Today I'm up at this time because I have slept (I did wake up briefly at 3ish) and im making myself go to the drs. I don't want to go to the drs and I'm totally dreading it but I decided as joe is off work and I'm going to run out of tablets in about 20 days, that I would bite the bullet and just do it. I have to ring up at 8:30 and book an appt, they might say 9am so I want to be ready. I shall report back later xx

Miserable, rainy, cold and dark here in London, but nearly the weekend- woo hoo!!

I hope you get an appt, let us know how it goes x
 
Bloody car wouldn't start :( got all ready to go and was going to make an appt on the way to
Dropping Dunc off to school but the batt was flat. My uncle came to jump start the car but his batt is covered so couldn't do it. He gave dunc a lift and ive rang the docs asking for a call back. Hopefully they will this time! X
 
I was all set to go and then everything fell apart. Cue: panic attack!! :( ugh! I hope doc can prescribe something strong. I need something x
 
ohh no lou all the courage you have pulled together and then this oh im sorry love i hope they call you back this time hun x x
 
Arghhhhhhh soooo unlucky :-(

The doctor needs to call you x
 
Doc called! Giving me same tabs but stronger and some beta blockers to take when I have a panic attack. I have to go back in a month to review and see if it helps.

Sis came over to bump car so we are on way to lay flowers at my grandads grave for his bday and then pick up the prescription. X
 
I've been to the doc's this morning to finally bring up the subject of anxiety and panic attacks, and she's given me beta blockers to try too. Apparently Cipralex, that I'm already on, is supposed to be good for anxiety and I'm already on the maximum dose. She said if I wanted to try another antidepressant I'd gave to come off the Cipralex first, which I didn't want to do, so she suggested the beta blockers. Sounds like we're on the same meds! :) xx
 
ohh lou im glad you have got your tablets and you got to your grandads grave love thinking of you hun x x x
 
hey just came across your post and couldn't leave without writing, I am in a similar boat to you but different weight (15 stone 9) I am so depressed and anxious about leaving the house and about family and friends seeing me its making my life horrible!! I am currently on citalopram ( which really helps) for anxiety, you really can do this and so can I ! I hope to be speaking to you next year and I bet we will both be skinny as anything!! best wishes xx
 
Hope all ok doll?
 
hey just came across your post and couldn't leave without writing, I am in a similar boat to you but different weight (15 stone 9) I am so depressed and anxious about leaving the house and about family and friends seeing me its making my life horrible!! I am currently on citalopram ( which really helps) for anxiety, you really can do this and so can I ! I hope to be speaking to you next year and I bet we will both be skinny as anything!! best wishes xx

Hi :) thanks for your post. Sorry to read you are suffering the same as me. I would only wish it on my very worst enemy :D

I'm on citalopram too and the doc has given me 20mg instead of 10 to try. My depression is gone but anxiety takes longer apparently.

Yes we shall do this :) xx
 
Hope all ok doll?

I've not had the best week food wise but I'm back on it today. Never giving up so a few days blip here and there will be part and parcel im sure.

Last night (before tea) I found 2 empty boxes of 8 pack pop tarts in Duncans room. He had saved his lunch money and gone to pound world and bought them. He said he shared them out but ate 10 of them!! 10 pop tarts @ 200 cals each is 2000 calories, 180g sugar and 50g of fat!

He was of course very embarrassed and upset but I don't think he realised just how bad it was.
He is over weight and he has gotten bullied about it but he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. We generally feed him good food and limit his intake of bad stuff but obviously if he's eating like that then no wonder he's overweight.
We hadn't had tea at that point last night, so we made him some grilled bacon and salad wholemeal wraps to have, I didn't want him having loads more calories.

I know he's a growing boy but he's also a gamer so he's just simply not burning enough energy to justify that many calories in a day! Joe who climbs trees and carries chainsaws all day long can have 3050 (according to mfp) a day as he works so hard! Dunc had way over that yesterday!

He did get upset and I said I wasn't cross at him and I said I totally know that eating can make you feel better (he's very shy and awkward and gets down very easily) but also you don't want to end up like me! I think he is depressed, he thinks no one likes him and is definitely a glass half empty kinda boy which is difficult to deal with as trying to persuade him otherwise is hard.

I tell him that he doesn't have to have loads of friends to feel better, he has 3 good friends at school and that's all he needs. He says no one likes him at youth club but there are boys who make an effort with him but he doesn't reciprocate. I told him he can't expect the world to come to him, he has to make some sort of effort back.

We decided that he's to have packed lunches from now on and no money. He has pocket money but it goes in his bank so he can buy things for his xbox and not junk food.
That way I know what he's eating and what he's not eating and hopefully it'll put a stop to this.

Joe's said he's found loads of wrappers in Duncs pockets and in his school bag. I think he's been doing it a while. All that junk food surely must be making him feel depressed also.

I've ordered some nakd bars and we are going to sit down together and work out what stuff he likes for lunches. It's easy to slap a sarnie together, shove sons crisps and choc in the box and be done. I don't want to do that. I understand he's at a sensitive age and little things like what you take to school can be a big thing to teens so I don't want to send him with sticks of celery etc. He does really like melon and grapes and clementines so I'll get some of them. I'm wondering if anyone can give me suggestions for alternatives to crisps. Something that's easily packed in a lunch box. I was thinking crackers or something.
He doesn't like fish but he likes chicken so I can do various things with chicken for him. Wraps and sandwiches or I guess I could do baked chicken with that crispy coating on and some dip of something.

I really don't want him to end up like me. If I let him, he would stay in his bedroom and play games until the end of time. I know that makes him happy but I also think it's making him unhappy.

His nana text him the other day asking to do something with him and he ignored her so I text from his phone to arrange to meet up. He's going to catch the bus to hers (he has a weekly ticket for school so it's free) and she's going to take him to her caravan which is by the beach and hopefully they'll have a walk or something.
Tomorrow my sister is picking him up and taking him with her to walk her dog who he loves and she loves him.

I've looked at clubs after school but he's not interested so I've suggested asking his friends at the youth club if they want to meet up outside of club hours on other days. He says they probably won't want to but I said it's worth a go.

Poor old duncy :( I feel partly to blame. He's grown up with me and my depression and eating disorder and learned the bad ways from me :( it's made me realise that I can't scoff and eat junk and then demand that he doesn't.

I've asked my sister who is a nutritionist to have a talk with dunc about what all that sugar and fat does to our bodies and maybe he'll understand why it's so bad.

-------------------------------------

As for me, my sleeping is improving. I've been putting on my rain sounds app and I'm usually asleep with in 20 mins. I woke at 7:30 today but didn't sleep until 3. I don't intend on sleeping today so hopefully tonight I can sleep all night.

Busy day doing housework today. Moving the big rug and sofas and having a bit of a spring clean. Just have to persuade Joe out of bed! Xx
 
I'm pleased about your sleeping.

It's funny the pain as a mother you feel when you're children are in pain. It's horrendous. How about some popcorn instead of the crisps? Still have the crispy feel to them, but most under 100cals, less fat and loads of flavours.

I can't offer much more advice on the food side - my son is incredibly sporty and hardly ever plays the computer so eats everything in sight and has a full six pack and is built like a rugby player. But I have other problems with Jordan. He went to private school but got Cs and Ds and Es at school and was distraught. He then did As levels and failed them. Now he's looking for a job. I really feel for him - he's a great kid, very popular but can I say this, just not academically smart. God I'm a terrible mother for saying that but it's true. He just isn't. I think he should consider the navy or something.

I suspect dunc is eating the way he is because of how he feels about people not liking him. But it does sound like he has an inner circle of close friends, and a decent inner circle is all you need. But at that age it's so hard to see. I really feel for him. I was bullied at school for being fat (I was a size 10) and ugly. And honestly I think it's stayed with me. It's so hard being a kid and at that age you can't see the bigger picture about your life beyond school.

I hope he is ok today xx
 
I'm pleased about your sleeping. It's funny the pain as a mother you feel when you're children are in pain. It's horrendous. How about some popcorn instead of the crisps? Still have the crispy feel to them, but most under 100cals, less fat and loads of flavours. I can't offer much more advice on the food side - my son is incredibly sporty and hardly ever plays the computer so eats everything in sight and has a full six pack and is built like a rugby player. But I have other problems with Jordan. He went to private school but got Cs and Ds and Es at school and was distraught. He then did As levels and failed them. Now he's looking for a job. I really feel for him - he's a great kid, very popular but can I say this, just not academically smart. God I'm a terrible mother for saying that but it's true. He just isn't. I think he should consider the navy or something. I suspect dunc is eating the way he is because of how he feels about people not liking him. But it does sound like he has an inner circle of close friends, and a decent inner circle is all you need. But at that age it's so hard to see. I really feel for him. I was bullied at school for being fat (I was a size 10) and ugly. And honestly I think it's stayed with me. It's so hard being a kid and at that age you can't see the bigger picture about your life beyond school. I hope he is ok today xx

That's so true about not seeing the bigger picture. I always tell him that it's only another few years and then that's it. He never has to see these people again and none of this will matter. It's all very easy in hindsight but as you know, being a teenager is one of the hardest parts of life.

He doesn't want to go out his nana but I do think it will do him good to get some fresh air and time away from me and his xbox.

I think it's very rare to get people who are good at everything, your son seems to be physically sorted and maybe that's just how he's meant to be. It's very good that's he's given the A levels a go even though he's failed. He still tried. He could do very well in navy or something vocational where he could train up in a certain skill.

Popcorn is a great suggestion :) I have some raw to pop so I could do him lightly salted pop corn in sandwich bags instead of crisps, didn't think of that.

Lidl have chicken leg quarters half price for £1.12 this weekend so I'll get them and stock up for lunches. I don't eat chicken but j and d do so it's perfect for healthy meals. You can do a lot with chicken.

Hope you have a good weekend xxx
 
Bless you Lou, I think you sound like a fab mum being so mindful. I would have liked some help at his age so I didn't get like this so well done you! I hope he manages to talk to you about it all.

Lunch ideas...not sure...what about slimming world scotch eggs? Wraps sound good, I guess low fat crisps are Ok. I'm rubbish at lunches but it's easier as an adult. Kids dont want to take salads and stuff like that do they! X
 
I have the same issue with Kathryn, hon, so I know how difficult it is. You do have to be so careful what you say, perhaps even more so with girls - Paul will just come right out and fat shame her, and I have to tell him not to, as it really doesn't help and could actually harm. I think you can only do what you have been doing, offer gentle advice and guidance about healthy eating etc. Once they're teenagers and able to just go out and acquire their own goodies, you really can't dictate what they eat a lot of the time, and just have to lead by example and hope they decide by themselves to make some changes. Kathryn will say she's going on a diet and exercising, and she basically knows what she needs to do, but then the next time she's with her mates and they decide they're getting a Chinese or a Dominoes, or going off down to Starbucks, it all goes out the window! It's so difficult, but I think all we can do is keep gently plugging away at them. :) xx
 
Some good ideas, thank you :)

A but of good news! I've been looking at things dunc can do outside of school asked on a local fb page and lots suggested the sea cadets. So I've messaged them and he'll go on Tuesday. He wasn't happy AT ALL but I said he is going whether he likes it or not! Then another mum (who's son is in same school) said she was going to make her son go too and he's not happy either! Turns out, this other boy is one of the three friends dunc hangs round with in school!! Same class and everything!! Rang dunc to tell him and he was happy :) he said he still doesn't want to go lol but he agreed that'll it be ok with his friend! RESULT!
 
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