AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by majic1982, 24 March 2009 Social URL.

  1. majic1982

    majic1982 Full Member

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    Be warned... lots of self-loathing coming!!

    I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but at the moment, I'm just going to, because I think I deserve it.

    To be honest, I was a bit disappointed I only lost 5.5Ibs last week, given that it was my first week back on the diet. I put it down to TOTM and thought nothing more of it.

    On Saturday, we took the kids out all day and I forgot my packs. I was mad as hell with myself, but I had to eat something because I started feeling quite ill.

    Then on Mother's Day, the entire family (and extended family) went out for a picnic. Of course, I just had to join in. Why?? It's a social thing, isn't it?

    Yesterday I resolved to get right back on it and put the weekend behind me. I was doing really well while I was at work. I had 2 packs, drank ALL of my water and then some, and then I got home and thought "oooh, I think I'll have a little bit of this and some of that." Same again today!

    And the most frustrating part is, I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Deep down I have a bit of a fear of becoming slim. I've been fat for as long as I can remember, and it's always been something to hide behind. People don't notice you so much when you're fat. I don't want to be the centre of attention. I'm not sure if it's that that's sabotaging my attempts this time or not.

    I am SO frustrated with myself. I keep starting this diet and stopping it again and this time I want it to work so desperately, but it's not happening, and I'm only 1 week into it!

    Help!!! :( :break_diet:
     
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  3. Serena A

    Serena A Can't think of a title

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    Lost(%):
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    Firstly, sending you a hug :hug99:

    It's funny how we reckon we're less noticeable when we're bigger, but I think we do still attract attention, just the negative kind which in a way is possibly easier to deal with?

    Like, how many people do you know who can feel totally at ease with accepting a compliment? It feels awkward to agree with someone when they praise us, that's if we believe their sincerity in the first place. Whereas if we're bigger then we might feel that we "deserve" any negative comments/attention and can go off and console ourselves with yet more food...and the vicious cycle starts again.

    It's an old cliche but sit and write a list of what made you turn to CD in the first place, but keep it positive e.g. "I want to look great the next time I see my extended family" rather than "I hate being big" which will just make you want to beat yourself up even more.

    You can do it xx
     
  4. majic1982

    majic1982 Full Member

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    Thanks lovie. You're totally right.

    I was considering making a list, and making one of why I think I ate something. Then I'm going print a load of pics of me and then of what I want to look like.

    I might even order some size 14 clothes from Next to hang around my room for inspiration!
     
  5. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    I understand where you are coming from... in the past I have sabotaged just about every diet I've done, and on some level I think I didn't think I deserved to be slim. Something has changed on CD, with taking food out of the equation, and even now I am working up the steps again I still feel focused. It could be that way for you too if you can just let yourself go a fortnight say on ss... cheat free... I think something could shift for you (not just weight!) and you'd be OK after that...
    I do think your head has to be in the right place for CD but if you really want to succeed - and I think you do - you can do it. Big hugs. Today is a clean slate... day one. Go for it!!!
    xxx
     
    Last edited: 25 March 2009
  6. trace2004

    trace2004 Member

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    Diet:
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    I am so with you on this one, I fell off the wagon last week and cannot get back on it, my head has been in the right place for weeks and now I have lost it, and I am so annoyed with myself. I want to be slimmer more than anything but at the same time I use my weight as an exuse for things, like why my marriage is not working, and scared that if i lose it, i have nothing to hide behind x

    I am umming and ahhing as to whether to really give it a go today. I want to be back in the happy place, if i could sleep through the first four days I would lol
     
  7. majic1982

    majic1982 Full Member

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    *Hugs* I'm "glad" I'm not alone!
     
  8. Serena A

    Serena A Can't think of a title

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    Diet:
    Maintaining, was on CD
    Hope you have had a better day today majic xx
     
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