Advice needed about some feuding friends

kingleds

Gold Member
Need a bit of advice please. I have 2 friends whom have fallen out - not entirely sure what over, as I have been trying to keep out of it. I met friend 'b' through friend 'a', and it seems that friend a is basically got all bent out of shape that I, and other people spend time with friend b when she's not there.

Anyway, it's been going on for weeks now, and I categorically told them both, I wasn't interested in hearing about, I wasn't choosing sides, it's not my argument. Friend b did not come to my bday party as she felt it would cause issues, me, assuming that fiend a was a grown up, tried to convince friend b to come, to not avail. So I invited fiend b round for dinner & drinks the weekend afterward. Friend a went mental, and got upset - when I explained that it was because she hadn't come to my party, friend a says, "well i'd have been really upset if she had been at the party'. Held my tongue (hello? Exactly at what point did it become acceptable to dictate who I have have at my party?).

So, 2 days before NYE I am supposed to have friend b round for drinks. Hubby mentions to friend a's OH (his best mate) that we are having a few drinks, would they like to come round. It all kicks off because we are now apparently seeing friend b 'behind friend a's back. I loose my rag a little bit and tell them both to sort it out one way or another, I don't care if they are friends or not, just don't get me in the middle. We go to friend a's house for drinks as they can't get a babysitter & Friend b is there. Wicked I think, all sorted, they have talked it through. We have a very pleasant evening together. All good. Friend a says to me - do you think friend b will be alight coming to the NYE party? I say, I'm sure it's fine, but will check with the host, who's says , it's fine.

SO, given the above tale, can someone please explain to me how it is that they end up fighting all night at the party, and it's somehow my fault cos I invited friend b (????????) and she is 'pushing in'. Again, not friend a's party anyway, and no the host of the party says she didn't say it was okay! My hubby was there when she said it was, and pointed this out!

Am I being a complete idiot here? Is it actually acceptable to dictate who is at someone else party? Have I suddenly gone back in time to junior school & why the hell can't they just be grown ups? I have to spend time with people I don't particularly like all the friggin time. It's life isn't it??.

Personally, I am tempted to ignore them both till the grow up. But actually, at the moment I am pissed that anyone thought they had the right to tell me who I could have at my bloody party! Am I being unreasonable?
 
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moonwatcher

Gold Member
S: 17st7.0lb C: 16st2.6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 41.4 Loss: 1st4.4lb(7.51%)
It sounds to me like you have done your absolute best to be reasonable with them about it, and to try and help them both to behave like adults and sort it out. No, I don't think it is acceptable for a guest to dictate who comes to a party or a dinner, and, as I say, you actually did your best to accommodate them both. If I go to a party where someone I dislike or don't get on with is there I am civil to them, but spend my time with the people I do enjoy being with. As you say, life does mean that sometimes you have to be around people you would choose not to be with!

I would personally just leave them to sort it out between them, otherwise it deteriorates into even more 'Chinese Whispers' and you'll find that YOU are being reported as saying all sorts of things that you never did say. In my experience, they're likely to only hear what they want to hear at the moment, and it is amazing how people can pick out the bits they like! I hope they do get it sorted out soon though, because it's horrible to be caught in the middle like that!
 

hannata

I can haz cake?
S: 280lb C: 249.0lb G: 208.5lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 31lb(11.07%)
If it were me I would knock their heads together and say if its not sorted out NOW you don't know how the friendship will continue.... yeah you don't want to get involved and have done well to keep out of it thus far, but they don't seem to give two sh*ts about the fallout everyone else has to deal with.
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
Personally, I am tempted to ignore them both till the grow up. But actually, at the moment I am pissed that anyone thought they had the right to tell me who I could have at my bloody party! Am I being unreasonable?

I think you have answered your own question here.

Ignore them and like the song says "wash them out of your hair".

It is childish in the extreme and bad-mannered and inconsiderate to cause situations that affect and embarrass other people.

They sound like children, treat them like children and at your age and with your intelligence there is no way you would even want to be associated with rude, selfish children.

No one has the right to either dictate to you what you do or who you choose to do it with. To create an atmosphere because of it is downright rude.

I got rid of the dead wood in my life a few years ago and no longer take any on board and life is much more enjoyable.

Oh and by the way Kingsled

HAPPY NEW YEAR xxxxxx
 

kingleds

Gold Member
Thanks Ladies. I am glad my instincts are correct. I will be ignoring them both for a while & hope they learn how to behave like grown ups. I would dearly love to bang their heads together, but that definitely comes under the 'getting in the middle' heading, which I have no wish to do!


Happy new year to you all x
 

*EB*

Gold Member
Sounds tricky if your fella is pals with the OH of one of the friends, i guess you will see them now and then due to this connection.

We all have friends in life that come and go - cherish your good ones and i am sure A and B will be missing you soon! x

They both sound a bit OTT, childish and slightly mental IMO.
 

kingleds

Gold Member
Ellebear said:
Sounds tricky if your fella is pals with the OH of one of the friends, i guess you will see them now and then due to this connection.

We all have friends in life that come and go - cherish your good ones and i am sure A and B will be missing you soon! x

They both sound a bit OTT, childish and slightly mental IMO.

This is the main problem - though to be fair hubby has already told his mate it's all pathetic & that it's really unfair on me. I am fine with seeing them - I like them both, I am just not going to choose one over the other, so if it's a night I organise, I'm not going to invite either of them, that way they can both be pissed at me & at least I know where I stand :)
 

Scorpiolady2710

Loves smilies
S: 16st6lb C: 15st5lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 35.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.52%)
I don't believe you're being unreasonable at all. You have the right to choose who you want to invite to dinner, parties etc. You weren't to know they would carry on like spoilt brats. As folk have already said they are acting childish and you do right to leave them well alone for the time being.

It might be a bit awkward if your hubby is best mates with one of their hubby's but you don't have to do the couple thing all the time. There's nothing to stop him staying friends with his mate.

Hopefully your 'friends' will eventually realise that they may lose a good friend in you and come to their senses. :fingerscrossed:
 

Vixxster

Nojo on the YoYo
S: 19st8.0lb C: 19st8.0lb G: 11st0.0lb BMI: 47 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Friend A sounds like a nutbar. Friend B notsomuch.

I know that doesn't help.
 

kingleds

Gold Member
He he! Well last night I found out that friend a is apparently really upset with me, apparently I should have shown some loyalty to her, and taken her side. Didn't realise I was in school. Honestly..

Bunny - taking your advice. People are mental & weird.
 

Shirleen

Gold Member
S: 21st12.5lb C: 21st4lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 45.3 Loss: 0st8.5lb(2.77%)
Of course you're being unreasonable! You either HAVE to take sides and make a secret blood pact or you have to make it all about YOU!

You need to burst into tears big loud snotty gulping sobs, in public, tell everyone how they're 'picking on you' and that Both of them are your BFF's and look it says so in pencil case AND exercise book!
 
What I would do would be to laugh at them. Every time one or other comes to you with some whinge, just laugh out loud and tell them how funny and entertaining they are being, and how everyone else is laughing too.

Don't take them seriously, and maybe they will stop taking themselves so seriously.
 

JezVonSavage

Lost in the Supermarket
S: 16st2lb C: 14st10lb G: 10st5lb BMI: 33.2 Loss: 1st6lb(8.85%)
Friend A sounds like a nutbar. Friend B notsomuch.

I know that doesn't help.

What she said!! Friend A would last 5 minutes in my house. At lease Friend B sounds like she tries to accomodate A a bit, F.A sounds like a brat.

No she can't tell you who you can spend time with, nor who you can invite to celebrate your birthday. The only person who invited F.B to the party is F.A, if she can't live with her decisions than I suggest she goes to live under a rock somewhere because we all have to face facts at some point.
 




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