Advice please, or am I in the wrong?

Discussion in 'CD Off Topic' started by Banafell, 19 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. Banafell

    Banafell Full Member

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    Hi Everyone,

    I'd really like some advice from you all.... this isn't CD related at all but didn't know who else to ask.

    I'm going into hospital to have my four wisdom teeth out on Friday (short notice appointment) - almost a year ago to the day I went into hospital for another operation, my Mum, Dad and Brother all came with me and waited for me to come back from the op, my fiance said that he didn't want to come because he had to work (he works from home, for himself) fair enough as he said he'd look after me when I came back from hospital, but then arranged to go away to Amsterdam with friends. I got upset as he said he'd look after me but made alternative arrangements, after an argument he cancelled the trip and stayed to look after me. (I wouldn't mind if he had it booked before my op but to book it when he knew I was going in for a - fairly major- op hmm)

    So fast forward about a year, and yes I'm only going in to have my wisdom teeth out but I'm really scared, the same thing happened again, Mum, Dad and my brother are all really supportive and are staying in the room whilst I have my op again but my fiance this morning has told me he's going out sailing on Saturday..... I'll be home Friday after the op and won't be able to drive for 48 hours afterwards, so can't drive myself to my parents, so will be alone in the house whilst he's out. I feel that if he really cared for me he'd leave sailing just this once (he goes out nearly every weekend) and look after me. Or am I just being precious?

    All thoughts welcome....
     
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  3. Kimberleyski

    Kimberleyski Full Member

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    Hi!

    You are most definitely not being precious! Obviously I don't know you or your BF, but I would go crazy if I was in that situation.

    I know for a fact that if I was in that situation my BF would be annoyed if I asked my family as he would want to be there and look after me at all times. I know he wouldn't leave my side. In fact I had a sickness bug the other day, and he was worried to leave me when he was going to the chemist to get me medicine.

    I'm not sure what advice to give you on it, but I don't think you're in the wrong at all. To be honest I can't believe how unsupportive he is about it.

    Shouldn't matter whether it's a major op or having a tooth out.....he should always be there!

    Hope you sort it out x
     
  4. fed-up-and-fat

    fed-up-and-fat hoping for a good loss

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    Hmmm, he sounds scared about looking after you. Scared of what might happen if something went wrong (not that it will) and scared of taking on the role of a carer for once.

    Have you spoken to him about why you are upset?

    Also you will need someone with you for the first 24 hours post op as you are having a general. The hospital will insist on this

    Your Bf sounds a very selfish bloke and needs to think about others apart from himself.

    hugs chick xx
     
  5. MsJMC

    MsJMC Strong women stay slim

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    Some people can't deal with looking after sick people , think my OH is the same ...
    Also he don't own up to it . Just wish him a happy trip , and see how things go , after all we can't change them , but we can only take so much and can move on if we really think its not working xx hope all goes well
     
  6. MsJMC

    MsJMC Strong women stay slim

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    Very true

    I had a general 15th March and yes the hospital say 24 hours you have to have someone with you .
     
  7. Beccubug

    Beccubug Silver Member

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    I think you have every right to be upset by it. I bet if the shoe was on the other foot someone would expect a lot of looking after. I say confront the situation and tell him exactly why you are upset, might be that he just thinks you don't need him because you have your family or doesn't realise that you want him there, only one way to find out.
     
  8. minirog

    minirog Silver Member

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    It's hard to comment as I don't know you or your other half, but my general advice would be to talk to him about how you feel and see what comes of that. Maybe he doesn't realise how scared you are, or even see that he's (seemingly) being a bit selfish.

    My first husband would have been exactly the same as your fiance. Now I look back he was always like that and was really selfish. It's only by being a good relationship with someone that treats me right now that I can see how badly I was treated before.

    My gorgeous husband (number 2) is the most caring man on earth and looks after me when I've even got the slightest headache. Recently I have been quite ill and even had General Anaesthetics once a week for 12 weeks earlier in the year - he didn't leave my side unless the doctors forced him to.

    How would you treat your fiance if the tables were reversed?
     
  9. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hallo Banafell.

    I was just wondering how you got on.
    I've been in that sort of relationship and whatever you do don't continue to allow him to treat you like ****!! You can get swept away with the "I'll love you forever" bit but when it comes to the crunch, how deep is a love that doesn't have real feeling for you when you are about to face a particularly frightening and worrying experience? Need I say more.
     
  10. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    Your family sound incredibly supportive but could that be part of your fiances problem, maybe hes a bit over whelmed. You said your parent AND your brother all all going to be in the room while you have your operation???? Has your fiance mentioned being there? Are they there because he wont be or could he be avoiding it because theyll be there? Just looking at the other side of the coin but maybe hes feeling pushed out
     
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