AJs Maintenance Journey Part 1

Aw thanks Mrs Lard for your comments. It was helpful when I was first considering doing LL to read other peoples' experiences. In fact, one of the best and most useful blogs I read was Icemoosses, when he was doing LL. It really gave me the nuts and bolts of the programme and helped me realise that it was possible for me to succeed.

So, I decided to do the same thing, and hopefully help other people. Also, writing it all down helps me to keep focused. I recommend anyone else to do the same. Often, it can make you think and consider what you have done/want to do/will do. You can even get positive feedback or advice from members who read it, and that's great too.

Thanks too, Goombgirl for recommending this thread!

My day today was very well planned!

Breakfast: porridge plus 40g of organic, juicy sultanas. I think that 20g would be enough in future.

Apple at playtime. Went out to lunch and had chicken and sweetcorn soup with a piece of (white) bread. Another apple this afternoon, plus a chopped carrot, and some grapes.

Tea time saw me scoffing a piece of chicken when cooking the meal (!). Best not make that a habit. Had a small piece of roasted smoked peppered salmon with spinach and salad veg. Plus afterward a bit of leftover chile-con-carne (sprinkled with some grated cheese), with spinach and sweet potato. Probably too much to be honest. But very tasty.

Tomorrow morning I have booked a aromatherapy massage so I'll walk into town first thing. I am hoping it will be a nice sunny day because I want to wear a dress (!) which is knee length - daring, eh.

Have managed to arrange a holiday for my son for the same time my daughter is going on holiday with her friend. It means that myself and hubby can spend some time alone together (up to one week) for the first time in nearly 13 years. Gotta think what we can do for that time!!!

It's been a good day today, although I woke early with feelings of self-doubt. This hasn't happened for a while and it was an unwelcome emotion. If I'm not careful I will allow these negative thoughts to take a hold again. It doesn't have to happen though, because I have to tools to 'put them in their place' now. And indeed I talked myself out of them quickly and forgot about them for the rest of the day.
 
AJ,
please can I be pain and ask your advice? (you have been so supportive and helpful to me in the past, I suspect you will have the answer!)

Last week I lost just 1lb, and felt pretty liz about it. I was weighed on Weds at 4.30pm. I had suffered from very bad constipation, bloated tum, back pains, headaches, etc etc.

Thankfully, that situation was resolved yesterday, after taking Dulcolax. I feel much better now, thank goodness. I am now making the effort to drink loads more water, as although I never dropped below the 4 litres, I think maybe it wasnt enough for me.

I weighed myself today, at about 5pm, thinking I surely must have lost something by now, and yet to my surprise ( and misery) the scales have not budged at all. (They do weigh differently to my LLCs, so I do make a mental note of where they are, in order that I have an accurate guideline from them.)

Any ideas what might be happening to me? It is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, as almost every other time over the past few years, when I have tired to lose weight, I "stick" around the 3 1/2stone mark, only to give up eventually.

Thus far, I am not cheating, despite temptation, and I really really want to see this through. I just wondered if you had had any "sticky" times with your loss, and if there is anything I can do to get moving again? I really dont think I can eat any less......LOL

Thanks, and sorry for being a nuisance!
 
You're not a nuisance Sarah. If that had had happened to me, I would be feeling well frustrated, I can tell you. I don't know why this is happening, but one thing I can ask you...

...what is your alterative at this time?

I hope you can be strong enough to hang in there and finally vault over this blip (what the heck does that mean??). But you know what I mean.

I never had any weeks when I consistently lost only a bit or didn't lose (that I remember), but I didn't have the severe problems you have had with constipation either and that will have made a significant impact in reducing your weightloss, I'm thinking. I mean, you have followed the programme properly so you have to lose the weight. When is your next proper weigh-in? Can you do a drop-in before hand if you really want to know?

I am sorry that I haven't been much help here Sarah. Perhaps someone else reading this thread can help??
 
I will hang out till my next wi, I think. Still drinking the water, and abstaining! As you say, I dont see how you cant lose on only 500 cals a day, I would think its not physically possible to stay the same. (especially ay my weight, I think I must burn loads just by breathing!!)

xx
 
".....I will hang out till my next wi, I think. Still drinking the water, and abstaining! As you say, I dont see how you cant lose on only 500 cals a day......"

Hope things are going ok today, Sarah...

A good day today, although had two awful bad dreams during the night and woke hubby by shouting at him twice!

Porridge with 20g sultanas. Two pears, first thing.

Walked to town and had a relaxing massage (!) then met hubby and son at The Den where we had lunch and they played computer games. I read the paper...

Had chicken/veg soup with pasta, and a piece of brown bread.

I went shopping and left them to it. I bought a new t-shirt (size 10!) some tights (small-medium!) and some bubble bath (the bigger the better!).

Got home and felt hungry. Had some spinach with chopped tomatoes and a bit of cooked chicken breast, sprinkled with balsamic vinegar.

Soon after I arrived home hubby walked in looking angry. Apparently him and son had argued on the way home. They carried on the arguement at home and I tried to placate the pair of them. Hmmm. I sense an interesting summer ahead.

Later on did some chicken faitijas (sp.) with wholemeal wraps, plus loads of salad stuff, and a bit of cheese.

I fogot to mention that I'd joined a 'freecycle' website and got myself a 14" colour TV for the conservatory - free, earlier this week. Sat relaxing in the sun this afternoon watching Columbo - love it!

Hope everyone had a good Saturday!
 
Hi AJ

I see you're being as inspirational as usual, I do so enjoy reading your posts! Throwing away the chocolate is awsome! Well done!

I haven't posted for a while I am afraid. Partly because I was painting front room and computer had to be disconnected and then because I just felt so depressed last week that I didn't even want to think about LL! I am probably not posting this in the correct place so tell me if so:) Several things caused this depression; partly LL telling us to introduce milk in week 12, husband saying that keeping the weight off when I get to target will prove that LL is not a big con (he is not convinced yet that its brilliant! and I felt under pressure) and several of my group either reaching or almost reaching target as its week 14 for them. Also I put a gold charm on my bracelet for every 1/2 stone or 10% that I lose and had to buy 8 more recently to keep me going. This just proved to me how much weight I still had to lose - I have about another 4 or 5 months left. At group on monday everyone said how I had managed to turn a positive experience (ie buying the charms as I knew I was going to lose the weight) into a negative one. Oh, and after going on holiday when I didn't eat but was making my family eat - almost getting my gratification from them eating I felt that after 12 weeks I hadn't learnt anything.

Anyway I gave in to food for the first time on monday. I had 1/4 cup of milky coffe and half a slice of bread and butter. Strangely I woke up feeling so positive again on Tuesday morning. I didn't come out of ketosis but more importantly that is all I ate before stopping myself and I didn't even think about my daughters chocolate cereal or cereal bars. I thought about the crisps but decided I didn't want them and decided I didn't want the other half of the bread. This is such a major breakthrough for me and proof that after 12 weeks I really have learnt something.

I am now back on track with no further desire to eat, and although its early days I am feeling more confident that when I reach the point in my journey where you are now that I will hopefully reactin the same way as you did with the chocolate.

Anyway I just wanted to share that with you. I hope you don't mind! Any feedback will be very welcome!

Thanks
 
It's great to hear from you, Helen, please feel free to post here any time!

I read your post with great interest and nodded several times because I really identified with your comments.

".....partly LL telling us to introduce milk in week 12....."

I can imagine that I would feel anxious about a 'change of the rules' which meant introducing extra calories. If I was feeling vulnerable anyway, it would just exacerbate my anxiety.

"..... husband saying that keeping the weight off when I get to target will prove that LL is not a big con (he is not convinced yet that its brilliant! and I felt under pressure)...."

That just ain't fair. We put enough pressure on ourselves without other significant people in our life piling on the pressure like that. I could not have succeeded to well without my husband's 100% support.

".....and several of my group either reaching or almost reaching target as its week 14 for them...."

So they're leaving Foundation and moving on to Management, leaving you 'behind'. That's tough. I remember when I reached the last week knowing that I had to carry on for another couple of months. I was really motivated though because I could see success in the distance - for the first time. I hoped to see the other members of my group at some time in the future at management meetings.

"....Also I put a gold charm on my bracelet for every 1/2 stone or 10% that I lose and had to buy 8 more recently to keep me going. This just proved to me how much weight I still had to lose - I have about another 4 or 5 months left...."

That's a great idea Helen. I can see though that, feeling depressed, caused you to focus on the negative rather than the positive. It's just a case of looking at the same picture a different way. It's the 'glass half empty instead of glass half-full' syndrome in action.

"....and after going on holiday when I didn't eat but was making my family eat - almost getting my gratification from them eating...."

That really struck a chord with me Helen. I did the same.

"....Anyway I gave in to food for the first time on monday. I had 1/4 cup of milky coffe and half a slice of bread and butter. Strangely I woke up feeling so positive again on Tuesday morning. I didn't come out of ketosis but more importantly that is all I ate before stopping myself and I didn't even think about my daughters chocolate cereal or cereal bars. I thought about the crisps but decided I didn't want them and decided I didn't want the other half of the bread. This is such a major breakthrough for me and proof that after 12 weeks I really have learnt something....."

This is a major breakthrough, you are laying the foundations to build on new eating habits for the future. It's one of the wonderful things about doing LL that I am appreciating. Finding out how the things I have learned are helping me to cope with the crooked thoughts, and the 'old' destructive eating behaviours which are trying to get a foothold all the time. I can fight back now and, like you, find that it is really empowering to realise that I can.

To go back to your comments about what your husband said. I find that sometimes communication with my hubby could be better. I make assumptions about how he feels, or how he thinks I feel, but actually I need to ask him, and tell him how I feel, and ask what's on his mind.

It might be an idea to talk to him about his comments, and how they have made you feel. He will probably not realise how upset you are and it could clear the air and enable you to tell him how to best support you through the rest of the programme.

Finally, I started a new thread yesterday called D.I.Y. C.B.T. and I think you might be interested! Go have a look, now!

Hope this helps...
 
I just knew you would understand me. Thanks.

Yeah, the milk thing made us all think "well if we can have 500 cals a day extra why have milk when we could have food". We know why of course but the thought was still there. I loved milky coffee and hate it black so this was a real temptation for me, until I discovered I don't like it any more, hence the reason I only drank a bit!

I think the problem with being "left behind" was that I am not even half way yet and am the heaviest in the group so will be the last to finish but this wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't been feeling miserable that I hadn't learnt anything.

"....and after going on holiday when I didn't eat but was making my family eat - almost getting my gratification from them eating...."
That really struck a chord with me Helen. I did the same.

Thanks for that, I thought it was just me. This is what has been making me feel the most miserable. You did the same and you are now an icon on minimins and someone we all admire, it proves that I can still succeed:)

This is a major breakthrough, you are laying the foundations to build on new eating habits for the future.

I truly hadn't realised I had learnt this. In this instance I don't think I could have done anything that has helped me more than going off the rails briefly, It has turned into such an amazing positive experience.

To go back to your comments about what your husband said. I find that sometimes communication with my hubby could be better. I make assumptions about how he feels, or how he thinks I feel, but actually I need to ask him, and tell him how I feel, and ask what's on his mind.

It might be an idea to talk to him about his comments, and how they have made you feel. He will probably not realise how upset you are and it could clear the air and enable you to tell him how to best support you through the rest of the programme.

I told him I had eaten and why. I did explain too that what he said had made me feel under pressure. Not too sure he understood totally so will mention it again. However don't want to sound like I am trying to blame him either. The remark was based around the fact that when I started LL he said he thought it sounded like a con. I said that it wasn't if it worked. Now I have lost over 3.5 stone I thought that would be proof it worked but in actual fact he is correct, I think, to say that it works if I keep the weight off afterwards. However it did just make me feel that I was having to prove LL to him as well as keep the weight off for myself. He is generally quite supportive though he doesn't say much. He hasn't raised any comments about me spending so much money on this nor about me not looking for another job at the moment as I want to concentrate on going to the gym and getting fit. He never commented on me being overweight either for that matter. His support over the holiday is what stopped me from eating then. I am not sure why it got to me so much but I should be aware of telling him how I feel as I do tend to assume he can read my mind!

will have a look at D.I.Y. C.B.T. then off to bed, sorry I think I am starting to waffle.

But thanks anyway for your understanding and supportive reply xxx
 
Well it's Friday, and the start of a long weekend. We are off school for a bank holiday on Monday AND Tuesday!

Tomorrow and Sunday is Big in Falkirk - a big festival of music and entertainment. We always go, and pray that the weather will hold. I think Saturday will be ok, anyway. I have realised that this will be the first year that we don't actually go with the kids. They have made other plans with their friends to go, so thank goodness we can keep in touch through their mobiles! It will be weird wandering about without them though.... sigh, they do grow up fast.

I have been thinking about some habits trying to re-emerge again, specifically...

* wanting to eat in the evenings, particularly sugary type foods.

* having negative thoughts about myself.

So far I have been using methods I learned at LL to combat these habits and I am gratified that it is working. That is, I have so far avoided falling into the traps! It is hard, uncomfortable, frustrating and tiring though.

I had a bit of a low moment though when I realised that this was going to be an ongoing situation. You know, I suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed with the magnitude of the years ahead being full of me fighting to stop bad habits coming back. "I'm too tired to deal with it", was one thought. "It is just SO much effort every day, just to stay the same" was another.

"Well, that's enough of your pity-party" I told myself in no uncertain terms. "Enough of the self-pity, you are what you are, and you're ok, knuckle down and get on with it".

It's true. I have so much to be grateful for, so what if I can't give in and stuff myself with chocolate/ice cream or whatever is lying around. So what if I have to behave in 'adult' mode and do the right thing and work through the feelings, not give in to them.

The choice is stark.

Give in and get fat (sadly a certainty) and all the accompanying despair and depression..... or

Continue fighting back against the desire to (emotionally) eat; stay slim and healthy, and have a future to look forward to.

Maybe one day, it will get easier, or will evolve into my sub-conscious, and I will begin to become 'slim' in my head. Until that happens, I have to be prepared to fight for what I want, every day, every hour if necessary.

Undoing thirty years of bad eating habits does not happen overnight, or even in a year. I CANNOT go back to the old ways (see my before picture) and I WILL not sabotage my success just for the sake of eating chocolate (or whatever). I have to grow up and accept that things are the way they are, and get on with it.

Anway, that's my rant over with. I consider myself well and truly told!
 
Dear AJ

As a (now) loyal reader, I thought I would share something that our LLC shared with us. How long, would you say, you have to maintain before you are "sorted"? A year? Two years? A lifetime (my answer!)? Well, apparently it's five years. Yes, five years!

Basically, if you can maintain your lost weight for five years, chances are you'll keep it off.

I think we were all a bit gobsmacked in our group by that fact BUT the reason for sharing it with you is not to scare you but to say you don't have a lifetime ahead of you - just five short years instead! I hope it's slightly more palatable!

The other thing, I think, is that we'll all get times when our feelings overwhelm us or make us sad but...they pass. Maybe you don't need to be so hard on yourself and just accept these feelings will happen, work through them and move on?

You will succeed because you have come this far and things will get easier - I am sure they will. Clearly, you need lots of positive strokes at times like this. So why not read through some old messages; we all LOVE you on this site!!!

Thank you for posting and for showing us how you are coping.

A big hug.

Have a lovely weekend.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxx
 
".....Basically, if you can maintain your lost weight for five years, chances are you'll keep it off..."

Thanks for that Mrs L. It's gratifying to know that.

"....Maybe you don't need to be so hard on yourself and just accept these feelings will happen, work through them and move on?...."

I think I need to give myself a reality check every so often to remind me where I've come from and where I want to be. It's all about coming to terms with being responsible for my actions (around food), and living in 'adult' mode. rather than 'child'.

For years it's usually been "I want it and I want it now" type thinking. Eating had become an outlet for dealing with supressed emotions. I rarely, if ever, challenged myself and said "STOP, don't do it". If I had the urge to eat sugary carbs I would make sure they were available for 'those times' when I would have the opportunity to eat them privately. If something happened and I couldn't do that (maybe I would have a visitor, or husband decided not to go out, or children had friends round) I would be agitated and frantic (very discreetly) and my thoughts would be full of "when, when, when?". God, it's so bl**dy sad, thinking back now.

Mrs L, it's necessary that I bring myself back to reality (like that song) when I feel the old habits attempting to get a foothold. Thanks so much for your lovely comments, it is good to be appreciated. I know I am not alone in battling these feelings of wanting to eat out of habit/emotion. It sometimes feels though that it is very lonely place to be...

Thank heavens for a place like Minis (thanks again hun) for giving me somewhere to go and write it all down, it really does help me to focus, re-evaluate and get strong again for the next day.

Other news...

Last night - DISASTER! I realised we'd run out of toilet paper!!!:cry:

Popped down to Tesco to stock up (16 for the price of 12!) and sort of meandered along to the clothes section (as you do). They had a bargain rail and I mooched around it. I saw a lovely frock, heavily discounted, but only in a size 10. "Oh well, I'll try it on anyway" I thought. It only fitted, didn't it! So, I came back with 16 loo rolls and a dress. Hubby just don't understand! He did say though that it looked nice.

I am looking forward to spending time at Big in Falkirk today. Without the kids. Tonight Human League and Heaven 17 are playing on the stage, and looking forward to a bit of nostalgia (Don't you want me, baby?) Hehehe
 
How long, would you say, you have to maintain before you are "sorted"? A year? Two years? A lifetime (my answer!)? Well, apparently it's five years. Yes, five years
Click to expand...

Thanks for that Mrs L - I would have said a lifetime too but 5 years - gives me hope! You'll be a teacher then AJ:)

Having sailed through foundation (well relatively) reality is beginning to hit and old ways of thinking are resurfacing. I shall write about it later today - won't have time until then as a couple of dogs (one a very headstrong puppy:eek: ) are due to arrive for the weekend soon so I'll take them on a very long walk with my dog in an attempt to wear them out! Got to remove anything chewable from the kitchen - it's like having a toddler again. At least the kitchen floor is going to be retiled soon so don't need to worry about that side of things!
 
Hello AJ

"I know I am not alone in battling these feelings of wanting to eat out of habit/emotion. It sometimes feels though that it is very lonely place to be..."

Couldn't agree more with you; day by day, I realise just how much I turned to food to deal with emotions (ie suppress them). I keep thinking of situations and it's an eye opener, isn't it? And not a comfortable one either!

Stopping and standing back when the emotions feel overwhelming is the key; you're already doing this and just need to keep practising.

On a lighter note, I love the last-minute dress purchase. Marvellous! Can you believe you can just pull a size 10 from the rail and wear it?

Big kiss.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxx
 
Hi,

I hope you are having a better day today AmandaJayne. I really felt for you when I read you post. You have been through such an emotional journey and I completely understand the secret evening (sometimes after work) binges when you are alone, for me it was the same as you, sugary carbs and chocolate.

Just think of these as the dark days when you probably were an emotional wreck and that you don't want to go back to that life, feeling the guilt, pain and dirtiness that accompanies the short term gain of it.

I am going into week 11 on Thursday so I suppose it is easy for me to say this at the moment as I can stay strong when I don't eat, it is when I do eat I have the problem (this concerns me greatly).

One thing I want to say to you is that when I left my old job, four days after starting LL my colleague bought me loads and loads of chocolate and cakes, even though they new I would be on the plan. I have kept it all and out it in a draw as I wanted to prove to myself that I can have the so called 'goodies' in the house but be stong enough not to eat them all in one go (which is what I used to do) I suppose I also thought I wouldn't get this far and if I was to lapse I would like to have something close to hand that I could enjoy and was a big portion.

I am now looking forward to the day I can open these chocolates and just take 1 or 2 and say thats enough for me as a 'normal' person would. I doubt it will be that simple but after time perhaps these feelings do lessen.

You had an issue with Jam the other day and my thinking was keep it in the house, keep it somewhere where you don't see it verytime you open the cupboard but somewhere where you see it daily and can then close the door and say "yes, I pleased I can have it in the house and I don't have to eat it now, I will have a spoonfull on my porridge tomorrow morning if I still am craving it"

Well, thats it from me now, I seem to have a habit here. Once I start I can't stop. I think it's because I am not.
talking to anyone about my feelings after my LL session. Sorry for rambling.

Have a great afternoon and enjoy the extra day off.

Take care hunny xx
 
Hia Betty, lovely to hear your words of wisdom. I haven't thrown the jam out! I haven't bought any more dark chocolate either. I do have a supply of (cooking) milk chocolate for the kids to use to dip fruit in. Interestingly, I don't want that!

It is facinating how the mind works. I have psychologically accepted dark chocolate as acceptable for eating (even in excess), but won't touch milk chocolate at all, so it's safe to have in the house.

Yesterday we (the family ) visited friends who have a cottage in Aberfoyle. We were standing in the field where the cottage is and saw a sheep give birth. Amazing.

After tea last night I was tidying up in the kitchen and saw three potato cakes left over in the pan. I ate one and it was nice, I wanted the other two but left the kitchen instead. I wondered whether I should have had the original one. This picking habit is dangerous. I didn't eat it because I was hungry, far from it.
 
AmandaJayne said:
I haven't thrown the jam out! I haven't bought any more dark chocolate either. I do have a supply of (cooking) milk chocolate for the kids to use to dip fruit in. Interestingly, I don't want that!

It is facinating how the mind works. I have psychologically accepted dark chocolate as acceptable for eating (even in excess), but won't touch milk chocolate at all, so it's safe to have in the house.

After tea last night I was tidying up in the kitchen and saw three potato cakes left over in the pan. I ate one and it was nice, I wanted the other two but left the kitchen instead. I wondered whether I should have had the original one. This picking habit is dangerous. I didn't eat it because I was hungry, far from it.
Click to expand...

I would love to study the psychology behind this in more detail, sadly I am the kind of person who says Oh I don't have time, when really I could make the time.

It's funny how you don't crave the hot choccie, I wonder if it is because you feel it won't satisfy you enough as it is not a big bar and is therefore not worth having in the first place. Mayby you see it as a safe food and are not threatend by it.

I am pleased you haven't thrown the jam out, that is a major step for you as I imagine you were torturing yourself over the decision.

I too have been thinking about using a really expensive good quality dark chocolate as a safer option when I finally get around to it and perhaps with the flavours such as ginger and raspberry etc. Do you eat Green and Blacks chocolate?

With regards to the potato cakes, I am coming to the conclusion that we are all human and we are going to pick at food as it is natural and most people do. The main thing is you stopped after one and left the others which is great and don't see this as a bad thing and beat yourself up about it.

:) What a sight to see a lamb being born. I have seen a couple of animals being born and it is a incredibly moving site isn;t it. I bet you felt on a high all day.

Have a good bank hol Monday and I look forward to reading your next instalment xx
 
"....It's funny how you don't crave the hot choccie, I wonder if it is because you feel it won't satisfy you enough as it is not a big bar and is therefore not worth having in the first place. Mayby you see it as a safe food and are not threatend by it....."


I was discussing this on another thread Betty, and I believe that originally when I decided to reintroduce chocolate, I committed to only eating dark 70% cocoa high quality chocolate rather than milk chocolate. Therefore psychologically, milk chocolate is not an issue any more. It does not exist. I had a bit of dark choc when I was out yesterday and today.

".....perhaps with the flavours such as ginger and raspberry etc. Do you eat Green and Blacks chocolate?....."

I don't have any in the house at the moment, but can recommend the G&B's ginger!


".....What a sight to see a lamb being born. I have seen a couple of animals being born and it is a incredibly moving site isn;t it. I bet you felt on a high all day...."

It was such a surprise, Betty. She was just standing there and suddenly, out it came with a gush of bloody water. We moved back further and watched while she cleaned it up and encouraged it to suckle.

Lovely bowl of porridge this morning with nuts, seeds and raisins on top.

Took kids to see Spinderman 3. Popped into Tesco first for sweets (for the kids). I simply won't pay a king's ransom that the cinema will charge for popcorn/ice-cream or sweets. I mean 2 cokes and 1 popcorn £7.80 I kid you not.

I gave the kids £1 each and they both came back with three packets of sweets each. During the film, Jayne ate one packet and Jamie ate all three. We talked about it later and Jamie said "I'm like you mum, I have to finish them all". "Yes" I replied. "You will have to think about that in the future, at the moment you can get away with it because you are so active, but it won't always be so".

I went to my meeting later on, just for a pop in because the kids were waiting in the car. I've lost another 3.5 lbs. I'd put on a half last week and a half the week before. Obviously there is still some work to do here. I need to rethink things.

For tea, I had salmon which I dry fried and then stir-fried some veg in the juices - utterly delicious. I added some of my honey and mustard dressing plus roasted peppers and sweet potato.

Afterward I had a couple of pieces of wholemeal toast with my jam (!). Later I'll have some fresh fruit salad. Hopefully next week I will have maintained or at least not lost any more.

My LLC suggested cup-a-soups but I won't eat that stuff. I'd rather cook my own soups. I regularly make lentil soup anyway.

So, I'm a bit unsettled about the weight-loss, but at the same time relieved. However, I realise that I need to come to terms with staying at a healthy weight for me. A couple of people have asked if I am still losing and I have said "no, maintaining". At the back of my mind I accept that this is not exactly true, but I don't want the hassle of being told 'don't lose any more'. I already know that.

Changing the subject, this weekend myself and Adrian went to Big in Falkirk by ourselves and in the evening watched Human League. It was great fun and took me back to my youth! There were lots of other people of a certain age enjoying themselves too. I remember my cousin Paul had his hair exactly the same as the lead singer....

Later, because both kids were away from the house at sleepovers (!) we were able to have some noisy fun for a change. Hehehe.
 
Hi AJ, Mrs L and Betty, I've been reading your posts with interest - replied yesterday but somehow managed to lose my post and couldn't face doing it again - it was long!

Theoretically I'm doing fine with the eating - now on week 3 and enjoying the fruit; no major blips (accidentally ate fresh pineapple as I hadn't checked the list but don't think that's too serious a crime - and it was delicious!) and even managed to choose not to lick my finger while making chocolate brownies after a bit of a mental struggle. However dealing with food again has brought up all sorts of "stuff". I have an issue from my teenage years - to cut a very long story short, my brother told me I was fat every day for about 4 years which didn't help my body image to say the least. Doing LL (i.e.thinking about relationship with food) and now eating has made all my old feelings resurface. My LLC was really helpful and I'm part way through a rather traumatic thought record because surprise surprise my deeper issues seem to be about low self esteem - how unusual for one who overeats!! I reckon I can bury this and risk overeating or deal with it (painful). My other brother (who was nicer to me!) is a psychiatrist so I may talk to him about our family dynamics. I'm a bit scared of getting in too deep though. And it was all going so well :sigh: ;).

Talk of lambs takes me back to when we lived in Lincolnshire - our garden bordered a field and I used to watch the sheep giving birth in the spring. Summer's treat was watching the combine harvester next to the other side.

AJ I'm glad I'm not the only one who won't buy cinema sweets! I usually take in pots of apple pieces/satsumas because cinemas are the only place I've managed to avoid a link with sugar - not really sure how that happened! However if we take other kids they give me such a look when we sail past the sweets. So I usually have a tube of sweets in my pocket to stop them thinking I'm weird - should just ignore them!

I wouldn't worry too much about the weight thing - you're bound to settle down at some point. You're eating healthily; sounds like you may have to increase your portion sizes slightly but that will probably happen naturally anyway as your body adjusts. I'm trying to stabilise too - not easy on raw veg and yoghurt. I put on a pound last week but I was wearing my heavy jeans! On my scales 1st thing in the morning I'm pretty constant. Do you happen to know at what stage the glycogen is replenished? I have this image of half a stone lurking somewhere ready to leap onto my scales - silly I know.

Was tempted to eat one of my son's cakes last night - why do I keep thinking "Just one won't matter..." when I know it does? Chose not to, but I wish I didn't have to go through this again and again. 5 years is a long time...
 
Hello Everyone

It was lovely to get updates GG and AJ, even though you are both being tested. GG - be bold and get that thought record out - you will feel so much better, even though it is painful. When I think of you in your red dress, I now realise just how hard you have worked to get there.

I am still in Foundation and have had a couple of "diversions", which I have put in my blog BUT I already realise that so often in the past I have eaten because something was there or because someone else was eating it. I really will need to knock this habit on the head. GG - just HOW did you not indulge while making brownies? That's amazing!

Anyway, wishing you all well and please keep posting. AJ - I LOVE your cheeky closing comments; they make me smile!

Big hugs.

Mrs L xxxxxxx
 
Good evening,

Glad to hear things are going well AJ.

I think it is great that you have made these promises to yourself and stuck to them. Such as not eating milk chocolate, you may be right there that you now don't feel the need for it.

As for the weight loss, I am amazed. That is a lot of weight to lose and you are size 10 and at a low weight for your height. You may well need to increase your portions slightly as suggested or eat a few more light snacks.

Do you actually measure out portion sizes e.g protien, carbs, you breakfast creal etc. and if so do you have a guide in your management receipe book? I am sure given time your body well settle at a certain weight it is also important to remember that your eight will fluctuate at different times of the month and by the way you are going I am not suprised with all that nocturnal (or not so nocturnal) actvity that goes on in your house!!

Keep up the good work and keep us amused xx
 
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