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Am I being unreasonable?

#1
It's my 30th tomorrow and I had planned to go to lunch with hubs, the kids and my parents.

Husband has just told me he's invited his parents too and I'm really upset so he's now in a major Sh*t with me as obviously that means I hate them.

Thing is, at the mo I just want to spend as much time with my parents as poss. My pa has cancer and although we hope and stay positive, we just don't know what the future holds.
Also, even after 8 years together I just don't feel comfortable around the in laws. I'm as quiet as a mouse and just can't relax.

I was really looking forward to tomorrow... Pa is really having a hard time with his radiotherapy at the mo so I'd even chosen a pub to go to that he loves as it serves his fave ale, knowing he's excited was making me really look forward to it.

Now, dinner will be done, mum and I will be quiet and no doubt mum will get 'tutty' towards pa after he's had a few and says things mum wishes he wouldn't around company.

I'm in floods at the mo, I'm being made out to be such a bad person by hubs but he doesn't understand. He doesn't have the same kind of relationship with his parents that I do mine and obviously he doesn't know how hard it is when a parent is ill

Am I being unreasonable? Don't sugar coat it for me, if you think I am then tell me and I'll snap out of it!
 
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#2
I dont think you are being unreasonable, I am sure you have explained to hubby how you feel but maybe he just didnt get it so i would suggest you sit him down and say something like.....I know you meant well but the time I have with my Mum and Dad at the moment is really precious to me as we don't know what the future holds and I would prefer to have this time alone with you, the kids and them so we can create some special memories for us all. Maybe then you could suggest that you have a special lunch or dinner with just him, the kids and his parents...to make special memories with them too.... maybe you could call his Mum and explain to them as well, I am sure that any grandparent would want to create special memories for their grandkids and maybe have special times with them
 
#3
Thank you.
I don't think there's any getting round them coming tomorrow so I might suggest to mum today another lunch sometime.
I don't want to be 30 anyway....I'll give up my birthday, the presents and everything if I can wake up tomorrow and be 21 again...no poorly pa, no 'first signs of ageing', no 48 hour hangovers, and definitely no stubborn extra pounds!!
 
#4
Hiya... soooo sorry to hear this has happened.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but the fact is they are invited so you are just gonna have to go through with it or else they will think you hate them as well as ur hubby thinking you hate them lol

I totally understand how you feel but I think you should just get over it for now and enjoy it and arrange another even more special day with your parents for another day??? Otherwise your birthday will be ruined and that would just be crap!!!

Hope it all goes well for ya xxx
 
#5
Yeah Geri you're right - no point making a bad situation worse. I'm just dreading hubs getting home as he's going to either ignore me or start a blazing row. He'll probably go with the first option knowing that I can't stand the silent treatment and wait for me to get so wound up that I snap.
*SIGH*. I was hoping to wave goodbye to my 20's in style...nice dinner, few glasses of wine, dancing in the lounge kinda thing. Nevermind, next weekend I'm going SHOPPING, all the way to Bicester village, with no kids whinging they're bored every 5 seconds!! No husband/ in law will spoil that!!!
 

MargyParker

My belly this will be!
#6
Hit the husband full on before he gets a word in and tell him you have changed your mind and that his parents are welcome and that you are sorry if he thought you were unreasonable.

Thats him sorted.

It is your birthday and it should be nice for you but next time it may be prudent to make the arrangements and let your OH know your plans BEFORE he gets a chance to mess things up by increasing the numbers at your birthday bash by thinking the more the merrier. There will be lots of other birthdays for you.

Why not just think sod it and be yourself around the inlaws - they can like it or lump it - you may find that it makes all the difference and your relationship with them improves. You may need a bit of alcoholic lubrication to filfill that last one tho!
 
#7
Do you think Hubby was just trying to make your birthday better for you by inviting his parents as well.

Margie Parkers suggestion that you meet him with "your parents are welcome etc." is an excellent idea and with luck will take the wind out of his sails and the unpleasant edge of the situation.

The other idea that is so good is yours to arrange another quieter lunch for just you and your parents.

If you don't go along with the new plans with good grace your birthday will be ruined for you so bite the bullet and enjoy it. Be charming to your in laws and you will find that YOU feel better for it.

30 and passing 30 is fabulous, fantastic. My life just got better and better and my 30's were amazing

Think about it carefully. The alternative does not bear thinking about. I will bet there are a lot of husbands, parents, brothers, sisters who wish a loved one had made it to 30.

Life is about today and enjoying it as best you can. So enjoy your birthday and most of all enjoy being lucky enough to have reached 30.
 
#8
Sue - I certainly appreciate life, this whole thing with pa really has made me not take health for granted ....well actually, before that even I was a fan of Jade Goody - she was a wonderful mother despite what people say about her and she was younger than me. It really affected me.

Well, the pub couldn't give us a bigger table so they can't come and now I feel awful as they obviously know I didn't plan for them to come. Oh what a palava!
 
#9
Don't spoil your birthday by beating yourself up. Your in-laws will understand. Why not arrange to see them some other time.

Your pa is lucky to have a daughter like you who so obviously loves him to bits and pieces.

Have a great day tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. Enjoy !!!

 
#10
Thanks Sue. I'm an only child and my parents mean the world to me....I'd do anything for them!
We've invited the in laws to come down after lunch to join us for drinks. It's only round the corner from them. I'm hoping this is a decent compromise!

Now, I just need to try and not got completely nuts food wise... It's not the best food for sw, I always love the Harvester but hey, it's my birthday so I won't feel guilty asking for sauce on the side of my salad (obviously I won't order anything naughtier than that :). )
 
#11
You have done so well. In size 12 trousers now ...... wow, how good is that !!!

Treat yourself, have that sauce !!!!
 
#12
I think your husband is to blame for this anyway. How silly of him to invite extra people after the table has been booked! Now it has just caused embarrassment all round. But next time, you need to both discuss who you should invite, and why, and whether it's feasible, before issuing the invites. That way, if there are any special reasons either of you want or don't want any particular guest, you'll both understand. It could be you didn't make clear to your husband what your goal was for the occasion.
 
#13
Hi Lisaberry, for what its worth - turning 30 isn't really that bad - believe me - I've just turned 56 and so happy!! But joking aside, I think the problem has maybe solved itself for the better. Unfortunately Guys often just 'don't get it' - they think they're doing the right thing when they are obviously NOT (as we all know), but if you can believe his heart was in the right place and he wanted the best for you. As so many have said, lift IS short, so go and have a fantastic birthday, enjoy yourself and let those around you 'love you'. A thought for turning 30 - 'Let the mayhem begin!!'

Happy birthday Hun xxx
 
#14
Yup Sue - now I just need to get back on the size 10's!!

Inge Jones - my husband seems to have an elderly hamster on a wheel between his ears. We had discussed it already...just like we had discussed and decided he was going to take me to dinner somewhere special tonight just the two of us as we aren't going for dinner tomorrow night. We had quite a lengthy conversation but my nice dinner and wine dreams have been dashed. He swears blind I said I didn't want to go out!!!! Had I of known I would of at least got a tin of chick pea dhal in!
Oh well, omelette it is!!!
 
#15
Hi Lisaberry, for what its worth - turning 30 isn't really that bad - believe me - I've just turned 56 and so happy!! But joking aside, I think the problem has maybe solved itself for the better. Unfortunately Guys often just 'don't get it' - they think they're doing the right thing when they are obviously NOT (as we all know), but if you can believe his heart was in the right place and he wanted the best for you. As so many have said, lift IS short, so go and have a fantastic birthday, enjoy yourself and let those around you 'love you'. A thought for turning 30 - 'Let the mayhem begin!!'

Happy birthday Hun xxx
Yes I like the sound of that! Turning 30 means no more getting pregnant for me (got the set, I'm done). My littlest now sleeps straight through so I have no reason not to have the nights out I have said no to since getting preggers first time at 24!!

I'm going to be thin and thirty and enjoy it raaaah!!
 
#17
Hehe sorry Lisaberry, I hear from so many people who don't bother to discuss things in advance and then wonder why they don't turn out right, that I had unfairly lumped you in with them. Sorry for assuming too much then :D