ArcticMonkeys* and Sophie2324's Journals

[sophie2324]

After a bad week of eating i stayed the same which is good (compared to how much ive eaten)..

I am starting again today being day one for me now - i just dont think i care enough now to do this! I am going to try but i am so tempted to just give up. I know the results have been brilliant and would love for it to continue but at the moment i cant see it happening.

I have no motivation and no care for this - also mate dont say something like you may to me about you can do it cos atm i cant and i think overall i have no motivation no goals and no effort.

I am going ahead now and starting afresh as day one but i think this is my last re-start now no matter what happens.....

 

[arcticmonkeys]

Thanks wannalose, much appreciated as always

I'm still in a more positive frame of mind as before but today I have eaten. It wasn't awful though, well, 300g cottage cheese and ice-burg lettuce. I dunno why I did it I could easily have gone without. I'm not hung up about it and I'm not having a 3rd CD product as a result to kind of make up for the calories. I have no real excuse as to why I had it, I'm a little disappointed in myself but at the same time I'm kinda over it. I've had a really bad headache most of today and when I get them (usually every single day) I feel the need to eat, so I guess it could've been worse than cottage cheese and lettuce. Hopefully I'll still go into ketosis no problem.. Hope you're going well xx

Soph you need to stick to it as long as possible, thats the best you can do. Even if you do "give up" you can go onto SW or WW or something else where you can actually eat but are still losing. At least it will be something, and on SW have our beloved pasta again. How did the rest of the day go? See, I gave into food however well you may think I'm doing. Doesn't matter whether it was good or bad, I gave in. I don't particually know why.. but hey. Keep on doing it mate coz even though you've drank and eaten you stayed the same which is great. In one months time it'll be mid-August. Thats 4 weeks on CD, before you know it it will be September, if you give up now mate you'll regret it we both know you will so just keep working at it. Look forward to our prepared-blip-days. Thats what I'm trying to do. Deal with it all when we get there xx

 

[arcticmonkeys]

17/07/2007 - 10 days till my birthday

Today has been ok, I didn't need to eat this evening but I did. As a result I'm having 1 less CD product to kind of make up for it. And I'll use it as a 790/AAM day I guess, although I had like triple the amount of AAM. Had a whole bag of iceburg lettuce and 300g of cottage cheese. Luckily, I really enjoy that. So it was enough and I didn't want to reach out for something more "yummy".

Have too many other things to worry about than this diet and getting slim at the moment. So everyday I stick to the diet is just going to be a bonus. I don't plan on giving in until my prepared-blip-days, although I'm having far too much Pepsi Max and not enough water.

Had an e-mail sent today about our Christmas meal. So much lush sounding food on there. Someone said "Oh AM you're not going to do the diet then are you, it'll be impossible.." It did make me laugh, but it spooked me that if I don't get my act together then I will be doing this damned yet great diet then. Again though, too much other things to make this the main thing of my life right now.

Anyway..I'll leave the rambling there x

 

[arcticmonkeys]

I wanna man A girl at work keeps getting huge bunches of flowers bought for her by her boyfriend. They get delivered to our work every 2 days. Today he also sent some other goodies and treats, its not even slimey, he's not like that. He just loves her.

Wish someone would do that for me.

Had to get it out coz its doing my nut in..

 

[sophie2324]

18/07/2007 = Day 2

Today is day two and so far its better - still hating every single minute of this and i think it is because i feel i dont have anything to aim for and yea it would be good to be slimmer and much better generally but i still dont feel it enough. Im plodding through now because this is it now or never i cant keep swapping and changing....

I need to get my mindset back into it - yesterday i sat and watched everyone get a burger king and followed by ice cream and cookies for desert - it all looked gorgeous i said no and luckily everything was left at that...

Even though i have lost on this diet i dont see the end near at all and with 50lbs to go it feels never ending and never reachable tbh. After the 50 there will probably be even more to go after that :-( . Im just on such a "downer" since i started messing around........:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

 

[arcticmonkeys]

Well done on not having a BK mate. That must have been f***ing hard! But its great you didn't give into temptation.
Ok do I always have to lecture you? Lol, look back to that summer when you went on holiday in a bikini, I dunno whether it was myspace or somewhere you had the pic up...but I remember that picture coz i've been jealous ever since! You looked good then, no matter what you think. And I think I know roughly how much you were then. You're not far off that now at all! You'll easily get to that point by September if you stick at it, make that your new goal. Lecture lecture blahblah! x

 

[arcticmonkeys]

18/07/2007 - my lucky day although nothing lucky has happened - just all my favourite numbers of a day :-D (though the lottery's yet to be drawn.. )

Oh my god, hollyoaks - that really pretty young blonde girl with her eating disorder thinking she's fat. It really annoys me.........REALLY annoys me. It makes me feel worse about myself! And I can be cruel coz she's an actress and in this circumstance its not real life..

Anyway, today. Had breakfast (tetra) at 8:30, had bar at 10:50. What a failure! I try so hard to last out but I love the bars so much once its in my mind I can't get it out and have to give in. I don't think I'll ever be able to over-come that, I'm worried this raunchy relationship with my malt toffee bars will continue after the diet with other foods.

Anyway, been starving hungry for the past 4-5 hours, infact pretty much since I had the bar lol. I know I should be having water, and lots of it, but I can't physically get it in me. I wanna great loss this week whenever my next weigh in is (its been ages since I last weighed in..I'm losing track of it all) ...yet still I can't get it inside me. Soph how's your water in-take going??

I too am finding it hard to have an incentive for this diet still. I was using this guy as my motivation but once again things are rocky and now it all seems worthless. I know that sounds dramatic but he's not just some guy and this sh*t messes my head and heart (lol no laughing) up so much. Its really depressing, that girl got more presents today at work, would be so nice to have someone who actually cares.

Wtf is with Nancy and Jake on Hollyoaks? So weird..

Anyhow. Back to the diet. Its difficult, I wanna be thin, I wanna discover my figure and see what my bone structures like. I'm still covered in fat all round my stomach and back, and my bingowings remain.. so I have no choice but to keep going. But, now I know I've lost a bit of weight like Sophie said its tempting to just go onto SW or WW or something to carry on the rest. ALTHOUGH, even CD isn't working quick enough for my unpatient likeings, so SW and WW is RUBBISH in comparrison. Its a matter of sticking and doing.

Worried about eating and drinking on Saturday as I THINK my weigh-day is Monday. So if I lose any on Friday (the usual day I notice a slight loss on the scales) I'm gonna end up putting it back on My body completely hates alcohol too, I've always suffered. I use to save up all my syns on SW and lots of points on WW for a night out, weigh-in and have put on 1-2lbs. I know anyone who reads this will say something like "well just don't drink" and believe me I completely agree with you. Its just one of those situations where one has no choice. To be honest although the Angel above one shoulder says be good, the Devil above the other is saying go for it, you only live once. I wanna be drunk as a lot of people I knew who were going to this BBQ aren't going now and I'm stuck with people I know but don't know as well. One person going is a slightly elderly lady, she's lovely, but she knew me when I was going through ALOT of hard times a couple of years ago, and she always digs things out of me and makes me emotional (never show that!) I just don't wanna be sober on Saturday put it that way!

Anyway, I'll stop rambling. Can't wait to get on with this diet properly. Wish I didn't have to go away Mid-August. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr no chance of getting to 10st let alone under by September 8th

Over and out.

 

[sophie2324]

It was hard watching the BK especially because its the one thing i havnt had even on a "bad" day... Yea mate i wore a bikini back then but still had some weight to loose but was a lot smaller back then - i promise must have been at least 2 stone smaller than i am now...

My water intake is not going too well at all - today i managed a pint of water and tues i did better with three pints of water. Of course all topped off with pepsi max lol. Im going to try to have two lots in the morning and two in the afternoon though it is impossible as its so busy at work i cant leave to go to the loo lol.

Sorry you have to lecture - i can lecture you too if you like?? Not that i really can xxx

 

[sophie2324]

I hate to say it about the hollyoaks storyline but im actually jealous of the girl who is bullemic and i know thats messed up to say that. but she is able to make herself smaller without a problem and i know its only a programme but i cant do that and it would be nice to have the discipline....

Hmmm nancy and jake they are soooo getting it on - or have they already... i thought he was leaving and i want Justin to come back cos he is hot and hotter in the flesh mmmmm.

Although i have 4 products a day i dont have my first one until at least 2 o clock now a days with my second one then at 5 ish followed by two whilst at home - the later i start the better because if i have any products early im hungry straight away.... I do think im the only person that does that though...

I have the fat around my back and fronts and sides and legs - i would love to know what my legs would be like without the fat or without areas "wobbling". What a new and strange concept it would be to be able to walk or do anything without having to breathe in - i guess that is something that i am looking forward to.

Im worried about the effect of saturday night will have with weigh day also coming up on monday - mate its the first time ours would have been on the same date though mine is so late.... You always have suffered more from the alcohol than i did on SW/WW...

As AM said i am even finding the weight loss slow on this diet compared to other diets of course it is amazing and i think i need to remember than more because otherwise i get complacent (i think thats the word) i forget what a good thing it really is.

Anyway enough from me now,

xx

 

[sophie2324]

P.S

Mate what do you think to having some sort of water challenge or aim??

 

[arcticmonkeys]

20/07/2007 - 7 days till my day!

I hate today. Our towns flooded its been horrible, work was just a worry coz people kept calling in saying they couldn't make it to their works meaning we had to call our clients and let them know etc and with all the rumours going around it made everywhere sound so much worse than it really was/is. In places it is awful though, my friends house is 4 foot under water! My bedroom window has leaked loads of water in but randomly the rest of thehouse is ok as far as i'm aware. Not looked around to be honest.

So yeah lots of worrying today! I've eaten this evening, was offered food during the day but I knew I'd eat tonight so I didn't coz I had the frame of mind I'll save the badness till later. Which is better than having **** then, AND now I guess. I'm gonna be drinking ALOT tomorrow so the main reason I've eaten so that my tummy gets a good layer before the booze hits it.

Had a few thoughts this evening about "this guy" and I think that I might tell him maybe we should go our seperate ways. I depend and rely on him so much that when he's distant it gets to me like mad and I can't deal with it anymore. 6 Years of this stuff I dunno how much longer I can put up with it for. Though I don't want this weird relationship to end, I don't want to give in, I'll only think everything I do but prob WORSE if I was to suggest anything. I'm not meeting him on September 8th so I don't have to use that as my incentive. I guess that size 10 top hanging on my waldrobe is gonna be my incentive from Sunday onwards.

I'm out tomorrow night, was really looking forward to it but now I'm not as much. I'm scared I'm gonna get ill coz things effect me bad lol. I'm scared of being self conscious, I'm scared of seeing two of my friends I'm meeting at the end of the night. I usually wear all black and just recently worn slightly more like the kind of clothes I like. My favourite colour clothes is black I'll never change, but the only thing I've got to wear is a top with leggings and I just don't want to draw attention to myself. Both of these friends are guys and both commented before I wear black alllll the time. I dunno its just weird I don't wanna look like I'm trying because I'm not, but it'll come accross like that maybe..

Got to get through a blasting BBQ in this floody weather tomorrow before even getting out. I don't wanna go now, I'm really down this evening. I do actually kinda wanna go out tomorrow but urghhhhhhhhh I don't know - I'm always like this when I go out.

Anyway, diet-wise. Went ok today and yest until I ate tonight. Again as I said I'm not worried about it I just don't want to get wasted tomorrow any quicker than I normally do (one glass, I'm gone!) I don't want to have a gain of course, but right now.. 8th Sept doesn't stand. Whatever eh? ...

 

[arcticmonkeys]

I've had 750ml water in the past 2 weeks, no joke. I'm not ready for a water challenge, and you'll beat me hands down. Maybe Sunday, but I can't if we're out and about coz I need a pee after every other sip. But if I'm home which is 70/30 chance coz I know I'm going to be hanging, then I'm up for it.

 

[arcticmonkeys]

21/07/2007
6 day's until my birthday. Weird. I really don't want it to come, I can't deal with the family stuff, I'm more happy sitting by myself in my bedroom doing Cambridge lol and thats saying something.

Anyhow, using this site today as much as I can to stop myself binging as I'm voluntarily eating today. Had a big plate of lettuce and cottage cheese at lunch time, had 2 glasses of pure grapefruit juice and a rocky choc bar so far I don't even like them but I had it anyway (this is when I started doing some surfing coz I realised what I was doing) I'm not hungry at all think I'm gonna make myself last out till the BBQ (in this weather haha). Think as I ate last night (OTT eating btw) andhad something today hopefully the hangover wont be too bad.

I dunno what to wear tonight, never been able to say that before its really weird. I've always been a one outfit every single night out person. I might take pics and post them all on here and get people to vote till the minute I leave and go with the majority LOL.

Feeling self-con already about tonight......ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh well, will update tomorrow when I'll be doing SS again until my birthday. Roll on when I can just crack on with this diet without these blips! Can't wait to get and lose some decent figures again. Weigh-day on Monday I know for sure now. Bad timing after a BBQ today! xx

 

[arcticmonkeys]

24/07/2007 - 3 Days til my birthday - 10 months exactly till Sophie's birthday!

So last night (23rd July) I had my first weigh in since the 6th July. I could've lost quite a bit if I had stuck to the diet, possibly half a stone if not more. Which is quite depressing to think of it that way. Instead I had days off the diet and a fair few blips, as a result I lost 1lb. I am pleased because I went out drinking this weekend too, and had a sausage butty and a burger before going to stop the chance of a huge hangover, then on Sunday went out for a meal (Gammon, peas, cooked tomoato, mushrooms and garlic bread MINUS chips). So I think myself as lucky in a way, but I did stick to SS as hard as it was last week so yeah, I guess that weighed things out.

Started SS again yesterday, was fine. Today's a little harder simply because I'm home but that size 10 top on my waldrobe has kept me going. However, I have eaten cucumber both yesterday and today. But that wont take me out of ketosis right?

Going back to work tomorrow, so 2 whole days of SS then I have Friday off due to my Birthday, off of SS for sure on Saturday too then hopefully back on it on Sunday. Then I have a few days to get back into it before weighing in mid-week. Got to do it, because I want to get into the 11's this next week!!!!!!!!!

 

[arcticmonkeys]

How goes the water Sophus?

I'm still lacking-in.

 

[Ceri]

HELLO GIRLIES!!!!!!!!
I've not been snubbing you just had majopr computer problems and have been away a lot. Loads of eating and drinking..weddings, retirement do's, family get togethers..the usual stuff!!! Not put any weight on though (miracles do happen then!)
So loving this thread. Have been chuckling away reading it.
And before I go must say....
Happy Birthday for tomorrow AM!
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Arctic Monkeys!!!
Happy Birthday to you.
(am singing very badly as I type!)
Have a good one. Speak to you soon
Ceri

 

[arcticmonkeys]

27/07/2007!

Well, today's my big day. I've hated it !

I have eaten anything and everything and as much as I slighty enjoyed it I definitely don't enjoy it as much as I do when I know that I'm losing weight by feeling as if I'm depriving myself of food!

I seriously think I have eaten more than anyone has ever eaten before in one day, I was drinking alcohol at 9:30am this morning! Everythings just been bad bad bad. As a result I feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ill right now. I've had to come and lay down in bed.

Feeling pretty down and all I wanna do is go out tonight. Doesn't help "that someone" is out tonight and sent a few pics, that someone should either be here with me or I should be out with him bloomin' drinking too.... or even out! Anywhere! Could never do it though, I always get hangovers or end up in agony from hurting myself... I'd never get up for 7 in the morning if I did.

Got £175 from a family member to buy on jewellrey. Gonna start a thread to ask for advice I think! That makes me feel sick, my favourite items of jewellrey ever are under £30! If I lost them or broke them I'd be heartbroken, I always break stuff and the thought of breaking something worth £175!! Lol, I have no choice though the family member wont let me pay off bills or anything with it which would just be so ideal

Anyway going to finish watching big bro and hopefully be able to drag my sorry fat a*ss downstairs again.

God, a full of food weekend ahead..aahhhh!

 

[arcticmonkeys]

Ceri!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy you're back, I promise I'll reply as soon as I'm on here next time!! Prob Sunday. Take care and keep us updated on how your going. I wanna hear about these nights out and everything xxx

 

[sophie2324]

I have managed to SS all week with no problems really. There was a possibilty of going out for a meal 2nyt which didnt follow through but as i had already planned for this blip i ate this evening. I didnt really want what i ate, and i used to always turn to food when i was down or upset, however now from the moment i have started eating im instantly down about it. Ive even contemplated trying to make myself throw up which i know is stupid and havnt done. I just feel so yuk yuk yuk!!!

Putting that all behind me now this is the last weekend *fingers crossed* of any major blips. The only other thing is a wedding which shouldnt be too bad.

Im struggling for motivation especially as throughout august i am going to be going for 4 weeks without seeing my cdc (which is nice). I think without the weekly weigh in to see if it is working i may turn to the dark side.

On the good side however even though i think about food and do give into it after words i regret it more than i ever ever did before this diet. I can really taste the badness in food now than before.....

Anyway hope all is well elsewhere and it will be great once i get on with SSing. Specially as i can only afford to do it until end of septemeber and ill have to then find something new to do :-S xxx

 

[Sambucca]

AM,
Enjoy spending the £175 on jewellery! You will get something really nice for that money.

Sophie,
Wow. Congrats on sticking to SS this week as i know you have been struggling previously so that is a really great achievement.

You mentioned you need to finish SS by end of sept so that gives you 8 or 9 weeks to get as much weight off as poss. If you are really good you could be at target by then.

Ive been struggling for motivation myself this week, Just look at the before/after thread to see what can be achieved, and look u bunnycd's thread to see how well she has done.

You can do it girls.