Are some men really this shallow?

[Em_Butterfly]

Hi guys,

Just wondering if I'm just unlucky or if this is the norm: I often go out with a good friend of mine, she is quite pretty but not amazing in my opinion (only being honest because you won't know who she is!) anyway, she always gets loads of attention when we go out. Good for her. But the thing is we were out the other night and met a really nice bloke who I was interested in, I told her this and instantly she was all over him (this is typical). I was pretty sure he liked her but we all swopped myspace addresses and he has emailed me a couple of time. He just sent me an email letting me know how 'gutted' he was when he found out my friend was single and I guess that means he wasn't thrilled that I was the single one out of us two.

What I want to know is, are all men this shallow? Is it really just because I'm a little overweight and she isn't? I'm a bit upset really, I feel like I'm constantly rejected...I know he doesn't know that he's done that (thank God) but it gets to me.

The only good thing is that I am now DETERMINED to lose weight and give her a run for her money. She does flirt with everyone I like (to the point of actually sitting on a guys lap and literally putting her boobs in his face when I was talking to him) which is a bit out of order, especially when she is already with someone and it hasn't been long so she should still only have eyes for him in my opinion.

Sorry to waffel. Fed up of being fat and single!! x

 

[Dom1979]

Hi guys,

Just wondering if I'm just unlucky or if this is the norm: I often go out with a good friend of mine, she is quite pretty but not amazing in my opinion (only being honest because you won't know who she is!) anyway, she always gets loads of attention when we go out. Good for her. But the thing is we were out the other night and met a really nice bloke who I was interested in, I told her this and instantly she was all over him (this is typical). I was pretty sure he liked her but we all swopped myspace addresses and he has emailed me a couple of time. He just sent me an email letting me know how 'gutted' he was when he found out my friend was single and I guess that means he wasn't thrilled that I was the single one out of us two.

What I want to know is, are all men this shallow? Is it really just because I'm a little overweight and she isn't? I'm a bit upset really, I feel like I'm constantly rejected...I know he doesn't know that he's done that (thank God) but it gets to me.

The only good thing is that I am now DETERMINED to lose weight and give her a run for her money. She does flirt with everyone I like (to the point of actually sitting on a guys lap and literally putting her boobs in his face when I was talking to him) which is a bit out of order, especially when she is already with someone and it hasn't been long so she should still only have eyes for him in my opinion.

Sorry to waffel. Fed up of being fat and single!! x

In short, yes a lot of them are. And unfortunately, when you get to your goal weight, they are the same ones who will be all over you telling you how amazing you are!

 

[Em_Butterfly]

Joy! I'll have to play them at their own game then when I get down to goal! Gonna work really hard, will be there by Sept!! x

 

[minilady]

Hi Em

How awful for you! Sorry to hear you're feeling so down.

I'm going to be quite honest now, and I really hope I don't offend. But...Not sure the problem is just with the shallow blokes! If a girl flaunts her stuff and flirts outrageously, then a guy will show interest as they think she's game.

Do you have other friends you could go out with? I would be devastated if a friend of mine behaved that way. Could you perhaps have a word with her and tell her how all this makes you feel? If she is a good friend she'll understand and will probably feel really bad.


Tracey
x

 

[Mich]

I agree with Minilady on this one... she isn't being much of a friend if she is openly flirting with men you say you like..... although that said..... that's alot to do with her own insecurities and almost like she is having to prove to herself she is attractive.....

Just do what your doing hun, keep loosing the weight and then find yourself a decent guy...... might be worth not actually telling her who you like too....

 

[Em_Butterfly]

Hey,

Thanks for your advice, I know she is out of order! I've had a friend like her before and it actually got to the point where I'd swapped numbers with a guy and she was then kissing him so we haven't spoken since. I was really hoping this friend wouldn't go the same way. I have other friends I can go out with but I think she must be really insecure to have to behave like this. I don't want to talk to her because she was just take it as a compliment and think I'm telling her that everyone fancies her. I'm going on holiday with her and another friend for two weeks soon and I'm just going to enjoy myself and forget it otherwise she will drive me mad.

I know it's mean but I know my sister is much better looking and as I'm losing weight I'm being told more often how alike we look. If she wants to play the shallow game then actions will speak louder than words and hopefully I'll be getting lots of attention when I'm at goal. That will sort her out! Only got a couple of stone to go now so gonna go for it!!! xx

 

[Em_Butterfly]

Hehe yeah I won't be telling her in future, she drapes herself over all the men though anyway hehe! One day someone will see through it! x

 

[Willow]

It sounds to me then that you friend wont attract the right sort of men.......

You will just have to lose the weight, and as a treat/reward for all the hard work, go and buy yourself a lovely outfit to wear out, get your hair done and perhaps go and have a free make-over somewhere -I dont know where you live but Bobby Brown in Selfridges is amazing (i'm sure there's somewhere near you)- you book, they do your make-up for free and you look literally a million dollars - I had it done for my wedding to see which make-up to buy (I much prefer to do my own because I know what looks good) but these girls are amazing. And go out and you're friend will be jealous, plus you will get some of the attention.

You go girl and you will deserve it.

 

[Mich]

If she's that insecure that she has to drape herself over everyone etc then perhaps she'll be an ex friend when you get to goal cos she deffo won't like the competion....LOL!!!!

People like her very rarely end up in a long term relationship with a nice guy treating them nicely cos 'putting yourself out there' usually attracts the wrong type hun..... or she'll get a reputation.....

I had a mate who, whoever I said I liked she would always have her tongue down their throat by the end of the night (I was the dumpy plain mate....!!) it backfired one night cos a guy I really like invited her back to his place.... then told everyone he'd sh*gged her (although she swears blind she didn't....!!) - served her right really..... biggest insult to me though was I was dating someone I really liked for 4 months. on and off... he finished with me..... she said your well rid he's no good... 4 weeks later she's dating him..... big fall out with me - i was not impressed..... she ended up married to him.... i eventually met my oh and am pleased to say I feel I personally got the better deal......

 

[Em_Butterfly]

Good advice re makeover etc, will def do that! One of my friends is a makeup artist so I will get her to do it and my sister is a hairdresser so perfect really, plus a new outfit! Now there is a way to celebrate reaching goal

Mich, that is awful! She sounds like a complete cow! My friend is capable of that though worryingly, I can't believe people behave like this! Well done you for coming out of it better off! Damn right! I feel like the plain, dumpy mate - you totally get what I mean then!

Lost the plot with the diet recently but somehow this has got me really focused, thank you for all your input! x

 

[arcticmonkeys]

I know people of every kind of person you have described above. Know what I say? F*** em.

Yes most men are that shallow in my experience, the majority go out to get laid basically. I'm not dismissing all men at all, but lots of them are this way. And I think over 3/4s live in my town :-D

Keep your head up, keep on this diet...and together we'll all put the world to rights! Are you too aiming for September to get to goal? You have the same target as me there

You'll have extra confidence when you get there, and wont give a poop what guys like him think of you what so ever (this is my theory anyhow, I like to think I'll be like this too )

All the best, be strong and don't let yourself get hung up over shallow people. Anyone who makes you feel rubbish aren't worth caring about x x

 

[leehal]

I despair !

 

[arcticmonkeys]

I did say that wasn't about all men if you despair about my comment

I live in Swindon. What can I say?

Soph'll back me up

 

[Barb]

Umm, just a suggestion, but perhaps you should consider socialising with a girlfriend who is just a tad less slutty?

After all lots of men will go with 'easy' as opposed to 'difficult to attain'

There, thats my 2penneth!

 

[fatboynotyetslim]

Not all men are a***holes and shallow, in fact many of you ladies can be just as shallow.

I think we can all be a little tactless at times.

 

[Mia]

Ems

I know how you must be feeling. I have had friends like that in the past, and indeed have another now. My other friends think its sad, becasue really, she is in competition with me. I'm not like that and if a guy I like is interested in me I will show interest back. However as soon as my mate appears and tries to take him away, in my opinion she can have him. If he was that interested in me he wouldn't be so easily distracted would he. Just think of it this way - his loss.

PS - bin the mate and find some more to go out with - ones who don't feel the need to have to prove something to themselves x

 

[sophie2324]

This is true - everyone here just goes out to get laid. You can tell people are just out to get something and no one is out for just a good clean time.

Even the guys that i know are all about going out and getting laid and it makes going out horrible... Our town is awful for it.

 

[xxluckyxx]

best of luck with the weight lose hun , i know where your coming from on the 'friend' thing ! going thru a similar thing myself , feel free to send me an email to chat a bit more !

could have a right ole gossip !
but you go girl and dont tell your friend to much in future !!!

 

[I will do it this time!]

who needs friends like this....
As others have said, many men would be interested if a woman was 'putting out' and maybe these aren't the best sort of men for you.... but the friend is just a disloyal insecure vamp.... I would distance myself without haste...
Just a point though... not all men hate larger girls... My man is getting quite scared that I will become skinny, as he loves something to grab hold of.... a
I'm gonna buy him a teddy! LOL
Good luck with your weightloss and don't put yourself down!

 

[fingers crossed]

I have to agree with the others. Maybe go out with married or at least attached friends so they're not just on the prowl.

You'll be getting all the attention soon enough anyhow.

I remember though when I lost weight (at 19) I suddenly got loads of attention & was really suspicious of everyone because I knew that they wouldn't have even glaced at me at 16 stone. Its a hard one but I'm sure we'd all rather be slim & have the choice!

FC