Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

ROFL.. I make it cloud 14 then!!!

 

[cah-ching]

FFnF - I want you to choose my lotto numbers this week ....!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

LMAO - why? I never win!! lolololololololol

The lottery is pure luck... I can't DO anything to improve that - the rest of the good stuff in my life, well, I have had some influence on and lots of support with

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Sunday January 21st 2007 So.. got home 3 minutes after 7, jumped online... (Tbc)

Got home, message from Mr K to say he couldn't get online and sorry I understood though so it was ok even though we were both disappointed. Went to the Pub Quiz.. Lucy won the tenner at the end of the night, but as it was just the 2 of us in our team we hadn't a cat in hell's chance, lol. Still it was a good evening. Got a lovely message from Mr K which warmed the cockles of me heart as I climbed into my lovely warm (ahh my leccy blanky) bed and snuggled down.

Right - at last (I know it was a bore - sorry, but when I save it all in order and edited at least it will help me remember how I felt on my journey and what I did.. lol). Just about up to date now.. just got the Portsmouth weekend and yesterday (bits of ) and today to do then am back up to speed. :sigh:

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Jennie, phew it's taken me ages to catch up after my weekend away. So much good news in such a short space of time that i missed! Well done on it all, job interview, great weight loss, things being peachy with Mr K and a great weekend in Portsmouth.

Looking forward to the next update.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Friday January 26th 2007 - to Portsmouth I shall go!

Friday January 26th 2007

Crazy day - started off well (call from you-know-who ) then up and on with jobs to be done! Washing, packing, kitchen clean and tidy (you know I hate leaving it messy!! ).. job application in hand, and off to work! Delivered the job application - liked the look of the building, old, large, red brick (probably freezing inside) oodles of character. Like their logo too.. lol.. not much of a reason for applying to be PA to their CEO though eh Still, nothing ventured and all that

Got to work and got stuck in - loads to get done and desperately wanting to get away bang on time! ooh, put those lovely size 22 jeans in the wash and found a pair of black jeans in my drawers (also a size 22) and managed to squeeze into them - felt pretty good actually . .. lol.. anyway.. work - financial stuff, pretty heavy going but necessary! Boss came in, he offered to pay for me to go on a "Quiet Day" .. Now.. before you all yell "great idea!!" lololol... the Quiet Day is a day at Turvey Abbey.. and I would love it! Despite what you may think (and who could blame you ) I do appreciate peace and quiet too.. and can be silent! Yes, honestly!!

I was quite touched that he offered to pay for me to go.. so I thanked him and said I would love to (it will be with the other staff members (all of whom are preachers/ministers!).. so.. best behaviour (or mebbe not! lol )

The phone is always dead busy on Fridays, and I was taking a call when this lady popped her head round the door and said "won't disturb you, just wanted to see the slimmer you!" , lol.. sweet and funny.. her hubby was at the meeting on Weds night and had told her about my diet.. lol.. made me chuckle..

Anyway, managed to get away on time, dashed off to the garage coz the car (my lovely car) has developed hamster syndrome (i.e. a squeak) I can't locate it so rang the garage and they said to pop in with it.. I did! Well.. did it squeak for them?? Did it 'eck as like!! So.. I looked a right wally and muttered stuff about sods law and left.. (still, they checked the tyre pressures for me so I was happy) (I can do the 'I'm a helpless female' routine when it suits me

From there I went to take my lush dress back to the shop (found the receipt! ).. as a refund (goods to the value) I got 9 pairs of really gorgeous new pants .. lol.. pink and black efforts.. really cutesy ones.. hee hee, and a big bright orange handbag (total impulse buy! ).. lol.. the lady who served me recognised me and remembered my trying the dress on and then buying it. She commented on my weight loss - so I told her about Ailsa and the diet..(as you do) she said how much she needed to lose (about 6 stone) and that her sister was up to 25 stone now and had no clothes to fit her. I told her about all the big clothes I had in my room still with labels on & promised to make a list of them and take it in (next week) with my phone number and for her sister to let me know if she wanted them and that she would be so welcome to them.

I also gave her Ailsa's business card and told her to ring her! I hope she does... she seemed very keen . I wouldn't have ever told her about it or offered her it if she hadn't broached the subject and stated her want first.. but was glad she did. Anyway, got home (having had to stop to get dog food and gas, and leccy, and stuff for Zoe..lol).. never straightforward is it!!!

Shoved more washing in the machine, washed load in the dryer, finished packing and was just loading up the car with all my crap, um, I mean.. my essential items for the weekend.. when Zoe came in.

We had a lovely chat and she asked what time I was going.. she had a dentist appointment at 3.30.. I really wanted to be long gone, but her boyfriend is desperately afraid of the dentist so wouldn't go with her.. so I offered. Bless her, she told me that she would go alone if I wanted to get off and miss the traffic.. So I went with her.. lol I know she's not keen on the dentist and was only going because her mouth hurt so much.. poor love.

So.. we went together.. she has to go back and have a filling - so a few days reprieve then! lol On the way home we had to pick up a CRB form from the nursing home she wants to work in, and McDonalds (for her dinner!! she joins the gym this week so that's the last one I shall buy her!)..and the petrol station (water for me, diet coke for her!).. and finally dropped her home and was on the road at 4.30pm!!!

Oh it was a lovely afternoon - the sunset was stunning! Pink skies as I drove along the A45, M1, A43 (I think it is the A43), well, whatever it was.. the skies were amazing! Mr K rang as I was on the A43 just before I got to the M40.. it was a lovely surprise (I love it when he does that - it's ALWAYS good to hear from him).. bizarrely enough, after we ended our chat, the phone rang again and it was 'Eric' !!!!!!

I was a bit shocked, but he chatted away for about 40 minutes and was very shocked to hear of my weight loss.. hee hee hee.. his life is the same as ever, too busy.. lol.. he has left the dating site as a result of my finishing things!!! he told me that he realised that it wasn't fair to get involved with anyone until he had time to give them! lol I laughed and told him I was glad that he finally realised that! lol It was quite surreal.. he was dead chuffed about the diet working and told me he thought I was amazing.. lol I told him about Mr K He sounded genuinely pleased for me (and for Mr K too ) So that was a little odd to say the least, but in a nice way. What it did do, was confirm in my mind that my decision back in December was absolutely the right one Back to the journey..

The sunsets gone.. and blackness descended.. I got onto the A34 in great time.. a bit of traffice but not bad.. Mr K called again.. , another surprise!! and then.. the traffic stopped.. and for the next 2 hours I sat in what must have easily been 10 miles of traffic jam... I changed cds several times, drank copious amounts of water, texted friends (after call ended), talked to myself, sang along to the music., even sat with the window down at one point! Boredom set in and my bladder started to complain!! Eventually I started motoring again.. for 15 minutes.. then another standstill.. I was getting tired, embankments looked more and more like inviting latrines.. and my cd collection was almost exhausted! Finally, only 115miles travelled and 4 1/2 hours later I arrived at my travelodge. I booked in (room 13!!) and made a dash for the loo... the relief was incredible! lol Settled down for the evening, had a lovely deep and very very hot bubble bath (realised I'd forgotten shampoo so washed hair with shower gel - very bad idea!!).. and dried off and sat in my warm Pj's, slipper socks and dressing gown watching the debacle that is Celeb BB, and then a film "Rainmaker" - bit of a cheesy film but ok to send me off to the land of nod The bed was lovely and comfy and I was fast asleep when, at 1.48am (I know it's precise but the phone has a clock on and it shocked me) my mobile phone rang!! It was a number I didn't recognise and I blearily answered it.. no one there!! I tried to check the number but my phone wouldn't work! I had lost my call logs, I couldn't dial out.. it was a nightmare!! I even tried taking the sim out and the battery.. it just wasn't having any of it! I was not happy.. I went back to bed and eventually to sleep..

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

9pm ... must be TOTM that's making me feel so cold and so tired - off to bed now.. will finish Portsmouth diary tomorrow...

Sarah - thanks for dropping in.. I haven't caught up with everything yet - so much to flamin' do!! lol

Night all xx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Wednesday Jan 31st 2007

Wednesday already - where's the week gone? Portsmouth is in the dim and distant and I can't get enthused enough to write anything about it as its so long ago, and I can't imagine I have anything to add to those who have already spoken of it all.. but I still want to make sure I keep my diary going and it was such a good weekend.. I did some about Saturday but haven't posted it, cos, well, I just say too much and go on too long.. and I know that's boring..

I find myself in a very pensive mood today. Mr K rang this morning, but it was different... :sigh: I can't really explain why. I just feel a bit.. well.. flat really . Some of the things he has said these last few days have made think long and hard about things. :sigh: We've got another date tomorrow - hopefully that will make a difference to how I'm feeling today. Don't get me wrong - my feelings for him haven't changed.. I just have a sneaking suspicion that his for me may have or may be.... Maybe it's just my imagination combined with physical tiredness (TOTM really takes it out of me sometimes)..perhaps I've misunderstood him.. we'll see. But not sitting on that cloud 14 today... not even on 9 to be honest.. God this is a pathetic 'poor me' post! grrrr... right.. sodding off now and getting on with work.

Heavy day ahead, boss due in, staff lunch (which has lots of negative associations with it so I am trying to look for the positives!)... then home and some serious housework needs doing (washing in the machine already and one load in the drier/on the airer).. car is filthy so need to take that through the car wash, then, I think, I'll spend the late afternoon and evening just trying to unravel these doubts in my head, and get things straight in my mind about stuff... seeing Mr K tomorrow night and hoping that will allay all my doubts and fears..

I miss him and that's not necessarily a good thing.. (for me). I don't want to be a negative in his extremely stressful life, I want him to be happy, but I don't want to be out of his life either.. and I can't be halfway.. I'm an all or nothing woman.. but then.. he knows that and knew it from the off. I'll let you know if I manage to get my worries dealt with.

I can't keep my feelings from him as we are both brutally honest about such things.. his situation bothers me enormously.., has from the start, and, from recent conversations.. it bothers him too.. but also it doesn't sound now as if it is going to go the way I had originally thought, understood and believed.. kind of a 'changing the goal posts' unsettling feeling deep deep inside..... and that leads to my feeling intensely vulnerable and disorientated. That said,.. goalpost moving still doesn't prevent the goal being the same.. just perhaps more difficult to get to.. but it needs the team to be together to score that goal and to be cetain they can still see the same goal and are working towards it as onel.. Could be that I have got it all so very wrong and nothing has changed - I know when I get this tired I can often get muddled.. only seeing him and talking it through with him face to face will clarify things.

I need to stop burning the candle at both ends.. and get more sleep. There's so much more I have churning around inside me.. but hey ho.. this too shall pass! After all, its a lovely bright (but cold) day, the birds are singing the sun is up and I am warm and working! Life really is pretty damn good overall

Sorry... my waffling isn't making much sense and I need to focus on my work so will shut up now.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

For what it's worth.. here's as far as I got with writing about Saturday...

Saturday January 27th 2007

I woke tired and tried my phone again.. still wouldn’t work so I realised I would have to find an O2 shop once I got to Portsmouth – not good. Over 100 miles from home and no mobby! Mr K rang, which was lush, but I couldn’t hang up when we said goodbye – I mean, my phone could receive calls and texts and I could send texts, but I couldn’t dial out or hang up! Bizarre. So.. back onto the dreaded A34 and off to Portsmouth – another traffic jam and I had the overwhelming urge to go home.. couldn’t face another 4 hours in the car and only travel 30 odd miles!! Fortunately it didn’t come to that! Mr K rang again ( he was missing me J ). I found the hotel pretty easily – the directions on the booking form were really good. I parked up and went in. I was too early to book in so went on my O2 shop quest! Well, although I would have said I am not keen on shopping… Gunwharf Quays has some incredible shops!!! I sought out the only mobile shop (Carphone Warehouse) and they couldn’t work out what was wrong and told me I would have to go to town to the O2 shop! I found the bus stop and bus and set off ! Once on the bus I sat next to a lady and asked her for directions, she was really helpful and actually walked me right there!! I saw the manager, he took the sim card and battery out, put in a new sim card, and flippin heck - it worked!! Made a right liar out of me… I couldn’t believe it! Still – phone was now working and I was in Portsmouth City Centre.. so.. I had a little walk about..

Found ‘Watersones’ and remembered I had promised my sister that I would find a suitable children;s bible for a christening she is attending in Tobago next month! Oh I was like a kid in a sweetie shop! All those books!!! Loved it! Lol In the end I found a lovely illustrated one specially for young children. I also got a sheep bookmark and some bookplates. Next was a trip to Boots in search of shampoo & conditioner.. found some wicked little travel ones, bargain! Bought them and some lippy (got advice on that as never wear the stuff!). Mooch around some of the shops, bought some earrings (my ears react to cheap metal and I have some lovely cheap earrings but need gold really), and then headed back to the bus stop. Back at the bus station and I took some photos of HMS Warrior.. and some old pubs. The architecture in Portsmouth is very varied. I headed back to the quays.. had another window shop (man, there really are some lovely shops… Whittard of Chelsea.. Cadbury Factory Shop, Paper Chase… ) and then it was 2! Time to book in.

As I got to the car I met Pandora (Cheryl) and we hit it off immediately! Booked in and agreed to meet her in a few minutes as she had brought some lovely clothes for me to try. First things first – door open, bags dumped on floor and straight for the loo! Lol Was very surprised that there was no bath – but my goodness it was a lovely bathroom! The room itself was smashing! Lots of room, lovely big bed and a sofabed in the room too! Unpacked a bit and then Pandora and I looked through the clothes she had brought with her, we nattered for ages.. lol.. before we knew it, it was time we were in the foyer!

Went down to the foyer and pulled extra seats around the table and Pandora and I sat and waited… no sooner had we sat down then everyone else arrived! Eclipse and her lovely hubby, SnowyJ, Biggirlsam, Luckymarge, Cah Ching, Russian Doll, Lynjo and me! Everyone just settled down into very easy chat and photos and general chit chat. So relaxed, as if we had known one another for years! After a few hours we agreed to meet up again in the evening and hit the club!!

 

[Eclipse]

Hey Jen!

What's with the negative vibes? Not like you hun. I agree, think you are trying to burn the candle at both ends. You must get more rest, your body is eating itself at the moment, and you need to listen to what its telling you. With regard to Mr K, only you know him so only you can interpret the conversations, so its difficult for me to offer any constructive advice. Perhaps he was in a pensive mood as well, I dunno. Its very difficult sometimes to prevent our moods coming across differently on the telephone. Hopefully it will all sort itself out once you have met again.

In the meantime, look after yourself, you are the important one here, and you must be 100% selfish!

Hope you start to feel a bit perkier (oo er!) soon.

X X X

 

[Mich]

{{{{{{big hugs hun}}}}}}}

You need more sleep and some chill out time...... that's what I found has helped..... I was just exhausted..... and don't forget your fuel tank is running on empty cos as Eclipse says your body is eating itself at the moment ...... slow down, you move to fast, you gotta make some time for you.....

Love

 

[MadamDotty]

Hiya

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down today, it's difficult once you get a worry or negative thought in your head, especially regarding a relationship to see through or past it. Luckily you're seeing Mr K tomorrow & face to face will make things a lot clearer. You come across as someone with a good instinct for people and I guess you'll know if something is wrong, like you said though you're both very honest with each other so perhaps he'll let you know if there is a problem. I so hope it's nothing Jennie, you've sounded so happy lately, & it's all been going so well with your lovely Mr K. Will be sending lots of positive vibes to you.

Isn't it always the way that after a fab day we end up so down the following - just mean & nasty that is

Take care, chin up, catch up with you later.
xxx & a big ((((hug)))

 

[Gen]

Hey hun... TOTM and tiredness can send us women off the rails and think far too much... things have been going fab with Mr. K so have the chat with him tomorrow and everything will be fine

take care

love

Gen xxx

 

[cah-ching]

Your body is in a state of continued weight loss.
You have a social diary that Kate Moss would envy
You are loved up and enjoying the experience of Mr. K

Take time for you and relax honey.

With regards to Mr. K? Who knows but you and he …. just take each day at a time … although I guess you already know that.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Feeling brighter

Just hopped on very briefly to thank you all and to say that I feel loads better having had a very long and open talk with Mr K. Back on my cloud again Have sorted out lots and lots of feelings and worries and feel a million percent happier now. Thanks again. Going to bed now as I know I need to sleep! Lots of love xxxxx

 

[IreneH]

Night night Jennie

Irene xx

 

[Mich]

Just hopped on very briefly to thank you all and to say that I feel loads better having had a very long and open talk with Mr K. Back on my cloud again Have sorted out lots and lots of feelings and worries and feel a million percent happier now. Thanks again. Going to bed now as I know I need to sleep! Lots of love xxxxx

Glad to hear it hun - hope my texts helped and you understood what I meant..... me simple soul me is Miss Jennie......lol

Sleep night , new day and happy thoughts tomorrow....OK

Love

 

[Isis]

Just hopped on very briefly to thank you all and to say that I feel loads better having had a very long and open talk with Mr K. Back on my cloud again Have sorted out lots and lots of feelings and worries and feel a million percent happier now. Thanks again. Going to bed now as I know I need to sleep! Lots of love xxxxx

You feel a million percent better? Now go get some much needed sleep, I am so relieved for you

 

[MadamDotty]

Glad you're feeling better - hope you get a good nights sleep & catch you in the morning

 

[cah-ching]

Just hopped on very briefly to thank you all and to say that I feel loads better having had a very long and open talk with Mr K. Back on my cloud again Have sorted out lots and lots of feelings and worries and feel a million percent happier now. Thanks again. Going to bed now as I know I need to sleep! Lots of love xxxxx

It's good to talk. Pleased you are feeling much better. Sometimes we can drown in our thoughts and feelings, so it's good to talk it through with the respective parties involved. Been there, done that, still do that

Hope you had a restful sleep. Have a good day!

-cc-